What I Wore: Burnout

How was everyone's Thanksgiving week? I'm not gonna lie, I was in pure burnout mode last night. After five straight days of family festivities, all I wanted to do was hide in a quiet room and read a book by myself. Which I totally did, by the way. 

I also came down with a cold over the week, which means I have a man voice low enough to impress Barry White himself. I have three conference calls tomorrow and I can't wait for my client to be like "No, I needed to talk to Jae the woman." 

Shopping-wise, I did OK. I'm already Cyber Mondaying it up but I don't feel as prepped as I usually do at this point in time. My parents are flying in the day after tomorrow, so I plan on dragging my mom around to every store in the valley until I feel like I'm done. Or burned out. 

Top: Adrienne (local boutique) I'm obsessed with this green! (similar) (similar)

Skirt: Arden B. (from like, three Christmases ago) (cute and cheap!) (plus omg so cute)

Shoes: Steve Madden can you tell they're blue? (similar) (similar)

Necklace, which I bought Saturday and am super excited about (here)

I looked polished and put-together yesterday, but never fear: Burnout has a way of finding me in my husband's pajama pants, a bun and glasses come Monday morning. I just need to get my hermit on for a couple of days and I'll be fine.

Tis the season, right? 

What I Wore: Snow Leopard

My husband's an architect, right? So sometimes, I tag along when he has to go meet with clients on consults or whatever. Not all the time, because that would be weird and clingy, but on Friday night he had to go meet with someone about restoring an old cabin like, 90 miles away so I went with.

We met the guy and then followed him up to his place. We drove. And drove. And drove to somewhere I didn't even know existed. Then I started to become worried that the guy was an axe murderer. And it was snowy and cold and we'd get stuck at his cabin and he'd put us in his freezer or something.

I'm typing this now, so obviously it didn't happen. In fact, he was a very nice man and not an axe murderer at all, despite the fact that he did pick up a hatchet near his fireplace to move it over and I was worried for a second there.

Also, it was COLD. I was very happy to be wearing a fat leopard scarf that I could burrow into while my husband was talking about support beams and other riveting stuff.

Top: Kensie (similar) (similar) (plus)

Jacket: Absolutely & Faith (similar) (cute and cheap!)

Pants: Calvin Klein (sold out of the other ones but I love these too)

Boots: Frye (here) (pretty!) (cheap)

Scarf: Croft & Barrow (from my friend, T) (similar) (similar)

Studs: F21

 This week I'm happy to not have been chopped into bitty pieces, but also stressed about the craziness coming up. Thanksgiving, amiright? Posting will be light around here, but I'll put up some greatest hits on what to wear and how to shop this week, k? YAY! Happy Thanksgiving week! 

Freaky Friday

You guys: I went to a midnight showing of Hunger Games with some friends last night and I am like, mom hungover today. Luckily I just have everything to do so I can't even have a nap. My daughter's school is having a big program today and she was so excited she was up at 6 am sounding like Buddy the Elf and pinging off the walls. 

I'm just sitting here nursing a Crystal Light and talking in a man voice. I'm too old for this stuff. Also, the movie was good, although I felt like it was a little slow and then jammed every piece of action into the last five minutes and I was overwhelmed and regretted the Cherry Coke I drank because I was super twitchy when I got home and tried to go to sleep. Now that is an excellent movie review if I ever heard one.

Also, there was a preview for a Gwyneth Paltrow movie and I felt like the universe was punishing me for being annoyed at her gold juicer. 

On to Freaky Friday! 

Where exactly does one wear a gauze, see-though, floor-length, sleeveless duster? That is too many descriptive words for one garment. 

Tansy sent a snap of these to prove that we're just like, not even trying anymore.

Also, I know this is from H&M because I shop there on the reg, but isn't it like, a store for 20-somethings? What person of that age is like "Oh yeah, I so want to look like a census demographic I AM NOT." 

Thanks for sending this shoe, Julie. I'll wear it the next time I'm playing a game of pickup basketball in the woods. 

Brenda sent this dress, which is Yoko Ono levels of WTH.

YEAH I SAID IT Yoko Ono is crazy. Come at me, weird commenters!

Can I just say I reaaaaaaally dislike when people wear shorts over tights? Especially in the winter? You put those shorts away like a normal human being. Pants are punishment for living in cold climates. 

But then you go too far in the other direction and end up looking like a faaaaabulous Jon Snow.

This 80s sweater owns my soul. I want to wear it with spandex and scrunchies all day while whispering secrets to my PJ Sparkles doll. (It was my only doll that survived the "My older brother just learned how to do graffiti and scrawled all over my dolls' faces" epidemic of 1989.)

So, when I was in elementary school, there was a teacher there (who I am almost positive was named Mr. Blakelock though my mind is a little fuzzy there) who grew a beard each year and then raffled off the rights to shave his face to the students in a lottery called Beardo 649. And it wasn't until I was much older that I realized that it's a little creepy to raffle off shaving rights. 

Also, rumor was that he took the beard hair home and made it into pillows but I can neither confirm nor deny. 

Anyway, I feel like he would have really enjoyed this face hat in the interim while growing out his beard for the next child face shaver. 

I'm not making this any less weird, am I? 

I'm sure the ruffle on this dress is really nice IRL but online it just looks like an unfortunately placed triangle and/or uterus diagram. 

Aaaand with that said, I'm going to go jam a full day's work into two hours and pack for a weekend at the cabin and somehow carve out a few hours to go watch the back of someone's phone as they film their child DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY FACE.

It's my favorite part of school programs, really.

Deciphering Gwyneth Paltrow's Annual GOOP Gift Guide

Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't know why everyone hates her, but Gwyneth Paltrow also suggests that we purchase solid gold juicing machines (I WISH I WERE KIDDING) so I take her feelings with a massive grain of salt.

Yes, it's the time of year again. When GP reminds us how rich she is with upper-crust gift ideas that literally no one wants. Seriously, I would be like "You are a millionaire and you gave me something other than money? PLEASE LEAVE."

It occurred to me, as I was rage-paging through the gift guide, that some of the gifts might be a little confusing for anyone who makes less than $15 mil a year and who people actually like, so I took it upon myself to decipher some of the gifts, what they mean and who would actually enjoy receiving them.

Because this blog is just helpful like that. And guess what? I'm affiliate linking the crap out of them. One day I'll be a nasal-y millionaire too.

The Smythson Currency Case: $285
Best for: Your friend who just learned how synonyms work.

"Wallet? No, it's a CASE for CURRENCY. I am truly captivated by your election to purchase me this endowment."

The Angel Solid Gold Juicer: $4,739
Best for: Anyone who dumped you in high school

It says "I'm rich now, but still juuuuuust trashy enough to own something with 'Angel' stamped across the side."

The St. Louis Tommy Glass: $495 EACH
Best for: Anyone with small children or butterfingers. 

Gift idea: Pre-smash it and give it to them in a box so they don't have to wait for the heartache of breaking their prized $500 pimp cup.

The Tina Frey Champagne Bucket: $300
Best for: Your fisherman dad

Because he still uses a cooler on his boat and that's friggin' embarrassing.

The Atsuyo et Akiko Wand: $44
Best for: Your Rambunctious 4-Year-Old

Because it makes getting jabbed in the eye with a wand while you're trying to nap on the couch just feel more luxurious.

The Artemare Longboard: $495
Best for: Your teen who doesn't mind getting beaten up at the skate park.

Because let's be honest. He's kiiiiiind of a douche and everyone knows it.

Hermes Myths and Constellations Trading Cards: $125
Best for: Your friend who would rather actually flush money down the toilet than donate any excess to charity. 

Because they're designer trading cards. For adults.

The Anito Ko Singular Safety Pin Earring: $2,584
Best for: Your 80s-obsessed brother.

I mean, we all agree those are the only people still wearing singular earrings, right?

The Charlotte Olympia Kinky Clutch: $1,295
Best for: Your Mom, who really got into 50 Shades of Grey this year. 

And told you all about it. And you didn't want to know.

The Preppi Earthquake Kit: $345
Best for: The posh doomsdayer. 

It's like, do people expect you to survive without Perrier?! It's an earthquake, not the end of CIVILIZED SOCIETY.

The Tom Sachs McDonalds Plate: $115
Best for: I don't even know. I'm sitting here and pinching the bridge of my nose in disappointment at the entire human race right now.

Art doesn't usually make me crave a Big Mac this bad.

The Row Rina Cape: $3,190
Best for: Yourself

You've finally done it: Reminded everyone how wealthy and special you are. Enjoy cozying up alone on Christmas in your Row Rina Cape because no one likes a show off.


Of course, there are many other confusing items on the list, like a $500 travel backgammon set (you know what else has travel backgammon? My phone) and some such, but I have a limited amount of time and patience to deal with this.

Just remember as you do your Christmas shopping this year: How much you spend is directly related to how much you care about a person. That's how it goes, right?

What I Wore: Back to Black

Aaaand just like that, the color is gone. We'll have to settle for a pop of leopard this time around. 

This was also the picture that left me scrabbling for a hair appointment because I could see how bad my roots were. I cut off a few inches and am back to buttery fake-blonde gloriousness, as seen here. Sorry, this picture is like, four days old. 

Tee: Abound (via Nordstrom Rack - I practically buy these in bulk) (here) (plus)

Blazer: F21 (pretty darn similar - mine is old) (similar) (plus)

Pants: Calvin Klein (here) (similar) (plus)

Shoes: Mossimo (similar) (similar) (omg I can't stop)

Earrings: F21 (similar)

This is probably the last of the cute heels for a while: We were the gracious recipients of like, four inches of snow today, so it's going to have to be boots for awhile. 

I am not ready for this. 

9 Tips for Wearing White in Winter

Wearing white in winter is like, blogger fodder, amiright? They get to act like those pesky fashion rules don't apply to them and tee-hee what a pretty rebel and they eek out another post.

Unfortunately for them, wearing white in winter has been a thing like, forever. And, when done properly, you won't look like a demented blogger but a lady.

The difference between summer and winter white is completely tonal. In summer, white has a blue cast and looks amazing with like, pastels and even neons. I find that summer white is totally minimalist: It looks better with simple outfits, like a tee and jeans.

But winter white -- oh, winter white! I love the golden-toned white that starts appearing in stores come October. It's way richer and looks amazing in chunky knits and luxe layers. But even if you love white and want to wear it all year around, there's a way to wear white in winter so you don't look like a) a Laura Ashley model circa 1993 or b) a rave baby. Keep these outfits and tips and mind and you'll look ah-mah-zing.

Long sleeve stretch top / American Eagle Outfitters tank / Hollister Co. cuff skinny jeans / Yoki buckle boots, $22 / Dana Buchman mini purse / Forever 21 multi strand necklace

1. Choose WINTER white. We know this. It's a yellow-toned white that pairs best with deep jewel tones.

2. So duh, go with jewel tones. Mulberry, plum, turquoise, jade, cognac: All of these look crazy good with a gold-toned winter white.

3. Add some texture. I love a leopard with winter white, but I love a leopard with literally anything. But any texture works: Add a little snakeskin or leather, go for something sequined: The white can handle it in the winter.

4. Speaking of sparkle, let winter white and gold have a love child on your body (ew). Gold accessories will look so riiiiich.

Doublju faux leather jacket / Dorothy Perkins skirt / Uniqlo nylon stocking / Black booties, $31 / ASOS clutch, $22 / Steve Madden tear drop earrings

5. Not sure about winter white? Tone it down with a ton of black. I love the idea of a sweet skirt paired with a tough jacket and tights for a winter party. It's also a great way to bridge those white pieces you own that could be for both summer and winter.

6. Load up on winter white accessories. A scarf, a coat, some gloves, whatever. I especially love winter white with dark red... it's festive without being like, hey Santa's here!

7. Choose the right footwear. It's winter, so put away the open-toed anything. Instead, go for boots and you'll be warm and super luxe. I'm super obsessed with these over-the-knee ones. Ugh. I think I need to shop.

H m coat, $55 / Aéropostale double breasted pea coat / Calvin Klein zipper jeans / Knee high lace up boots / Dollhouse black velvet boots, $40 / Sondra Roberts faux handbag / Forever 21 faux leather satchel / Style Co leopard watch / Sole Society knot stud earrings / Fringe scarve / Nordstrom wool felt hat / Glove

8. Look for knits. While summer white is best for sleek looks, winter white is meant to look cozy. An oversized sweater or wrap coat? YES PLEASE.

9. When in doubt, layer up. Winter white looks great over deeper colors, so go for a sweater or jacket over jewel tones.

See? Winter white is actually super easy, once you know what to look for. I love it for like, a work party or Thanksgiving dinner. It's pretty and cozy without being schlumpy, which is hard to do despite the fact that "schlumpy" is a word from my imagination.

So, what do we think? Yay or nay to winter white?

What I Wore: Seeing Red

I've noticed that my last like, seven outfits were some form of black, white and gray, so I felt like I needed a little color. Honestly, I just don't wear a ton of color lately: It's transitioning into colder months and I just feel like darker colors have been a no-brainer. Still, there's something to be said for red, right?

This skirt has been a favorite (worn here and here) and has magically fit me in a range of different sizes thanks to tons of stretch. I've literally been a different size each time I've worn this skirt on the blog, so let's all say a silent prayer of gratitude for Spandex.

Also: Secret way to make your legs look uber long in skirts? Wear opaque tights with same-color shoes. Does the same thing nude shoes do to bare legs. My sister in law was like "What the heck did you do to look so tall in that skirt?" I'm a sneaky sonofagun.

Top: H&M (similar) (in black) (short sleeve) (similar)

Skirt: Tailor & Stylist, which no longer exists. That's awkward. It has a bow on the bum. That's awesome. (similar) (cute panels!) (digging this leather) (plus)

Tights: F21 (similar) (similar) (plus)

Shoes: Guess (similar, limited size) (these would be so cute too)

Earrings: F21 (similar) (want) (cheap!)

My kids wanted in on the action too, this time. And they didn't look like hobos, so I acquiesced.

This was the only nice one. The rest looked like this.

Andrew might be officially too big for me to hold in pictures. Or at all. 

He's sitting on my lap right now. 

Alright, I wore some color. Now it's probably going to back to black for a while. It's November, what do you expect?