Jae Raids the Drugstore: Best (and Worst) Beauty Buys

Yay it's time for another beauty review post! Also, I have to tell you guys that I was at the mall on Monday, because -- you know -- Disney Store, and my family and I were in the food court gorging on Chick-Fil-A when a very, very, very badly dressed woman showed up and had someone taking pictures of her. I assume it was a fashion blogger of some sort because she was arranging and showing off what seemed to be really short bellbottoms and that fabric vest thing I had when I was 12. They even asked some poor guy to get out of the way for the pictures and I was DYING.

See also: Why I will never take outfit pics in public.

See also, also: Why I hate fashion bloggers.

I thought you'd enjoy that scenario. Because we're friends.

Anyway, on to the reviews! Here's what I've bought lately!

Maybelline Volum' Express The Mega Plush Mascara

Ughhhh this stuff is the worrrrrst. First of all, it's spelled volume, you can't just throw an accent in there and change the spelling. I bought this because I love things that say volume on them, or volum',as it were, and I thought this would be a good buy. IT SAYS MEGA. Instead, I got a brush that has the rigidity of cooked spaghetti and smeared EVERYWHERE. Like seriously. Sucks so bad. I even tried another brush to see if it made a difference and the formula was still crappy.

Urban Decay Naked Palette

I knew I was going to ask my husband for a Naked palette for Christmas, but I didn't want to do it until Naked 3 came out so I could compare all three. In the end, I went with the first palette. The second was too light for me and the third just didn't seem to have enough must-have colors. I mean, I'll still probably buy it, but this was a better place to start.

The colors are CRAZY amazing and soooo soft. Like, I want to say buttery, if it didn't make me actually crave butter. I've worn these every day since Christmas and the looks are always a little different. The highlighter shade is ah-mazing. Also, these colors don't crease, which is fantastic. I have the biggest eye creases ever. It's like the Grand Canyon up in there.

Also, if you have the chance to get the primer with this, do it. The color payoff it SO much better with the base and it lasts for forever. My husband was wise and got me two tubes of the stuff, so I"m set.

Yes, it's pricey. But for someone who goes through eyeshadow palettes like Miley Cyrus goes through flesh-colored bodysuits, it's worth the money.

VS Makeup VS PRO Magic FX Hypergloss Eye Shimmer

This stuff is magical, people. MAGICAL. It's a highlighter with a little bit of sparkle -- like, slightly chunkier than you'd get in a regular highlighter. I've been wearing it with the lightest Naked shade and just in the corner of my eyes and it's just enough to pop without looking like a stripper. And you know I'm all about not looking like a stripper.

e.l.f. Studio Conditioning Lip Balm SPF 15

I'm not even gonna lie, I threw this in my last ELF order because I had to get to $25 for free shipping. So I was pretty surprised when it became my hands down favorite product in the bunch. It's just a little tinted color, which is great with like, a smokey eye. I got a few more to stash around my bag and my husband's Jeep. And come on, it's like $3. I got some at Target, so you don't have to order to get more.

Maybelline Baby Lips Dr Rescue Lip Balm

YOU GUYS. Baby Lips, my fave lip balm of all time, has come out with a medicated version. I was so excited that when I found it I ran home and announced it to my friends on Facebook because sharing is caring.

I bought the coral color and I have no idea of the medicated stuff does anything, but it's kind of minty and enjoyable and I wear it nonstop all day. It's glossy and not sticky at all, with just a little color. I have like, six of these now. They're my precious...es.

Maybelline Volum' Express The Falsies Mascara - Black Drama

OK, so this didn't suck as hard as the Mega Plush, but it's still pretty sucky. Maybe I should stop buying things that say volum' on them. WHEN WILL I LEARN. Anyway, this brush felt slightly less like it needed Viagra, but it's still not great. I found it to be clumpy and flaky after a few hours. Live and learn, folks.

L'Oreal Paris Ideal Clean Foaming Gel Cleanser for All Skin Types

I'm suuuuuper picky about face washes and I usually use Clean and Clear, but it wasn't taking my makeup off very well -- especially after I switched to using the Urban Decay eyeshadow primer. So I swapped it out for this stuff, which is gel based and banishes every trace of makeup at night. And! It doesn't make my skin feel tight which is a crappy feeling. So it gets a thumbs up from me and my poor eyelids, which were scrubbed within an inch of their lives.

Haha eyelids don't have thumbs that's silly.

Maybelline The Colossal Volum' Express Washable Mascara

Nope, I didn't learn. After hating the first two volum' mascaras, I BOUGHT ANOTHER. WTH? But! I was pleasantly surprised by this one, so there. It gives tones of volum(e) and doesn't clump up, which I like. I also bought it in waterproof and it sticks around all day, so that was a major plus as well. Is it as good as by beloved Diorshow? Heck no. In fact, I'm running to the department store in a few minutes to replenish my stock. BUT! It's a solid backup and one from Maybelline that I didn't want to kill with fire. Win.


OK, that's all the products I could see littering my vanity at this time. What about you? Have any hits or misses to share?

What I Wore: Leather Weather

Aaaand I'm back. My kids are off school for MLK day and they're driving me nuts. I let them stay up WAY late last night in an effort to get them to sleep in this morning. Of course, they woke me up around 7, so that was an epic fail on my part. Now we're all just tired and grumpy and I may have bribed them with a trip to the Disney store if they're quiet. Excellent parenting, as always.

For now, here's an outfit post. I went on one of my classic shopping benders a week or two ago. It still wasn't as bad as the one last fall, but I accidentally bought stuff online and in person and it looked like a lot to my husband when it all arrived on the same day. Whoops. ANYWAY here's some of the stuff I bought shh don't tell.

Shirt: Calvin Klein (It's one of the "City Shirts" and it fits SO WELL. Like, I die over the fit and never want to take it off. This is a small, but they have tons on the site and the store is 30 percent off right now. Just sayin' And if you buy some we will be twins because I want more) (Here) (in solid)

Cardigan: Calvin Klein - the sleeves are suede omg (here) (similar plus size)

Pants: H&M (similar) (if you don't want to commit to all leather I totally understand)

Boots: Call it Spring Milada (here)

I feel like I'm wearing a lot of things that shouldn't be versatile, but are. Those boots go with everything and I can't stop wearing them. I love that they have a little wedge but are super comfortable -- I wore them through several hours of shopping and have no complaints. I've been wearing them with some faded black jeans and I feel like it increases my overall coolness factor like, at least 30 percent. 

And my trusty old leather pants give just enough to what would otherwise be a pretty conservative outfit. SO glad I have them, even if they're not a total must have, you know? I have to wear them when it's still cold outside because once it gets about like, 75 degrees these have to go away. 

Sweaty leather legs are not pretty.

Anyway, it's good to be back. I miss this crappy old blog. Come back on Wednesday for a beauty review post and find out why I literally have four completely full tubes of mascara on my vanity right now. 

How to Wear Different Boot Heights

 ***Hey guys, this is totally a repost. We had some really sad stuff happen in our little community over the weekend (I'm not trying to be vague on purpose, it's just not up to me to divulge the details) and it would be wholly inappropriate to react by posting pictures of myself prancing around on the Internet. I know I'm always bummed when a blog has old or no content for a week, but it's a necessary evil at least until Monday. You guys still love me, right?**

As the coldest winter in the history of mankind trudges on, I've found that I literally have not worn anything but boots for like, a month. Yesterday, while I was organizing my closet -- yes, I occasionally do that -- I was pulling out boots left and right and mentally cataloging all of the boots I want to buy when they go on sale in like, March. Oh yes, they will be mine. Anyway, since I'm kind of sick of wearing boots in general, I thought it might help if I made some outfit ideas with different boot lengths. Because seriously, if I have to wear another boot/cardigan combo, I might throw up. Of course, that might have something to do with the flu but STILL.

Ankle Boots

People Tree jersey shirt, $43 / Mango slim jeans / Aéropostale studded shoes / Messenger bag / Black jewelry / Giani Bernini celtic jewelry, $13

Ankle boots are tricky for me because I have a generous backside which is a really nice way of saying huge butt. Little shoes + huge butt makes me look like Humpty Dumpty. Still, you can get away with it as long as you know your proportions and you keep your clothes slim-fitting. Wearing ankle boots with too much volume up top could make you look like you have teeny little pins for legs ESPECIALLY if you carry your weight in your belly. I like ankle boots with tons of hardware, since they look more substantial to stay balanced. Also notice that all the boots today are flat because hello, it's winter and I live in Utah and everything is covered in ice. The other day I was wearing like, the smallest 1" heels and I almost killed myself trying to get into our Jeep. I have learned my lesson.

Mid-Calf Boots

Roxy raglan sleeved t shirt / Military coat, $40 / Big Star boyfriend jeans / Charlotte Russe zipper boots / Zipper bag / Frye leather bracelet

Mid-calf boots can visually cut your leg in half, so I like to wear mine with a rolled cuff, That way, I'm controlling where the cutting happens and I can extend it a little. Luckily, I have longer legs and I can deal. This would not be great if you have short legs... it'll look like you have little knee stumps. Choose an ankle or knee boot instead. I love wearing my mid-calf boots with tomboy-ish stuff. I think they look better with looser, less prim clothes. I may have worn an exact replica of this outfit a few days ago, except that I also wore a hat. My hair was messy and I have roots. Don't judge.

Knee-High Boots

Boyfriend cardigan / Zalando cotton blazer, $24 / H&M leopard print skirt, $32 / Old Navy low heels / Mango patent leather tote / Yellow jewelry

These babies are the most flattering and where you should start if you're a total newb. You probably already know how to wear skinnies with knee high boots, but I also wear my flat boots with skirts, too. I like how it makes them look more sporty and less board room, so you can get away with wearing them casually. Tip: Wear tights, too. It's hard to go wrong with knee-high boots, they're super easy. I wear mine with colored skinnies, jeans, skirts and maxi dresses and skirts.

Over-the-Knee Boots

Button down shirt / Skinny fit jeans, $35 / Charlotte Russe kitten heels / Canvas satchel, $16 / Leather cuff bracelet, $40 / Juicy Couture jewelry / Topshop 

Alright, Pretty Woman. If you're looking for some over-the-knee boots, remember that they make your legs look really short. To balance it, belt your shirt at your skinniest part and it'll trick people into thinking that's where your legs start. That way, you get longer thighs before the boot cuts 'em off. Wow, that sounded really violent. Also, choose boots that go JUST over the knee. Anything higher and you're off to Hookerville, do you hear me? I like over-the-knee with more polished looks and jeans rather than skirts.

Surfing around and finding outfits has given me some awesome boot ideas and I really bad case of I-want-to-buy-everything-itis.

What's your go-to boot outfit? Seriously I am SO boot-bored and need ideas!

Freaky Friday: Worst of 2013

 Aww yeah I'm about to have some fun today. Not only is in Freaky Friday but my kids are off school so my friends and I plan to turn 'em loose at the trampoline gym while we gossip. So I'm pretty pumped for that.

And today's an extra special Freaky Friday because I'm about to wrap up the absolute worst trends of 2013. I am so glad to see these go. Like harem pants, they'll go down in history as serious "WTH did Kim Kardashian actually wear that?"

Let's do it.




 "Music Festival Fashion"

 ...because someone spent a lot of money to look that poor.

"Flatforms Platform Shoes"

...that are flat and make your feet look like huge boats that allow you to walk on water.

"Crop Top Shirts"

 And how I feel when I see a cute shirt in the store but pick it up to find out it's two inches long and like, nine feet wide.

 "Animal Sweaters"

Seriously, I could not be MORE over grown women dressing in Garanimals. Also, those shorts.

"Fashion Ball Caps"

What you actually look like:

 (Seriously just wear a normal hat like everyone else so you don't look like a Fly Girl.)

 "Sheer Dresses" (I blame Gwyneth)

 Yeah, there's these really cool new things called underpants and they make it so you don't show your ladybits to the world.

 

 "High-Low Skirts"

 Because I feel like a Peeping Tom every time someone wears this.

 "Sneaker Wedges" (Thanks Andrea for sending these over!)

I will admit I enjoyed a brief moment in time where I wondered if these could be a thing. Then I found out Beyonce had these made in ostrich, croc and stingray skin and I was like oh honey no. Do you WANT to get abused by PETA?

 Not even Bey can make that work.


Those are my worst ones for the year...  did I miss any?

Reader Question: Frigid Fashion

Mari sent over this question and I thought it required a full blog as opposed to a quick answer. Let's all thank her and enjoy.

"I'm experiencing sub zero temps and wicked wind chill factors of -30 with the recent weather. I want to maintain my adorable look, but I'm worried I may have to sacrifice fashion for frumpy in order to be safe. Help!"

YOU GUYS on the East Coast/Canada, I'm feeling for you. I talk to my family members up there every day or two and after going without power over Christmas and now dealing with a POLAR VORTEX up there, I am kiiind of patting myself on the back for not living there anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love my hometown and Canadians are the nicest ever, but I don't miss the winters at all. They conjure images of trying to get to school my my nose hairs froze together. It wasn't pretty.

I still live in a pretty cold climate, but the difference is the sun. Utah gets tons of winter sun, so it's usually more mild and not so soul crushing. Still, you have to know how to dress warmly either way.

Can I just say how annoying it is to see a "winter" spread in a magazine or on a blog (this one made me lol) and their ideas are in no way realistic. It's like what people in California would imagine winter was like -- slightly nippy and swathed in pumpkin spice lattes. The rest of know that they're silly, so let's talk ways about staying warm without losing all sense of fashion.


 Use Color

Yes, you have to cover your cute clothes up with a ton of warm layers, but if your coat is a bright color, you can fight off some of the sads that come with crappy winter slushy snow. I love a bright red jacket -- I have a red wool pea jacket that always makes me happy when I pull it out.

Belt that Sucka

One of the worst parts about warm coats is the fact that they can be totally shapeless and then you're just this marshmallow of nylon making your way through the awful, awful month of February (oh how I dread it). Adding a belt -- or buying a jacket that comes with a belt -- can help remind everyone that there's actually a woman inside there. Also, this with some jeans and warm boots is instantly adorable.






Layer Like Crazy

Another issue with cold weather is the fact that you're usually going from outside to inside pretty quickly, so you'll need to be able to ditch a few layers. I love down vests for this purpose: I layer them over a tank and a hoodie and then wear a thinner jacket over top. I'm warm enough outside and then I can ditch the jacket and vest inside if I need to.I also love vests for wearing over workout gear because we all know that the only thing worse than exercising is being cold on the way to said exercise.
Either way, layering is your friend in the winter. Stock up on thinner hoodies, sweaters and long sleeved tees and then use them as base pieces for warmer layers.





Actual Warm Accessories

Now is the time to put away those lightweight scarves and bring out the big guns. I hoard wool scarves because they're awesome to wear with leather jackets on days when the sun comes out to play. You're also going to need some good gloves (I like leather, but I also keep a pair of wool mittens in my car for emergencies) and a hat. Looking for accessories with patterns and colors brings a little bit of light to your outfit while still being functional. And if it's not functional you can just get out right now.

You can also layer up accessories. Extra socks and gloves are par for the course around here.





Cute, Weatherproof Boots

Yeah, your run-of-the-mill boots might be cute, but if they're leather or patent, they're going to suck in the snow. You need to invest in a pair of weatherproof boots -- extra points if they would look adorable with skinnies and a bomber jacket, like these would. Yes, they'll cost more than the $30 pair you picked up at Target, but they'll also keep your feet dry and that's worth the extra money. Because wet feet make everyone angry. EVERYONE.






Go for Pockets

When picking winter coats, I always choose one with tons of pockets for a few reasons. The first is that I don't usually wear a purse with a huge jacket. It looks weird and it's a pain and a hazard if you slip and fall. Not that it ever happens to me. Anyway, I stash everything in my pockets and then add a couple of those Hot Hands packets. I buy a ton at the start of winter and we use them all by the time March rolls around.

If you do choose to wear a purse or bag, look for something you can wear crossbody so you can go hands free.


I know I'm the judgiest when it comes to well, everything. But if growing up in Canada taught me anything, it was:
a) That you hold the door open for others or you might as well surrender your citizenship card like, right now.
b) The winter is no joke.
Therefore, being safe trumps being fashionable when it's colder than the surface of Mars. Color and belts and pretty scarves are well and good, but you need to stay warm above all.

Mari, hopefully that helps out. And I hope that it thaws out a bit there. Until then, button up, wear some gloves and cover your dang ankles.

What I Wore: Best of 2013

So I totally haven't gotten the hang of being back on schedule again. Which is weird because my schedule and I are like, BFFs. But this is the first time I've been able to sit at my computer all day. I know this means I need to start getting up early again and this makes me sad and tired. Especially when I just want to stay up late and watch The Bachelor. Women are insane.

Anyway, while I get myself situated and catch up on my DVR, here's a little roundup of some of 2013's best outfits according to myself. It's also fun to see my addiction to hair dye in pictures.

That time I wore cowboy boots and a tutu because I can.
When I looked like I was in a White Snake video and ran through a parking lot barefoot. 
Basically my favorite skirt ever. Also, a classy way to say "LOOK AT MY BUM."
White dresses are my jam.
Monochromatic looks make me happy. Almost as happy as shopping my feelings.
Speaking of which, that time I went on a four-day shopping bender.
When I got sick of mint and peach as a color combo.
The holy grail of dresses. And long hair.
I have crazy eyes in this picture. They're almost as ridiculous as those shoes.
I love this dress almost as much as not blow drying my hair.
My uniform. Did I tell you that a bunch of 18 year old boys liked this outfit? Because they did.
My fave purchase of 2013. This dress makes my husband uncomfortable.

So, now it's your call. Entering another year, what do you want to see around here? I feel like you realllly like beauty reviews, so I have some on the docket, but what else? More outfit ideas? Maternity stuff? More plus size ideas? Speak now or forever hold your peace and by that I mean don't send me angry emails.

Because let's not forget Yoko-gate. I have a lot of "gates." And hate mail. One day I shall post them.

Also, this Friday will be 2013's worst trends, so if there's something that's totally getting your goat, let me know.

Freaky Friday

I really, really want to be taking a nap right now. I don't know why I'm not. I spent the afternoon shopping with a friend and corralling my 4-year-old and now I'm just tired. I know those are some seeeerious first world problems.  But it's not Friday without some freakiness, so I'll finish this quick and hit the pillow while my kids watch Turbo for the millionth time. YAY.

And yes I bought shoes stop being so nosy geez.

Thank goodness for awesome readers who send me ugly clothes and make this part of the blog easy.

 If The Croods and Sweet Valley High had a love child. Yeah that's right I'm mixing media references. (Thanks Brooke!)

 When Paul Bunyan decides that he was really mean to be Paula.

 This belt was clearly made by a blind carnie named Verne so please give generously.

 I like my patriotism where it matters. My crotch.

 From the awkward "Can we still call him Prince, or...?" years. 

 How much you wanna bet she makes a crinkle sound when she walks?

 Heidi sent these leggings, which were listed as "Church leggings" because religion is the very first thing you think of when looking at someone's upper thigh area.

She also sent me these boots, which reminded me of "My Strange Addiction" this week. The girl was addicted to pony play, which is apparently when you dress up as a horse and a live trainer makes you prance around a farm.

No, really. 

 Ugh, it's not even that this grown woman is wearing a crop top with mouths on it. It's just that the mouths are so darn unappealing. 

When you want to show off your lady business but also kind of look like a black M&M.

OK, I really need to go. This post took an hour to write because I kept getting distracted by online shopping. There is something wrong with me.