Freaky Friday: I Heart Readers

Augh, I'm just getting over a bout of the flu that decided to ruin my life yesterday, so I was glad when I realized I didn't have to search for bad clothes on my own... you guys had sent me some that needed their turn in the limelight. And that, my readers, is why I love you.



L. (name changed to protect the spotter) sent me this atrociousness. The strips of lace fabric are about as necessary as a calorie counter at McDonalds.


Michelle sent me this dress, which is sadly from one of my favorite dress shops. I'm willing to give them a pass based on the fact that I think someone was hungover when this was designed. Don't let it happen again!



Oh, my hatred for shirts with vapid sayings on them has been rekindled. Really? Blink if you like me? Hey mannequin; how about "breathe if you think I'm annoying?" (Thanks Lindsay!)


I got this fug shoe from C., who sent an email saying "Found these at Urban Outfitters. 'Nuff said."

Really, you mean to tell me Urban Outfitters is selling ugly pothead poncho flip flops that only ultimate hipsters would wear? Well, that's just not like them.


Stacey sent me these rainbow skinnies which only ever be appropriate at Pride. Granted, the shoes are adorable.



Annie sent over this "vintage" "Lady Gaga" bodysuit.

Hold the phone. Are they saying that it's Lady Gaga because it looks like something WOULD wear, or are they saying that because it's something she actually DID wear.

Because either way, bodysuits probably aren't something you really wanna buy used.


Lauren sent over these lonely cat lady skinnies. I'm sorry, since when did skinny jeans just become a blank canvas for insane people?

She also pointed out the fact that the shoes and pants are both cat-based. I think that's the first time I've ever had to use the term "cat-based."

This calls for a cat-based meme.


Bahahaha that cat just looooves a sale.



Stacey sent me these bad boys. All reproductive connotations aside, what's up with the bull horn for a heel?


OK, as someone who works out on a fairly regular basis, I can *kinda* see how a hoodie with a ponytail hole (sent by Julia) could be.... convenient? It's the execution I have a problem with. Just seeing a ponytail poking out the back is gonna make you look like a horse butt, no doubt about it.


Kirsten and Amanda both sent me some shoes which I felt should go together. The second pair is called "Demonia." I hereby christen the first pair "Hauntmydreamsforeveria."



Because nothing says "Run far, far away before I make a scrapbook of what our future children would look like" quite like making your guy wear a shared sweatshirt.

See how they're looking off in different directions? It's because they're watching their self respect float off into the distance. (Thanks Petra!)


Seriously guys, keep the freakiness rolling in. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Of course, that could also be the fever and meds.

But I prefer to think it's because of you.

Pinterest Barf

That could be the worst blog title I've ever come up with. But I'm just doing a pic dump and I feel like barf was the only way to describe what's about to go down.

But seriously, I love Pinterest. I don't actually DO anything that I pin, but I respect that it's there. For a blogger, Pinterest is a wealth of outfit ideas when all we want to do is wear yoga pants to the grocery store. I'm constantly pinning outfit ideas all the live-long day. Are we friends yet? We should be.

I was paging through my Pinterest boards when I should have been asleep last night and realized that I Had a bunch of ideas that I could share with you.

Now, caution. Not everything is a winner on Pinterest. These shorts make me want to strangle a My Little Pony.


And yesterday I saw watermelon painted nails and they were gross. But there are good ideas to be had. Since I'm the laziest DIYer of life, I've handpicked some fun stuff that you can do that won't require that you own something called a "craft room" in your home.

Check it out and click the pic for the original pin.


This mani looks surprisingly doable, which is more than I can say for some of the stuff out there. I have a black nail pen that would make this uber-easy, but I'd have to goad my husband into doing it. And then there's the whole awkward moment where I explain to my friends that my husband helped me with my manicure. He's an architect, OK!? He has steady hands for this kind of thing!!


I could totally do this with the thrifty heels I got when I felt flustered in a secondhand store and just grabbed the nearest item and purchased them on the spot. I don't know why I'm so stressed while thriving. Just talking about it makes me hyperventilate. But these could bring me back from the brink!

Just no cat fabric, k?


Hair chalking! You guys, I totally do this all the time and it's super easy. I just grabbed a box of pastels from the art supply store. Run the pastel over your hair in a downward motion and when you get the color you want, set it with hairspray. It lasts all day and comes out in the wash. I love do add a little red and pink when I'm feeling old and want people to mistake me for a 15-year-old Hot Topic shopper... with two kids.


LOVE LOVE this idea just for its pure brilliance. You know those heels and flats you have that have scuffed toes? Tape off the toes and add another color and BAM you're fashion-forward and thrifty! I seriously need to try this. Off to dig out some shoes from my collection!




The lazy DIYer in me respects a no-sew project. My daughter wanted to make Barbie beds out of shoeboxes on Saturday and I used an inordinate amount of fabric glue. This scarf would be sooo easy to make and it's enough to make your tee and jeans look like something more than just throwing on whatever was clean.


My makeup brushes are always stuck at the bottom of my makeup drawer. But I love this for keeping them clean and not covered in eyeshadow dust! I have a hankering to go to the dollar store for organizational material. This could be bad.


OK, so a singular bow on top of your head is really weird and Gaga-ish, but I can totally handle this laid-back boho version. It's adorableness consumes me. Consuuuuuuuuumes.


So what do you think? Any of these worth trying? Now it's your turn... what's your fave style pin on Pinterest? Anything you wish would disappear immediately? (Ie: "Thinspirational" quotes about eating dust so you can look like Gwyneth Paltrow gag me please)

What I Wore: Cooling Off

It's been sooooo hot here later that I a) have been living in flip flops and b) not doing my hair ever. Like, not joking -- I went a straight four weeks without a blow dryer ever touching my hair. That is UNHEARD OF. It's just the idea of blasting hot air on myself when it's 104 outside. It literally makes me want to set myself on fire.

YES I AM AWARE OF THE IRONY.

SO imagine my supreeze (movie? Anyone?) when it started raining last week and cooled things off. Ahhhh heaven. I didn't want to waste time, so I fired up my blow dryer and dragged out my beloved cowboy boots.

Real fashion bloggers stare blankly at the camera.
Top: JCPenney
Belt: Uhhhh?
Jeans: Local boutique (Contagious)
Boots: Soda
Earrings: Heirloom from my jewelry lovin' Nanny
Bracelet and ring: F21

Kidding! We all know I'm not a real fashion blogger. Also, this just in: I will buy any shirt with a side-tie feature. Oh my cuteness. Also, the pattern is tiny bows. I die.


YAY tiny bows!

Today's supposed to be the last non-scorcher day for a while so I'd better be a good mom and get my kids some vitamin D. Lately we've been hiding in the A/C and watching My Little Pony on Netflix. Like... I actually know their names now. Apple Jack is my favorite. I hate myself.

Freaky Friday: Fun with Keywords

Hey guys!

So, it was my birthaversary yesterday (I was married on my birthday which freaks people out) and I had so much fun. First, my hubs and I went to a wedding at the same place we were married a gajillion years (read: nine) ago. It was awesome.


Seriously, we look like baby fetuses in this picture. SO YOUNG. I love this picture. It's just happy.

Then we headed home and were sans kids for a bit so we did prezzies. I love to wakeboard and my husband had accidentally dropped my fins (the dealies that go on the bottom) in Lake Powell last year so I've been boarding sans fins. So when he handed me a packet of fins I was like wow, easy there romantic. Replacement fins for our old wakeboard. But he had actually gotten me my own wakeboard fit for my weight and height instead of his. I am SO excited to give it a shot. Of course, it's supposed to rain all weekend. Curse you watersports gods!!


Also, I bought this dress on Monday to specifically wear on my birthday and was overjoyed to find that it matched my wakeboard. Meant to be. Alas, I will wait until next week to get on the water.

He also bought me a pair of new workout shoes that I needed badly and a couple of other pairs (what? he knows the way to my heart) We ate out and got cake and it was lovely. See? I actually like having my anniversary on my birthday. My poor hubs feels like he totally has to make it the best day ever and I get spoiled.

Anyway, it was awesome and I'm feeling very relaxed for the weekend. So let's do some Fun with Keywords, shall we? If you're new to the blog, Fun with Keywords is when I find the search queries used to find my site for some freakiness. You would be surprised at what the heck people come up with to find me. Hey, I don't judge!

Baahahaha we all know that's a lie.

"Jim Halpert's chest."

Um, has Jim ever gone topless on "The Office?"

Apparently, he has. Now my search history is peppered with "Shirtless Jim Halpert" queries and I feel weird.

Also, he is hairier than I would have guessed. What an educational blog I have!

"How to stop dressing like a 12 year old and start dressing like I'm 20." (Yes, someone searched this.)

Ooh, I'm sorry, this is How Not to Dress Like a Mom. You're looking for How Not to Dress Like a Toddler.

"Lady Gaga makeup tips."

My best tip? Don't.

"Awful infomercial clothing."

Oh, there is TOO much:
How about the Wearable Towel?
The Collar Card?
Our favorite Pajama Jeans?
The Booty Pop?
MUSIC VEST (Elegant and versatile!)
All so good.

"How do people dress for weddins?"

Oh, dressing for weddin's is WAY different than dressing for weddings. I mean, is there going to be a mechanical bull and a hoedown? If so, you'll probably wanna git somethin' fancy, like ironed Wranglers and that belt buckle you got at the saddle shop.

Or this.

'Merica.


"Amish urinal cakes."

I don't even....
no comment.

"Cool clothes for a 40-year-old hipster."

Dude. You are officially too old to be a hipster. You're the kind of person who makes hipsters mad. Here they are, trying to be all urban and cool and then all of a sudden you're like "Oh I actually listened to record players when they were legitimately the only choice. "

Not cool man. Not cool.

"Clogs and capris."

Leave my blog immediately.

"Cute fashion lines for when you're 8?"

First of all, you're too young to be on a computer, so go have a time out. Secondly, uh... Garanimals?


Alright, I have work to get back to and a long day of admiring my new shoes planned, so I'm out. Happy Friday lovelies!

Summer Dresses on a Budget

If it seems like I've been wearing dresses and skirts a lot, it's probably because I've been wearing dresses and skirts lot. Temps are in the triple digits here and I find pants and shorts generally insufferable, so out come the dresses! If you're still shying away from dresses, I can't see why: They're one piece, super easy, and the fastest way to look put together.

Need more reasons? Check out some of these awesome summer dresses and ideas. I did my best to keep the prices under $50 and find places that'll ship to the U.S. My apologies to your husband and your bank account.

Nautical Dresses:

A|Wear nautical dress, $49 / Dorothy Perkins cotton dress, $23 / Joules nautical dress, $46 / A|Wear mini dress, $38 / Mango dress, $26 / Platform wedge / Qupid ankle wrap sandals / Qupid Finder 69 Red Velvet Sculpted Peep Toe Platform Wedges

Nautical is SO summer. Navy, red, and white with graphic prints like stripes or dots is the fastest way to achieve it. Grab one of these and throw around words like "starboard" for no apparent reason. Extra points if you wear gold jewelry and constantly refer to your husband as "first mate."

Cocktail Dresses:

Wallis animal print dress / Dorothy Perkins floral print dress, $46 / Dorothy Perkins dress, $46 / Dorothy Perkins grey dress, $47 / Wallis black cocktail dress / Platform heels / Peep toe shoes / Wet Seal platform shoes / Charlotte Russe high heel pumps / Michael Antonio shoes

So, if you have an evening wedding to attend during the summer, the trick to hot
weather cocktail dresses is to wear fewer accessories.
Honestly, a good cocktail dress is kind of like an accessory itself.
Look for details; lace, patterns and texture all count.
Then, add some crazy awesome shoes and you're pretty much done.

Maxi Dresses:

Ruffle neck dress / Dorothy Perkins twist dress, $26 / V neck dress, $23 / Knit maxi dress / Short cardigan / Calvin Klein Underwear draped top / Carly Knit Maxi Dress - Extended Length / Ankle tie wedge / Charlotte Russe strappy wedge / Zara wedge heel shoes / Platform wedge / Promise Shoes black wedge heels

If you didn't notice, maxi dresses are kind of a summer staple for me.
It's like wearing pajamas to WalMart only more socially acceptable. The gold standard
for maxi dresses are wedges, but they're totally cute with flat strappy
sandals too. I bought an adorable maxi to wear tomorrow and I'm excited
in a nerdy fashion kinda way. I also like having some maxi dresses
that I can wear alone and some that look better with layers. YAY SUMMER.

Casual Dresses:

A|Wear cap sleeve dress, $16 / Wrap dress / H&M dress, $31 / A|Wear lace cocktail dress, $47 / Dorothy Perkins cotton dress, $34 / H&M dress, $39 / Wallis print dress / Military dress / Suede boots / A|X Armani Exchange leather sandals / Oasis leopard loafer, $37 / TOMS flat / Michael Antonio gold sandals / N.Y.L.A. wedge heels / Beige shoes / Charlotte Russe glitter flat

What do I wear when grocery shopping, checking out the farmer's mark,
or ignoring my children while they play at the park?
Why, casual dresses of course ! I find them to be way cooler than shorts and hello!?
They're totally adorable. Wear 'em with flats, sandals, and boots...
TOMS too if you can handle it and don't hate them.
(I heart mine, so there you go.)

Peplum Dresses:

Dorothy Perkins peplum dress, $23 / Dorothy Perkins peplum dress, $39 / Dorothy Perkins peplum dress, $47 / Platform heels / Platform shoes / Restricted high heels / Forever 21 beaded clutch / Clutch handbag / Clutch handbag

Peplum dresses are SO summer for two reasons.
1) It's just fun to say "peplum." Try it right now! I wasn't lying.
2) It's a fun change from the same old dresses.
Super ladylike, I love them for formal stuff and business. Add a cardi to dress one down.
How do you make sure your peplum is modern and not scary 80s?
Look for more demure peplum. A bow or just a halfsie peplum feature is more 2012 than an entire Madonna-esque half skirt from your senior prom.

In short, I'm saying that dresses are awesome for summer and
you should wear them constantly.

Which one's your fave? Are you a dress wearer or do you fear that moment
when you wear a dress somewhere outside of church and someone is
like "Why are you all dressed up?" Ugh, so annoying.

Rut-Busting with Revlon

This post brought to you by Revlon. All opinions are 100% mine.

When Revlon asked me to be part of their Revlon Expression Experiment, I was all-in. You guys know that I'm a complete sucker for makeup, but I'll be the first to admit that I totally get stuck in a rut every so often. You know the drill; there's a kid hanging off of your pantleg, you're late for swimming lessons, you just finished a workout, and then you have like 3.2 seconds to grab your mascara and go. That's why I've always tended to stick with the same stuff: I know it works, and I use it. End of story.

But Revlon sent me a ton of new products to try, and it totally forced me out of my comfort zone and out of my year-old makeup rut and I'm super excited about it!

Because I'm timid like that, I hit the nail polish first. Nail polish I can handle. Especially when it goes on my toes. I slicked it on for an afternoon on the boat and caught myself staring at my toes for roughly 60 percent of the time. Therefore, I officially declared it the new nail polish color of summer: ColorStay Longwear Nail Enamel in Marmalade = Love!

When I got my Expression kit, I saw the eyeshadow palettes and immediately went into "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis" mode. The first one I grabbed was a collection called "Inspired" and it features turquoise, chartreuse, beige, and navy. YEAH. I couldn't remember the last time I rocked the blue eyeshadow.

But now, I'm kind of obsessed. I always thought that I shouldn't wear blues because y eyes are blue and it washed them out, but it ended up being the perfect bright eye for summer. Observe, my friends!

Yup, I'm a fan.

Here's the thing. I did an ombre look, which would normally be torturous on me because I have super-deep eyelid creases and all eyeshadow ends up hanging out there like its the watercooler or something. Luckily, Revlon also sent me this life-changing PhotoReady Eye Brightener+Primer.

I bow down! Notice how bright and non-tired my eyes are, despite the fact that I spent the weekend sleeping outside? I'm in love.

Want a quick tutorial?

OK. so I primed first, and then I dabbed more into the corner of my eyes to banish darkness and make me look 10X more well-rested than I really was. I used the green color over my tear ducts, the beige on my brow bone, the turquoise in the middle, and then I used a smoky brush to add navy to the outer corners. The entire thing took like, a minute. Then, I skipped the eyeliner completely and went straight for a coat of mascara.

Take that, makeup rut! This look is totally in my new rotation and it's replacing my usual smoky eye for the summer months.

Another way that I spiced up my routine was with a red lip. Now, I usually reserve the red lip for major occasions, because it can be a little high maintenance what with the lining and the reapplying. Which is why I was overjoyed to see that I'd also received ColorBurst Lip Butter in Cheryr Tart, which might be the most perfect red ever known to man.

Drooooool. It's like this lipstick lip balm hybrid that I've reviewed before. I love it because it's really low key and has a little bit of sheerness to it.

It's like, girl next door red instead of like, drag queen Miss Piggy red. It's so easy to just wear while running errands and it finishes a face super fast. You could also totally use it to amp up a brighter red lip. I also slicked it over my red lipstick and it made it shinier and easy to wear because it wasn't all dried out and icky. Win!

So yeah, I'm totally all over this Experiment. It gave me a chance to play with colors that I probably wouldn't have picked up by myself. And yeah, I totally went to the grocery store all dolled up in my effort to bust a rut. And it was the foxiest trip to the grocery store EVER.

Seriously, it doesn't take any extra time and it might just shift your outlook a tad.

So what do you say? Are you a tried, tested, and true kinda gal or do you love to switch up your look?

I mean really... turquoise eyeshadow? Who knew?

Freaky Friday: Swimwear

Ha! You guys, I woke up to this picture in my email. It's my youngest brother Dallin, noting that despite we live thousands of miles away from each other (Dallin lives in England, where he's completing his LDS mission next month) we still are the same person. This makes me laugh TOO hard. I call Dallin my mini-me, but he's actually like three feet taller than me for reals.

OK! onto the freakiness. I was looking through my files and realized that it's a month into a summer and I Haven't even made fun of swimsuits yet. Yes, I keep multiple Freaky Friday files on my computer. It's embarrassing, but I'm an organized blogger, OK?



Oh, so that's what I forgot at the beach! My overalls!



Fastest way to inspire hatred in Jae: Wear Ed Hardy at the beach and then dress up your dog the same way. Actually, that's the second fastest way.

The first is be Lady Gaga.


Ultimate hipster swimwear: It's so vintage, it's Renaissance

Please cue the angry emails in which an angry hipster informs me that this picture is not actually Renaissance but Neoclassicism and then I shoot myself. Happens. Every. Time.



Ohhhh the tan lines. DO NOT WANT! Not to mention the fact that you'd have to be a size 00000 to pull this off. Consider the squidge factor, people!


You could knit this yourself, but why would you?

Also: Underboob.


This monstrosity is by Armani and is sold out and also I hate everything. I'm sweating just looking at this. And then sand sticks to sweat and gets matted in your fur and then it's just embarrassing.


Why not head to the beach looking like Mad Max?

OMG, I have a swimsuit with a big metal ring in the top and it looks cute but the thing feels like molten lava in the sun. Whose idea was that?


This 100 percent looks like something that a Project Runway contestant pulled off with some sailing canvas, three straws, a shoelace and a "make it work" attitude.


Hey, model: Wanna join the Sandwich Club? Initiation is that you have to eat a sandwich. You go first.



I guess it could be worse... it could be men's swimwear.



Come on, that's gotta be enough to make you feel pretty awesome in your tankini, right?