Freaky Friday: Handbags

Since we covered a little bit on purses this week, I thought it would be super fun to cover handbags for Freaky Friday. Honestly, I was not expecting to find that much. Handbags are usually pretty respectable right? Super wrong actually. There was a wealth of ugliness to be shared. Aren't you lucky? The best part about these bags is that they were all wildly expensive. Happy Birthday, hope you like crap!


Wait..... you're telling me this bag is MADE OUT OF A SOCCER BALL? You are joking.

Also, I'd like to point out that I found this one a site called "Stuff Lesbians Like" (There's one for the search terms!) Stereotypical much?


My best friend used to have this habit of turning touching moments sour by making it sound like she appreciated it by saying "Awww." Then she would turn it into a pretend vomit. Like "Hey, you look nice today." "AwwwwwwwwwwUGHHHH (finger stuck down throat).

I didn't even remember that she did this until I saw this Snoopy diaper bag. SERIOUSLY? Snoopy?



Story time! So my dad is the quietest, humblest, most well-behaved person that you'd ever meet. He worked for 30 years for GM and we never heard a peep about it. Just day in, day out he'd do what he had to do. You wouldn't even know he ever needed a break except when you'd hear him in our garage, working on his motorcycle and listening to an ancient "Magic Carpet Ride" cassette tape. I don't know why... but this purse reminds me of Steppenwolf. And my dad. I highly doubt that's why the designer was going for.

STEP AWAY FROM THE BEDAZZLER!!!!


Uhmm... this purse has a shoe. Or this shoe has a purse? Deep.



Just in case you ever wanted to know how it would look to have a jellyfish dangling from your arm.


A bag that says "I'm not a woman.... I'm a mom."



What hurts me the most is that diaper bags are SUCH big money. Like you NEED a big, fugly bag to stash your diapers in. Embroidered with another baby? So obnoxious.


Ooh, it's an EDGY diaper bag. I'm not like other moms, I'm a COOL mom.

Have you ever heard that a pig in a tuxedo is still a pig? Just sayin'.


Just so you know... this purse is $52,000. I'm assuming because it has like, 10 designer bags sewn together like Frankenstein. What a lazy designer MARC JACOBS. "Hey Marc... we need you to design our flagship bag this year."
"Aw crap... can't we just use last year's bag? Wait a minute...."


WHY DOES THIS HAUNT MY DREAMS!?

Also... if you step on its toes... do you have to say "sorry?"

Ugh... now my mind is spinning with ugly bags. I think I'm going to go downstairs and talk to my handbag cupboard for a while. They will console me with leather and hardware and promises of shopping.

From My Closet: It's in the Bag

I have a sick, sick obsession with handbags. I mean, it's not as bad as my sick, sick obsession with shoes, but it's up there. I have an entire set of cabinets in my laundry dedicated to my bags, which I dutifully hide from my husband. Because if and when he ever goes to that cabinet, I'm definitely going to be forced into a trip to Goodwill. I don't like that. I mean, I like charity... but I don't like parting with my stuff.

The funny thing is that I'm not one to switch bags according to outfits. I usually search out one bag per season and that's it. I will carry a clutch for events and I have a fancy schmancy designer bag that I'll take on the occassional date, but otherwise my bags are poor workhorses. I thought I'd show you my current bag and what I schlep around on a daily basis. Uncut and uncensored. OK FINE I took out the old receipts that have a tendency to collect in the bottom of my bag. But only because I don't want you to know how often I shop.



Alright, here's the dirty mess of my bag right now. Here's a rundown on what I carry and must have with me at all times or I develop tics.

The bag: Right now I'm carrying a dark blue Roxy bag. I initially bought it because it had only one strap and I hate double strap bags because one is always falling off your shoulder. I also loved the hardware. Now I'm kind of getting sick of the large black hole-ness of it. I'm in the market for a white bag. Any suggestions?

My wallet: I got it from PacSun I THINK. I went through a zipper phase last year and I loved it. Inside you'll find very little money, my green card (do you know that immigrants must carry their card at all times? I'm so ethnic) pictures of my fam and like a million punch cards for various businesses.

Tissues and wipes: Proof positive that I am a mother. An intolerant mother. There is nothing grosser than a dirty face on a child. I swear, even of a spot of ketchup on my kids' faces gives me the heebie jeebies.

My iPhone: That's the pink striped thingy up here. I had to get the most flamboyantly feminine cover to keep my husband away. I am in love with that stupid little gadget. I used to leave my old phone all over the place. This one is kept firmly at my side at all times. I play Words With Friends with my brother and it's bad.

Lightning McQueen: Yep, I have a son who is a psycho in stores. Lightning gets a good three minutes of quite time.

Sunglasses: I never leave the house without them. The sun is obnoxiously bright here and I love me some aviators. Plus they hide baggy eyes when I don't have time to do makeup. The ones here are Marc Jacobs. I had another pair but my lovely son snapped them in half. He's just an angel, isn't he?

CoverGirl Outlast Lip Stain: Yeah these are like cracksticks. I think they are so cool. They go on like markers and while they don't stay forever, they do give my lips a pinky tone for a long time. The one I have is the darkest red possible. I like it because if I'm not wearing anything else, I can use it and look "done." Ideal for running into stupid ex-boyfriends and not being embarrassed.

Pen and Cheques (YES I SPELL THAT THE CANADIAN WAY): Please note that I never carry my own cheques, only my husband's. From his account. That's how I make guilt-free purchases. I paid for my last haircut that way. Mua ha ha.

Maybelline Pure Makeup: This is my emergency stash. It's a super, super sheer foundation that makes me look awake in a pinch. It's my insurance when I head out of the house makeupless or forget to pack my makeup when going away for the weekend.

Keys: I lose them on an almost daily basis.

I am actually really excited that my kids are getting older and I don't have to carry so much for them anymore. My son is old enough to even forgo the emergency diaper (although I know that's tempting fate.) So I get to carry my bare necessities without being bogged down with like, an extra pair of clothes, diapers, wipes, formula, bottles, the kitchen sink, etc.

Perhaps we do a bad diaper bag Freaky Friday? I like it!

Guest Post!

Hey friends,

Check out my guest post over at What Would Angela Do. It has some tips on what things to look for when dressing for spring. It's totally stuff we've covered here, but there's also INTERVIEW QUESTIONS. Yay I love talking about me!

Happy Monday, folks.

Jae

Walk Your Way to Health

This past week was March break and we were fortunate enough to have a couple days of really great weather. When you get a couple of days of 15 and 16 degrees you can't help but get excited for the warmer weather. Now that spring is here officially it's easy to start thinking I want to get out and enjoy it.

Walking is one of the best forms of exercise there is. It is low impact so anyone can do it, it's easy, fun and can be done anywhere.

Benefits of Walking Just 30 Minutes a Day:

1) Natural Activity. It is a natural activity that we can all do, and with no special exercise equipment there really is no excuse not to do it.

2)It is the least expensive activity. It can be done anywhere, anytime.

3)Do it with a friend and form a lifetime of happy, healthy habits.

4)Strengthens the major muscles including core muscles which are very helpful for getting and maintaining good postural alignment.

5)Increases overall bone density.

6)Reduces the risk for cardiovascular disease, and helps to lower blood pressure.

7) Burns calories which is essential for weight loss and weight management.

8)Reduces stress.

9)Elevates Mood and energy levels.

Schedule your walks. Start with 10 minute walks and work your way up to 30 minutes. Make it a part of your every day routine. You will feel better, look better and be doing something healthy everyday. Even better, get your whole family involved and enjoy good health together:)

Committed to your fitness success,
www.fitmommakeover.net

Freaky Friday: More Etsy

I had so much fun last time I did a FF Etsy post I thought I'd do it again. Don't get me wrong. I love me some Etsy. I could spend hours browsing at the cute jewelry and headbands and whatnot. But venture into clothing and it's another story. There are a lot of basement designers and while some make gorgeous clothes... others make freaks of nature. Then we poke fun at them. YAY!


Introducing Arm Warmers! .... also known as sleeves.

I picture this as a really bad infomercial. "Are your arms freezing cold, yet your torso and shoulders are blazing hot? Sweaters can be a hassle."


Most depressing picture of a bum ever. The shorts say "I like to party," but the slouching says "Kill me now this is not what I signed up for when I went to modeling school."


Smile! You're homeless.


I saw this and immediately broke into Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Did I ever tell you that I was in my school's production of Joseph? Yeah, I was Potiphar's wife, the loosey lady that tries to get it on with the servant boy. I had high standards and even better acting chops, I tell you.


But it also comes in orange. It's subtler, I think. Also, these coats are like, $600. So start saving your pennies if you want to flounce around in one of these babies.


For when your arms are cold, and your CHEST is cold, but your upper arms are just right.


I've sat here looking at this dress, trying to figure out what I'm looking at. I'm afraid it's a uterus and a brain OR a sad plant. You be the judge.


I love that even the model is like WTH? This thing was clearly patched out of every green sweater that I had as a child.


Hey! I have one of these too! It's called a Snuggie.


This dress was listed as "goblin style." That's funny, I must have missed that episode of "Say Yes to the Dress."

"How would you like to look on your wedding day?"
"Um, like a creature from the underworld."

Nice.

I will say that I found some swoonworthy clothes on Etsy too. Let's just say it was a bad Freaky Friday for my credit card.

Spring Trends and How to Wear 'Em 2011

Yes, it's that time again! Time to sift through the year's spring trends, get rid of the terrifying ones (sack dresses? sheer shirts? Um, no thanks) and find out what is actually wearable in real life. Remember my usual disclaimer: just because I post about these clothes here doesn't mean you should run out and buy anything trendy, ever. Take the general ideas with you when you shop and invest in a few pieces that make your staple wardrobe look new. I already have my eye on a few items. Let's get to it!

Long Skirts

V neck cardigan, $10
Long tiered skirt, $45
Forever21 wedge heels, $25
Straw Studios hobo handbag, $31
FOSSIL vintage necklace, $34
Braided belt, $8.90

Remember how all last year it was all about the maxi dress? Well, you're in luck, because maxi dresses have come back with the warm weather. My husband breathes a deep sigh of relief, since I spent a lot of money on maxi dresses last year. But along with maxi dresses comes longer skirts and I am super psyched out of my mind about them. The trick to wearing longer skirts is to avoid looking like Laura Ingalls and wearing a more streamlined, modern top. The other day I wore my long white tiered skirt with a fitted tee and a little track jacket and it was just the right amount of modern to offset the length of the skirt. Don't be afraid to show a little skin! The best part about long skirts is that they are uber comfy. Look for flowy, stretchy material that you can move around in. Also, check your car door before you leave like, two feet of skirt flapping around as you drive. I did that last year.

Blue Shoes

Dorothy Perkins cotton tee, 7 GBP
Arden B knit skirt, $44
Paris Hilton platform stiletto heels, $95
Floral handbag, $35
Turquoise jewelry, $30
Layered necklace, $17
Dorothy Perkins leopard belt, 6 GBP

If you want to spend money on a pair of shoes that will look new and trendy, definitely go with blue. I think you'll see it a lot this spring. The trick with wearing blue shoes is to do it with nudes. The pop of color looks fresher with beige than it does black. My cute friend was wearing an outfit almost exactly like this one the other day and I died. Then I came back to life. It was fun. Also, I don;t mind a little blue in the accessories as long as they aren't the exact same shade of blue. So fun and pretty!

Wedges

Dressy top, $27
Embroidered jeans, $50
Platform wedge shoes, $20
Roxy faux leather handbag, $40
Brown jewelry, $25
Pave jewelry, $14
Bandana Print Lace Cami, $7.99

YAYAYAYAYAY I love wedges so very much. I have plans to wear my fave python wedges tonight and I shouldn't be so excited, but I am anyway. I am just glad that the comfy alternative to the heel is back. I can still add three inches to my freakishly small stature without being uncomfortable. (Have I ever told you that I have four brothers and they are all gargantuanly tall, yet my parents are small? I thank my lucky stars every day that I got the small genes. Because then I get to wear five inch heels!) ANYWAY, we already talked about flared jeans and trousers, so definitely pair your wedges up with them for a vintage look that is super now. OMG I'm talking like a Cosmo editor, shoot me.

Graphic Prints

Dorothy Perkins printed top, 26 GBP
American Eagle Outfitters dark denim jeans, $40
Faith buckle boot, 23 GBP
Roxy studded handbag, $54
Beading jewelry, $24
L by ELLE link jewelry, $40
Wet Seal hoop earring, $22

OK, so with the whole 70s revival thing happening, bright prints look fresh and spring-y and I love them so much. Look for floral numbers, or cute butterflies like this one here. Doesn't it just make you smile? It's a pretty brilliant way to wear your winter boots for a few more months, especially if you just snagged some on sale. Super cute with gray riding boots and you can be brighter and bolder with your accessories. A thin silver chain will be absolutely SWALLOWED by this outfit. Orange beads layered with a red watch? I think so!

Preppity Prep

Rocha John Rocha Petite white top, 30 GBP
Old Navy a line skirt, $30
Wedge heels, $27
Beach bag, 12 GBP
Rue21 butterfly hair accessory, $5.99

As a total side note, have any of you ever read the book "Prep" by Curtis Sittenfeld? It's pretty much my second fave book of all time. Just don't read it in book club... it's super offensive on like 90 levels. But it's so addictive. Maybe my love for the book explains my love for the style. I just love dressing like my name is Bitsy and I play tennis at the club. When picking preppy pieces, look for boat shoes, drawstrings, polka dots and stripes. Anchor a bold outfit like this with neutral shoes, so it doesn't look SO all American. Pair it with unfussy hair and you're ready for the next benefit at the Stockington-Fairchild's estate.

So what's the verdict? Doable? I know keeping up with trends can be overwhelming, but the trick is to add pieces to your existing style. Don't be a trend whore. For instance, I'm in the market for more graphic floral prints that I can wear with my signature skinny jeans and brown boots. It's still Jae, just springier.

I swear, if it snows again I'll light the weatherman on fire. I am SO ready for warm days and baring a little more skin. I am SO white you guys. Bronzer can only go so far.



***And on a completely serious note, please click here to donate to the Red Cross for relief for the Pacific Tsunami. Every little bit will help to send aid to Japan, where thousands of displaced families are in need. Thanks, guys! ***

Pain Management 101

Did you know that at least 45% of all Americans seek professional advice for persistent pain due to an injury or other physical problems at some time in their lives? Studies have shown that more than 150 million workdays are lost annually due to pain and pain relief medication is a multi- billion dollar industry.

I know I have mentioned in earlier posts that I am currently training for a 30 km Around The Bay race. Not three weeks into my training I started feeling massive pain in my foot. Of course I felt it in a lesser degree before hand but my mind said "work through it"..not advice I would give.

What is pain?

It is your bodies way of protecting itself. Something is wrong and your body is trying to cope with it. I ignored my pain, and if I dealt with it right away, it probably wouldn't have gotten to this state and maybe even be healed by now.

Knowing my own clients, I know that many of them live in mild to moderate pain on a daily basis. Some I can relate to, some I can't. I can't say I've chronic back pain, but I've suffered my fair share of sprains, strains and torn ligaments.

Here are some facts about pain to keep in min as you participate in your physical activities:
1) Bone mass decreases up to 30% for females and 15% for males by age 60.
2)90% of all injuries involve slow and wear and tear, strains, sprains or inflammation.
3) 8 of 10 adults suffer low back pain at some time in their lives.
4) By 60 years old many can expect a 25-30% increase in body fat.
5) By age 40 or 50, many will have cartilage damage caused by wear and tear, and injury.
6) A decrease in muscle mass, less mobility in the joints and lower cardiovascular efficiency is common as the body ages
7) All of these factors lead to a loss of body balance and flexibility. This affects the ability to perform daily functional tasks, including workouts.
(source: American Council on Exercise Oct./Nov. 2001)

The best advice I can give is not to wait til it gets so bad you can't stand it. I did that with my plantar fascitis. I ended up getting orthotics and I'm definitely on the road to recovering.

Committed to fitness success,
Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net