Freaky Friday

 Happy day guys! Not only is it Friday, but I'm having my hair chopped too. I am need of a good, solid change. I was looking through some pictures and realized I've had basically the same cut for a year and it's no bueno. Can't wait to show you on Monday!

In the meantime, may I show you some ugly clothes? I may!? Well that's just fantastic.

 This was marketed as a bracelet. Pshhh I made like 9,000 of these with those neon stretchy nylon bracelets when I was like 12. Any 90s kids with me on this one?

 This is a dress in the loosest interpretation of the word. I mean the color is cute, but let's just hope that it matches your ladybits that will be flashing gratuitously all night long.

 Stephanie sent me possibly the trashiest leggings of all time. Granted, they're from a place called Only Leggings. Maybe they ran out of ideas and started catering to the drunk rodeo queen demographic?

 But I guess they're still better than hairy knees. How embarassing.

 Fact: These pants took roughly 12 yards of denim to make. On the bright side, her ankles look positively tiny... but I can only imagine how pancakey her poor butt looks.

Do. Not. Waaaaaaaaaant.

Those shoes are crocheted. My whole life is a lie.

 I've never really jumped on the whole skirt over pants bandwagon, much less the half-skirt over non-matching pants and ugly shoes thing. I'm so out of touch. Sigh.

 Well these will just haunt my dreams forever.

Imagine showing up to a summer wedding in these bad boys? I'm thinking romance on the beach.

 

Julie sent me this $1,200 sweater. They could have lowered the price but there's $900 worth of wool here. It's like 7 sheep basically. Pair it with those denim gauchos. 

 

Have I told you I hate headwraps? Well, I do. But I especially hate when they look like undies. I get enough of this from my three year old son, kthanks.


Alright, I'm off! I have a crazy busy few days so as much as I'd like to make fun of scrunchie bracelets and underpants hats all day with you, alas, I cannot. Still, check back next week: I've got new hair, a hair tutorial and an awesome giveaway plan. Hint: A reader *might* be getting a triple digit handbag but I won't spoil the surprise.

xoxox

Jae Raids the Drugstore: Best (and Worst) Beauty Buys

Latey-late post from me today. I have to tell you about my awesome experience a couple of hours ago! So my hubs wanted to meet up for lunch and I told him I'd be by McD's around noon and to meet me and my youngest there (me trying to be a good mom and letting my kid germ it up at the Playplace.) When I got in the parking lot, there were no spots left because apparently, McD's is really popular on a Wednesday afternoon, so I drove around the parking lot. Unfortunately, some complete idiot had parked a truck and trailer in such a way that the people coming in through the drive-thru completely cut me off from the rest of the parking lot. As in, I had no outlet whatsoever. There was about a five-foot space and I drive a huge SUV and I was stuck in this weird little triangle between the edge of the trailer and the cars in the drive thru line. So I had no choice but to wait until the cars in the drive-thru pulled up so I could wedge myself out. Anyway, I was sitting there waiting for that to happen when a guy in a truck starts honking at me furiously from his truck. He was behind me and obviously stuck too. After another minute, he slammed out of his car and proceeded to examine the distance between the cars and the trailer and decided, in his opinion, that I should try and squeeze through. I'm not INSANE so I told him no, which is when he released a steady stream of expletives at me. It was so awesome, you guys. I was like DUDE! Don't yell at me, yell at the guy parking a tractor trailer in the drive-thru!

Anyone who knows me IRL knows that confrontation makes me uncomfortable. Like, crawl under my bed, hide from the world and sob uncomfortable. So naturally, after finally getting out like 30 SECONDS after this all went down (and after the guy revved his engine like a NASCAR driver to make his point as he sailed by) I immediately plunged into a deep depression and just wanted to go home. Naturally, my husband came to my rescue and sent me off shopping to bolster my spirits. And in a very roundabout way, it reminded me I hadn't done a products post in a while.

As it turns out, nothing comforts me quite like low-priced drugstore beauty buys. Oh Walgreens, you'll never fail me.

Also, just a head's up that I'm not compensated for any of these reviews. Homie don't play like that.

 The Body Shop Lip Stain in Bronze Glimmer.

For real you guys, this stuff is liquid gold. I bought the other stain in a pinky rose color but this one is by far my fave. It's more of a rose gold and has a gold  glimmer to it that I love on its own or layered over my Maybelline Baby Lips in Peach. It's become my "keep in my purse because I will reapply 100 times per day" lip stuff. Welcome to the purse, Bronze Glimmer.

Maybelline The Turbo Volum Express Mascara

 In my never ending quest to test every single type of mascara ever known to man, I stumbled across this little gem because I was shopping at our local grocery store and cruising the makeup aisle and the "Volum" in Maybelline The Turbo Volum Express Mascara stood out to me. All I want in life is big hair and big eyelashes, OK? Anyway, I've been impressed! I don't think it's as good as Million Lashes, but I like it much better than the Rimmel Scandalous Eyes. In related news, mascara names are stupid.

 Clean & Clean Morning Glow Moisturizer.

Confession? I've always thought that at 30, I'd switch to a "grownup" moisturizer. But when I hit 28 this summer, I decided that it was time to man up and try something that didn't smell like a teenage girl's bedroom. So I switched to a gel creme thingy and haaaated it. Sure, it made my skin super soft, but it made me break out like a crazy person. So I'm back to using my old fave, which gives enough moisture so your makeup doesn't look dead-person powdery but also doesn't cause zits. Hooray! Who cares if I smell like a 14 year old?

 Cover Girl Perfect Point Plus Eyeliner

K, I love me some self sharpening eyeliner. Not because it sharpens on its own and I can never find my sharpener and end up using my daughter's Disney one, but because the actual pencil is so SOFT. I hate when you get an eyeliner and it's like stabbing yourself in the eye with a steak knife. This makes for perfect smudginess, which I appreciate when I'm running late but still want my eyes to look done. This is a keeper.

 Herbal Essences Tousle Me Softly Finishing Touch Cream

Someone on my Facebook page recommended this to me when I was looking for a good styling balm and whoever you are, you're my hero! I love the idea of balms but hate hate hate when they make my hair all greasy-like. This stuff is uber-light and I'm really happy with it. I use it after I blow my hair out and it looks all big 'n stuff. Stay tuned next week -- I've got an awesome tutorial coming up on faking a blowout. Oohhh yeah.

 L'Oreal EverCreme Cleansing Conditioner

I don't typically use traditional shampoo. I've been sulfate-free for about a year now. I made the switch after I went blond because my hair takes a huge beating with coloring process and I don't want to add all those chemicals to the picture. I'd like to keep some of my hair actually on my head, thanks. So I was overjoyed  to find this stuff. I don't love the smell -- but I am super happy with how it works. It'll weird you out at first because there aren't any suds and you need to rinse super well, but I use this on both me and my daughter and we have crazy soft hair. Love!

 Nair Face Wax Strips

I've waxed my own eyebrows for years and years, but I always used Nads. I just barely ran out and this was all I could find at the drugstore in a dire hour of eyebrow-waxing need. And this is the big loser of the bunch. These hurt like, 400 percent worse than Nads. I did like that I could cut the strips in half and only use one per session, but let's just say my son came running into the bathroom when he heard me screaming bloody murder with half of a strip stuck to my head. I'm going back to my old green goop and not even pretending to imagine what these babies would do to your bikini line.

You know what guys? This was totally therapeutic. Mr. Anger Management has nothing on a good chat session about beauty products.

Of course, now that I've thought of about 96 witty comebacks for this huge d-bag, I'll probably never see him again. But in case he ever reads this blog and realizes I'm talking about him, I will say that he looks like he smells, his truck sounds like it contains a dying panther and my car would total his if he wanted to play chicken. Ah, that felt better.

What I Wore: So Vain

Is anyone as obsessed with the show "Breaking Amish" as I am? Please say you are. I mean, I'm a reality show junkie in the worst way but I am especially addicted to this one. Like, sit for four hours and watch a marathon addicted. It's right up there with "Secret Princes," which is my other obsession. Anyway, I was thinking about how vain the Amish must think fashion bloggers are. I mean, after all, we get dressed up, we take pictures of ourselves and put them on the Internet for everyone to see. If that's not anti-Amish vanity, I don't know what is.

 

Top: Charlotte Russe
Jacket: Same
Skirt: F21
Shoes: Steve Madden
Earrings: Heirloom
Bracelets: Charlotte Russe 

I think my obscene vanity alone would disqualify me from ever converting to the Amish. That and my shoe collection. These shoes, for instance. With the bow on the back? I die. I also die over wearing leopard as much as humanly possible, particularly when paired with jewel tones for fall.

 

.... OK and probably my reality TV show addiction would stop me from becoming Amish too. 

So, I guess I'll just be content with watching the show every Sunday instead of converting. I mean, can you just see me now? "Um... does this bonnet come in a smaller size? I feel like it's not doing anything for my face shape." 

Instant shun. 

Freaky Friday: Shoes

 I had a bunch of readers send me the same link this week, which was all about the Scariest Shoes of All Time, which then inspired me to see what I could dig up along the lines of ugly shoes that should be killed with fire. Here are some of the gems I found:

 Can I just tell you how much I hate these pony shoes? WHY would someone want to look like they have hooves? And, if you're wondering what it's like to walk in them, check this out. Quick tip: If you need to practice walking with a motherfletching WALKER, your shoes are impractical.

 These shoes totally remind me of something Lady Gaga would wear to be ironic with a bodysuit. They also remind me of this, which I pinned a couple of days ago (Let's be Pinterest friends!)

 These were designed by Lacoste by an architect who clearly has no concern for leg hair. Just make sure to shave before these rip out your leg skin as you slide them on! In fact, just leave them on forever. It's not worth the wear and tear.

 Oh, I see! It's like "Hey Jae are you wearing garbage bags on your feet?" and then I'm like "LOL NO! There are ugly shoes underneath" and then we all have a good laugh.

 Because nothing says "Honeymoon" quite like skimpy bridal lingerie and Frankenstein shoes. He'll hear you daintily clomping from a mile away. I'm imagining the shaky water glass scene from Jurassic Park.

 

 Finally! This designer has realized what's missing on my favorite pumps: Sleeves!

 These legitimately look like something I would make. Not because I like them, but because they look like someone used scrap fabric and a glue gun to cover up an ugly shoe and then failed miserably. Let's just say that crafting isn't my forte.

Hey, I'm from the West. I can respect a cowboy boot. What I can't respect is a boot wrapped in belts. I'm reasonably sure they should go around your waist, but hey, I've been wrong before. 

 Besides the fact that these look so uncomfortable they would cause me to gnaw my own feet off, they also look like something from a horror film. Like, the creepy woman character's legs are on backwards and she is coming for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

...ouuuuuuuu.

My feelings for this shoe could only be properly represented by the sounds of muffled sobs as I stuff my balled fist into my mouth.

  

A reader sent me a whole website of sports-related shoes. Like, for every team ever. The only woman who would wear these are the ones who pretend to like sports to get attention from men. I don't even care if you're a girl who likes sports. Just wear a hoodie and sneaks to the sports bar and eat too many wings like a normal person.

It always amazes me how ugly people can make shoes, especially when they're my favorite accessory ever. I just want to be like 'STOPIT!"

Speaking of shoes, I'm doing some shopping today. I know you're like Jae, didn't you go shopping last week. And the answer is that I did, but I had THE WORST case of "I have money to spend yet hate everything ever-itis." Instead, I spent money on Christmas plane tickets and with my bank account seriously depleted, I'm sure I'll find lots of stuff to buy this week. It's science.  Anyway, join the page over on Facebook because I might need some help deciding where to go bankrupt. 

Happy Friday guys!

Transitioning into Fall and Winter

This a repost from last year. I started to write another post about transitioning summer wear and I was like wait, didn't I already do this? It's just been one of those days where I had like, three minutes to get dressed and out the door because I overdosed on NyQuil, then totally slept in and my family is in town visiting and I'm all over the place. Don't you love days like that? So when I sat down to blog I basically started writing this one again. My brain hurts.

So I'm reposting as a reminder! Keep your maxi dresses in rotation please!

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We've discussed how much I enjoy colder weather because it means a few things to me: Holidays, cute boots and LAYERING. Oh how I love to layer. It creates interest and dimension to outfits that I just can't achieve with the t-shirts and flip flops of summer.

Of course, all summer long I expounded upon the importance of things like maxi dresses, casual dresses and skirts. If you were good followers, you listened and rushed out and invested in all things girly. But now it's getting cold, what the heck do you do with them?

Never fear! I have ideas for transitioning your wardrobe into winter and fall. I am NOT the kind of girl who puts away her summer clothes and rotates out her closet. Every piece is fair game around here, and if you're not a bazillionaire you probably just need to make it work with the clothing you already have.

Your Maxi Dress:

Oasis Feather Print Maxi Dress, Multicoloured, 15 GBP
AE Women's Denim Jacket (Authentic Medium Wash), $50
Miss Me Women's Monet-16A Studded Ankle Boot, $50
East West Messenger, $48
Java Marble Resin Bangle Set, 12 GBP

All summer long I wandered around in my maxi dress and flip flops or flats. I still love them all to death. But now that it's cold, it's time to make it look less summery and more serious. Adding a jacket up top instantly adds more credibility. I've worn my cropped jean jacket and my leather jacket with max dresses and it was so cute. I also love a pair of slouchy boots or moccasins. You can be a little flowery childish with a maxi dress. Add a winter bag and no one will even notice it's the same dress you wore to the beach.

Your Casual Skirt

Velvet Bow Pocket Cardi, 27 GBP
Old Navy Womens Ruffle-Hem Skirts, $25
Put On a Bow Tights, $14
Forever21.com - Shoes - Dressy - 2080953702, $25
Padlock Shoulder Bag, $48
Fancy Beaded Headband, $6.80

You can totally get away with wearing the cute skirt you wore with flats all summer for a more formal event if you dress it properly. Tights, tights, tights are a must to bring your skirts current. Patterns over colors, whatever. You cannot go wrong, unless they have weird patterns on them... like bats. Stay away from bats. Bows? Totally adorbs! Dress it up with a little sweater and you have an Emma Pillsbury way to dress up even casual fabrics and fit.

Your Skinny Jeans / Dare I Say It? JEGGINGS.

Old Navy Womens Fair Isle Tie-Belt Wrap Cardigans, $40
Women's Skinny Jean - American Eagle Outfitters, $40
Slouchy Mid-Calf Boots w/ Buckles, $40
Off White Round Handbag, $33
BKE Marbled Hoop Earring, $2.55
Lucky Brand Ojai Ring, $26

So I love a skinny jean with a t-shirt, flat and summer scarf, but come winter, it's going to look too summer casual. Luckily, awesome sweaters can help balance out your top half while keeping you warm and fashionable. Look for sweaters that accentuate the waist so you don't get lost in all that yarn. And slouchy boots are a must, especially if you're wearing the J-word. I don't want to see your ankles in the winter. They look cold and lonely.

Your Summer Dress

binding floral bandeau dress, 18 GBP
Let It Be Me Blazer, 140 AUD
Black Faux Suede Ruffled Lace Back Knee High Flat Boots @ Amiclubwear..., $26
Multi Ruffle Handbag 172949100 | handbags & wallets | Tillys.com, $22
Silver Flower Stud Earrings, $18
Black double wrap waist belt, 8 GBP

So if you have a dress that has a very summery pattern, you can tone it down by pairing it with plenty of black and heavier accessories. After a back blazer, boots and bag, the red and white of this dress becomes a pretty accent, rather than the main event. Plus the boots and jacket can help keep you warm while everyone else is shivering in last season's dresses. My, aren't we smug?
Don't worry about running out and buying new clothes, especially if you don't have the cash for them. Work with what you have and add pieces and accessories to make it look like they were made for fall. It's okay, I won't tell a soul.

What I Wore: Graphic Nature

So I have a confession to make. I, Jae, am addicted to graphic tees of all kinds. I cannot stop buying them. I've been buying them since I bought my first non-sports shirt when I was 15 (I was a huge tomboy, OK?). I still have a major weakness for them, especially when layered with cute jackets and boots.

Graphic tee: Fox

Jacket: Old Navy
Red skinnies: Local (Contagious)
Boots: Frye (Harness 12R)
Cuff: Marc Jacobs

I work with a volunteer organization at the hospital and on Friday we had an annual night where we get together and do all of the prep work for the holidays over the space of six or seven hours. So I was looking for something super comfy and with layers because the hospital is bipolar when it comes to temps. Thank goodness I had one of my 6,000 trusty graphic tees to the rescue! We finally closed up shop around midnight, but not until I was basically coated in a thin layer of Mod Podge.

Some tips on buying graphic tees.

1. They should be fitted. A loose graphic tee just makes you look like you're slumming it in your high school band shirt.
2. Skip the sayings. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a woman wearing an "I have PMS" shirt. 

3. Take it easy on the logos. I try to choose those that don't have huge logos plastered all over them. I liked this one because it was designed like a Ringling Brothers circus ad.

Also, I know that I've sung the praises of my beloved boots for a long time now, but this is proof that they go with literally anything. I'm coming up on three years with them and they've one gotten better. Seriously, if you're willing to invest in a boot, these are the ones to splurge on.

So, my question today is... what item of clothing have you been buying the longest? I know that graphic tees and I have a long and happy relationship yet to come.

Freaky Friday

We have a mixed bag for Freaky Friday, which is great because I Have a mixed bag kinda day going on. You know one of those days where you just have a little bit of everything? My fam-fam is coming to visit on Tuesday so I should probably remove the camping gear from the guest room and clean July's leftovers out of the fridge. Ugh, pretending to be civilized for guests is the worst.

 Andrea sent me what might be one of my favorite submissions to date. This dress...tunic thingy is supposed to be for either gender. Makes sense. When I'm dropping acid, I'd rather do it with my husband while dressed alike.

 K, so jumpsuits are the bane of my existence, but I've learned that certain things can make it worse. Like cable knit camel toe, for example.

 Haven't you ever wished that your foot could look like a giant vat of melting Creamsicles? If I had a nickel for every time...

 Oh good! Instead of throwing out my broken DVD player, I can glue it to my head instead. So environmentally conscious of me!

This is probably my favorite thing of all time. It's like who wouldn't want to spend their time dressing up as a vending machine and pranking unsuspecting Coke drinkers? It's like "ahahaha I really got you that time sweet mother I'm so lonely." 

 Brenda sent me this hairband, noting that it made it look like the model's head is on fire. Besides heartily agreeing, I'd like to point out how shamed she looks in this picture. Shame on you, model. Shame for your firehead!

 

 Have you ever seen this comic? It makes me die from agreement. That's a totally legit way to die, right? The only person who can wear fedoras is Jennifer Aniston.

 Unless you add cat ears and are crazy. Then, be my guest.

 If you look at this too quick, it kind of looks like her intestines are spilling out. Then it's like "Phew, it's just an ugly floral maternity shirt that was a close one."

 Speaking of maternity shirts, how about an iPhone charger that looks like a fetus? Also, I can only assume you also enjoy cat mutiliation and serial killing in your spare time.

A few different people sent me this shoe, including Stephanie, Rachel and Lindsay. First, I took at as a personal offense: I have ridiculously short arms and wondered if all of these people were telling me that I look like a T-rex. After calming myself down I realized that it was really sent to me because it's a plastic DINOSAUR on a SHOE.


Also, thanks for sending in the costumes for the contest! Keep 'em coming. There have been some doozies this year... I have actually LOLed at a bunch. Oh human race, you so silly!

Now it's off to the races. Time to shed the hoodie for something more wearable in public. Boo.