Freaky Friday

 There must have been something in the water, because three readers sent me weird Lycra creations screened with body parts. There's a sentence you don't say twice.

Sarah sent this to me, which says "I may look sexy, but I'm also making poop right now." 

 Lindsay sent me this one, which would come in handy if you wanted an instant six pack. 

And also to be followed around by Hannibal Lector. 

 Cari sent me this and was like "Check out that thigh gap!" I'm sensing a new trend this season: Femur gap. So hot right now. 

 What may be the ugliest purse that 100 percent looks like it was hocked up by my parent's cat, Mo. She's scared of everything and lives in the basement and only comes out once a day to eat and glare at you like you're going to sexually harass her before retreating back to the storage room. 

 Y'know, for your side job as a party clown. 

 For some reason, this shirt reminds me of this. 

 How. HOW. Can harem pants be getting uglier over time? This is not OK. That isn't a drop crotch. It's a drop shin. 

Hey sassy scarecrow, whatcha doin'? Standing sassily even though you look like a cat toy? That's cool. 

You guys, I wasn't feeling all that great so I stayed home in my pajamas and watching like, seven episodes of Drop Dead Diva. I feel bad for my children so I have to go take them somewhere fun today, le sigh. And by somewhere fun, I obviously mean somewhere they can have fun while I pursue a relationship with my Kindle. It's meaningful.

Happy weekend, friends! 

3 Ways to Wear a Kimono Top

If you haven't noticed kimono tops in every store right now, you probably haven't been shopping in a while. Because I was like, punched in the face with them repeatedly over the weekend. And I bought two. Because guess what? They're kind of perfect for summer, even if they seem a little weird and shapeless at first.

They're obviously not a direct representation of actual kimonos, but rather chiffon tops that are drapey, open and have large sleeves. So like a sexy robe that you only wear when your kids aren't around. But you can wear it (with clothes please) to the grocery store. Score! They're comfy, light and super pretty.

I think the trick with kimonos is that you need to balance them with a pretty sleek look underneath. Too much loose-ness and you're in patchouli burger territory. Instead, use it as a romantic-type topper on an otherwise fitted look.

And, if you're like "What the heck am I going to do with a kimono top?" I have some ideas for you.

1. Casual Date

Boohoo floral chiffon kimono / Mango blue jeans / Miss Selfridge clothing /
Aldo shoes / ALDO pink purse / Wet Seal bangle bracelet / Gold jewelry

How pretty would this be out to dinner? Answer: Very pretty. See how the rest of the outift is basic? Cami, jeans, flats. So easy. Throw on some huge bangles and you have a really simple boho look without going completely crazy. It kind of takes the place of a blazer or cardigan because honestly who wants a cardigan in the heat?

2. Church or Wedding

NLY Trend scalloped lace top, $30 / Boohoo chiffon kimono /
Dorothy Perkins pattern skirt / High heels stiletto / Dorothy Perkins green handbag /
ALDO ring / ALDO earrings / Miss Selfridge belt

Again, you can wear your kimono with a dress or skirt as long as it's a pretty fitted getup. I tried with all my might to see if I could get it to work with a maxi skirt and I think they only way to do that would be a fitted maxi with a very defined waist and/or belt. Otherwise it's just too much. But with a blush pencil skirt? Like, shut up it's so pretty.

Also, I saw a girl wearing a kimono with bermuda shoes and wedges the other day and it was super adorable, so there you go.

3. Beach

Boohoo chiffon kimono / Topshop black swimsuit / Topshop bathing suits bikini /
 GUESS bow flip flops / Qupid shoes / Hurley purse

Hey, awesome use for your kimono: Wear it to the pool or beach. Real talk here: The wedges would be a bit much for shlepping children to the pool, but so fun for a vacation with the hubs. Otherwise, some cute flip flops and an adorable swimsuit (I'm obsessed with these high-waisted bottoms!) and you're good to go. Added bonus: Some coverage when you're running into the gas station for pistachios which is what happens to me every time.

So, what do you think? Are you going to try this trend or are you happy to send it on its way?

What I Wore: GWO

Monday, Monday. After a girl's weekend out with my friends, I feel like my internal clock is having a meltdown. We didn't get to bed until after 2 a.m. both nights, but my brain likes to wake me up at 6 a.m. ALWAYS. I seriously pine for the days when I could sleep until noon. Teenagers have a pretty sweet setup.

But I did have a good time and I definitely did some major shopping, so I'm happy. I also ate a crapload of food and was introduced to the Whole Foods cookie bar so yeah. That happened.

It was still a little chilly on Thursday when we headed out on our adventure, and we were supposed to spend the night in the city, so I layered up accordingly:

Jacket: Calvin Klein (here and 50 percent off) Not only did I wear this again, but I completely badgered my friend Ellen into buying it too. Everyone needs it. Also, I bought this jacket, without realizing that I totally listed it as an option for jackets last week. I got home and was looking at my blog stats and was like "Hey, that's the jacket I bought on Thursday night!" I'm amazing.... ly oblivious.

Holy crap this explanation got really long.

Shirt: Gap (here)

Jeans: Calvin Klein (here as per usual and they are 40 percent off right now ahh!)

Boots: Call it Spring Milada (also on sale)
Scarf: H&M (my brother bought it for me) (similar) (so cheap)

Of course, by the time I'd tried on like, 9,000 things, I ditched the jacket and got tangled in the scarf. But it started out looking super cute, right? Also, my beloved boots are the best shopping shoes. I wore them for two days of marathon shopping and my feet only got sore around like, 6 p.m. the second day. That's gotta be a record.

Now I have some time to play dress-up -- er, I mean catch up on work. My room is currently just a mess of bags and tags so I should probably do something about that too. 

Tomorrow. 

Freaky Friday

 I'm headed off for the weekend, so I'm actually writing this on a Thursday. I  feel like a bolt of lightning might hit me for this blasphemy. Luckily, I'm sure I will see lots of heinous fashion in my travels, so I will snap pictures and share to appease the Freaky Friday gods.

For now, they're gonna have to deal.

Either these shoes make you run faster or look stupider: You're going to have to find out on your own. 

 I feel like if you have to encase a trend in a "without looking like a farmer" clause, it might be one to skip. 

 "I want it delicate, like a butterfly, but also violent, like an ax murderer got ahold of me." 

 Speaking of butterflies, why not just bring your own cocoon everywhere you go? 

 This jacket reminds me of what it would look like if Michael Jackson became a soccer mom. 

 This shirt is manic and it makes me have anxious feelings. 

 Wear these around me and I will nonstop make Finding Nemo jokes. You've been warned. 

I don't mind this swimsuit much IN THEORY, but while looking at it, I realized that the top looks like angry eyebrows and now I'm wondering what I did wrong to make it so mad at me. 

OK, I have like six loads of laundry to get done before I leave, so I'm off. Wish me good shopping and extreme discounts! 

xo.

Summer Style: Boat Shoes

Okay, so we all know that around July I start getting really sick of flip flops. This year, I decided to do a preemptive strike against summer shoe boredom by buying some cute alternatives that I could wear with shorts and summer dresses.

I bought these boat shoes a few months ago:

Roxy Skooner Boat Shoe

And when I bought them, I was like "Meh, I guess I'll get these." And that "meh" soon turned into "OMG I love these shoes everyone should have them forever and ever."

I get the fact that it's a boat shoe and who really cares, but I seriously wear these almost every single day. Not only are they super comfy, but they go with everything ever. And there are tons of adorable options all over the budget scale.

So, not surprisingly, I'm now super into boat shoes for summer. Check out my summer uniform lately: A button up, rolled bermudas and boat shoes. How simple and girl-next-door is this?

Green shirt / Lucky Brand jean shorts / Eastland boat shoes / B o c Børn Concept crossbody purse / Mango macrame bracelet / Alex and Ani stud earrings

Yeah, it's not groundbreaking, but when the idea of trying to build yet another outfit out of your Old Navy flip flops makes you physically ill, you'll thank me.

Alright, sound off: How do you feel about these guys? I'm kind of over my TOMS, so I feel like this is a nice alternative, right? 

What I Wore: Unseasonable

Ah, relaxed weekends are the best. I got a migraine Friday afternoon (they always start with my seeing flashing lights and it always takes me like, 10 minutes to realize what's happening. I also sent a client an invoice and a completely nonsensical email while in the "aura" of the migraine and read it back later and nothing made sense. So he also got an apology email). After downing some caffeine and medicating myself, we took the kids to see the new Dragons movie. I didn't cry.

JK I totally cried.

On Saturday we did some chores around the house and then my kids wanted to go to the Disney Store because they had allowance money and they're my children and as such, are spenders. I also happened upon an H&M sale. So I guess I'm living my life right.

It's been cool here the last few days, but I'm excited because it means I get to wear cute cotton jackets again. I totally wore this out and around on Saturday. Unseasonable temps for the win!

 Jacket: Calvin Klein (my mama bought it for me as an early bday present) (here and 40 percent off yessss) (similar) (similar)

Shirt: Gap (here) I buy these like they're going out of style but they aren't haaaa I'm funny.

Jeans: Calvin Klein (you know the drill)

Shoes: Bamboo (similar) (why are these called geek shoes? I take issue with that)

 I had to have this jacket because it's a moto style, but a really light cotton material, so I can wear it without dying in the summer. This absolutely does not count toward my leather jacket collection, right? 

Am I afraid of getting it dirty? Absolutely. But I LIVE MY LIFE. 

I do love these tees for the perfect amount of slouch. I've been living in them lately and want to buy more on my girl's trip this weekend. Also: Tee+jeans+cute flats= Saturday uniform forever. 

It's still pretty cool, so I'm going to soak up as much of it until it becomes blazing hot again. Last week, my husband's boss let my kids collect some eggs from his chicken coop (totally normal) and they were convinced that it was so hot, if they left them in my car, they would hatch.

Instead, my son accidentally stepped on his while getting in the car and I had egg in my center console. Luckily, it was hot, so it fried up nicely.

So yeah, I think I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts. 

Freaky Friday

 One thing I love about summer: My kids literally end up sleeping in until like, 10 am every morning. And, since I wake up around 6 am (not by choice I have the world's worst biological clock) I get like, four precious and beautiful hours to myself during which I can get stuff done.

It's happy.

Other things I love about summer: The fact that we got swimming lessons over and done with, reading my Kindle at the splash pad because I don't have to worry about my kids drowning, and the snow cone shack near my house that now has Birthday Cake flavor.

Also, Freaky Friday.

Bethany sent this over during my hiatus and said it looked like a homeschooling mom and then I died of accuracy.

 I'm not sure why this is a shoe. It looks like a Disney Jr. character. 

 Nora sent over this "purse," which I will now delete from my computer forever before my daughter finds it and becomes more ridiculous than she already is. 

 Brenda sent over this really uber-flattering gold lame maternity swimsuit, which incidentally are six words that have never been used together before. 

 Because you've always wanted your foot to look like a blind person's representation of Strawberry Shortcake. 

 "I Fell in a Waist-High Vat of Bleach and All I Got Was This Lousy Tunic"

So every time you look in the mirror you can question whether or not your shirt is buttoned correctly. 

 My husband already gets annoyed when I take too long to get ready. When the lag time is due to buckling roughly 62 straps on my shoes, we're probably getting divorced. 

Also, another fun fact about our relationship: My husband is so quiet that he scares me on a daily basis just by walking into a room. The other day I jumped when he turned a light switch on. 

Then I kicked him. 

And I wish I were wearing these. 

 Beetlejuice porn. 

 If I wanted a faded, wrinkled shirt, I'd just fish one out of the bottom of my closet. 

 And finally, don't forget: Sunday is Father's Day. Might I suggest buying him a British schoolboy's uniform disguised as a grown man's suit? 

Because we all know how I feel about man thighmeat. 

(Thanks Dawn!)

Alright, I'm off to do some Father's Day shopping of my own and then logging some blissed-out Kindle quality time while my kids run rampant at the trampoline gym. 

Summer is beautiful.