Maternity Monday: DON'TS

Preggos of the world … this is the most important fashion advice I can give you. This post right here. Please, do yourselves a big ol’ favor and do not fall victim to the following maternity fashion tragedies.

1. Spandex

I firmly believe Spandex was only invented for two purposes: form-fitting undergarments and exercise clothing (and maybe that icky headband you use to hold your bangs back when you’re washing your face). Any other usage of this material is a gross violation of fashion law. And seriously, it just looks bad. So don’t do it.

Case in point:

If you are shopping and come across these bad boys, AVOID. Because in reality, your body is going to be getting a lot curvier very soon, if it hasn’t already. And the last thing you need is skin-tight fabric hugging – nay, suffocating all those curves and accentuating them for all to see.

Alternative:

If you want to run your errands in comfort, try these cute comfy drawstring pants from Old Navy.

Jersey-lined drawstring pants, Old Navy

They come in four different neutral colors and will look infinitely better than Spandex leggings. Pair them with a cute hoodie, like this:

Lightweight pull-over hoodie, Old Navy

and some sneaker flats. Put-together, yet comfortable. And not hideous.

2. Muumuus

Pregnant women have historically fallen prey to the alluring yet vicious muumuu. Muumuus are roomy, and they look sooooo comfortable. But that’s the problem – they contain SO MUCH ROOM, you’ll end up looking like a sumo wrestler wearing a floral tent instead of a beautiful, shapely pregnant woman.

Here’s the trick to looking cute while you’re incubating a human: hide your unsightly flabbiness while simultaneously showing off your belly. It’s tough, but doable. I can help you. A muumuu cannot. So AVOID.

Alternatives:

So, you’re looking for a dress that’s comfortable and casual (like a muumuu) but not gargantuan? Here are some options:

Elbow sleeve tab cuff dress, Motherhood

This too-cute denim dress from Motherhood Maternity. Pair it with some red heels or cowboy boots and a chunky bracelet. Daaarling. I’d probably tie the knot on the side, though. It’s a little much up there in the front.

Not really digging the denim? Try this:

Knot-front dress, Old Navy

Stick a cardigan or a crop jacket over it and it’s ready for fall. It’s easy to wear and versatile.

3.Tent-like tops

Ok, so there may (probably will) come a time at the end of your pregnancy when you think a camping tent is the only thing that will fit over your growing belly. However, I advise you to stay away from “tent tops” (you know, the ones with copious amounts of fabric that usually tie in the back and flare out at the bottom) as long as humanly possible.

Here is an example of such a top. Again, when you see it … AVOID.

Whoa. Did you just go back to 1995 for a second? I did.

Alternatives:

Maternity clothing vendors are starting to figure out that these tops only make pregnant women look huge and feel frumpy, so they’ve come out with lots of slimmer styles, like these:

Short-sleeve ruffle top, Motherhood

3/4 sleeved side-ruched sweater, Motherhood

Side-shirred V-neck tee, Old Navy

Scoop-neck ruffle top, Gap

See? Otherwise normal-looking shirts, just with a little extra fabric in the front. The key here is to buy maternity shirts in your regular size. If in doubt, try it on.

And lucky for us, lots of current non-maternity clothing can keep you covered for most of your pregnancy. Look for tunic-type tops and empire waistlines with some give in the bust area (those puppies are going to get even bigger eventually). Or, if you want something more form-fitting, look for longer tops that stretch a lot. Buy a size bigger than you’d normally wear, and voila! You have a fashionable yet versatile top that will not only work during pregnancy, but afterward as well. And since it doesn’t say “maternity” on the label, you won’t feel bad about wearing it once baby makes his debut.

Other DON’TS:

These, I originally didn’t feel a need to mention because they are usually summer faux-pas and it’s currently fall, but they’re worth noting for those of you who will be pregnant during warmer seasons.

Shorts. Whatever you do, don’t wear any shorts above knee-length. Teensie shorts are not really meant for adults, anyway, but especially not for pregnant adults. Unless you are Heidi Klum, don’t do it! Go for a knee-length, NON-tapered Bermuda short instead.

Speaking of tapered … don’t ever wear bottoms that are tapered ( meaning they start off big and get smaller as they go down your leg). They’ll just accentuate your hips, which happen to be the widest part of the female body. And that’s never a good thing. This category includes skinny jeans and capris (crop pants).

Also, stay away from tank tops. I don’t know about you, but when I get pregnant, my arms get kinda … jiggly. And big. And not in a good way. Instead, try a cap sleeve or flutter sleeve top. A little fabric can go a long way in making your arms look slender and long. A tank top will only make your arms look larger than life.

Remember – cover your flabbiness but show off your belly.

Fake Lashes: Your Secret Weapon

I have a confession to make.

I am not a very photogenic person.

I know, you're shocked right. And maybe I am harder on myself than the general public, but I see pictures of myself and I generally criticize them until you'd be sure that I was talking about the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I told you I was judgmental!

Anyway, every year the holiday season rolls around, and guess what that means? Yup, family pictures. Now, let me say that I find nothing in this WORLD more torturous than family picture day. My husband's family is MASSIVE and filled with small children who cry, sneeze, antagonize each other and ruin pictures. Which only means more pictures are taken, where the adults have to suck it in YET AGAIN and hope that they don't look hideous. Because it is, after all, all about the children smiling.

Did I mention that we always do family pictures at my house too? Yeah.

I did however, find a way to make every picture of ME a super good one, so that we didn't have to take as many to find one that is holiday card-worthy. And that, my friends, is false eyelashes.

I know, right? Like WHO wears false eyelashes? Am I a showgirl? I assure you, no. Who would pay to see a mother of two shake it? I mean, really, let's be serious here. But a few carefully placed falsies opens up your eyes, and gives you a general better-than-usual look that everyone will notice, without questioning HOW you did it. Which is nice.

False lashes might sound a little scary. You probably see them at your drugstore all the time and don't think twice about them. But they are so easy to use, and make you look a smidgen better. I wear them for pictures, special events like weddings or concerts, and work parties. I'm actually a little sad that people will know my little secret now.

Here's how to use them. First, choose the kind that will work best. You can buy them in strips, which work well if you already have pretty generous lashes, or individual clusters if you're lash-challenges. If using the clusters, ONLY apply two or three clusters to the out corner of the eye. That's all you'll need, and it'll make a huge difference. Use tweezers to hold the cluster, and dip the edge in the lash glue. Place it on TOP of your natural lashes and clamp down for a few seconds. Voila!

With strip lashes, they can look really drag-queenish if you use the whole thing, so cut them in half. It'll give you an extra set, and look more normal. They might come pre-glued, but even still, stick a little strip of glue along the base, and use tweezers to apply them to the top outside corner of your lashes.

When you've got them in place, glued and dried, CURL them. This will make a big difference in how they blend with your lashes. Do the three clamp trick with your curler: once at the base, once in the middle, once at the end to create a nice curve. Then put on two coats of a black mascara to blend them all together so they match the color of your natural lashes.

See how easy it was? It's a tiny thing that you can do that makes a big difference. I took a picture of me wearing them. You can't really tell like, omg she's wearing fake lashes, but it's enough to glam up an otherwise ordinary makeup regimen.



See? Darker lashes define the eyes better. (I was going on a date with my husband the night I took this picture. I basically wear them anytime I want to up the ante, if you will.)

So, make every picture a good picture. I often get asked what one should wear in family pictures. FAKE LASHES. Especially when those pictures are going to be hung in a house or sent to everyone you know in cards.

You don't need to buy expensive ones. Most are for one use only. Just wash them off when you wash your face at night, they'll slide right off, and if you're me, wash down the drain. What? Who said that?

Fake lashes: Cheap and easy. They are the whore of the cosmetics world.

Maternity Monday: Belly Basics

A picture of me, in case you were wondering what I look like.

Hello, fashionistas! My name is Jenna (as Jae mentioned before). I am 22 and married to an awesome guy. We have a darling 2-year-old daughter and another baby (unknown gender) on the way, due in late March. I recently graduated from Brigham Young University in communications with an emphasis in broadcast journalism. Yes, it is the most fun major ever! No, you will not see me on television any time soon. For now, I am doing the mom thing and loving every minute of it.

Today, I am 15 weeks pregnant. Which, as all you mommas know, means I am going to have to start expanding my wardrobe a little bit. Quite literally.

Last time I was pregnant, I was a hot mess. At about this same gestation, I went to buy some maternity clothes and left empty-handed and frazzled beyond belief. At the time, I was a starving student and realized 1) maternity clothes are expensive and 2) maternity clothes are HUGE. Trying on all those tent-like tops and saggy-butt jeans pretty much had me in tears. I resigned to the fact I'd have to rely on my current wardrobe, at least until I packed on a few more pounds.

I quickly learned, however, that a few items can get you through the early phases of belly expansion while allowing you to wear your non-preggo clothes. I call them "belly basics", and here they are:

1) Camisoles/undershirts:

As your belly begins to expand, you'll find your normal tops getting a little too short. Stick a cami under it -- problem solved (at least for a little while).

Motherhood Maternity microfiber camisole

Plus, think of all the cute things you can wear over a cami -- a cute slouchy cardigan, a crop jacket, a tunic ... the possibilities are endless. My suggestion is to get into your closet and try on all your blazers/cardigans/jackets/shirts with your new belly. Most of those things will probably work for quite some time with the help of a camisole, much to your surprise. Don't make a trip to your nearest maternity clothing retailer just yet.

Also, Tilly's has regular non-maternity seamless cami's for just $7.99, and they make them in every color of the rainbow. They are one size fit's all and will definitely cover your belly.

If you're looking for more coverage, try the Wonder Tee from DownEast Basics. They sell them in both regular sizes and maternity (although, during pregnancy #1, I learned that the regular ones, purchased a size bigger than I normally would wear, lasted me the entire pregnancy. They are very stretchy and long. I even walked into the delivery room in one).

DownEast Basics Wonder Tee

I also love their 3/4 Sleeve Tee, which never got too small to cover my belly, either.

2) Bella Band/belly sleeve:

This lovely band of stretchiness will get you through the awkward "I can't button my old pants anymore, but maternity jeans make my butt look horrendous" phase. With this, you can keep wearing the jeans/pants/skirts you already have until you've got enough junk in your trunk to fill out maternity sizes. Leave your bottoms unbuttoned or even unzipped, and use this band to hold them in place, like so:

Motherhood Maternity belly sleeve

See what I mean? Genius. And if your shirt doesn't cover the band? Who cares! Layering is all the rage these days, anyway. It'll just look like you've got a cami sticking out underneath. Perfect.

Bella Bands themselves can be pretty pricey. Luckily, Motherhood (linked above) and Target carry sufficient knock-off versions. Belly bands for all!

3). Cute, comfy pair of flats:

Heels might be getting a little uncomfortable by now. If not, good for you. But if they are, then it's time to go shoe shopping! (Heck, go shoe shopping, anyway!)

Fall is the perfect time for flats, and they come in lots of varieties. You can get dressy flats, casual flats, or anything in between. Might as well get a pair of each, right?

Target Mossimo metallic flat

DC slip-on sneaker

American Eagle button flat

And come on, who doesn't need a new pair of shoes (or five)? Don't we all, pregnant or not?

Jenna regularly blogs at Mom the Intern.

YAY! Important News

So I love love love to blog about moms and bad fashion and good fashion and gladiator sandals, but some of you may not know that writing is also my day job. So I work a couple of hours for MONEY and then I'm like, oh yeah, I should also dispose of some advice on my fashion blog, and post pictures for my mom on my personal blog. (You guys don't know my mom... if she doesn't get daily grandkid pics, heads. will. roll.) So I've been a little burned out on the writing front, and I love my fashion blog the most because it's a creative outlet. But it doesn't pay the bills. It occasionally nets me free merchandise, but alas, no bills paid. So work comes first. And since I hate to disappoint my lovely fashion moms, I enlisted the help of another mom to do a Monday feature for me. Her name is Jenna, and she's pregnant, and you know what that means?

THE RETURN OF MATERNITY MONDAY! ONDAY! ONDAY! (That was an echo, okay? Let's pretend.)

So Jenna will be here on Monday, just so you aren't confused, to talk about dressing your cute little pregnant belly, as she is the current owner of one. I wished that I could be better with my original Maternity Monday, but when I was pregnant, I was in the hospital, and my fashion consisted of a Beatles t-shirt, some Abercrombie sweatpants and rainbow slippers. Really. So I was not in any condition to get all preachy about how to look.

So, when you log on Monday, as I know you ANXIOUSLY do, look for Jenna and her thoughts on dressing hot while shaped like a bowling ball. You'll still get me a couple more times a week. I have been thinking about being sneaky and snapping pictures of badly dressed mothers at the play area of the mall. How mean do you think that would be?

YAY.

Linky Linkerson

PLEASE read this hilarious article by a 17 year old girl who wants Moms to know what is okay and what isn't when it comes to getting dressed every morning. I might try and adopt her. Even though that would be entirely inappropriate. If I had a 17 year old kid, it would mean that I had a baby at age eight. People might say things.

Fashion 101: Putting Together an Outfit

There is a question that I get asked often. And it's asked in secret, shamefully. That question is "How do I know what looks good together?"

Even girls who were total foxes in their teen years forget how to put an outfit together when they become moms. The rules no longer apply. For one, no one uses AuquaNet anymore. But the issue is deeper. When you were a teen you dressed a certain way. If you dressed like that now, people would think you were mental.

For instance, in high school I wore shirts with fruit on them. Don't ask me why. There is a photo floating around on Facebook of me wearing a shirt with cherries on it, along with a thick bathtub chain necklace and a smug smile because I thought I looked pretty hot. I also carried an olive green canvas messenger bag. Yeah. In high school standards, I looked normal. Today's standards? Crazy person.

So you need to learn to adapt with the times. A girl who knows how to put an outfit together looks put together no matter what. Take a simple recipe for dressing success, and make substitutions as needed. We've talked enough about what to wear for certain occasions for to know what;s appropriate. Now, the true test is learning to put it all together. Here's the equation. Remember that this is BEGINNER stuff. If you feel like you're more advanced when it comes to fashion, feel free to move along. I am laying out the basics here. As you get more comfortable, strike it out alone and throw my rules out the window, please.

1) Take a NEUTRAL.

Choose a neutral. One neutral. Fashiony people will tell you it's okay to pair neutrals together, but I hate that. Why? Well, for one, it's boring. Just do the one neutral and fill the rest in with color. And for two, I don't care WHO you are, gray and brown don't look nice together. They look drab. Say it with me, COLOR! For the most part, in pants, neutrals belong on the bottom, or with a jacket. You are not advanced or young enough to wear neon jeans. SORRY. Skirts can be whatever color you want, just tone it down on top.



2) Choose an ACCENT. The accent will be the color that goes with the neutral. Luckily, any color goes with a neutral so it doesn't really matter. Focus in stead on fabric. What makes or breaks an outfit are the fabric pairings. Please don't do polyester and satin, k. Pair dressier fabrics with sturdier ones, ie: a satin shirt with menswear style tweed pants. Keep casual fabrics together so you don't look mismatched. Focus on fit and balance it out. Remeber if one piece is fitted, the other should be loose. Got that?




3) Add SHOES. Shoes are so great to make a plain Jane outfit look awesome. Consider first your level of activity. Are you walking or on your feet? Flats. Dancing or showing off? Heels. Then, consider the length of your bottoms. DO NOT wear heels with short pants. Please for the love of all that is holy, if you wear heels and jeans, the jeans should almost graze the ground. If they don't, get some flats and call it a day. Remeber not to be too matchy with your footwear. If you wear a pink shirt, don't wear pink shoes, it's too cutesy and it makes the outfit look clownish. Choose an accenting color instead. Brown and black are always acceptable until you get your feet wet.



4) Pick ACCESSORIES. Have you ever heard that old adage about "If you're wearing accessories, take one off before you leave the house"? Um, this is utter and complete hogwash. Accessories are your friend and you can wear as many as you want as long as you don't wear them too close together. Be my guest; wear a bajillion rings with huge earrings or an armful of bracelets and a long necklace. Pile it on. Accessories will ultimately make the outfit look like you. Stock up on them at cheapie places like F21, Wet Seal and Claires and you will be happy. Don't be afraid of quirky pieces like a huge ring or a peacock feather necklace. When it comes to accessories, you can pretty much do whatever you want.



5) HANDBAG time. Remember these: dressy=a clutch. Always. casual=handbag, whatever kind you want. Match a more structured style with a structured satchel, casual clothes with a slouchy hobo style.




And voila! Instant outfit. As you become more comfortable, you can branch out and try new things. The trick is to get out of your comfort zone/rut and try something else. Even if you are a total capris and Keds kind of girl, and think "Oh, well people will think I look ridiculous if I wear anything different", you have to at least do me a favor and TRY. Outfits are easy, but sometimes confidence is hard. Better yet, try it for a whole week. I personally guarantee it'll be enough to make a few people sit up and take notice. Plus, even if there are naysayers, they're probably just jealous. Remember folks, it doesn't matter what they're saying, as long as they're talking about you.

(Clothing is Banana Republic, accessories from F21 and DROOLWORTHY bag is Valentino... $2,000 but a girl can dream. Sigh.)

Fall Trend I Don't Understand: Booties

I have kept my silence long enough.

I. Hate. Booties.

I don't care who you are. Model or mom. These shoes look stupid. I know they are supposed be fashion-y and all of that, but oh my gosh, they are so not flattering. They cut your leg off and make you look stumpy. LOOK AWAYYYYYYYYY. They look so horrid on anyone. I don't know why people would be like hmmm, those regular pumps look nice, but you know what would make my calves look massive? These awesome booties. THEY ARE CALLED BOOTIES. Poor Keira Knightley up there looks like a weird school-marm. She's in her early twenties. Not cool.

Avoid.

K, sorry, I just had to get that out. I have been having booties being shoved down my throat here and I even had a moment of weakness where I was like "Maybeeee..." and them my common sense kicked in and I was like "GET IT TOGETHER JAE."

I feel much better now.