10 Pretty Ugly Things About Fashion Blogging

My husband and I were driving the other day, and we started talking about this little blog. See, I've had this since late 2008, during my second pregnancy. My son is now five, so you can do the math. My husband asked me if I still enjoyed writing the blog, or if it just felt like another part of my job now.

I had to take a minute to stop and think about that. And I came back with "I still like blogging, but I really hate what blogging has become."

Back in 2008, when this blog started, it was still a fun pastime. You put stuff up on the Internet and people actually read it and commented, and it was FUN to connect over something that you loved. I'm one of those people who will always tell you where I got something, especially if I scored a good deal.

And then, the monetization started. That's when blogging became a viable career and suddenly, I wasn't just writing for a small group of friends who wanted to dish about rompers anymore. Instead, I was being contacted by brands who wanted to send me things and talk about them on this little tiny piece of cyberspace, like it was actually something. And you know what? I went with it. I let them send me stuff and I wore it and spread the word and tried to be honest, but it's really hard to be honest about something that was free, right?

But as I got to know the ins and outs of blogging for money, the less I liked my part in the whole thing. Blogging was fun before, but it started to get kind of cutthroat and ugly. It started to be about who could make the most in commissions and how to best get clicks and that started to feel -- quite frankly -- a little gross.

So, in the spirit of clarity, I decided to let you all in on some of the uglier stuff about blogging. Not to "call anyone out," but to let you understand my part and make informed decisions as blog readers.

So, this is the part where I air my grievances with fashion blogging as a whole (along with some of the best pictures that never made the cut for my blog).

1. Fashion bloggers don't really talk about fashion. 

They talk about clothes. They "sell" an aspiration. Because there is no way they actually go anywhere dressed in a Kate Spade sheath wearing Valentino heels on a Tuesday. Unfortunately, it's hard to separate that aspiration with reality.

2. Fashion bloggers routinely ignore their demographic. 

And I think that can be dangerous. I hate the idea that there's some like, 25-year-old newlywed eating ramen in her basement apartment feeling bad because another 25-year-old on the Internet just bought a Prada bag. Only two things come of that: She either becomes dissatisfied with what is a TOTALLY normal part of life or goes into debt chasing an ideal that someone has put online. Fashion bloggers know their demographic and don't always respect that demo.

3. Even bloggers can't afford the stuff they have. 

That ideal is often sent care-of (c/o) a brand, who is essentially paying that blogger to sing their praises. Even she can't afford it. There is a lot of smoke, mirrors and flaunting that goes along with free stuff. I know of a blogger who literally returns 90 percent of what she shows on her site.

4. Affiliate links can be shady.

Most fashion (clothing) bloggers make money using affiliate links (including me). Affiliate links "pay" you in one of two ways. First, you can make money per click, which is what I use. If you click a link as part of my outfit posts, I'll make like $0.05. I don't make a ton of money this way, but it's enough for me.

The second way is through commission links. You might be like "Oh, NBD, they make commission on items that they feature on their site," but that's not how it works. Instead, if you click a link -- say, on a pair of shoes sold by Nordstrom -- cookies are installed on your computer that usually stick around for about 30 days or so. Within that next 30 days, any time you purchase something through Nordstrom -- even if it's a completely different item -- that blogger scores a commission. Therefore, a blogger who posts a ton of links to be nice and help you find a pair of shoes just like hers could be getting commissions from several stores at once. Even if you just clicked over to see the price, depending on how long the cookies last, she still gets a commission.

It's kind of sneaky. And I get that fashion bloggers provide a service and therefore, should be compensated, but they often post a ton of links or even links to a variety of different stores or incorrect items at once to increase the chance for commission. And that bugs me.

(Hint: if you use a service like ebates.com, it overrides blogger cookies and YOU'LL get the commission. So there).

5. No blogger is ever honest in a sponsored post. 

Seriously, since blogging is basically a freelance gig, you take what you can get. And it doesn't pay to alienate a huge brand by saying "Hey, I actually didn't love this hand cream/shoe brand/hair conditioner." Not only will it damage your relationship with that brand, but it scares off other potential partnerships. So the next time your fave blogger is shilling for her favorite lipstick du jour and it's being sponsored by Cover Girl, you might want to rethink how you perceive that opinion.

6. Modest bloggers are anything but. 

I often get grouped into the whole "modest blogger" movement. I am careful to never categorize myself as a "modest" blogger because honestly, I happen to dress pretty modestly, but I'm more interested in comfort and function as a mother. I don't consider myself a modest blogger because that's not my priority when I get dressed in the morning and I really prefer to not be judged on the length of my skirt.

What bothers me about "modest" fashion blogging is that sure, their shoulders are covered. But modesty is not solely about clothes, it's about behavior. Is it really modest to wear a skirt to your knees and then show off your Louboutin box artfully draped with your newest red soles? How about wearing a one-piece swimsuit, but giving a tour of your walk-in closet or flashing the logo from your Chloe bag?

I don't care if someone wants to identify as a "modest fashion blogger," but it bugs me when someone is essentially capitalizing on the ideal of modesty, but only practicing one tiny portion of what modesty actually means. The very act of taking professional pictures of yourself wearing expensive designer clothes and putting them online for an international audience isn't all that modest in behavior.

7. None of it is real. 

Just so you know. Last time I took outfit pics, there were 27 on the camera and one made the cut. Only one had the right angle and I looked skinny and the clothes weren't wrinkly. And I take crappy pictures in my house with my 8-year-old. When you see coy pictures of a blogger getting paparazzi'd by an artfully graffiti'd wall, she didn't wake up like that. I promise.

But most bloggers play like it is totally normal for a photographer to be following them around as they sip from chevron straws and swing their purses and look off into the distance in designer "sunnies."

I don't know why we're all allergic to being real on blogs. I understand wanting to show your best self, but when that best self is a complete fabrication, I have to give it a  total side-eye. Because what is the point of creating this fictional version of yourself? To make others jealous? To generate more commissions? To cuddle your own ego as you fall asleep at night?

None of those options are especially motivating.

8. Fashion bloggers know little, if anything, about fashion. 

They're not fashion bloggers. They're shopping bloggers. They go shopping and show you what they bought and then tell you to buy it too. This doesn't constitute being in the fashion industry. I don't say I'm an expert in couture. I know jack squat about design. I know the basics of fit and have generally good taste that people seem to like. I am no expert. But bloggers are often used as experts in magazine features and on websites and I'm like... "So shopping at Saks makes you an expert now?"

It's why I always try to at least add a little comedic value or something to this blog. Without Freaky Friday, this blog would be called "Things a Reasonably Attractive Person Bought and Put on Her Body."

Don't take the stuff said on these blogs (including mine) as gospel truth. To be honest, 98 percent of fashion bloggers are just shopaholics who want to show off their stuff and make you jelly. They probably have good bodies for clothes but would have no idea how to dress your body at all.

9. Everyone is the same. 

Between the arm parties and the oversized Karen Walker sunglasses and the "OMG you have to buy this Kate Spade Beau bag!" most bloggers are chasing the same tail. I've become pretty disenchanted with the whole business when it's all hair extensions and tanning and that five-minute stint last season where everyone was wearing neon accessories. Some of my favorite bloggers are those that dress in outfits that I would never, ever personally wear. It's just nice to see a different take that isn't the same thing over and over again.

10. I literally can't compete in this arena. 

I haven't decided if this is a pro or con yet. But there is always someone younger, richer, with more stuff, a better camera and better hair and a newer, shinier blog. Therein lies the biggest problem with fashion blogging as a quote-unquote industry: It's completely saturated and everyone is just trying to outdo one another with their consumerism. So when you emulate a blogger, you're emulating a blogger who is competing with another blogger, who wishes she was another blogger and so on.

I use a point and shoot Canon. My photographer just graduated 2nd grade. I admittedly spend a lot on clothes, but they're just as likely to be from Nordstrom Rack as my beloved Calvin. I'm not a competitor in this arena AT ALL. I have no chance. And I'm OK with that.

So why do I keep at it? For one, I super love my readers. Some of you have been around for years and I love hearing about pregnancies and embarrassing moments and love the fact that nowadays, when I get hate mail, it's my readers who go to bat before I even see it. You guys are seriously awesome.

Also, my mission in starting this website was to show that it's OK to take time for yourself after you have kids. That makeup and getting dressed can be totally low maintenance. And that fashion is silly and we should make fun of it.

So, while I hate what fashion blogging has become, I'll keep at it. Not because I make the big bucks (seriously guys, I make enough for a minor shopping trip once a month) but because it's a creative outlet for and I love you guys in a creepy way. I seriously hope I'm never a catalyst for spending more, feeling bad or creating a perfect picture.

Luckily, someone with Goldfish crackers on her floor and ketchup on her shirt is hardly inspirational, so I think I'm good.

Anyway, I just thought you should know. Fashion blogging can be fun, but it can also be kind of icky, so just keep this in mind the next time you're wishing you could have the bag/shoes/hair/house of someone online. It's never (and I really honestly mean never) an accurate representation of real life.

xo,
Jae

What I Wore: Andrew's Mom

Lest you think I'm just some weirdo glamazon who stomps around in heels all summer long, I give you an accurate representation of what I look like on a daily basis. I hate blow drying in the summer and reserve it for Sundays, so every other day it's in a braid, bun or air dried. I wear like, mascara and some bronzer and gaze at my heels wistfully while slipping on flats.

On this day, my youngest was having a play date with a little girl whom he refers to as his "girlfriend," so I was playing the part of "Andrew's mom." You know, it's when the kid who comes to play with yours only refers to you as your child's mom, and never your actual name? Andrew's mom was setting up the slip and slide and doling out PB&Js all day, so Andrew's mom wore a T-shirt and jeans.

T-shirt: Victoria's Secret (here) I am not joking when I say I bought four of these shirts in the last week - I also got the same as above in pink, and this one and this one. Love that they fit a little big and are super easy for every day without being sloppy. They do fit big though, so I ordered a size down (xs) 

Pants: Gap (similar) These have a zebra pattern and I can't find them anywhere :( I bought them in store though, so you might have more luck there. 

Shoes: Roxy (here) (similar) (cheap!)

Watch: Gucci (here)

Earrings: My nanny's (similar) I just wear plain Jane studs on most weekdays.

I will also point out that Goldfish were on the menu this day, as referenced by the piece on the floor between my feet. You'll be happy to know that my house got a top-to-bottom cleaning right after this and that Goldfish cracker is now safely ensconced in my Dyson. 

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with a tee and jeans. I definitely veer more toward casual clothes, especially during the summer when it's one layer or bust. Today Andrew's mom will be wearing something along the lines of shorts, a T-shirt and grocery shopping so you know, things are getting pretty glam around here. 

Freaky Friday

 Like, I don't want to jinx my life or anything, but I had a really good week. Just super laid-back and simple and I got a tan and read my books and yesterday I fell asleep on my porch with my mouth open while my kids played on the Slip and Slide. Like YES this is summer.

Next week we've planned a little "staycation" (ugh that word is up there with "fashionista" for annoyance) at the resort that I stayed at 12 years ago when I was visiting Utah and my husband asked me on our first date. It seems kind of funny that we're heading back there with two kids in tow with 11 years of marriage on the books. I plan to repeatedly give the employees there the thumbs up and congratulate them on a job well done.

There might be some suggestive eyebrows too.

But for now, there is house cleaning and folding laundry because life.

For the smooth price of like $200, you too can look like you accidentally fell into a time machine and don't know how computers work. 

 This skirt looks like a Muppet. And I actually really enjoy Muppets. Should I buy it?

 The logistics of this shoe baffle me. Like, isn't the whole point of flip flops the fact that you can keep them by the door and slip them on without having to stuff your leg into a tube sock add-on?

 The other day I was in a department store that shall remain unnamed and the regional manager or something was there. She was probably like, 55, and touring the store with a whole entourage and she stopped at a fringe vest and was like "Oh, I like this display." And one of her entourage, who was also in her 50s piped up about how "the kids" like to wear these vests to festivals, like the one "I think is called Bonaroo."

So let it be known, weird hippy teen festival-goers: Your fashion is being chosen by some middle-aged women in Utah. NOT SO COOL AFTER ALL, HUH?

 When I saw this shirt, I immediately started itching my neck. Now it's all red. 

 I can't look at this and NOT see boob sunglasses. 

 This looks like Lady Gaga's interpretation of a sexy doctor. 

I can see it as the opening for her next music video: 

"I'm sorry to tell you that you have a serious case of funk, so I'm prescribing you some soul."

"Also, you have herpes."

Sometimes I see fashion and I'm just like "Mmmmokay good luck with that." Like yeah, good luck with your giant short-sleeve puffy rosette coat. Good luck finding somewhere to wear that and someone to admit they know you. No, really. Good luck. 

Welp, my house hasn't been vacuumed in like, three weeks so I'd better get on that. Hope your Friday is more glamorous than mine! 

Today in "Awful Trends That Shouldn't Have Happened in the First Time" News....

YOU GUYS.

I was at Macy's the other day (in my great search for the perfect sunglasses that lasted like, three weeks) and I encountered a horrifying sight.

There, parked in the foyer of the store, was a huge display of...

MINI. BACKPACKS.

Like, just take a moment to let that soak in. 

They looked like this:

....and they were $250.

Say it isn't SO! Mini backpacks were a terrible idea in 1998 and I don't know why they're back.

When I was 14, I saved all of the money I made from cleaning my aunt's house (which was a pricey $20 per week) to purchase what I understood to be the height of fashion back in 1998 – a mini backpack. It was $19.99 and it was beautiful. In fact, my two best friends and I all bought the same one so we could be stylin' when we were chauffeured to the mall by our parents for the afternoon. We would eat Chinese food in the food court and buy all of the plastic accessories and baby t-shirts with sassy sayings on them that we could handle. All while keeping our chore money and Bonne Bell stowed safely in our randomly tiny backpacks with leather straps. And just because I know you're dying to know, they were brown and navy plaid and inexplicably furry.

Do you notice the key fact about the above story?

I'll give you a hint. What the heck, I'll just tell you. This isn't a mystery book. It's the fact that it was 1998 and I was 14.

If these two factors are true for you, I'll congratulate you for both understanding how to operate electronic devices and discovering the secret to time travel. Because those are the only two reasons anyone should ever be able to wear a mini backpack. Ever. In the history of mankind.

I always cringe when I see a grown woman wearing a mini backpack. First of all, they're so tiny that they make everyone look massive in comparison. I was probably a size 0 at age 14, and I still wandered around looking like a complete linebacker with my tiny backpack. Add 16 years and two pregnancy's worth of baby fat to the mix and wearing a mini backpack would in fact make me look like the Incredible Hulk.

Secondly, they are super unnecessary. It's like the designer of the mini backpack took a look at a regular backpack and said, "You know what would be cool? If we shrunk this down to an eighth of its size so it was both harder to access and infinitely less convenient for storing anything other than child-sized Chapstick." 

Then he instantly created a miracle and we all have mini backpacks stored in the attic.

To me, the mini backpack is as completely offensive as the fanny pack. And we all know how lame fanny packs are, despite designers constantly trying to make them cool and the fact that Samantha wore one on "Sex and the City." Some things are never cool, no matter how much positive PR they've had.

Mini backpacks and fanny packs are the Charlie Sheen of the fashion world. He could save 500 children from a burning building and people would still be like, "Ehh…"

Don't lower your standards. If you had a complete lapse of sense and in fact purchased a $250 designer mini backpack, please immediately gift your mini backpack to your time-traveling teenager or donate it to someone who enjoys a lack of storage and the necessity of removing one's backpack every time one needs to get a debit card. 

As for wearing it, let's remember the Cardinal Rule of Trends: If you wore it the first time it was popular, you don't get to do it again. Particularly if you were 14 during the last cycle.

In the meantime, Michael Kors and I are going to have words.  

So, sound off: A) Did you ever have a mini backpack? And B) Did you immediately kill it with fire once you realized how ridiculous it was?

What I Wore: Birthday Girl

 I'm home and it's amazing! While I'm pretty outgoing, I consider myself to be an introvert, especially when it comes to being around other people. I'll join the group and have fun, but being with others completely drains me and I need to recharge with alone time.

So it only makes sense that I would go and help run a camp for 400 girls for five straight days, right? I shared a cabin with 20 people, taught a workshop, tried to explain to 200 girls at a time how to make a bracelet (which wasn't frustrating AT ALL), forgot matches, and sat out a torrential downpour.

It was totally fun and dirty and exhausting, but what I found to be the most challenging was never being ALONE. When I was finally done and pulled my Jeep off of the mountain where the camp was held, I was literally almost in tears just because for the first time in five days, I was all by myself.

I went home and because my kids were still with their aunt, I enjoyed like, a whole hour of Jae time before my family burst through the door and I was officially recharged. And, since Saturday was my birthday, I didn't have a lot of downtime. We went to my favorite breakfast place first thing and then spent the day shopping for new sunglasses (I could not have been MORE indecisive but ended up with a sweet pair of Wayfarers) and then my husband and I went out for our anniversary dinner (yes, we got married on my birthday) and for a little more shopping. SO basically, it was my perfect day. Shopping + Food = Happy Jae.

On the way home, we stopped to grab a cake for my family birthday dinner, and ended up with this giant hamburger, which I couldn't stop laughing at. My kids basically thought it was the best thing ever.

So yeah. Lots of camping, a seriously well-deserved nap, almost crying from relief, hamburger cake, 11th anniversary, and turning 30. That's what I did last week.

Oh. I also wore this:

Top: American Eagle (similar)

Skirt (Arden B) (similar) (also pretty close!) (plus)
Shoes: Nine West (similar) (these are adorable) (sassypants)

Cuff: c/o Wizards of the West

Earrings: F21 (here)

I'm totally craving my routine again, which always happens when I'm away. It felt sooo good to fire up my computer and eat toast while checking my email this morning. YES I am aware of how sad that sounds. What can I say? After 30 years, old habits die hard. 

Freaky Friday

Happy 4th, everyone! Don't worry, I'm not blaspheming and writing this on a holiday. It's scheduled. I'm stealthy like that. I'm probably off boating, which makes me very excited because I just downloaded a behemoth of a book on my Kindle and we are going to have some super special alone time while my husband and kids try to fish. 

Because you know, America. 

Before you head out to your BBQ, however, you might want to be sure you're not wearing any of these. 

 Julie sent me these creepy flesh-colored bootie wedges, which are made infinitely creepier by the addition of decapitated Barbie heads. Why? We may never know. 

 I just want to go on the record and say that Teenage Jae would be ALL OVER this sweater. It would go with my bucket hat, cargo overalls and chunky boots. 

 Meleah sent over these pants which were actually described as bloomers, so there's that. Like, hey what pretend fairy party are you wearing those to, dementia patient? 

 Speaking of fairy parties, she also sent over these pants, which feature a loincloth and remind me of the movie Epic, which was terrible but still made me cry a little. 

Also, Beyonce in that movie was too hilarious. The whole thing was like "Hey sistafriend babychild, I'm the queen of the forest." 

 Gillian sent this dress. This most disturbing part? It's called the "Your Fault" dress. 

YOUR. FAULT.

Just marinade on that for a while. 

 I hate high low skirts in the best of times, but even more so when they make you look like a pumpkin. 

 Quite possibly the most awkward maxi dress ever. Too short, weird pattern and childlike bottomflounce? We have you covered, friend. 

 Suddenly I want to get physical. 

Another Julie (but not the first Julie) sent me these from the Canadian Shopping Channel. So if you're visiting Canada soon, remember things you need to do in this order:
1) Eat poutine (I'm partial to Harvey's)

2) By peach acid wash elasticized pants. 

How did I end up talking about Canada on Independence Day? Ugh, I'm the worst. Anyway, have a great holiday, and freely eat large quantities of potato salad. I feel like that's what your forefathers would have wanted. 

What I Wore: Making Hay

I'm feeling a little frazzled today. I did that thing where you feel stressed about your to-do list and so you write down everything you need to get done so you feel better. But it just made me more stressed. I'm helping to run a girl's camp for 400 teenagers next week and I woke up in a cold sweat at 6 a.m. thinking about tents and what I did with my sleeping bag and how I needed to buy peanut butter to bring with me because I can't live without peanut butter.

Deep breaths. I do have some awesome friends who are helping out, to whom I am eternally grateful and very sorry. But I think I'm going to need a tranquilizer to get through the next week.

Here's one more thing to check off my list:

Skirt: Urban Wear (similar)

Top: Calvin Klein (it's one of  these awesome City T's) (similar)

Jacket: H&M (this season's) (very similar)

Belt: ASOS (similar)

Shoes: Charlotte Russe (similar)
Earrings: F21 (so cheap!)

I'd stay and write something great about this outfit, but right now my kids are still asleep and I have to make hay while the sun shines. Or actually design graphics and invoice clients while the sun shines. Either way.