Freaky Friday: WTH Files

 YAY Friday. I am so excited for this week to be over, you guys. The week before school starts officially sucks. Every day I've been running around like a crazy person with school shopping and trying to be a good mom and spend some time with the kidlets before they head back. I've got a first grader and a preschooler this year. It's so weird. On the other hand, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as working with kids buzzing around me, but my 3 year old is still home three mornings a week. The days that he is gone, I'll have just enough time to sneak off to the gym before I have to pick him up. Huzzah!

Also, keep entering the giveaway. You've got until Sunday!

And, here we have some crazy stuff I've found in all of my Internet surfings. People always ask me "Where do you find this stuff?" and I'm always like, well it's my job. OK, maybe not my job-job, but I'm online all day for work and I'm bound to run across some crazy stuff, which is then files away in my crazy stuff file for days like these.

 

Aw, it's like your ear grew a deformed, littler ear. How cute is that? And by "how cute" I mean "what a disgusting grab for attention! "

 

If your man is a goatee fan, buy him the goatee protector! It gives you that perfect line.... 

 And makes him look exactly like Bane! 

I will say however, that I am totally in love with Tom Hardy, who plays Bane. Like, I could still detect his hotness from behind the mask because I'm perceptive like that. I was like nice try Tom Hardy, I see the attractiveness in your eyes.

Also, I enjoy misunderstood villains. 

 

Speaking of husbands, mine -- whom I love very much despite my love for Tom Hardy --  would love these bacon bandaids until he realized that they weren't real bacon. Then he would say they're stupid. But for that brief 6 seconds before he tried to eat one, I would be the hero!

 You know what I love even more than fully functioning mermaid tails? The fact that anyone who would actually wear these at the pool would most likely drown. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. 

 Finally! Something more annoying than a Snuggie! My favorite is the adjectives across the bottom of the package. Soft... okay, awesome. Warm, got it, that makes sense. Blue... is that really a selling point? ENORMOUS... YES! I've been looking for a low-quality gargantuan blanket for my family to asphixiate under!

 Hate when your glasses slide down your nose? Then pierce them to your face and you'll never have to worry! Just be aware of the fact that you'll never be able to play dodgeball, go down a waterslide or have friends ever again

 

For that woman who loves the apres-gym musk her husband brings home, check out the perma-stained tee. Oh, honey. You look so unwashed! 

 I never once wore a Baby Bjorn when I had babies (I'm a slinger myself) but maybe I would have it all Baby Bjorns were this AWESOME. I'm only slightly disappointed the baby doesn't have a red eye mask too. A true Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan would have thought of that. 

 Oh perfect! I've been looking everywhere for a detachable tail.

Oh wait, no I wasn't. Because no one ever has.

All I can think of is how annoying that would be for everyone around you. 

"Excuse me," says the woman dressed as a raptor on the bus. "You're stepping on my tail."
"Oh my gosh!" I say. "I'm so sorry!"

Only minutes later do I then realize that her pretend tail doesn't have feeling and also, there's a crazy person on my bus. 

I have a big boating trip planned for tomorrow so I'm off to dig out everything boat related and make sure nothing has holes in it. Later I will take my daughter to a birthday party and stress over how to pack a school lunch. My life is TOO glam.