Freaky Friday

I really, really want to be taking a nap right now. I don't know why I'm not. I spent the afternoon shopping with a friend and corralling my 4-year-old and now I'm just tired. I know those are some seeeerious first world problems.  But it's not Friday without some freakiness, so I'll finish this quick and hit the pillow while my kids watch Turbo for the millionth time. YAY.

And yes I bought shoes stop being so nosy geez.

Thank goodness for awesome readers who send me ugly clothes and make this part of the blog easy.

 If The Croods and Sweet Valley High had a love child. Yeah that's right I'm mixing media references. (Thanks Brooke!)

 When Paul Bunyan decides that he was really mean to be Paula.

 This belt was clearly made by a blind carnie named Verne so please give generously.

 I like my patriotism where it matters. My crotch.

 From the awkward "Can we still call him Prince, or...?" years. 

 How much you wanna bet she makes a crinkle sound when she walks?

 Heidi sent these leggings, which were listed as "Church leggings" because religion is the very first thing you think of when looking at someone's upper thigh area.

She also sent me these boots, which reminded me of "My Strange Addiction" this week. The girl was addicted to pony play, which is apparently when you dress up as a horse and a live trainer makes you prance around a farm.

No, really. 

 Ugh, it's not even that this grown woman is wearing a crop top with mouths on it. It's just that the mouths are so darn unappealing. 

When you want to show off your lady business but also kind of look like a black M&M.

OK, I really need to go. This post took an hour to write because I kept getting distracted by online shopping. There is something wrong with me. 

What I Wore: Last Christmas

...meaning of course, this is the last Christmas post you'll get out of me. Once I finish this post, I am gutting my house and taking down all the decorations. I can only live in the inside of a FAO Schwarz before it makes me feel a little axe-murdery.

In the meantime, how was your Christmas? Ours was pretttty awesome. Especially because all of my gifts were actually delivered on time, which was nice because last year they didn't come until the 26th and that was a huge fail. The only bummer this year was that my family in Canada was without power for the entire week. I was worried the whole time and didn't get to FaceTime as much as usual because it was a phone battery wasteland. We did get to chat for a while Christmas night so that made up for it.

My husband did awesome this year, but he is a good gifter so I didn't expect anything less. Some of the highlights were definitely a Kindle, a super cool cuff bracelet, this set of Coach rings, a Nintendo 3DS XL (yes I play Mario Kart like it's my job, shut up) and my fave gift, a wedding band for each kid, seen here. Seriously, I feel like when I got engaged and couldn't stop staring at my own hand. My husband is a gem and not just because he gives me jewelry.

I also got some shopping money from my parentals, which went to good use the next day when I went out for dinner/shopping/late-night crepes with my friends. I bought a black-on-black leopard blazer and it's everything to me. 

So now I'm happy and bejeweled and ready to clean my house.

 Cardigan: Charlotte Russe (similar) (plus size and on sale!)

Tank: c/o modbod

Skirt: Arden B (similar) (Jrs sizing but on sale!) (love this one)

Shoes: F21 and I'm sure they were cobbled by the devil himself (similar) (probably buying these) (love and less basic)

Pearls: Aldo (cheap!) (similar) (perfect basic)

This is what I wore the Sunday before Christmas. I only ever drag this sweater out around the holidays because I like that it's festive, but not like, Christmas tree festive. 

I should also point out that between holiday food and having a new IUD installed (sorry brothers) I gained a smooth 5 pounds in December. Yeaaaaaah that's gonna have to stop. Workouts commence on Thursday and I am terrified. 

Also, I felt the need to post this picture, clearly depicting my husband being a dork. He buys me jewelry so I will tolerate this kind of business. It's the secret to our marital bliss and by marital bliss I obviously mean mutual putting up with each other.

OK, cue obnoxious cleaning music! When I was a kid, my mom would make us clean while listening to really old music, like The Mamas and the Papas and The Turtles. I make my kids clean to Britney Spears and B.O.B.

It's a legacy, really.

5 Ways to Rock a Holiday Party Like it's Your Job

-- I'm headed out for a day of festivities. My son's preschool has a party and I have a few more things to pick up before I can come home and do some serious wrapping. For now, here's this awesome repost which will be handy if you're off to any work parties and you're feeling intimidated and frumpy. DON'T THAT'S LAME! Also, see the link below if you're wondering what you should wear. It's my Christmas present to you. But seriously, I have to go I'm late. --

Last week, we talked about what to wear. This week, I want to talk about how to act. Not because I want to rule your life, but I genuinely think -- especially if you're a SAHM -- that the invitation to a swanky work party can be a little intimidating. After all, you spend most of your time cutting crusts off of your kids PB&J, not sampling crustini. I just don't want anyone to feel intimidated or even worse, second-class, because you feel out of place during these stressful holiday parties. So, I assembled five tips that should keep you out of trouble and away from the walls for one night at least. Ready?

1) Dress Appropriately.


Yes, we talked about festive wear last week. But I also wanted to stress how important it is to dress for the party you're attending. That way, you don't show up and feel totally uncomfortable because everyone is in cocktail dress and you're wearing your favorite snowman vest, you know? I covered what to wear to which type of party here so check it out and work accordingly. My no-fail party look is a pair of trousers and a blazer worn with a pretty/festive cami. Easy peasy and works every time. When you look good, you'll feel more comfortable and less like hiding in your hubby's shadow all night. It'll also help with those feelings of "Everyone is so cool and I'm so frumpy" too.

Also, can I remind everyone to think about footwear for parties? Those knee-high boots might look great with the outfit, but if a party is in someone's home, they might want you to ditch the shoes and then everyone can see your mismatched socks. I tend to go with flats for home parties and heels when a party is in a restaurant, since at a home I'll be standing or going shoeless and at a restaurant, I'll be sitting.

2) Bring a Hostess Gift.

K, you don't need to do this if you're like, hanging out with a group of girlfriends and you all equally planned the food, etc. But when one person was clearly in charge of a party -- especially if it's someone you don't know well -- bring along something. It can be food, drink, plant, whatever, just stay away from anything kitschy or to adorn the home unless you know the hostesses tastes. It's just good breeding and it gives you something to do at the front door other than say "Hiiiiiiii."

Also, you only need a hostess gift when the party is in someone's home. Don't bring something if it's a catered event in a reception center or at a restaurant... unless you want to make your waiter very happy.

3) Head for the Food.

OK, this might sound like a weird piece of advice, but it's one of my favorite party tricks. When I don't know many people at a soiree, I'll go where the food is for a few different reasons. First, it helps to keep my hands busy so I'm not standing around like a weirdo. Second, it's a good place to make small talk with new people. Last, EVERYONE likes to talk about food. EVERYONE. So when you're chowing on your crab appetizers, you can ask the person next to you if he's ever been to that place down on State St. that serves amazing lobster ravioli or if he's tried the new Mexican restaurant. It's the world's easiest small talk and you can hold your own.

4) Don't Talk About Your Kids.

Unless you're with your other mama friends, keep the kid chat to a minimum. Your boss or your hubby's boss probably don't want to talk about your potty-training two year old. Not only is it probably mind-searingly boring for them, but it paints this picture of someone who can't socialize outside of her kids. One or two super-funny anecdotes? OK, fine. But talking about how your four-year-old looooooves peas to a captive dinner audience makes me crazy. And I actually have kids. Some other topics to avoid? Religion and politics. Just don't.

5) Check in Once or Twice.

I get that a cell phone can be a party security blanket when you don't know a ton of people, but tapping away on your iPhone the entire night is bad form. Not only is it rude, but it means you don't get to know anyone and therefore will spend next year's party doing the same thing. If you have to check in with the babysitter once or twice, that's fine. Just don't be THAT person. Put your phone down and you might actually have a good time.


Does that work for everyone? Doable? I should point out that these rules are for like, any party more formal than Aunt Myrtle's Annual Christmas Fondue Dip. While you still shouldn't snotty and phone-obsessed there, you can probably talk about kids and stuff your face with less abandon with your close relatives and your friendsies. Or, like in my husband's family, when his Grandma brings out her alter-ego, Wanda. She has a prosthetic face. A PROSTHETIC FACE. That's a little more casual than your garden variety work party.

Just don't feel intimidated by the all-powerful Holiday party. It's not there to make you feel crappy, but a chance to hang out with a new set of people. Come prepped and ready and you'll hold your own and actually you know, enjoy yourself this year.

What I Wore: Confessions

One more week to get everything done -- and I'm soooo close. Just some odds and ends left now.

Meanwhile, our party season is in full swing over here. I like to have a few outfits in my back pocket so I can get ready reaaaaallly fast after a crazy busy day. Confession: I've worn this one for parties twice this season, so don't tell anyone because it's a rare occurrence. Most recently I wore it to a Christmas dinner with the girls I volunteer with at the hospital. I ate a ton and laughed so hard I thought I was going to be sick which is basically my gauge for any good night.

What am I doing with my hand here? I don't know. 

Jacket: Steve Madden (super cheap) (similar piping) (pretty!)

Top: Local boutique (plus size love) (love this shape!) (so cute under a cardi)

Jeans: c/o Liverpool Jeans - Abby fit (here)
Boots: F21 (similar) (pretty cheap!) (love the buckle)

Sorry about the pic... I waited too long and lost the light so it sucks more than usual. 

Also, another confession? I bought these boots on a whim but didn't love them because they had a cuff at the top, which looked kind of pirate-y. Then I had a stroke of genius and clipped the threads that held the cuff down and unfolded them and now I wear them daily - they have a wedge heel which is awesome for elongating the leg and still making it possible to walk on crappily shoveled sidewalks.

Third confession: I'll probably wear this again before the year is up. Not today though -- I'm having lunch with friends and then I have a doctor's appointment which means it's sloppy clothes for me, hooray! 

Have any Christmas confessions for me?

Freaky Friday: How Not to Give

I still have one more thing to do for work and I am procrastinating because I feel like Freaky Friday is more important. SO that's how much I love you.

Also, is it me or is this weekend the kickoff to all festivities ever? I'm starting to get a little anxious about it. I had one party on Tuesday already and then there's two more tomorrow and several next week.

Not to mention all the kid's junk I have to do. Like, really, elementary school system? The week before Christmas is really the best time to ask that children come to school dressed like characters from The Grinch? Why do you hate me?

Still on my list of things to do:
-figure out something for neighbor gifts
-figure out teacher/gymnastic coach/preschool/literally anyone who has ever so much as blinked in my direction gifts
-purchase food for our big shindig on Christmas Eve. I also made my mom send down traditional English Christmas crackers, which don't exist here in the States. As in, my kids and husband assumed I meant crackers for eating and didn't know why I was making such a big deal about it. I have failed as a mother.
-buy toothpaste for stockings because for SOME REASON the last four times I went stocking shopping, I forgot.
-Wrap. I wrapped presents for two hours last night while watching really bad ABC Family Christmas movies. I am not done yet. I did, however, find out how both The 12 Dates of Christmas and The Mistletones ended. Hint: They fall in love. They always fall in love.
-Avoid Wal-Mart like my life depends on it. I tried going last night while my daughter was at gymnastics. I don't want to talk about it.

What's on your list still? Feeling overwhelmed yet?
That's OK. Take a break and make fun of bad gift ideas with me and you'll feel better. 

 For a delicate flower of a friend who doesn't want to "bulk up" by lifting 2L soda bottles. 

 My friend Carolyn sent this over. 

Don't you hate it when you give a gift and you're not sure if the recipient really "gets it?" 

No worries.

 The best way of saying "I was going to literally light this stupid money on fire but then I decided to buy you a Louis Vuitton waffle maker instead."

 To save you from ever having make conversation at dinner again. 

 Comes free with a note that just says "RUN." 

 Companion gift for this wine glass ring? 

Rehab. 

 For that friend who thinks she's Internet famous. 

 The only thing better than ratty hair extensions? Ratty hair extensions made from gross clear LED strands. 

 Yeah, it's all fun and games until your horse impales you because he's not your freakin' entertainment.

Protip: Sometimes, it's better to not give at all. 

 Brooke sent this over. I'm assuming she agrees with me that this would be ideal for that friend who's a crazy cat person but doesn't yet know it.

 For a husband who fetishizes what it would be like to be a banana: mid-peel.

For a whopping 3.2 seconds of amusement. 

Don't you feel better now? I do.

Now spill: What is the worst gift you've ever gotten?

2013 Holiday Gift Guide: For You

Am I the only one who hates being asked "What do you want for Christmas?"

It's not because I don't like getting presents. Let's get that straight right now. I LOVE PRESENTS. But I never know what to say. Honestly, most times, if I want something, I'll just get it myself. So it's hard for me to think up something that I would want someone else to get me.

Luckily, I married someone who totally understands my need for presents and is excellent in the gifting department. Even when we were poor newlyweds, he'd scrape together enough to pull off some miracle. I just joked the other day that he totally shot himself in the foot because now it's completely expected.

Still, I like to point him in the right direction. Here's some of the stuff I'm asking for this year so you can get ideas for yourself.

Shhhh it's OK to be a little greedy during the holidays.

Mugs!

I have a Keurig machine that I LOVE. I don't drink coffee (yes I understand the irony in having a really nice coffee machine when you don't actually drink the stuff) but I am a huge herbal tea drinker and the kids use it for hot chocolate. Of course, now I feel self conscious about my mugs, which made their way into my kitchen like, 10 years ago and are hopelessly cracked and mismatched. So yeah, the party animal that I am, I asked for nice mugs*. Love these monogram ones. But I'll take any that don't have stains from the kids using them as paint cups.

*Not to be confused with nice jugs. I mean, those would be nice, but hardly an ideal way to pull off a Christmas surprise.

(kate spade new york Monogram Mug Collection)



Gloves!

Since I live in the Arctic and all, my hands are freezing when I drive. Yesterday, my daughter had a presentation in school and since I'm supermom, I was literally putting together visual aids while standing in the school parking lot and lost all feeling in my extremities. A really nice pair of driving gloves would make me so much happier when I'm procrastinating.

(Carolina amato Bow Moto Gloves)

Shoes!

OK, I'll be brutally honest here. I wanted these and so I totally bought them yesterday for myself. I am ashamed. Then I told my husband that he could wrap them up and pretend they were for him if he wanted. I'm a nice person. But I LOVE shoes for Christmas. Here's a tip though -- if you want shoes as a gift, have a general idea of what size you are in different brands so you're not bummed when they don't fit Christmas morning.

Or just buy them yourself. Whatever. THEY WERE ON SALE.


(Call it SPRING - Mccalman (Brown) - Footwear)


Books!

This just in: I'm a total bookworm. And I love getting them as gifts. My favorite gift books are Ken Follett ones -- The Century Trilogy, Pillars of the Earth and Worlds Without End. Because I actually have time to read over the holidays, I like a big fatty. I can usually chew through one in a couple of days and it's super satisfying.

Makeup!

Urban Decay Cosmetics Naked 3 Palette

Honestly, I totally just send links of stuff I love to my husband on Gmail Chat all day. This was one that I wanted -- Naked 3 by Urban Decay (I actually want the first one as well, so either way). Quite frankly, it's something I probably wouldn't justify buying myself, but an easy peasy buy for my hubs. He favors things he can buy online and then have sent to the house. I've found that the easier I make gifting on my husband, the happier he is to do it.




Jewels!

Givenchy Stone Skinny Bangle

Oh please, you knew it was coming.

I love jewelry for Christmas because I love thinking about it everytime I wear the piece later. I've gotten some of my favorite jewelry for Christmas.

One of my fave brands? Givenchy. It's super reasonably priced for high-end jewelry and it looks suuuuper decadent. I mean this bracelet? Shut up. They also do really pretty drop earrings as well. I have a set of Givenchy bangles and a necklace and they've held up really well.





Electronics!

FOREVER 21 Luxe Noise-Isolating Headphones

I'm kind of a gadget girl, so I love getting electronics for Christmas. I even l have a Nintendo DS from like, seven years ago and love new games and whatever. But one of the best/most thoughtful gifts my husband bought me was a luxe pair of Sony noise-canceling headphones. I have a hard time concentrating on work with lots of noise and mind block everything out. Love! Just remember that electronics can be anything -- while you might not want a new iPhone dock, you might be really into some kitchen gadgets or a new tablet (I seriously couldn't function without my iPad and LOVE getting accessories for it.)





Anyway, those are my picks for a Merry Christmas. What are you asking for this year?

What I Wore: Festive Frigid

Global warming my eye!

Growing up in Canada, I was no stranger to the cold. I grew up right on Lake Ontario, which meant we got ice storms and really wet snow like, every day in the winter. My older brother had a car that we lovingly called the Ratmobile that lacked a working defroster, so my job was to sit up front and wipe down the windshield while he blasted Beastie Boys all the way to school.

Oh, memories.

When I moved to Utah, I found that winters to be unbelievably mild. In comparison the Great White North, winters here are super short and pretty warm. Like, I barely ever wear a jacket warm. So I feel like my hardy Canadian body has lowered its defenses over time.

And this last week has been SO COLD. I barely left the house all week because I just couldn't deal with it. And when I did leave the house, my poor SUV was struggling. Because did I mention we also got 18 inches of snow? Because we totally did.

So EXCUSE ME if I only got properly dressed like, once and ended up looking like a lumberjack. What else was I supposed to do?

Vest (how glad am I that these are back in again?): JCPenney (here) (similar) (similar)

Chambray: A store in Canada that starts with Urban but I can never remember the rest 

(cheap!) (similar)

Pants: Almost Famous (here) (maternity I die!)

Boots: Frye (here) (similar and cheaper!) (super obsessed with these)

(I seriously want to invest in another pair of Fryes, so I'm on the prowl. I wear these so much, especially when it's all slushy and gross outside. Do you have a favorite? I feel like there's so much pressure to pick the perfect ones!)

Anyway, my frigid clothes ended up looking kinda festive with all the green and red. And I'm OK with that. Because if it's going to be freezing, I'm glad there's at least a little snow to make it feel Christmas-y, too.

But seriously. Like, above 0 would be handy right about now. I only have so many puffy vests. And by "so many" I mean two.