Holiday What-to-Wear Shopping List

I am still holding strong on my "No shopping until the day after Thanksgiving" rule, which has been hard, let me tell you. I'm in the market for these boots and it's killing me to wait, but what if they're on saaaaale? So instead of going on a stage five spending spree, I thought I'd make up my Holiday Wear Wish List so I can keep an eye out on stuff while I shop.

Because, you know what's coming? Holiday parties. And your husband's work party. And hanging out with your weird extended family that you don't like but want to feel superior to. You know what I mean. So it's time to start searching out holiday-appropriate pieces so you look dressy without looking crazy... and without spending a ton.

1928 ring

It's statement jewelry time and that makes me happy! Be on the lookout for tons of gold this season.... this one totally does the whole oxblood thing and manages to look heirloomy at the same time. What? Heirloomy is totally a word. 

BCBG Max Azria scarve (see more faux fur scarves)

I've been obsessing over this fur scarf for like, three weeks now and I should probably just pull the trigger and buy it. I just think there's a million ways to wear it: Fancy up a pea coat, wear it with a plain Jane sweater and boots, layer it over a cardigan with a cocktail dress. White fur is so holiday that it makes me want to listen to Aaron Neville's Christmas album while drinking hot chocolate and riding a reindeer as I decorate my home. BUT I MUST NOT. I WILL WAIT. 

Clutch (see more vintage beaded clutches)

Clutches make me more happy than they should, but that's because I'm a shallow person. Seriously though, I will say it until I'm blue in the face. Do not bring your oversized mommy bag to any event cocktail dress or more formal. Slinging your giant hobo over a chair is no bueno. Instead, grab a clutch, be happy you don't have to pack wipes for your big night out and take the chic route. This way, your clutch goes on the table or lap... you're not fishing your giant bag from underneath the table. I'm loving the vintage glam of this beaded bag, but literally any clutch that floats your boat will work. You can find cheap ones at Target, F21, wherever, so no excuses!  

OK, I just looked through what I already posted and it appears I'm on a bit of a vintage kick this winter. I just love the idea of a gorg, ladylike and glam holiday season. K? K. Moving on. 

 

Dorothy Perkins top (see more dorothy perkins)

Have a special ocssion top on hand that you can throw on for family parties, get-together with friends or more casual stuff. Like, you want to be comfy, but not hoodie-comfy. Instead, something like this, with dark jeans and a serious pair of boots? Fuggedaboutit. Or, pair it with a pencil skirt and you have a cocktail outfit. If you're on the prowl for a top like this, go for luxe fabrics and details (think velvet add-ons, sequins and rich colors) and a killer fit so you don't need to add much else. 

Wallis dress (see more purple cocktail dresses)

Grab a versatile party dress. This would work with heels and gold jewels (and that fur scarf AH!) for a fancy party, but you could also totally wear it with a cardigan and flats for something more casual. Add tights and you have something more trendy and the color is perfect for the holidays without being like, the typical red holiday dress, you know? I love. Also, side-ruching accommodates a turkey baby. Just sayin'. 

 

Pumps (see more polka dot high heels)

OMG How much do I love these pumps? So vintage. You should have a pair of serious shoes to wear to all your stuff. These would look killer with cocktail wear or dark, straight-cut jeans. And everything on this page. Maybe just buy everything on this page. Seriously though, go shopping for a pair of "OMG I love those shoes" heels. Even if you can only wear them for an hour, it'll be worth it. If I know I'm going to spend a lot of time on my feet, I have no qualms with bringing along a pair of flats to swap into as the night goes on. 

Also, notice the color palette we have goin' on here? Gold, black, nude, jewel tones. It's so holiday luxe and I love it. What's more, if you stick with a certain color palette, you'll always have something to wear and it'll be a no-brainer to coordinate for whatever party/dinner/awkward event with family you're going to. 

Now, I feel sufficiently soothed. Until next week. You're going to see my having chills and fever over being *thisclose*to shopshop time.   

What I Wore: Snow Day

Ola, friends! I'm back from our family vacation in San Diego. It was crazy gorgeous and I ate everything in sight and spent time by the pool and enjoying captive animals at Sea World, but my favorite part was coming home to a foot of snow at my house. No, seriously. We got home at 1 a.m. and just sat stupidly in front of our driveway. We had rented a teeny car that in no way could get over the snow and me and the kids were all wearing flip flops. I sent my husband into the house for boots and we trekked the kids in from the street. That was also when I realized I had shut the heat off when we left. Genius. It was a really fantastic homecoming.

And, because of the snow, I didn't get to wear my new shoes. First world problems, I know. So, I had to retool for the usage of boots.

 Dress: Local (My Sister's Closet)
Scarf: I wanna say H&M...
Tights: Ummm...
Socks: Abercrombie
Boots: Breckelle's
Jacket: Guess
Ring: Local craft fair. 

Earrings: F21

Out came the trusty boot socks, which kept me warm despite the fact that this is totally a summer dress. Whatevs, I walk on the wild side. PS leather jackets look good with anything. I can't stop buying them. 

I'm now in that weird time warp where I'm happy to be home and back in my routine, with the heat cranked up and my computer humming. Don't worry, this honeymoon period will only last for a day, after which I'll be back to grumbling about everything and wishing I was back on vacation.

But for now, I'm ignoring the fact that there's no food in the house and a pile of laundry and messing around on the Internet instead. Classic Jae!

Also, I wanted to give you a head's up on the Fossil contest -- see below -- and the fact that things are going to get a little Holiday-y around here. I'm trying my best to hold it off and I've done everything I can to hide my Christmas fund where I can't get to it until next week, but we can talk about holiday clothes for Thanksgiving, right? Please? Please tell me I can or I might explode.

Giveaway and Review: Fossil Vintage Revival!

This post brought to you by Fossil. All opinions are 100% mine.

Fall-time means ditching the flowy fabrics and -- as much as it pains me -- super cute espadrilles and grabbing deeper colors and richer fabrics. Um, leather anyone? So of course I would be in love with Fossil Vintage Revival Handbags and of course I'd jump at the chance to do a giveaway with them. Stay tuned and let's do this!!

First off, I got a chance to peek at the entire new collection and it's totally gorg. You can see all of the bags here. It's mucho luxe, right? I am thinking along hte lines of a chic tweed jacket and riding boots, adorable giraffe-print or croco bag.

The Vintage Revival line is all about classic silhouettes and rich materials, which is awesome when you're putting together a fall and winter outfit... so feminine and modern! I love that they're timeless and so the opposite of trendy, which means they won't be out after like, five minutes. Hello, investment piece! The details and design mean you're going to love these bags forever and they'll only get more comfy as time goes on. I'm all about investment pieces that actually get better as you use them. Are you with me? In fact, I made a couple of outfits to go with my fave bags. Wanna see?

Source: via Jae on Pinterest

I'm thinking more business-like for work or church. This bag makes me die a little... I love the two-toned as a break from the same old slouchy hobo bag, you know? Pair it up with the orange-red that is winter's big color and you are done!

Source:Jae on Pinterest

If you're more of a casual girl, pair up an awesomely-green bag with a leather jacket (if you don't have one, come borrow on of mine. I have a serious leather jacket addiction) I love this for like, Thanksgiving dinner. Too soon? Sorry.

Anyway, Fossil wants to give away a bag to one lucky reader, so here's how it's gonna go down. You're going to create an outfit on Pinterest (or Polyvore) featuring a Vintage Revival bag. Just use the link I gave you up there. You don't even have to do it all in one fancy outfit like I did; you can just pin everything separately on your Pinterest account. Anyway, do that, add the hashtag #FossilVintageRevival and then return and report with a link to your board or Polyvore outfit and that's it! I'll do a random giveaway and the winner gets one of these babies: A Vintage Revival Small Flap bag worth $128! It's pretty awesome, considering crossbody bags are THE bag of fall 2012. Look at you bein' all trendy and stuff!
Canadian and U.S. readers only puhlease!

So, let's break down the official rules
***How To Enter:
Create a pin board on Pinterest of an outfit you’d pair with your Vintage Revival handbag. Include #FossilVintageRevival in your Pinterest Pin. Leave a message on this blog post sharing your Pin. You must share your pin in the comment in order to be eligible. ***you must leave your email address when you enter so that we can contact you***

Alright, who wants a schmancy new bag? Pin, my friends! And, we can be Pinterest peeps if you click the link under either one of those outfits up there. Do it!


official rules

What I Wore: Cardi-Mom

Is it me or is the cardigan part of the official mom uniform? I own like, 900 because they're so easy to put on and look polished. I don't know why, but the addition of a good cardigan takes anything from sloppy to "Oh, well look who decided to shower today." Still, sometimes I feel like they're a bit stuffy, which is why I love a) buying cardigans with patterns and 2) Mixing them up. Makes them a little less PTA.

Cardi: Heart & Hips
Tank: JCPenney for reals it's my favorite. BOWS.
Skinnies: Local (Contagious)
Boots: Frye, duh
Earrings: Heirlooms from my super glam Nanny. 

Also, I realized after I took these pics that I'm wearing my nametag for my volunteer hospital gig. So there's that, too. I am very scatterbrained when I'm running out the door. It gets me free drinks in the cafeteria booyah. 

Oh cardigans, you'll never steer me wrong. Unless you're fit badly or really boxy. Which this one is not. Seriously, if you're in the market for some cardigans, look form them to hit your hip or lower. Too short and you could be veering into some very unflattering territory.

Have I convinced you to buy more cardigans? Hey, it's fall. Totally necessary. What's your fave way to wear 'em?



Now, I have a workout to get to and a little vay-cay to pack for so I'm downing a criminal amount of Crystal Light and hopping to it. Monday is no match for me.

And my trashiest reader is...

... Maggie, with her sexy Pac Man costume!! Maggie, be a dear and shoot me an email at nomoremomjeans at gmail dot com and we'll get you all set.

And, since all week has been just one big Freaky Friday, I'm going to sign off for the day and clean my house (aka who am I kidding. I'm going to watch wedding shows on TV while eating Halloween candy). Thanks to everyone for being such ah-mazing sports for Halloween week.

kisses,
Jae

How to Put 0 Effort into a Halloween Costume

 ...Go as a hipster.

Seriously, I dressed up for like, five minutes yesterday because I was crazy busy from the minute I got out of bed. I needed something that I could wear comfortably and look a little bit smug at the same time, which is where I decided to pretend to be a hipster.

 OMG I am so ironic. Mustaches are ALWAYS funny.

 "You bought something at a department store? Are those shoes even vegan!?"

 I only thrift shop. Except for when I buy $90 shoes... they go to CHARITY.

Oh sorry I was just sitting here reading socially conscious African literature. Have you heard of this guy Kony?

"Ooh, sorry. I only eat organic lettuce." 

Of course, you're not a hipster until you instagram the crap outta your pictures. Also, I'd like you to note the VCR player in the background. DVDs are so mainstream. 

There you go... the laziest costume ever known to man. Also, I couldn't believe that I actually owned all of the hipster ingredients, I'd just never put them all together before. I wore my husband's glasses, which also made me go cross eyed. 

Now that Halloween is over, at what point is it acceptable to listen to Christmas music? On cassette tapes, of course.

Annual Trashy Halloween Costume Contest - 2012 Edition!

Yayyy it's finally here! Can I just confess to you that this is about the only part of Halloween that I like? I was just telling my husband that I feel like Halloween is too much work without enough payoff. I don't even have a sweet tooth, so bringing my kids trick or treating after wrestling them into their costumes for candy does nothing for me. NOTHING. Being a parent leaves no room for selfishness. I find that lame.

But, I do love making fun of trashy costumes. Because they gross me out. Last year I was accused of "slut-shaming" with my posts. Yes. That's what I'm saying. It is shameful. Hey, if you want to dress sexy, be my guest. Just don't put ears on it and tell everyone you're a horse.

So far, this has been my favorite sentiment, shared by Seth MacFarlane (who I find inexplicably attractive) over on Twitter.

(Halloween is a great time of the year to see some spooooooooky prostitutes.)

 Quite.

And, apparently my readers agree with me, because my inbox was flooded with submissions. If you don't see yours here it was either a) too offensive to put on a website that my mom reads or b) someone else sent me the same costume and beat you to the punch. The deal is that you'll vote for the costume you find the most trashtastic and on Friday at 12 a.m., the winner nabs a $25 Target gift card to spend on anything but sexy costumes. Deal? Let's do it! Also, click the pictures for links if you really want to purchase the costume. Also, unfollow my blog while you're at it because we're not friends.

 Lindsay sent me Sexy Dobby the House Elf. 1) This costume is terrible and just looks like a messy pig. 2) Is nothing sacred anymore? It's a HOUSE ELF. Put some pants on.

Brooke sent me this socket and plug set which might be the least sexy thing I've ever seen. Also, very subtle.

 Sara sent me this sexy tarantula, which is the latest in no-pants/big furry boot combos, which apparently can be applied to any costume ever in the history of mankind. Also, do tarantulas have horns? Because if they do, it makes them roughly 60 percent more terrifying. Although I feel like this isn't exactly Animal Planet accurate.

 Amy sent what might be my favorite costume of the year. A sexy care bear... except it's called a Dare Bear. Get it? Because she's not wearing clothes or resembling a bear in any way? Also, on what planet does dressing up as a bear involve gluing tiny bears to your legs? That seems cruel.

Brooke: Sexy ketchup bottle. Tastes great on fries and smells just like desperation.

Janelle sent my my favorite example of guys on Halloween versus women on Halloween. He's a body bag. She's apparently a body bag as well. I'll take this moment to remind you that a) this could not be more sexist and b) sexual attraction to dead people is called necrophilia. Just a thought.

(Janelle is also our reigning champ from last year. You go Janelle!) 

Michelle sent me this sexy Octomom. I promise you that after 14 kids, her body looks nothing like this. Also, I like how this costume is essentially gogo boots and booty shorts with a pocketful of babies. F for effort, guys.

 Sheriece sent me this sexy straightjacket, hysterically called Anita Sedative. If there are any guys reading this, can I tell you a secret? Girls who dress like hookers on Halloween are CRAZY. Like, stage-five-clinger burn-your-house-down and tattoo-your-name-on-her-chest crazy. Even if they're not wearing a straightjacket. Just remember my warning when you hook up with a hot cop at a party only to find that she's bought you a cat and friended your mom on Facebook by morning, k?

 Maggie sent me a sexy dog costume, which makes me LOL like it's my job. Bahahaha this dog has boobs and I love it. Don't be ashamed of your skankiness, dog. If you got it, flaunt it. You win at life.

 "H" submitted this sexy Tigger because Halloween costume manufacturers are slowly trying to ruin my childhood, one character at a time.

 Lindsay: See!? They're going after Alvin next. Although, I don't really remember Alvin wearing red heels. It sounds like he's a little confused and needs to go to Europe to find himself for a year or two.

 Maggie sent me this, which I think might be the laziest costume we've ever had on the site. LADIES LISTEN UP. If you're going to dress like an attention whore on Halloween, remember that a graphic bikini top doesn't make you Pac-Man. Also, no one wants to see you lift up your skirt all. night. long.

 Janelle sent me sexy Joan of Arc, which by the way is incredibly accurate. I mean, I'm no history major, but I'm fairly sure they had stripper heels in the 1400s. After all, it's the oldest profession, right?

I also wanted to ask historically accurate Joan what she thought of it:

 

Woah Joan, don't be such a killjoy.

 

Emily sent me a whole collection of football cheerleaders dressed up for the occasion. This was my favorite, only because if you wore this on a real horse, you'd get thigh rash. THIGH RASH. Not so sexy, is it? 

Lela sent me this sexy trout. Wait. Is THIS why my husband likes fishing so much?

Also, enjoy the subtlety of her fishnet tights. ENJOY IT.


Oh, I love it all. Thanks to all who submitted!! Remember to comment with your fave submitter's name and the costume, like so:
Jae - Sexy inanimate object that should never be considered sexy.

And, as you head out to today's festivities, remember that I'd like to preserve my childhood memories without platform heels and hotpants kthanks.