What I Wore: Blue Suede Shoes

All my Facebook friends knew when I bought these shoes AND when I got them in the mail, so they should definitely know about the first time I wore them. I'm kind of obsessed with these blue shoes. I have another pair of teal Steve Madden's, but the corset detail on the back of these babies was too adorable to miss. Anad a bow!? Swoon! They came in black, red, nude and blue and I thought, what the heck... everyone needs some blue shoes. Even Elvis knew that.



Tank top: Charlotte Russe
Tuxedo cardigan: Joe
Skirt: Arden B
Shoes: Qupid
Necklace: F21
Bangles: Charlotte Russe

Normally I wouldn't pair blue shoes with a blue top, but I really loved the idea of doing a peacock/jewel tone type of outfit. Still, I'm dying to wear these with a plainer shirt because I think they would be adorable in like, 9,000 different applications.

Also, I thought I looked short in that picture until I realized that the chair behind me looks like it belongs in a dollhouse. Those shoes gave me an extra five or six inches so I clocked in around 5'9", Take that, Tyra!


My peacock necklace sees as much action as I'll give it. It generally matches anything, but I love to wear it with white. Also, fun fact: If your feathered accessories get a little crazy because you left them in your vanity drawer under your makeup case (not that it ever happens to me or anything) use a little hairspray to get it back into shape.



I could not love a human baby as much as I love these shoes.

Blue shoes: Not a must-have, but definitely a probably-should-have.

Freaky Friday

Happy Friday everyone! I have a full day of work and play and a wedding to get to, so let's make fun of some clothes, shall we? It makes me feel better about myself when I haven't gotten dressed yet. I might be wearing pajamas... but at least I'm not wearing this crap!



THIS is why no one dresses femininely or modestly anymore. Because this is what we're left with. A $200 potato sack and a frowny face model.


The other night, my husband and I were folding laundry when he came across a pair of kids overalls. He looked at them for a minute before asking if they were our son's or our daughter's. (Despite being three years apart, they're roughly the same size.) I stared him down before I reminded him that I would never put our children in overalls. Ever. I still don't know where they came from. But we don't do overalls in our family because they always end up looking like your butt needed a snack.

You have to take a stand for something.


Pants... that have pleats...that look like acid wash... that have a droopy crotch....that look like sweatpants. Worn with cute wedges. STOP TOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS!



Is it me or do these pants make this poor model look like she has a 36-inch crotch? I feel like crotch lengthening is NEVER in.


Let's clear this up: Maxi skirts = adorable and cute. Oddly cut Little House on the Prairie skirts = weird and unflattering.



Unfortunately, this spandex.... thing is on backorder for two weeks. 1) Sorry to get your hopes up. 2) Looks like you won't be the only person dressed like a demented Yankee Doodle at the family reunion. Sadface.


I love this. It's like a chic Peter Pan. Wait a minute... I don't love this at all!


Reader Megan sent me a website that had TOO MANY gems. Like these pants, which make you look mysteriously naked.


...or this swimsuit, which makes you look mysteriously lonely.

Also... kitty jowls near your hips is never a good idea. I don't care how much you love cats.

Alright, I'm off and running for the day. I'm excited for my Monday outfit post because it's the debut of my sweet blue shoes. Remember when I said I bought them because I needed blue shoes? When I went to put them in my closet I realized I absolutely had a pair of blue shoes all along. Some would say that means it's probably time to pare down my shoe closet. You know what I would say to that?

Leave now. Never come back. Kthanks.

What I Wore: Cowgirl Up!

I was running late the other day and OF COURSE the batteries in my camera were dead and OF COURSE my husband was late getting home from work, so these outfit pictures were taken by my five year old... with my iPhone. Quality. Always quality.

Anyway, when I bought these cowboy boots in the summer of 09, I was involved in a deep and abiding love affair that lasted until Christmas, when I got my fave Fryes. I don;t think I wore my cowboys for an entire year after that. Slowly they're making their way back into my normal rotation. I do love them with skinny jeans because they're the perfect height and super comfortable. Seriously. They are so comfortable. I think everyone should have a fun pair of boots. It's my dream to go hang out in an old timey honky tonk one of these days. Even though I grew up in the city, I love me some boot stompin'!

That's what happens when you live in a cornfield, people.


Top: I haven't got the slightest clue. It's one of those pieces I've had for years and years and years yet I don't ever remember buying it. Ever.
Knit vest: Urban Trend
Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch
Boots: Soda
Earrings: Local boutique
Ring: F21



I believe I featured this ring on the site a few times before I finally went and just bought it. I love its awesome gaudiness and the blue is the perfect pop for literally any other color. The earrings I picked up at a crafty-type boutique. Love supporting the fashion little guy!

So I think my kindergartner did OK with the pictures. I promise the real camera is back for next week's post. I already took the shots of my blue shoes that I wore yesterday. They were epic.

Freaky Friday: Teen Choice Awards!

Don't you just love crap like the Teen Choice Awards? It's when I get to sit back and thank my lucky stars that I'm not an awkward teenager and only have Kardashians and Rebecca Black to look up to. It's awesome. I also believe that Teen Choice Awards is awkward because people never know what to wear. Like, it's not the Oscars, but it's definitely not the bar and for heaven's sakes KIDS are watching. Yet stars continue to disappoint by dressing in the most inaccessible ways possible. What teen has Brian Atwood heels. TELL ME!!




Kat Graham from the "Vampire Diaries" apparently forgot her show and came as a mummy. Are there mummies that show? I try my best to never watch the CW.


Hey, lady from the 36th revival of Nikita... sandwiches are delicious. You should eat one. Let's eat together. And paint each other's nails and tell each other secrets.


Weird pantaloon business suits: That's just SO Raven.

Also... is she wearing tights? Because I'm concerned.


I wish you could have heard the ungodly noise that came out of my mouth when I saw this. Oh Tyra, it's a sad day when I don't notice your "smize" because I'm too busy averting my eyes from you scary pleather crotch.

Just....no.


WHY!? Why do almost 40 years olds like Cameron Diaz pile on makeup, wear short skirts and go to events for 16 year olds? I'm sure she's lovely in person but when she does this she looks like the old lady from Titanic in comparison. An important lesson for moms and adult women everywhere: stop competing with teens. You'll lose every time.



Oh hey, one of the 90 Kardashians in attendance for reasons I don't understand. Thanks for not trying too hard. Wait, did I say "too hard?" I meant "at all."


OMG, I totally had this dress. I was 10. And it was in the form of pajamas. Aaaand they glowed in the dark. But, um, it's really nice on you too Fergie Ferg.


I'm sure this is just the camera angle or something, but short girls, LISTEN! Long shirt plus awkwardly long skirt will not make you long. It will just make you look freakishly short and uncomfortable. I think she has roughly three inches of leg.



Wait! STOP THE PRESSES! Are you telling me Kim Kardashian came to an event wearing something short and tight? I don't know if I can handle the sheer unexpectedness. Though, on the bright side, I can't see her boobs, which is more than I can say for all the K's in attendance.


And, since you don't think I'm the meanest person EVER, I will say that Nikki Reed NAILED this and looks perfect for something like Teen Choice. Not too glammed up, not too freaky, just perfect and tan and comfy and IN YOUR FACE OTHER TWILIGHT GIRL! I would like to own this dress immediately.

(All pics found here.)

Well I'm off to have a girl's day and eat Chinese food and see "The Help." I'm pretty excited actually. Especially because the theater we go to has ice cream. Except they also have wooden spoons and wooden spoons make me gag so I have to bring my own. It's BYOS!

Happy Friday!!

Frump-Free Swimwear Coverups

My kids and I spend roughly a quarter of the summer at various water-related activities around the state. There's nothing quite like the tiring-out that happens when my kids are playing in the water and I'm working on my tan. Two hours at the pool equals naps for everyone when we get home, so I try and get out to a pool, lake, splash pad or otherwise whenever we can. Since I live kind of out in the middle of nowhere, heading out to go swimming for the day usually also includes a stop at the store for snacks, stopping at the bank for cash and then grabbing milk on the way home. While I'd just love to wander into local places of business wearing my swimsuit, I have a feeling they don't approve, so I'm always looking for various cute coverups that I can wear while running errands and whatnot.

Think about the typical swimsuit coverup. Did you shudder? I did. I'm talking about oversized t-shirts, people! They are the bane of my existence. Your husband's shirt does not a coverup make! Sure, it conceals your shoulders and half your bum, but it also makes you shaped like a droopy construction worker. You can do better than that! The best thing about wearing a super cute coverup is that it makes you feel cute and attractive so you can get up the nerve to disrobe when you read your watery destination. Plus there's no awkward moment where you have to pull your husband's XXXXL shirt over your head. That's always weird.

Hive Honey tiered skirt, $43
Talbots one piece halter bathing suit, $20
BP. bow sandals, $50
Roxy tote handbag, $40
G by Guess square sunglasses, $29

Can I interest you in a maxi skirt? I wear my maxi skirt as a swimwear coverup because it already looks beachy and it's just easy. Most of the time I wear mine with a tankini and it just looks like a tank top and skirt and I don't feel ashamed in the gas station. I especially recommend a maxi skirt with an elastic waist that you can fold or adjust so the skirt is at whatever length you like. Then you can sweep into the pool and all of the other moms will be jealous because they didn't think to wear their maxi skirts.

Rue21 woven top, $20
Metal Mulisha stripe swimwear, $42
Fox halter bathing suit, $38
Wet Seal flower print shoes, $17
Roxy tote hand bag, $30
Plastic shades, $9.99

Lately I've worn a simple button up shirt as a coverup and I'm kind of obsessed. I usually do it when I'm wearing a two-piece and I want a little modesty for grabbing snacks but aren't really planning on grocery shopping in it. My favorite is that I already have like 10 shirts in my closet that I can work with so it's no biggie to just grab one out on my way. Most button ups (or do you call them button downs? I never know) are made with super light fabric so it's not too hot. I just button a few of the bottom ones to let my cute swimsuit peek through, slip on my sunnies and go work on a tan.

Embroidery dress, $45
Mix Match tankini bikini, $44
ALDO tote hand bag, $21
ASOS gold shades, $21
Papaya Clothing Online :: LEATHERETTE STRAPPY WEDGES, $24

Ah, the sundress. How I love a sundress as a coverup. So much cuter than an oversized souvenir t-shirt and you can even run errands after while still looking respectable. I don't worry too much about my swimsuit ties or anything sticking out. Just work with it. Look for a light dress that covers the necessities and is above all, comfy. I wear my sundress when I've got stuff to do after the pool and can get in and out of the grocery store without flashing anyone. Although, one time I wore a sundress grocery shopping after swimming and I totally forgot that I had been wakeboarding the weekend before and I had a HUGE bruise on the back of my thigh, totally exposed to everyone. Seriously, it was the size of a plate. I looked like a battered woman. Anyway, the sundress looks totally cute with a pair of wedges, too. I just love wedges.

As for accessories, I stick with a tote and sunglasses because anything else is pretty excessive. I'm paranoid about losing jewelry in the water so I go earring, ring, necklace-free.

Of course, that always leads my husband to wonder if I'm trying to pick up guys at the lake sans wedding ring. Yeah, because nothing says "I'm available" like two small children and a flotilla of beach toys. Rawr.

What I Wore: Plain Jane

Here she is! Another outfit post! I'm starting to really enjoy these. So is my husband, as "yoga pants" does not an outfit post make.

One of my favorite ways to dress is to choose a really plain outfit with only a couple of neutral colors, then use accessories to brighten up the look. I love love love playing with jewelry and sometimes I feel like my more colorful pieces (peacock earrings and multicolor necklaces, anyone) don't get the love they deserve is a sea of silver and gold standbys. Yes, I sometimes feels sorry inanimate objects, so sue me. So the other day, while on the way out to my volunteer gig, I suited up with my plain white summer dress, my beloved Fryes and a neutral cargo jacket so I could pile on the cuteness in accessory form.



Dress: Old Navy
Jacket: DEB
Boots: Frye
Necklace (worn as bracelet) Buckle
Earrings and cuff: F21

Also, my hair was done with the no heat curls method. I still can't believe how well it works. Hello, lucious curliness!



My Fryes are easily the most versatile shoes I have in my shoe closet. They match ANYTHING and after nearly two years, they only get better with time. I love wearing them with girly dresses because they're kinda dirty and tough-looking.


My favorite colored bead necklace from Buckle and cute hair buttons I picked up at a local boutique.


I LOVE THESE EARRINGS! Peacock makes me inexplicably happy. I am powerless against it. I carried my teal Roxy bag (not pictured boo) and the brights were all anchored together.

"But Jae!" You say, in a concerned void. "You're wearing a DRESS. For CASUAL WEAR."
Yes. I wear dresses as casual wear. Because they can be casual and they're easier to squeeze into than a pair of skinny jeans. I always say that the first time you wear a dress for like, grocery shopping, it's probably going to feel weird. And if people aren't used to it, they'll inevitably make a comment like "Why are you all dressed up?" Just ignore it and keep going and the third or fourth time it'll feel like second nature and you'll be like "Why didn't I wear casual dresses before this?"

So, the next time you're staring at your closet yearning for an easy peasy way to make a statement, remember: neutral clothes + dress + bright accessories = put together happiness.

Freaky Friday: Peekaboo!

This post was made possible by fan Valerie, who sent me a horrendous link to a dress and inspired an entire post dedicated to sexiness failure.

There's a fine line between looking sexy and looking like a sad porn star. Unfortunately, that line is crossed daily in clubs and grocery stores across North America. When I was younger, my brothers and I were obsessed with a Canadian talk show called Jenny Jones. Now, Jenny Jones only ever had two topics on her shows. 1) From Geek to Chic, where nerds from high school dressed like hookers and came back to prove to past bullies how cool they were, and 2) My Mom Dresses Too Sexy, where 40-somethings showed video of themselves grocery shopping in spandex and then came on stage wearing nipple pasties.

(Yes, I'd like to know why my mom let us watch this too.)

It was some quality program. Please don't dress like this. It embarrassed your kids and launches me into lengthy musings about Canadian talk show hosts.



I actually think this would be fantastic for my next pregnancy (and then we laughed and laughed.) Everyone always wants to feel up my belly anyway, why not make it easier?


Quite possibly the ugliest shoe I've ever had on this blog. Not only does it look smelly, but it smells smelly.



Saddest styling ever. Oh hey, looks at this cut out leather top. What should I wear it with? Nursing scrubs? YES!


But if I don't wear thong-pants no one will see my trashy flower hip tattoo!


Saddest attempt at sexiness ever. "Here. These are my shoulders and stuff."


This is not a dress. It is a cupcake liner.


Ohhhhh yeah SEXY JUMPSUITS! Love that diaper bum!


Best for your next gynecologist appointment. You probably won't even have to wear the paper gown. "Here, why don't you put -- you know what? You're fine. The doctor will be here in a moment."


This is the dress Valerie sent me. I'm going back and forth between thinking it looks like eyebrows and thinking it loos like a smiling anime character. Either way, it's handy for nursing.


This dress is for when you want easy access to gross everyone out with your c-section scar. Preferably at a dinner party. Or PTA.

The sad truth is that some items of clothing, on a mother, always look sad and desperate. Avoid the following:
Latex as a fabric.
Cutouts near your belly, boobs and butt. Actually, cutouts anywhere.
Anything shorter than where you normally shave to.
JUMPSUITS
Anything that makes you look like you make money with your body, you might smell funny or like you might have a sketchy disease.

That should be easy enough, right?