What I Wore: So Vain

Is anyone as obsessed with the show "Breaking Amish" as I am? Please say you are. I mean, I'm a reality show junkie in the worst way but I am especially addicted to this one. Like, sit for four hours and watch a marathon addicted. It's right up there with "Secret Princes," which is my other obsession. Anyway, I was thinking about how vain the Amish must think fashion bloggers are. I mean, after all, we get dressed up, we take pictures of ourselves and put them on the Internet for everyone to see. If that's not anti-Amish vanity, I don't know what is.

 

Top: Charlotte Russe
Jacket: Same
Skirt: F21
Shoes: Steve Madden
Earrings: Heirloom
Bracelets: Charlotte Russe 

I think my obscene vanity alone would disqualify me from ever converting to the Amish. That and my shoe collection. These shoes, for instance. With the bow on the back? I die. I also die over wearing leopard as much as humanly possible, particularly when paired with jewel tones for fall.

 

.... OK and probably my reality TV show addiction would stop me from becoming Amish too. 

So, I guess I'll just be content with watching the show every Sunday instead of converting. I mean, can you just see me now? "Um... does this bonnet come in a smaller size? I feel like it's not doing anything for my face shape." 

Instant shun. 

Freaky Friday: Shoes

 I had a bunch of readers send me the same link this week, which was all about the Scariest Shoes of All Time, which then inspired me to see what I could dig up along the lines of ugly shoes that should be killed with fire. Here are some of the gems I found:

 Can I just tell you how much I hate these pony shoes? WHY would someone want to look like they have hooves? And, if you're wondering what it's like to walk in them, check this out. Quick tip: If you need to practice walking with a motherfletching WALKER, your shoes are impractical.

 These shoes totally remind me of something Lady Gaga would wear to be ironic with a bodysuit. They also remind me of this, which I pinned a couple of days ago (Let's be Pinterest friends!)

 These were designed by Lacoste by an architect who clearly has no concern for leg hair. Just make sure to shave before these rip out your leg skin as you slide them on! In fact, just leave them on forever. It's not worth the wear and tear.

 Oh, I see! It's like "Hey Jae are you wearing garbage bags on your feet?" and then I'm like "LOL NO! There are ugly shoes underneath" and then we all have a good laugh.

 Because nothing says "Honeymoon" quite like skimpy bridal lingerie and Frankenstein shoes. He'll hear you daintily clomping from a mile away. I'm imagining the shaky water glass scene from Jurassic Park.

 

 Finally! This designer has realized what's missing on my favorite pumps: Sleeves!

 These legitimately look like something I would make. Not because I like them, but because they look like someone used scrap fabric and a glue gun to cover up an ugly shoe and then failed miserably. Let's just say that crafting isn't my forte.

Hey, I'm from the West. I can respect a cowboy boot. What I can't respect is a boot wrapped in belts. I'm reasonably sure they should go around your waist, but hey, I've been wrong before. 

 Besides the fact that these look so uncomfortable they would cause me to gnaw my own feet off, they also look like something from a horror film. Like, the creepy woman character's legs are on backwards and she is coming for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

...ouuuuuuuu.

My feelings for this shoe could only be properly represented by the sounds of muffled sobs as I stuff my balled fist into my mouth.

  

A reader sent me a whole website of sports-related shoes. Like, for every team ever. The only woman who would wear these are the ones who pretend to like sports to get attention from men. I don't even care if you're a girl who likes sports. Just wear a hoodie and sneaks to the sports bar and eat too many wings like a normal person.

It always amazes me how ugly people can make shoes, especially when they're my favorite accessory ever. I just want to be like 'STOPIT!"

Speaking of shoes, I'm doing some shopping today. I know you're like Jae, didn't you go shopping last week. And the answer is that I did, but I had THE WORST case of "I have money to spend yet hate everything ever-itis." Instead, I spent money on Christmas plane tickets and with my bank account seriously depleted, I'm sure I'll find lots of stuff to buy this week. It's science.  Anyway, join the page over on Facebook because I might need some help deciding where to go bankrupt. 

Happy Friday guys!

Transitioning into Fall and Winter

This a repost from last year. I started to write another post about transitioning summer wear and I was like wait, didn't I already do this? It's just been one of those days where I had like, three minutes to get dressed and out the door because I overdosed on NyQuil, then totally slept in and my family is in town visiting and I'm all over the place. Don't you love days like that? So when I sat down to blog I basically started writing this one again. My brain hurts.

So I'm reposting as a reminder! Keep your maxi dresses in rotation please!

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We've discussed how much I enjoy colder weather because it means a few things to me: Holidays, cute boots and LAYERING. Oh how I love to layer. It creates interest and dimension to outfits that I just can't achieve with the t-shirts and flip flops of summer.

Of course, all summer long I expounded upon the importance of things like maxi dresses, casual dresses and skirts. If you were good followers, you listened and rushed out and invested in all things girly. But now it's getting cold, what the heck do you do with them?

Never fear! I have ideas for transitioning your wardrobe into winter and fall. I am NOT the kind of girl who puts away her summer clothes and rotates out her closet. Every piece is fair game around here, and if you're not a bazillionaire you probably just need to make it work with the clothing you already have.

Your Maxi Dress:

Oasis Feather Print Maxi Dress, Multicoloured, 15 GBP
AE Women's Denim Jacket (Authentic Medium Wash), $50
Miss Me Women's Monet-16A Studded Ankle Boot, $50
East West Messenger, $48
Java Marble Resin Bangle Set, 12 GBP

All summer long I wandered around in my maxi dress and flip flops or flats. I still love them all to death. But now that it's cold, it's time to make it look less summery and more serious. Adding a jacket up top instantly adds more credibility. I've worn my cropped jean jacket and my leather jacket with max dresses and it was so cute. I also love a pair of slouchy boots or moccasins. You can be a little flowery childish with a maxi dress. Add a winter bag and no one will even notice it's the same dress you wore to the beach.

Your Casual Skirt

Velvet Bow Pocket Cardi, 27 GBP
Old Navy Womens Ruffle-Hem Skirts, $25
Put On a Bow Tights, $14
Forever21.com - Shoes - Dressy - 2080953702, $25
Padlock Shoulder Bag, $48
Fancy Beaded Headband, $6.80

You can totally get away with wearing the cute skirt you wore with flats all summer for a more formal event if you dress it properly. Tights, tights, tights are a must to bring your skirts current. Patterns over colors, whatever. You cannot go wrong, unless they have weird patterns on them... like bats. Stay away from bats. Bows? Totally adorbs! Dress it up with a little sweater and you have an Emma Pillsbury way to dress up even casual fabrics and fit.

Your Skinny Jeans / Dare I Say It? JEGGINGS.

Old Navy Womens Fair Isle Tie-Belt Wrap Cardigans, $40
Women's Skinny Jean - American Eagle Outfitters, $40
Slouchy Mid-Calf Boots w/ Buckles, $40
Off White Round Handbag, $33
BKE Marbled Hoop Earring, $2.55
Lucky Brand Ojai Ring, $26

So I love a skinny jean with a t-shirt, flat and summer scarf, but come winter, it's going to look too summer casual. Luckily, awesome sweaters can help balance out your top half while keeping you warm and fashionable. Look for sweaters that accentuate the waist so you don't get lost in all that yarn. And slouchy boots are a must, especially if you're wearing the J-word. I don't want to see your ankles in the winter. They look cold and lonely.

Your Summer Dress

binding floral bandeau dress, 18 GBP
Let It Be Me Blazer, 140 AUD
Black Faux Suede Ruffled Lace Back Knee High Flat Boots @ Amiclubwear..., $26
Multi Ruffle Handbag 172949100 | handbags & wallets | Tillys.com, $22
Silver Flower Stud Earrings, $18
Black double wrap waist belt, 8 GBP

So if you have a dress that has a very summery pattern, you can tone it down by pairing it with plenty of black and heavier accessories. After a back blazer, boots and bag, the red and white of this dress becomes a pretty accent, rather than the main event. Plus the boots and jacket can help keep you warm while everyone else is shivering in last season's dresses. My, aren't we smug?
Don't worry about running out and buying new clothes, especially if you don't have the cash for them. Work with what you have and add pieces and accessories to make it look like they were made for fall. It's okay, I won't tell a soul.

What I Wore: Graphic Nature

So I have a confession to make. I, Jae, am addicted to graphic tees of all kinds. I cannot stop buying them. I've been buying them since I bought my first non-sports shirt when I was 15 (I was a huge tomboy, OK?). I still have a major weakness for them, especially when layered with cute jackets and boots.

Graphic tee: Fox

Jacket: Old Navy
Red skinnies: Local (Contagious)
Boots: Frye (Harness 12R)
Cuff: Marc Jacobs

I work with a volunteer organization at the hospital and on Friday we had an annual night where we get together and do all of the prep work for the holidays over the space of six or seven hours. So I was looking for something super comfy and with layers because the hospital is bipolar when it comes to temps. Thank goodness I had one of my 6,000 trusty graphic tees to the rescue! We finally closed up shop around midnight, but not until I was basically coated in a thin layer of Mod Podge.

Some tips on buying graphic tees.

1. They should be fitted. A loose graphic tee just makes you look like you're slumming it in your high school band shirt.
2. Skip the sayings. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a woman wearing an "I have PMS" shirt. 

3. Take it easy on the logos. I try to choose those that don't have huge logos plastered all over them. I liked this one because it was designed like a Ringling Brothers circus ad.

Also, I know that I've sung the praises of my beloved boots for a long time now, but this is proof that they go with literally anything. I'm coming up on three years with them and they've one gotten better. Seriously, if you're willing to invest in a boot, these are the ones to splurge on.

So, my question today is... what item of clothing have you been buying the longest? I know that graphic tees and I have a long and happy relationship yet to come.

Freaky Friday

We have a mixed bag for Freaky Friday, which is great because I Have a mixed bag kinda day going on. You know one of those days where you just have a little bit of everything? My fam-fam is coming to visit on Tuesday so I should probably remove the camping gear from the guest room and clean July's leftovers out of the fridge. Ugh, pretending to be civilized for guests is the worst.

 Andrea sent me what might be one of my favorite submissions to date. This dress...tunic thingy is supposed to be for either gender. Makes sense. When I'm dropping acid, I'd rather do it with my husband while dressed alike.

 K, so jumpsuits are the bane of my existence, but I've learned that certain things can make it worse. Like cable knit camel toe, for example.

 Haven't you ever wished that your foot could look like a giant vat of melting Creamsicles? If I had a nickel for every time...

 Oh good! Instead of throwing out my broken DVD player, I can glue it to my head instead. So environmentally conscious of me!

This is probably my favorite thing of all time. It's like who wouldn't want to spend their time dressing up as a vending machine and pranking unsuspecting Coke drinkers? It's like "ahahaha I really got you that time sweet mother I'm so lonely." 

 Brenda sent me this hairband, noting that it made it look like the model's head is on fire. Besides heartily agreeing, I'd like to point out how shamed she looks in this picture. Shame on you, model. Shame for your firehead!

 

 Have you ever seen this comic? It makes me die from agreement. That's a totally legit way to die, right? The only person who can wear fedoras is Jennifer Aniston.

 Unless you add cat ears and are crazy. Then, be my guest.

 If you look at this too quick, it kind of looks like her intestines are spilling out. Then it's like "Phew, it's just an ugly floral maternity shirt that was a close one."

 Speaking of maternity shirts, how about an iPhone charger that looks like a fetus? Also, I can only assume you also enjoy cat mutiliation and serial killing in your spare time.

A few different people sent me this shoe, including Stephanie, Rachel and Lindsay. First, I took at as a personal offense: I have ridiculously short arms and wondered if all of these people were telling me that I look like a T-rex. After calming myself down I realized that it was really sent to me because it's a plastic DINOSAUR on a SHOE.


Also, thanks for sending in the costumes for the contest! Keep 'em coming. There have been some doozies this year... I have actually LOLed at a bunch. Oh human race, you so silly!

Now it's off to the races. Time to shed the hoodie for something more wearable in public. Boo.

Fall Shopping List 2012

I know it's officially fall now. Not because of the date, but because I just ate my first ... OK, and my second... piece of pumpkin pie. I'm hoping to make it a third in like, 10 minutes. Seriously, I don't know what is wrong with me but yesterday I couldn't focus on anything but pie. I begged my hubs to bring me some home and he obliged because he loves me very much and knows not to toy with my food cravings. And before you say it, no... I'm not pregnant. I'm just really passionate about pie, OK?

Anyway, another sign of it being fall is that I start to get itchy fingers around my credit card. I want to freshen up the old closet before the leaves start falling so I thought I'd list some of the things I'm looking for in the next couple of weeks. Note that all of these are under $50 and they'd be easy-peasy ways to update a "I don't have anything to wear!" -type wardrobe. Oh, and click the pics if you'd like the link.

 I really want some fall flats that aren't super sweet. These would be amazing with an a-line skirt and leather jacket OR with some skinnies and a cardigan. (LC Lauren Conrad)

 I've been obsessing over this vest for a few days now. See, the other day I was in a bad mood about something work-related and my husband gave me online shopping time to cheer me up. Did I mention that you can buy my love? Because you absolutely can. I went to go grab this from F21, but they didn't have my size. I now must go to the actual store and hunt for it. This with some dark jeans and Fryes? Fuggedaboutit. Actually, pretty much anything moto is big for fall.

 This cardigan!! I would love this with a white button up, a pair of skinnies and flats for like, Thanksgiving dinner (Sorry, Americans. Canadian Thanksgiving is next week so my brain is already on turkey and clothes). Add a bib necklace and you're pretty much done AND have a place to hide your food baby. (Quiksilver)

 I am loving military-inspired clothes too. My husband has this Gap military jacket that I Have plans to steal and belt when the weather gets a little cooler, but this would suffice with bootcut jeans and a pair of red heels, don't you think? (Delias)

 Tights tights tights!! I love me some patterned tights and these python ones are pretty much perfection. I'd wear them peeking out of a pair of boots. (2b)

 Speaking of boots, I'm in the market for a pair of buckle-happy ones. I have four pairs of brown boots right now, but the more the merrier, right? Plus I love the flat heel, which means I could wear them basically every day. (Charlotte Russe)

OK, so not everyone loved my plaid/leopard pairing on Monday, but that's alrighty with me! Pattern mixing isn't supposed to really "go," but plaid is a great place to start. Wear this under a striped shirt or with some colored skinnies. This one has a lace back which makes it a little more femmy.



That's what I'm looking for when I do some fall shopping... what's on your list?

What I Wore: Trendslave

So my weekend actually turned out pretty awesome. I found the motivation to pack an overnight bag and we took my husband's old Jeep Wrangler and drove right over the top of a mountain to get to the cabin. My hubs then took the kidlets fishing all morning, which means I stayed in my pajamas, ate cookies and watched/made fun of Twilight all day. It was lovely. After that, we headed back down the mountain and I checked out a new sushi place with my ladyfriends. Granted, my husband then complained that my hair smelled like fried Japanese food all night, but it was totally worth it.

ANYWAY, I wore this outfit as an homage to two awesome-possum (yes I just said that) trends for fall: Plaid and leopard. And while I love me some classic clothes, I love trendy patterns. Marry the two in a straightforward button up and a pair of awesome (and cheap woo!) heels and you have trendslavery at its best.

 

Button up - F21 (I bought this two years ago and they STILL have in stores oh yeah)
Sunnies: Relic (I was actually on my way out, I don't just wear sunnies on my shirt all day geez)
Jeans: Refuge
Shoes: Mossimo (I bought these crazy on sale I think they were 70 percent off)
Bracelets: Nordstrom
Leather cuff: Marc Jacobs
Earrings: F12
Bag: Guess

 

Not gonna lie. I feel like a boss when I wear the jeans, heels and button up combo. It totally looks like I know what I'm doing even though I don't 98 percent of the time. I vow to wear this a lot more this fall. Also, I bought an amazing turquoise blazer but I stopped myself from going crazy at the mall. I have family coming to visit next week and I plan on doing my major fall damage when they're here. 

I blew $60 on these bracelets, but I still consider them one of my best investments. Those suckers go with everything. The leather cuff was a gift from the hubs and may have been pretty pricey, but since I'm wearing them with cheap heels I think it all averages out. Also, can I point out that these shoes were insanely comfortable? They're only a 3-inch lift and I wore them while on my feet for about four hours straight and it was nothing.

Note to self: Continue wearing jeans and heels until it snows and you have to pack away cute heels for cute boots. Note to readers: Do the same. Note to readers living in warm climates: Wear heels always. I'm jealous.