Freaky Friday: How Not to Give

Friday, December 13, 2013

I still have one more thing to do for work and I am procrastinating because I feel like Freaky Friday is more important. SO that's how much I love you.

Also, is it me or is this weekend the kickoff to all festivities ever? I'm starting to get a little anxious about it. I had one party on Tuesday already and then there's two more tomorrow and several next week.

Not to mention all the kid's junk I have to do. Like, really, elementary school system? The week before Christmas is really the best time to ask that children come to school dressed like characters from The Grinch? Why do you hate me?

Still on my list of things to do:
-figure out something for neighbor gifts
-figure out teacher/gymnastic coach/preschool/literally anyone who has ever so much as blinked in my direction gifts
-purchase food for our big shindig on Christmas Eve. I also made my mom send down traditional English Christmas crackers, which don't exist here in the States. As in, my kids and husband assumed I meant crackers for eating and didn't know why I was making such a big deal about it. I have failed as a mother.
-buy toothpaste for stockings because for SOME REASON the last four times I went stocking shopping, I forgot.
-Wrap. I wrapped presents for two hours last night while watching really bad ABC Family Christmas movies. I am not done yet. I did, however, find out how both The 12 Dates of Christmas and The Mistletones ended. Hint: They fall in love. They always fall in love.
-Avoid Wal-Mart like my life depends on it. I tried going last night while my daughter was at gymnastics. I don't want to talk about it.

What's on your list still? Feeling overwhelmed yet?
That's OK. Take a break and make fun of bad gift ideas with me and you'll feel better. 

 For a delicate flower of a friend who doesn't want to "bulk up" by lifting 2L soda bottles. 

 My friend Carolyn sent this over. 
Don't you hate it when you give a gift and you're not sure if the recipient really "gets it?" 
No worries.


 The best way of saying "I was going to literally light this stupid money on fire but then I decided to buy you a Louis Vuitton waffle maker instead."

 To save you from ever having make conversation at dinner again. 

 Comes free with a note that just says "RUN." 

 Companion gift for this wine glass ring? 
Rehab. 

 For that friend who thinks she's Internet famous. 


 The only thing better than ratty hair extensions? Ratty hair extensions made from gross clear LED strands. 

 Yeah, it's all fun and games until your horse impales you because he's not your freakin' entertainment.

Protip: Sometimes, it's better to not give at all. 

 Brooke sent this over. I'm assuming she agrees with me that this would be ideal for that friend who's a crazy cat person but doesn't yet know it.

 For a husband who fetishizes what it would be like to be a banana: mid-peel.


For a whopping 3.2 seconds of amusement. 


Don't you feel better now? I do.

Now spill: What is the worst gift you've ever gotten?


20 comments:

Unknown said...

Growing up, we always got some practical gifts in our stockings, and my mom always put in fun flavored Chapsticks. An older family member knew I loved getting them, so she bought me some of the soda flavored ones (like Dr. Pepper, Crush, etc.), and she was so fascinated with the thought of them that she tried them first before giving them to me. Blech!

Jae said...

Hahahaha OMG. That's awesome.

bequi said...

My sister gave me an alarm clock. Then she said, "Do you like it?! It's ok if you don't. It was free." I was 13 and she was 22. You'd think she would know better.

IandS said...

Costco sells Christmas Crackers. I'm a Brit living in the U.S. so I MUST have them every year :)but if you choose to tell your Mom they don't exist here well then that's all on you ;)

IandS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IandS said...

Oh and my all time worst gift was a book on war crimes...given to me by my boyfriend...

MissDeeCanada said...

A pillow case that said "Keep Smiling" from my aunt (I was 12) oh and a mint green sweater with a hand made sequined butterfly on it. I was 14. What kid wants to wear that to school? Lol... Not me. Needless to say, we stopped going gift exchange after that!

Jae said...

I don't have a Costco membership so it was still worth it! lol. I tried to get them on Amazon but I needed 3 dozen and they were a bajillion dollars. I was like woah I want to be festive but within a budget.

Also, war crimes sounds very romantic.

stephiloo said...

My boyfriend's mom got me a spa kit last Christmas with a big red sticker on it that said "now includes cellulite removal tool!!". I don't think she noticed the sticker, but it was still a burn haha

Jae said...

Bahaha gee, thanks.

Anonymous said...

I KNEW Costco sold them there! You have been outed!!
Signed Your Mom!

Jae said...

How would I know MOM? It's too late now mua ha ha.

Unknown said...

Actually I want to find that soda gizmo!!! Dumb, yeah, but I have some serious issues with my hands that this insane cold are making ridiculous, and I also have a serious weakness for Dr Pepper. The combination means I usually make Hubs pour the first cup for me from a 2 liter. That would totally crack me up! It would also be handy to fuel the obesity epidemic so kids can pour their own soda without bothering their parents who are apparently busy squirting cheez-whiz directly into their mouths, and without squishing the bottle and spurting sugared beverages all over!
I don't remember any truly terrible gifts, but I'm ridiculously easy to please. I got a real kick out of the hand-made gifts the kids went crazy over last year. My favorite was a "picture frame" made of four q-tips scotch-taped together with a wallet size picture tucked in it.

Unknown said...

Holy crap, the Pour Thing (the first item there) is a terrible gift because it costs SIXTY FREAKING BUCKS!!! That ticks me off. Becuase it's clearly being marketed toward the disabled and clearly a couple of pieces of plastic with a simple hinge. Talk about making money off someone else's misfortune! Give me the money and I'll hire a butler with an awesome accent to pour my beverages instead!

HollyElise said...

I was going to say, Yeah, the "Pour Thing" gizmo is supposed to be for disabled or elderly folks. I have a friend with a degenerative muscular disease who would LOVE that - but $60??

Stephanie @ The Cozy Old Farmhouse said...

The worst gift was one year when my grandma gave my sister and I matching peach plastic swans. They were u.g.l.y!! A few years ago I found another ugly swan at a thrift store and gave it to my sister for Christmas as a joke. It has become the gift that keeps on giving, because now we give it back and forth by hiding it at the other person's house and seeing how long it takes them before they find it. It once took her 4 months to find it. Then one day it mysteriously appeared back at my house and so it has gone for the past 5 years or so. :)

Anonymous said...

I think the best part of this post was that Jae's mother signed her comment like this:

"Your Mom!"

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