Freaky Friday

Good news, guys! I actually didn't blow it too bad yesterday. I bought a couple shirts and like, a sports bra, so I feel that it was minimalist. I am jealous of one of my friends, though -- she found some awesome boots and a leather jacket and those are actually two of my faaaaavorite things to shop for. But I couldn't justify more leather jackets and more boots, so maybe failing my shopping diet was a good thing?

Anyway, for now I'll be wearing stuff I already own. That I've never worn before. UGH. Also, spring break is next week and I've been researching stuff to do all morning. What do you guys do with your kids!?

For now I'll just pretend like it's not happening. Cool? Cool. 

 These were marketed as gym wear. To that I saw I DARE YOU to wear these to the gym. Seriously. I want to see them flapping in the wind on the treadmill. 

And then I want you to grant me a wish.

 "I give up" sweatpants give up.

Yusssss pants that double as a bag and diaper genie together? LOVE. 

 This shirt is perplexing to me. Maybe because it has lace, puffy sleeves, a weird detached collar and the stylist was still like "Hm, know what this needs? An unnecessarily busy statement necklace GO."

"Honey, I know you want to go to the pool, but mommy needs 57 minutes to lace up her douchey gladiator sandals!" 

 Here's a good fashion tip: When you get dressed, look in the mirror and see where your eye is initially drawn. If it's to a feature you love, then you're doing it right. But if your eye is drawn to the deep abyss of your crotch, you may want to rethink your strategy.

 If jean shorts are jorts, are leather shorts "lorts?" Or just a really bad idea?

 More workout wear. You know, for when you're training to be La Femme Nikita, but like, also want to lose some weight.

 I know Coachella is coming up so we all have to pretend to be interested in dressing like white girl hippies for the next month, but can we talk about these shorts? And how they're actually underwear? And how you might catch an infection from that festival port-a-potty?

Not cute, white girls. 

 "They told me I could be anything... so I literally just became everything." 

Can we make a pact to never show these Pegasus tights to my daughter? Because she's already pretty weird. 

That does it for me this week. I'm going to find something to do that doesn't involve shopping. 

So basically I'll just be at home watching Say Yes to the Dress.

How I Failed My Shopping Diet in Two Days

Every year, I traditionally go on a "Shopping Diet" in April (see here for more info on financial fasts from a money standpoint). That means an entire month of not shopping (for clothes). For some, this is NBD. For me, it's torturous. BUT! I do it for very specific reasons:

1) I have a tendency to shop A LOT during the months of February and March. It's cold and dreary and I cope with online shopping because clothes make me happy and I realize how shallow and super messed-up that is.
2) I think that I get so preoccupied with new stuff that I don't even wear anything I own. I literally have clothes with tags, unworn shoes, etc. in my closet. This is sad, because I do have some cool stuff but never get a chance to wear it. Also, it makes my husband verrrrrry grouchy.
3) I go on an annual girl's trip usually near the end of April or at the beginning of May where shopping (and eating so much eating) is the main focus. And I like knowing that I don't have to completely rein myself in when I'm on a two-day shopping bender, you know?

Therefore, April is usually my no-spend month. I always plan on rotating through my current clothes and usually get kind of excited to see how I can make them work instead of buying new ones.

It's bad you guys.

And would you believe it me that it's easier for me to diet food-wise than it is shopping wise? Food is no big deal to me. It's like "Oh, I shouldn't eat that VHS tape-sized Rice Krispie square? OK, I won't."

Shopping, on the other hand, is rough. I see temptation everywhere. I'm on my computer at least three hours a day and a lot of my work has me surfing fashion and makeup sites, which makes it too easy to buy. Then I get bored and I have to stop myself from thinking "I have a spare two minutes, I wonder if that store got some new jeans?"

Oh, 100 percent it's a shopping addiction. And let me tell you how I failed HARD already.

First, our girl's trip was pushed back to June this year, which meant my motivation was gonezo.

Then, I had to take my daughter for an eye appointment (turns out, she's basically blind, I had major mom guilt, but she picked out some adorable glasses and I can't wait to tell you. She's my daughter. She went straight for the leopard print). Now, you wouldn't think that an eye appointment would be temptation, but the eye doctor was in the mall and we were 45 minutes early.

So I wandered. And I bought some shirts. And in my insane-brain, I justified that if I bought my husband some shirts too, it wouldn't count as much. Seriously people.

Then, two of my friends (one of which whose birthday was yesterday, Happy Birthday, T!) suggested a shopping trip today and I was like "I'M THERE" because let's face it, once you eat a piece of cake on a diet, you might as well eat the rest. Then have some ice cream and brownies, too.

So guys, I totally failed. I'm sorry.

I have a proposition for you, instead. To MAKE myself do my shopping diet, I'm going to move it to May (which is really rough because hello, Memorial Day sales!) and you guys can do it with me. I'll post outfits out of the stuff I already own and some tips on remixing without using obnoxious terms like "recessionista" and we can commiserate together. Because it looks like I'll need some support to see this through (WHY did I pick a month with so many days?)

Consider it a bikini boot camp for your closet. And try not to fail after two days.

 Because that's really embarrassing.

What I Wore: Coming Clean

A few weeks ago I was shopping with a friend. I was bemoaning the whole celeb fashion line thing and I told her "Like, I get super angry if I like something and it has a Jessica Simpson tag."

Five minutes later, I found something with a Jessica Simpson tag. And I liked it. And I bought it. And told her that if she told anyone she was dead to me.

She kept my secret, but I'm coming clean here. This cardigan is Jessica Simpson and it makes me have feelings and I don't know if they're good or bad. I love the cardigan because it has faux leather and draping. But I hate it because it has a celeb's name.

Cardigan: Jessica Simpson siiiiigh I can't even find this one online, but I bought it at Dillards! (Here's a similar one) (and plus size) (even maternity I'm on a roll)

Skirt: nicole by Nicole Miller (here) (thicker stripe) (plus)

Shoes: F21 (similar) (open toe) (flats instead)

I'm wearing earrings but you totally can't see them. I'm a professional. 

So the cat is out of the bag then. I can tell my friend that she's no longer sworn to secrecy. I still don't feel good about this.

Whatever.

Jae Raids the Drugstore: Best (and Worst) Beauty Buys

It's that time again: Time when my latest beauty buy purchases have taken over my vanity and are begging for me to review them. They're a little clingy. I and I have some doozies for you, including some seriously life-changing stuff here.

It takes very little to change my life, apparently. As always, click pics for links to buy. YAY!

First up:



 L'oreal Infalliable Le Rouge in Unending Kiss

OMG makeup companies are torturing me with their long names. BUT! Know how I'm always looking for that magical lipstick that will convert me from being a hardcore gloss-wearer? This might just be the one. I love the creamy texture (ew) and the color is just pink enough without be bubble-gummy. I'm very happy with this random grocery store my-family-is-waiting-in-the-car purchase.






Pacifica Indian Coconut Nectar Body Butter

This stuff basically smells like sweet baby angels on vacation and I'm a total convert. I tend to want lotion at my desk because my hands feel dry when I first sit down to work in the morning and this has been my go-to. Word on the street that the other Pacifica scents are just as good. I will make it my personal mission to investigate them all because I'm selfless and stuff. 

                Rimmel Moisture Renew in As You Want Victoria (!?)

OK, so Rimmel sent me some of their new Moisture Renew lipstick to try out. And I will say the color was gorgeous and the color saturation was out of this world on my lips. HOWEVER, the formula was really, really slippery. Like, one false move and you look like a kid getting ahold of lipstick for the first time. And, since I'm generally suspicious of lipstick anyway, it made this a miss for me. If the same color came in a matte formula, I'd be all over it.





Diorshow Iconic Overcurl

I am a diehard Diorshow fan, so when a reader suggested I try this (and after my nightmare of a "try every Maybelline mascara to disastrous results bender" I was on board. And I'm super glad I did. While I don't think this makes your lashes as fat as the original stuff, I also don't have to use an eyelash curler when I use this. That is a game-changer, people! The curved brush lifts the lashes up and away and I have 30 precious seconds given back to me every morning.






                     ELF Makeup Mist and Set

I did a big ELF order because I was out of my fave undereye concealer (The HD Lifting) and ended up buying like $30 of stuff because that's how they getcha. Anyway, I took a chance on this stuff. I can't really tell if it sets my makeup any better than like, my face skin, but I do like how it refreshes half day-old makeup in the late afternoon. It's not a must-have, but it'll stick around and I'll use it for reviving old makeup.




 Glycolix Treatment Pads

Speaking of life-changers, I love this stuff. If you have sensitive skin, just walk away. Right now. This is not for you. But if you have skin that can take it like a man, these might be your new fave. They're basically straight glycolic acid. Actually, 20 percent. And do they burn like a motherfletcher? YES. But have my pores gotten smaller and has my aggressive forehead wrinkle become more passive? YES. Plus, it's easy. A swipe before you go to bed. One jar lasts two months. Which reminds me -- I need to reorder.

 City Color Be Matte Blush in Fresh Melon

I got this blush in my ipsy bag and I was like "Holy bright Batman!" Like, I actually said that. To myself. But guess what? I LOVE THIS BLUSH. A little goes a long way.This one compact will last forever and it's just right for a natural flush. And I love the matte when I'm tired of everything being so glittery all the time.





Clairol Shimmer Lights Shampoo & Conditioner (I use both)

You guys. YOU. GUYS. Of all of the products I've wasted my money on this month, this stuff has been the best by far. So, you know when you're not actually blonde but you dye your hair lighter and it looks good for the first couple of weeks and then goes brassy? This stuff cuts all of the yellow out of your hair. So for me, who HATES brass and loves a beige tone to her fake blonde hair, it's everything. The caveat? It can dry out your hair a bit. I only use it twice a week and it's plenty to keep brass away. Also, if you have highlights, it makes them really stand out. Love love love so much. I had to buy it at Sally's and it was around $8 -- way better than paying to have my color redone again.





ELF Angled Foundation Brush

Here's another thing I ordered with my last ELF haul. I was super pleasantly surprised to find out how much I love their Studio line of brushes -- the powder brush has replaced my old kabuki for foundation. I've been using this little guy for bronzer, since the angle is perfect for faking cheekbones and what not. And it's three bucks so win forever.


Nair Spa Clay Wax Strips

So I've waxed my own eyebrows since I was like, 16 (and I used to wax my brothers' eyebrows too which was fun because it helped me work through a lot of brother-related aggression). I love prepped wax strips because I can literally just cut them into the shape I want and don't have to mess with application. And I've used Nair strips before... but they were blue? And were meant to be less hurty? And they weren't. My kids would rush into the bathroom to see me wax my brows because they thought it was funny that I would shriek and say bad words. But these clay-based ones actually hurt less! And my kids were disappointed, but they need to learn to deal.


I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it grosses me out that I buy so many beauty products. It's a sickness. I lip gloss here, a mascara there and my vanity is buried in random eyeshadow palettes that I will never use. Ah well. There are worse thing to be addicted to right?

Mostly crack.

What I Wore: Blurred Lines

I just had one of those weekends that was so crazy that my Saturday night consisted of me declaring it a "Candy Party" with my kids. I bought every type of candy imaginable (Mini Eggs, natch) and we had a movie night to recoup. It was OK, because the day before, we went to Arches National Park with my brother and his wife and hiked for like, seven hours. My shins STILL hurt from the downhill parts. Yowch.

We also ate a lot of Italian food (crab and pancetta mac and cheese FTW!) and went shopping. And complained about sore legs a lot.

They're off and headed back to Canada, which means it's back to the grind for me (read: pecking away at the computer, hauling kids to carious activities and whining to my friends about working out).

Tank: Gap (here)

Top: Dainty Hooligan (here) (similar) (plus size) I cannot stop buying these wrap tops. I have six and I love love them. 

Jeans: Calvin Klein (here)

Boots: Frye (here and on sale yay!) (similar) (killer price)

Jacket: Guess (similar) (red!) (cheapy cheap)

Earrings: My friend Jami who is adorable and pregnant. 

I love this striped top, but when I wore it solo, it kind of looked like this. Therefore, it was my trusty leather jacket to the rescue to tone it down. With the weather here being crazy gorgeous, my lighter jackets are getting a workout and I will gladly wear them because soon it will be so hot that I'll fantasize about removing my own skin. 

But seriously, these wrap tops are my fave. I like how they're one piece, but still look dressy. Easy stuff right there. Although I wanted to wear a turquoise one that I have yesterday, but when getting in the shower, I accidentally flung it in a puddle of water. And that's my scintillating story for the day. 

You're welcome. 

Freaky Friday

 Yeaaaaah Friday. My brother and his wife are in town (PS only one of my four brothers actually HAS a wife, so this brings me great joy) and we are headed off to explore the natural beauty of Utah. Or something. But before I shirk work (hehe) and other responsibilities, I shall not shirk Freaky Friday.

 

Kimberly sent me this gem of a gem. It's designer, so it's OK to go around looking like a fishnet mushroom. 

Also I'm suddenly super itchy. 

 

 "This dress looks like it needs something extra."
"How about some weird crotch pleats and a yard of fabric sewn around the neck?"
"That'll do pig. That'll do."

 Add this one to the palazzo pants hall of shame because there are LACE PANELS PEOPLE. 

Also, can I point out that among the egregious offenses that palazzo pants offer is the fact that no shoes look good with them ever. Like seriously, what are you supposed to wear with these? 

 I'd tell you what this shoe reminds me of, but this is a family blog. 

 No one will ever be able to convince me that this amount of leg squidge is OK.

 For when you want that sexy lingerie look, but you also want to remind people of a scarecrow. 

 Yeaaaaah is it really considered a dress if I can see your cervix? 

Because I'm gonna say no. 

From Project Runway: I've Never Touched a Sewing Machine in My Life 

and Only Work in Swishy-Sounding Nylon Edition.

Aaaaand we're off. If you don't hear from me by Monday, burn my shoe collection because it's mine and no one else can have it.

Spring Trend I Can Totally Support: Tomboy Style

It's no secret that I basically lived, dressed and acted like my four brothers until I was around 15 or 16. And when I say I dressed like a boy, I mean I literally wore my younger brother Jonathan's entire wardrobe. We had matching tracksuits. I don't wanna talk about it.

And so, even though I consider myself a girly girl now, I still love boyish elements to my clothes. A crisp button-down here, a ball cap there. So how excited was I to find out that tomboy style is totally a thing this spring?

Answer: Very excited.

Of course, because fashion is annoying and unnecessarily complicated, it's not enough to just start wearing your husband's clothes. On the bright side, this could be the most comfortable trend of all time, so if you hate getting dressed up because you don't want slidey bra straps and tight pants, you're in luck with this one. 

Let's check it out, shall we?

Lace top / Uniqlo ripped jeans / Liz Claiborne boat shoes / Shoulder bag /
Streets Ahead cuff bracelet / Dorothy Perkins earrings

Casual tomboy clothes mean striking a balance between sloppy and like, actual presentable clothes. I LOVE LOVE LOVE raglan for spring, especially when it's in a slouchier fit. But if you're going slouchy on top, you need (let's all say it together!) tight on the bottom. Skinny jeans are a no brainer. Then it's time for some flats -- mocs, boating shoes and loafers are all having a moment. Or a "mo" if you want to say it like an annoying women's magazine. And, since this look is still girly, you could totally add a ball cap it you want. I just bought one from the Gap that says "El Capitan" and I can't wait to wear it on the boat. What a smarmy thing to say, yeesh. 

Doublju button up shirt / Dorothy Perkins skirt /
BB Dakota special occasion shoes / ASOS pink satchel handbag 
/ Miss Selfridge wrap around wrist watch / Triangle necklace / Forever 21 belt

Camp shirts are my spirit animal and I love this military color. Just check the shape: While the idea of a button up in an olive green is pretty masculine, the shape is definitely girly. Keep up the good work by pairing a masculine shirt with a pencil skirt -- I love the idea of a menswear top on a cleary girly silhouette. Heels are a must, especially these ones. I die.

Also, plus-size girls take note: Your body will look insane in this type of tailored look. 

Cowl tank / Lined jacket / Dorothy Perkins blue jeans /
Zara shoes / Black purse / Bib necklace

Believe it or not, tomboy can also work for dressing up. Can I just tell you that I've never liked boyfriend jeans? I feel like they make EVERYONE look short. But I can get on board with these lower-cut, skinnier versions that look kinda tomboyish without actually looking like you raided your guy's closet. Plus, my husband is eight inches taller than me so wearing his pants would be dumb. BUT! Because the pants are kind of sloppy, some tailored stuff is a must on top. I love skinny boyfriend pants with a blazer and cute flats. 

Don't be surprised to see more tomboy stuff in stores right now. It's all like, chambray and hats and straight cuffed pants. Adding a few boyish pieces to your stuff is an awesome way to mix up your same old way of dressing. Plus it means wearing a hat when you have bad hair, something I can totally get behind.

So what do you think? Yay or nay to the tomboy trend?