Freaky Friday: Hipsters

Me and my little brother (who is like 10 feet tall despite being three years younger than me) had a text convo about hipsters. I thought I'd share.

As a precursor, please keep in mind that Marshall is my parent's dog. Jonathan did not throw up on a person. Also, all of his texts are labeled Ton because he might have had what we call a bit of weight problem when he was a child and the name stuck. Sorry, Ton Ton.



Here, I'll make it up to you by proving that you've lost your baby chubs. Readers, one of the above guys is my brother. GUESS!

I'm in the process of trying to marry him off. I'll accept applications or just put him and my other brothers on a weird family edition of "The Bachelor."

ANYWAY! Hipsters.... (I'm in blue, Ton is silver. Colors are so mainstream.)









Seriously, is there anything worse than hipsters? I mean FINE nuclear warfare would be slightly worse, but they're up there. It's not even the clothes that I hate. It's more the superiority complex that makes me want to punch a display of thrift store tweed pants.


Yes, Hipster Ariel. WE KNOW you hate popular stuff. You're SO underground.



It's pretty ironic... you wouldn't get it.

All annoying habits and serial killer music aside, some of hipster fashion is actually bearable. The other stuff just looks like a Goodwill threw up on a homeless person. Observe.


Awesome hipster. Note the use of humor AND irony AND non-douchebaggery. Much love, Jakie-poo.



You are SO right, geriatric hipster.

Let this be a warning to all of you hipsters... Despite dressing in clothes that are 40 years old, you will not age well.



Um, I pretty much want to be this hipster. Those are the ultimate skinny jeans and I might have a slight girl crush.


I'm sorry, I missed the part where crotchtastic boob shorts were hip? I think I might be too old to get it. Wait... does that make me vintage and even MORE hipster? I'M SO CONFUSED.


I WILL have this shaggy hipster haircut. The 80s blazer is AH-mazing, even if she got it at the Salvation Army. And teamed with a sloppy shirt and skinny jeans? Excuse me while I recreate this look IMMEDIATELY. I even love the glasses and shall be buying some soon.

Rock on, hot hipster. Rock on.


Sigh. The Beatles? Really? What a lazy attempt at being a hipster.
"It's the Beatles. They're pretty underground... you've probably never heard of them."
"Um, they're the most popular band in history."
"WHAT!? The guy in the record store told me this was legit! I would have picked it out for myself but I've ruined my eyes by wearing my grandmother's bifocals!"


Audrey Hepburn: The O.H. - Original Hipster. Remember her GAP commercial? Suck it, misunderstood upper middle class teens!


Sure they are.

I know this post just proves that I'm either woefully out of touch with current fashion and pop culture or just more committed to personal hygiene than most hipster 20-somethings. I can't decide which.


Plus, I'm pretty sure I was a hipster back in 1989. Check those glasses, Zooey Deschanel haircut and suspenders, suckas!

Weigh in: How do you really feel about hipster culture? If you're reading this on your Macbook in a coffee shop while drinking chai tea and wearing thrifted flannel, I think we already have your vote, thanks.

How to Shop Sales

Oh, this Monday-less week has taken a toll on me. I feel all backwards and off-schedule and I love my schedule so that's bad. Today I even slept in until 7 am. THE HORROR. I find that when I start off my morning by sleeping in, I tend to be sloth-like all day. My workout just about killed me this morning.

Anyway, the reason for the Monday-less week was obviously Memorial Day. There's always a huge sale that I like to hit the Saturday before Memorial Day, so I naturally went to go check things out. And I think I did well; I got some basic tees, a couple pairs of shoes, and a couple of fun new shirts that's I'm excited about. It made me think about sale shopping in general. Do you guys know how to shop sales?

The trick is to not get too excited. Sale tags are AWESOME, but only when you actually need what you're buying. My father-in-law always says that it's not saving money if you're spending it. He usually says this when I tell him I save $20 on a pair of shoes, so boo to that.



(My shopping triumph last weekend: These $90 Nine West shoes for $14 BOOM)

Anyway, if you want to check out the summer sales without losing your head, here are some of my best tips.

Make a day of it. When you're cruising sales, you're probably going to need to do a lot of browsing, and you can't do that with a crunched timeline. Give yourself a couple of hours, some comfy shoes, and a good friend so you're not cranky and pressed for time while shopping.

Check out different stores. When there's a mall-wide sidewalk sale, it's the perfect time to check out stores and brands that you might not have worn before. When I was shopping over the weekend I picked up an Ann Taylor shirt. And no offense to AT-wearers, but I'd never even thought to shop there before because it's just not my style. Who knew?

Make up outfits. Yeah, that sweater might be a screaming deal, but only if you'll actually wear it. If you can't think of at least two ways to wear a new piece, it might be a good idea to pass. Otherwise, it could end up in that dark corner of your closet where old clothes go to die and that's a waste of money.

Check on return policies. Plenty of sales and clearance items are going to be final sale, so you'd better be sure you love it if you're going to commit. This is not the time for wishy washiness. Ask a store associate about the return policy when you're checking out so you don't get any annoying surprises when the pants you didn't actually try on don't actually fit.

Pick up "hole fillers": Sale shopping is the perfect time to pick up items that fill a gap in your wardrobe. Whether it's a really awesome-fitting shirt, or a new pair of flats, you can't go wrong by doing a little bargain shopping. It'll make you feel like you accomplished something on the cheap. YAY!


Alright, do you have any good tips for sale shopping? What was your best score? I'm always happy with cheap shoes, but I got a screaming deal on a leather jacket during the Nordstrom anniversary sale that I'm way proud of.

What I Wore: Long Weekend

I'm back from Memorial Day shopping and feeling very fulfilled. Nine West was having a big sale and I'm proud to announce that I broke the 120 threshold in my shoe closet with two new pairs of heels. I'll show you them tomorrow!

I love me a long dress for a long weekend. I picked this one up last week because I just can't say no.

This just in: I am in desperate need of a tan.
Dress: Local boutique (Bella Ella)
Jacket: Old Navy
Belt: No clue
Shoes: Roxy
Earrings: F21

I wore this while running errands on Friday. My kids needed new pajamas and I was on the hunt for more kids summer clothes. Chasing after my 3-year-old in a mall is torture, so comfy clothes are a must. I also like that it didn't need a ton to dress it up. Earrings and done!

Then, it was totally wearable for when me and my hubs went on our hot date. We're coming up on our 9-year anniversary, so any date where we don't have to order from the kid's menu is pretty hot and heavy for us. We also saw Men in Black which was hilarious, even though the butter from my popcorn seeped through the bag and onto my pretty dress.

Don't judge.

Anyway, if you still don't have a maxi (or two) in your closet, it's time to go shopping! They're super flattering and I love how easy they are to wear. And just so you know, I totally wore my ugly/cute Roxy boat shoes with this on Friday, and then switched it up with wedges on Sunday. Versatile? Yes.

Also, a reader emailed me to ask if I could do a tutorial on belting, since I belt A LOT. So look for that in the next week. Just don't expect me to ever remember where my belts are from, k?

What did you guys do for Memorial Day?

Freaky Friday

I'm having one of those fantastic Fridays so I'm excited to get out the door today. Work in the bag, yoga class done, big date night planned with the manly man (so what if our lives revolve around Men in Black 3?) and a Memorial Day shopping extravaganza? I'm in! I also bought a new maxi dress to wear on said date and I can't wait to show you guys on Monday, so put on your excited face and wear it for the next three days.


Katy Perry and Kate Upton both were wearing these shoes, because we all needed a reminder that they liked sex. I think the cupcake bra and the Sports Illustrated cover, respectively, was probably enough for both.


My favorite thing about summer? Stupid magazine articles about what to wear to music festivals. It always includes fringe. Because who wouldn't want to wear something that a) looks like it's falling apart and b) drags around on the floor of a Port-a-Potty.


This would be cool for like five seconds before realizing that you're unemployed.


OK, you know what? These are clearly just Jasmine's pants. Designers are getting LAZY.

Janelle sent me this and I declare it awesome. It's what I think when I see people wearing sweats in public anyway, so it saves me thinking part!


Nothing says "I kind of have a crush on my sister" like acid wash American flag cutoffs.


From the "I'm a huge idiot who spends money on stupid crap even though there's people starving all over the world" collection.

Can I also tell you that I'm always saving bad fashion pics on my phone and I live in fear of someone opening my Camera Roll and being like um, why do you have these?


I'm sorry, but where exactly does one wear these? Basic training? Spy school? A Matt Damon movie?


I found these while surfing around looking for shoes to buy the other day. I promptly decided that if Ronald McDonald had a lady love, she would definitely wear these shoes. And I swear, if McDonalds suddenly starts marketing a female clown wearing these, I will sue for royalties MARK MY WORDS.

Alright, I'm out for the weekend. Anyone else have any super awesome Memorial Day plans? Wanna come shopping with me? I'll the one shutting my eyes in fear as I swipe my credit card.

What to Wear: To Workout 2012

I'll admit that I've totally written about workout wear before. But when I wrote that post, I was like, the weakest fitness enthusiast EVER. I was the kind of person who went to the gym, wandered around a bit, hopped on the elliptical and watched an episode of "Giada at Home," wandered around some more and went home. Seriously.

Lately, it's gotten more serious for me. One of my awesome friends just recently certified in kickboxing, and two of my other awesome friends have been my workout buddies, so I've been gymming it up at least 4 times per week since February. It's amazing what some accountability can do. And not wimpy gym-going. I'm talking hour-long, push yourself to the max before praying for sweet mercy stuff. I'll never be a runner and I'm not great at sports, but I like to think that I've really stepped it up in the fitness arena, and I'm super happy with the results. I have no idea if I"ve lost weight because I haven't weighed myself for years, but my body looks better, I've got WAY more energy (WAY) and my clothes are fitting better too. Can't complain.

My friend Kim (who is a fitness coach - follow her on Facebook and get tons of daily workout inspiration!) always says that it's all about finding your "soulmate workout", meaning you've gotta try a bunch of stuff to find something you really love to do. For instance, my sad turns on the elliptical didn't do anything for me because I hate cardio and machines. Duh.

For some, it's running, others love Zumba (oh how I hate Zumba) while others kick it with yoga. After trying a ton of different routines, I've finally whittled down my schedule so it looks like this:
Monday: Pilates
Tuesday: Weight training + Plyometrics
Wednesday: Cardio
Thursday: Weight training + Plyometrics
Friday: Yoga

I love weight training the best because I like pushing myself, so it gets two days. Cardio is usually kickboxing, unless someone drags me to Zumba, where I hang out in the back and wish I were dead. Since I do a wide variety of stuff, I need to change up my workout gear to match what I'm doing. I thought it'd be helpful for you to see what I love and hate about workout clothes so it's one thing you DON'T have to worry about when you're exercising.

OK, can I just say that I'm a HUGE proponent of getting workout wear that makes you feel great? Back when I was sucking at fitness, I would just wear whatever because it literally didn't matter. Once I got back on track and made working out a priority, my old clothes didn't cut it anymore. Not only did I need better performance from my clothes, but I wanted my gear to inspire me to workout harder. For me, that meant ditching the oversized tees and spending a bit of extra money on well-fitting stuff with performance fabrics. That way, I couldn't shlump around and give it 25 percent; it's all or nothing.

I'll point out here that it's not about looking pretty when you workout. I think there's a special circle of hell reserved for people who wear full hair and makeup to the gym. But I think you should feel confident and ready to give 100 percent when working out, and that's easier if you feel good about yourself and the way you look.

What's more, I always work out with instructors, which means they sometimes need to check my form. That's impossible if I'm wearing my hubby's sweats. So here's some of the stuff I recommend for different types of workouts!

Nike activewear, $40
Hollister Co yoga activewear, $10
Sanuk flip shoes, $26
Nike Performance Graphic 5mm Yoga Mat - Light Blue, ONE SIZE, $50

OK, so I found that when I do yoga and Pilates, I want as little clothing as possible. This is for two reasons: 1) I go from 0 degrees to 6,000 degrees after the first five minutes, and 2) the instructor needs to see my form. If I'm wearing baggy or constricting clothes, she has no idea what I'm doing. Plus, is it weird that I just think it's a pretty form of exercise? Bodies look so graceful.

I'm a big fan of yoga shorts, but it definitely took some nerve to get over my body issues and wear them all the time. Now I don't care, but two months ago, they were scary. If you don't want to go with shorts, look for tight-fitting capris instead. They make amazing compression fabrics now that are super-flattering and help your form and posture too. True story: I usually end up wearing slippers to both classes because I prefer to practice barefoot in both. My slippers are knee-high rainbow mukluks. I look like a crazy person.

Xersion™ Colorblock Workout Tank Top Petaluma Pink/Blk, $17
Sports bra, $16
NIKE platform shoes, $85
Puma mesh handbag, $60
NIKE pink hair accessory, $10
Nike Dri-FIT Regular Fit Women's Training Capris - Black, L, $40

When it comes to cardio days, I like my gear to hold me in. When you're jumping and kicking and punching all over the place, the last thing you want to worry about is jigglybutt, am I right? I just bought a pair of Calvin Klein Performance capris and they are awesome for cardio workouts. Also, make sure you have a great sports bra. I won't discourse on bras because they're obviously super personal to your size, but you just need something that'll hold the cookies in place when doing cardio, OK? No excuses. Also, sports hairbands are a must-have for me. I do not want to be worrying about hair in my face when I'm working out. A pack of 'em costs like $3 at Walmart.

Victoria s Secret activewear, $29
Old Navy activewear pants, $20
Puma activewear jacket, $36
H M sports bra, £13
Reebok mesh shoes, $35

Weight lifting days are the closest I come to shlubby gym wear. Since I only have a short period of plyo, I can get away with wearing more comfortable pants because I'm usually moving slowly and taking my time. I like a traditional yoga pant or whatever I actually have clean that day. I prefer tee's to tanks for weightlifting - I LOVE these VS ones. I like tissue-thin tees that keep me cool and don't get all gross and sweaty. And since it takes a while to warm up when lifting weights, a hoodie is a must when it's cooler outside. I also can get away with a lower performance bra because there's less bounce-age.

To be honest, I push myself the hardest on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I don't want to think about what I'm wearing or how I look when I'm on my 400th lunge. I'm in the Incredible Hulk zone. We worked lower back yesterday and I'm feeling it today!

I just don't want not knowing what to wear to stop you from getting your daily workout in. Even if you're just walking to the park, you'll put in a better effort if you're dressed the part. The other day I got home from my workout and I was still in my gear, and I found that I was more likely to get out and play a game of soccer with the kids because I was already in my trainers and clothes.

Places to get workout gear at great prices: JCPenney, Macy's, F21 (but I find it's not higher performance stuff. I usually wear it for yoga and Pilates) Nike Outlets are awesome, and I've even found great stuff at places like Marshalls and TJ Maxx.

NO excuses, people. Workout wear can either help or hinder your performance, so don't waste your time by putting in half the effort. Even if you fall off the wagon (last week was my daughter's last week of school and we literally had something every morning of the week) don't use it as an excuse to stop. Use it as an excuse to train harder.

That being said, I'm late for a kickboxing class.

Any stuff you're super in love with for working out? Anything you totally hate? Are you eating donuts RIGHT NOW?

What I Wore: Mod Men

I had to take some medication last night and it made me obscenely dizzy, so my apologies if this is ridden with more typos than usual. It's 7:14 and I'm already planning around a future nap.

I also forgot to tell you that I got a contact over the weekend. Not contacts. A contact. I'm so completely blind in one eye that there's no reason to try and correct it. So if my eyes look puffy for the next few weeks, it's because I've taken 17 tries to get the dang thing in my eye. On the bright side, I'm not a danger to other drivers and myself anymore. YAY!

ANYWAY, it's no secret that I love vintage-y clothing looks, especially from the 50s and 60s. I'm obsessed with uber-feminine silhouettes. The only problem with buying old-school pieces, like a seriously cute polka dot, mid-length pencil skirt, is that it can look like you're wearing a costume if you don't put a modern spin on things. Which is OK if you're going to an actual costume party. If not... weird.

Tank: c/o/ modbod
Cardi: Downeast Basics
Skirt: Urban Wear
Shoes: dear
Belt: Downeast
Hairpiece: F21
Cuff: Local (Bella Ella)
Necklace: Antique

I decided that a modern color palette would help bring this into 2012. While this would probably look adorable with all red and black, the plum cardi helped it look less pin-up girl. Plus, how adorable are its big black and gold buttons? I love.

This skirt is definitely a keeper. I bought it on Friday and I'm already thinking of all the ways to wear it.

The hair thingy was another throwback. I loved the polka-dot netting but it's a MAJOR accessory. Didn't need much else when I already had feathers and VEIL on my head. Also, these shoes are my favorite red shoes ever. They're crazy comfortable and super shiny, which is what I Look for in a red shoe. I've just about worn them out and that makes me sad. But since I bought them for $8 when Steve and Barry's was still around, I guess I got my money's worth!

Now that I'm done playing Betty Draper, it's back to real life. My kindergartner is now in summer break season and I'm sweating while thinking of how to entertain my kids for the next two months. Ideas?

Freaky Friday

OK, so Freaky Friday is suuuper late today. But I have good reasoning - it was my daughter's kindy grad today. So naturally we had to do that and then it threw the rest of my day completely off schedule. I'm the kind of person who has a calendar planning session every Sunday night. I like order because I'm a really scatterbrained person. So having my routine thrown off makes me insane. BUT! The grad was cute, and now I'm excited that I don't have to get my kid outta bed in the morning to catch the bus. I cherish my quiet time in the morning.

But I digress! I couldn't let Friday fly by without some snark!




Amy sent me an article with the title "Is This the Worst Nail Trend EVER?"

Let's see: Putting on fake nails that are shaped like duck feet and then bedazzling them like you were crafting while drink? Uh, yeah, I'd say that qualifies as the worst ever.



Stephanie sent me this prime specimen of front bum in the wold. Careful; it spooks easily. ANd by "spooks," I mean "jiggles".



Sara overcame pregnancy nausea to send me these shoes that straight up look like they were made from human flesh.

OOH! Story time! So when it comes to horror movies, I'm not as scared of ghosts and aliens as I am of slasher movies. Maybe because all slasher movies happen in sleepy towns full of cows and I happen to live in a sleepy town full of cows. Once, against my better judgement, I watched the new version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre with my hubs and our friends.

Aaaaaand I cried all the way home.

Through the corn fields.

The end.



Somewhere, Angelina Jolie is very glad that there exists a skirt that does the leg-sticking-out for her.


One of my favorite Pinterest finds because it was labeled "I need these NOW."

For you career as a street juggler?



Stephanie sent these shorts, which have so much going on that I feel like I have to properly categorize my feelings:
1) Where is this person's belly button? It concerns me.
2) Does this count as vajazzling? If you don't know what vajazzling is, don't ask questions and consider yourself lucky.
3) That lace looks like something I dug out of my sketchy bag of fabric scraps.
4) I feel like I see a bulge. DON'T LOOK.


Hey, I love pattern mixing as much as the next fashion blogger, but this looks like a thrift shopping hipster totally barfed on this poor model. WE GET IT YOU'RE OBSCURE.


I now present: The Saddest Patterned Tights I've Ever Seen. Why is one of the cats frowning? Is it because he knows that the wearer will be forever alone?





Brenda sent this hair purse that had a DIY and everything. It went like this:
Step 1: Find an old purse that you hate.
Step 2: Shave your head or scalp someone while they aren't looking.
Step 3: Glue it to your purse.
Step 4: Comb it lovingly as you acknowledge the fact that you're completely insane.
Step 5: Braid it and tell it secrets.
Step 6: Die.


I'm actually secretly glad Brenda sent it over, because I was wondering what to wear with my rainbow hair suit.


PHEW! Dodged that bullet!



I thought there was no way that we could top the ugliness of the cat swimsuit. But a wood grain swimsuit might actually win. Especially with the inexplicable Wet Seal belt slapped on there as an afterthought.

OH! I feel like this "wood" be a good time for a pun contest. HAHAHA. I'm clever. If you love me, you'll indulge my love of puns with a comment that has to do with this swimsuit.

Like "Birch, please."
Or, "I've been pining for this suit forever."
And "If we cut her open, will we find out how old she is?"

Um, wow. That went to a really dark place just now.

Oh, if only I could harness all of the potential I have.

But seriously. Wood swimsuit puns. Winner gets a nicely worded compliment from me. GO!



Well, the mailman just dropped a box of 10 books at my door and they're not going to read themselves. I have a big night planned, apparently.