Freaky Friday

Happy 4th, everyone! Don't worry, I'm not blaspheming and writing this on a holiday. It's scheduled. I'm stealthy like that. I'm probably off boating, which makes me very excited because I just downloaded a behemoth of a book on my Kindle and we are going to have some super special alone time while my husband and kids try to fish. 

Because you know, America. 

Before you head out to your BBQ, however, you might want to be sure you're not wearing any of these. 

 Julie sent me these creepy flesh-colored bootie wedges, which are made infinitely creepier by the addition of decapitated Barbie heads. Why? We may never know. 

 I just want to go on the record and say that Teenage Jae would be ALL OVER this sweater. It would go with my bucket hat, cargo overalls and chunky boots. 

 Meleah sent over these pants which were actually described as bloomers, so there's that. Like, hey what pretend fairy party are you wearing those to, dementia patient? 

 Speaking of fairy parties, she also sent over these pants, which feature a loincloth and remind me of the movie Epic, which was terrible but still made me cry a little. 

Also, Beyonce in that movie was too hilarious. The whole thing was like "Hey sistafriend babychild, I'm the queen of the forest." 

 Gillian sent this dress. This most disturbing part? It's called the "Your Fault" dress. 

YOUR. FAULT.

Just marinade on that for a while. 

 I hate high low skirts in the best of times, but even more so when they make you look like a pumpkin. 

 Quite possibly the most awkward maxi dress ever. Too short, weird pattern and childlike bottomflounce? We have you covered, friend. 

 Suddenly I want to get physical. 

Another Julie (but not the first Julie) sent me these from the Canadian Shopping Channel. So if you're visiting Canada soon, remember things you need to do in this order:
1) Eat poutine (I'm partial to Harvey's)

2) By peach acid wash elasticized pants. 

How did I end up talking about Canada on Independence Day? Ugh, I'm the worst. Anyway, have a great holiday, and freely eat large quantities of potato salad. I feel like that's what your forefathers would have wanted. 

What I Wore: Making Hay

I'm feeling a little frazzled today. I did that thing where you feel stressed about your to-do list and so you write down everything you need to get done so you feel better. But it just made me more stressed. I'm helping to run a girl's camp for 400 teenagers next week and I woke up in a cold sweat at 6 a.m. thinking about tents and what I did with my sleeping bag and how I needed to buy peanut butter to bring with me because I can't live without peanut butter.

Deep breaths. I do have some awesome friends who are helping out, to whom I am eternally grateful and very sorry. But I think I'm going to need a tranquilizer to get through the next week.

Here's one more thing to check off my list:

Skirt: Urban Wear (similar)

Top: Calvin Klein (it's one of  these awesome City T's) (similar)

Jacket: H&M (this season's) (very similar)

Belt: ASOS (similar)

Shoes: Charlotte Russe (similar)
Earrings: F21 (so cheap!)

I'd stay and write something great about this outfit, but right now my kids are still asleep and I have to make hay while the sun shines. Or actually design graphics and invoice clients while the sun shines. Either way. 

Freaky Friday

 There must have been something in the water, because three readers sent me weird Lycra creations screened with body parts. There's a sentence you don't say twice.

Sarah sent this to me, which says "I may look sexy, but I'm also making poop right now." 

 Lindsay sent me this one, which would come in handy if you wanted an instant six pack. 

And also to be followed around by Hannibal Lector. 

 Cari sent me this and was like "Check out that thigh gap!" I'm sensing a new trend this season: Femur gap. So hot right now. 

 What may be the ugliest purse that 100 percent looks like it was hocked up by my parent's cat, Mo. She's scared of everything and lives in the basement and only comes out once a day to eat and glare at you like you're going to sexually harass her before retreating back to the storage room. 

 Y'know, for your side job as a party clown. 

 For some reason, this shirt reminds me of this. 

 How. HOW. Can harem pants be getting uglier over time? This is not OK. That isn't a drop crotch. It's a drop shin. 

Hey sassy scarecrow, whatcha doin'? Standing sassily even though you look like a cat toy? That's cool. 

You guys, I wasn't feeling all that great so I stayed home in my pajamas and watching like, seven episodes of Drop Dead Diva. I feel bad for my children so I have to go take them somewhere fun today, le sigh. And by somewhere fun, I obviously mean somewhere they can have fun while I pursue a relationship with my Kindle. It's meaningful.

Happy weekend, friends! 

3 Ways to Wear a Kimono Top

If you haven't noticed kimono tops in every store right now, you probably haven't been shopping in a while. Because I was like, punched in the face with them repeatedly over the weekend. And I bought two. Because guess what? They're kind of perfect for summer, even if they seem a little weird and shapeless at first.

They're obviously not a direct representation of actual kimonos, but rather chiffon tops that are drapey, open and have large sleeves. So like a sexy robe that you only wear when your kids aren't around. But you can wear it (with clothes please) to the grocery store. Score! They're comfy, light and super pretty.

I think the trick with kimonos is that you need to balance them with a pretty sleek look underneath. Too much loose-ness and you're in patchouli burger territory. Instead, use it as a romantic-type topper on an otherwise fitted look.

And, if you're like "What the heck am I going to do with a kimono top?" I have some ideas for you.

1. Casual Date

Boohoo floral chiffon kimono / Mango blue jeans / Miss Selfridge clothing /
Aldo shoes / ALDO pink purse / Wet Seal bangle bracelet / Gold jewelry

How pretty would this be out to dinner? Answer: Very pretty. See how the rest of the outift is basic? Cami, jeans, flats. So easy. Throw on some huge bangles and you have a really simple boho look without going completely crazy. It kind of takes the place of a blazer or cardigan because honestly who wants a cardigan in the heat?

2. Church or Wedding

NLY Trend scalloped lace top, $30 / Boohoo chiffon kimono /
Dorothy Perkins pattern skirt / High heels stiletto / Dorothy Perkins green handbag /
ALDO ring / ALDO earrings / Miss Selfridge belt

Again, you can wear your kimono with a dress or skirt as long as it's a pretty fitted getup. I tried with all my might to see if I could get it to work with a maxi skirt and I think they only way to do that would be a fitted maxi with a very defined waist and/or belt. Otherwise it's just too much. But with a blush pencil skirt? Like, shut up it's so pretty.

Also, I saw a girl wearing a kimono with bermuda shoes and wedges the other day and it was super adorable, so there you go.

3. Beach

Boohoo chiffon kimono / Topshop black swimsuit / Topshop bathing suits bikini /
 GUESS bow flip flops / Qupid shoes / Hurley purse

Hey, awesome use for your kimono: Wear it to the pool or beach. Real talk here: The wedges would be a bit much for shlepping children to the pool, but so fun for a vacation with the hubs. Otherwise, some cute flip flops and an adorable swimsuit (I'm obsessed with these high-waisted bottoms!) and you're good to go. Added bonus: Some coverage when you're running into the gas station for pistachios which is what happens to me every time.

So, what do you think? Are you going to try this trend or are you happy to send it on its way?

What I Wore: GWO

Monday, Monday. After a girl's weekend out with my friends, I feel like my internal clock is having a meltdown. We didn't get to bed until after 2 a.m. both nights, but my brain likes to wake me up at 6 a.m. ALWAYS. I seriously pine for the days when I could sleep until noon. Teenagers have a pretty sweet setup.

But I did have a good time and I definitely did some major shopping, so I'm happy. I also ate a crapload of food and was introduced to the Whole Foods cookie bar so yeah. That happened.

It was still a little chilly on Thursday when we headed out on our adventure, and we were supposed to spend the night in the city, so I layered up accordingly:

Jacket: Calvin Klein (here and 50 percent off) Not only did I wear this again, but I completely badgered my friend Ellen into buying it too. Everyone needs it. Also, I bought this jacket, without realizing that I totally listed it as an option for jackets last week. I got home and was looking at my blog stats and was like "Hey, that's the jacket I bought on Thursday night!" I'm amazing.... ly oblivious.

Holy crap this explanation got really long.

Shirt: Gap (here)

Jeans: Calvin Klein (here as per usual and they are 40 percent off right now ahh!)

Boots: Call it Spring Milada (also on sale)
Scarf: H&M (my brother bought it for me) (similar) (so cheap)

Of course, by the time I'd tried on like, 9,000 things, I ditched the jacket and got tangled in the scarf. But it started out looking super cute, right? Also, my beloved boots are the best shopping shoes. I wore them for two days of marathon shopping and my feet only got sore around like, 6 p.m. the second day. That's gotta be a record.

Now I have some time to play dress-up -- er, I mean catch up on work. My room is currently just a mess of bags and tags so I should probably do something about that too. 

Tomorrow. 

Freaky Friday

 I'm headed off for the weekend, so I'm actually writing this on a Thursday. I  feel like a bolt of lightning might hit me for this blasphemy. Luckily, I'm sure I will see lots of heinous fashion in my travels, so I will snap pictures and share to appease the Freaky Friday gods.

For now, they're gonna have to deal.

Either these shoes make you run faster or look stupider: You're going to have to find out on your own. 

 I feel like if you have to encase a trend in a "without looking like a farmer" clause, it might be one to skip. 

 "I want it delicate, like a butterfly, but also violent, like an ax murderer got ahold of me." 

 Speaking of butterflies, why not just bring your own cocoon everywhere you go? 

 This jacket reminds me of what it would look like if Michael Jackson became a soccer mom. 

 This shirt is manic and it makes me have anxious feelings. 

 Wear these around me and I will nonstop make Finding Nemo jokes. You've been warned. 

I don't mind this swimsuit much IN THEORY, but while looking at it, I realized that the top looks like angry eyebrows and now I'm wondering what I did wrong to make it so mad at me. 

OK, I have like six loads of laundry to get done before I leave, so I'm off. Wish me good shopping and extreme discounts! 

xo.

Summer Style: Boat Shoes

Okay, so we all know that around July I start getting really sick of flip flops. This year, I decided to do a preemptive strike against summer shoe boredom by buying some cute alternatives that I could wear with shorts and summer dresses.

I bought these boat shoes a few months ago:

Roxy Skooner Boat Shoe

And when I bought them, I was like "Meh, I guess I'll get these." And that "meh" soon turned into "OMG I love these shoes everyone should have them forever and ever."

I get the fact that it's a boat shoe and who really cares, but I seriously wear these almost every single day. Not only are they super comfy, but they go with everything ever. And there are tons of adorable options all over the budget scale.

So, not surprisingly, I'm now super into boat shoes for summer. Check out my summer uniform lately: A button up, rolled bermudas and boat shoes. How simple and girl-next-door is this?

Green shirt / Lucky Brand jean shorts / Eastland boat shoes / B o c Børn Concept crossbody purse / Mango macrame bracelet / Alex and Ani stud earrings

Yeah, it's not groundbreaking, but when the idea of trying to build yet another outfit out of your Old Navy flip flops makes you physically ill, you'll thank me.

Alright, sound off: How do you feel about these guys? I'm kind of over my TOMS, so I feel like this is a nice alternative, right?