Freaky Friday: The Clothing Equipment for a Lullabye

Since Wednesday's post is all about conservative clothes, I searched high and low of yawnworthy stuff. I'm not gonna lie, you should probably read this post in bed after you've taken a Tylenol PM because you are going to crash. This is how NOT to dress conservatively.


Just when you thing UGGS can't get any worse, they totally do. With rubber.


The other day I used Clarks shoes for inspiration but this goes to show that not all Clarks are fashion forward. These shoes look like they should be named "Agnes" and be filled with orthopedic gel insoles.


I can't wait for summer, because YOU KNOW we're going to have another debate on the wearbility of capris.

Go ahead... try and tell me they are flattering. Please. Especially when worn with bandage shoes and embroidered flowers. I dare you.


WHY are they still making these dresses? I totally had one in 1992. I was cross eyed. It wasn't pretty.

OMG does this not remind you of Paula Deen? I don't even care about her cooking, something about her nasal voice makes me want to crawl into a woodchipper.

If you want a really good laugh at Paula Deen's expense, check out this website: Paula Deen Riding Things. It is hilarious, y'all!

What's worse than wearing Americana? Wearing Americana WITH A BEAR. How old are you? I just... I just don't even know anymore.

From the decidedly not sexy librarian fantasy. I like my librarians old and smelling like overpowering dusty perfume. OW OW!


Seafoam green denim with nude boots? SIGN ME UP.


I thought this $200 sweater....scarf.....jacket thigy was pretty conservative. Until I saw the tights. OH THE TIGHTS.

Emo guy thinks you just don't understand.


Well, I'm off to go snowmobiling at our cabin for the weekend. So my weekend wardrobe will consist of yoga pants, old sweaters, boots and my pink helmet. Gotta love spending two days smelling like exhaust. It's my dirty little tomboy secret. Hopefully you're dressing better than I am!

Dressing Conservatively -- Not Yawnworthy

I understand that not every mom stays at home with her kids. It makes some people crazy. I know that if I didn't work while I was at home, I would lose my sanity and lie on the floor, eating Playdoh and singing Raffi songs psychotically all day. I'm not saying that's what you do. That's just what I would do. I love keeping my connection to my old, professional self. So I get working moms. Whether you do it because you have to or you do it because you want to, you're already a step ahead of me because you actually get to shower every morning. AMAZING.

I have had a bevy of weird jobs that all required certain dress codes. My first "real" job was with one of my best friends in high school (Hi Katie!) She and I decided that we would split the job of a receptionist at a home improvement company. My job consisted of answering phones, talking to my boyfriend on Yahoo Chat and gossiping with Katie from 4 to 8 every night. The dress code was whatever I happened to wear at school that day. It was the best job ever. About a year later and once I'd graduated, I was hired by a recording studio and media company as an administrative assistant. I was the only female in the office, which meant I was able to push the dress code a little. Seriously, once I came to work in a velour sweatsuit. And it was totally fine. My next job was as an office manager at a home company where my husband worked. I finally had to start dressing a little more conservatively because I spent a lot of time with clients. My last out-of-the-house job was in a real estate office, where I had to dress very conservatively... for me. I actually didn't mind it because I got to play dress up a lot and act very important. When I finally decided to ditch the office and work from home in 2006, I had amassed a MASSIVE conservative wardrobe that I still can't bring myself to get rid of. But WHEN will I ever wear pinstripe pants again? WHEN!?

As much as I love dressing in trendy outfits and piling on accessories and wearing sky high heels, if you're working in a corporate environment, you're probably not going to have the same benefit. One reader emailed me with this very question. How do you dress conservatively without looking like a total yawnfest?

This advice doesn't have to be just for working moms. Anytime you're invited to an event with a business casual dress code, this applies. Which is why I keep my pinstripe pants. I wonder if they still fit.

I'll be right back.

THEY DO!!! I shall wear them forever.

Using color on a daily basis, layering for interest and using trends without being "trendy" will serve you well at work. You'll also notice that all of the shoes are the same brand. That's because I wanted shoes that would be super comfy for work, yet still cute. Also... they're closed toes. Always closed toes until your office permits open-toe. If you're not sure how far you can push the boundary, take a cue from your supervisors.

Old Navy stretch pants, $33
Clarks platform shoes, $50
Paper tote bag, $41
Jessica Simpson flower necklace, $44

First, trouser pants are totally exciting right now with the whole 70s revival things that we talked about. When you pair them a neat blazer, the effect is like a suit without being so manly and businesswear-ish. You can also make the total effect more girly by adding pretty jewelry. I also like a big, structured bag for work, especially if you're schlepping work home.

Dorothy Perkins full skirt, 30 GBP
Dorothy perkin, 14 GBP
Indigo by Clarks silk boot, $100
O Neill zip bag, $35
Betsey Johnson cluster ring, $32
Beaded bib necklace, $15

You can totally wear a skirt at a conservative workplace, so long as it reaches the knees, please. Unless you work at like, the offices at Vogue ala The Devil Wears Prada. But you probably don;t. If you do, I'd like a job as well. But that's besides the point. Keep the look neat by tucking in your top. Wear the shirt higher on your waist for a more vintage, Mad Men look. It's totally fine to wear a flirty, non-matchy heel, especially if they are comfortable.

Dorothy Perkins red dress, 27 GBP
Clarks black boot, 50 GBP
Zip top bag, $22
Hinged bangle, $25
MNG by Mango coral earring, $24
Elastic belt, $50

Dresses can be your best friend at the office. I know they were mine. They are versatile and easy in the morning... hello! One piece. Also, adding a belt can help a dress look less cocktail and more business. You can also up the ante by wearing boots instead of heels, just look for ones that have a bit of a heel and aren't all sloppy and slouchy. I'm very into shorter boots lately, which look super current. But knee highs are still awesome too.

See? Easy principles. Even if your evil corporate job dictates what you can wear, they can't tell you how to dress. And THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM! Sorry, I used to watch a lot of Braveheart with my brothers. If you dress super conservatively, try introducing things slowly. A pair of heels one day, a bit of color the next. Soon you'll be the stylish girl at the office and people will be offering you promotions and whatnot. Trust me.

Brilliant Idea Time!

My gawgeous friend Charity is the best at find stuff at thrift stores and garage sales and making them look beautiful. I am so jealous because I am the least crafty person on the planet. I just can't do it. I know my limits.

Anyhow, today she posted this awesome idea for a jewelry tray and I MUST STEAL IT. My jewelry is always in a forlorn little heap and come accessorizing time I'm left yanking things apart. Also, my jewelry box has a magnetic closure and my necklaces are always getting stuck. Charity's idea is a heck of a lot prettier and more functional. Wish I'd thought of it first!

Thank me later.

You're awesome, Charity!

PS I covet your Audrey print.

Get Sexy, Shapely Shoulders: 3 Simple Moves

Years ago when I started working out seriously, I noticed how quickly I saw changes in my shoulders. It was awesome. One of the reasons for this is as women we tend to have more fat in our hips,butt and thighs, so when you begin workout out muscles like your shoulders which have less fat, you tend to see some pretty great results fairly quickly.

Nice shapely shoulders also help to make hips, glutes and thighs appear smaller. As you increase your muscle in the deltoids or shoulders you help to balance the lower body.

When you work your shoulders, you will quickly see that you do not need to use a lot of weight before you start feeling "the burn". As you perform the following exercises focus on your speed. When lifting the weight do it in a one count, as you lower the weight, focus on a slow, controlled movement that is a good two to three counts.


1. Barbell or Dumbbell clean and press:
(OK, this is actually me doing an overhead press, ok, so it's a little bit simplistic but you get the idea)

Stand with your feet shoulder width apart and pull your belly button in towards your spine. As the weight hangs in front of you, inhale and exhale as you lift the weight up to your shoulders. Then press the bar or weight overhead straightening the arms but not actually locking the arms. Be careful not to arch your back. Bring the bar or weights back down to your chest and then lower to starting position.

2. Dumbbell Shoulder Press:
You can sit or stand for this exercise. Start with a weight in each hand, your palms are facing forward. You want to press your hands up above your head. Return your arms to start position. Be sure to exhale as you push your hands up.





Bentover Rear Delt Dumbbell Row:

Stand with your feet shoulder width apart and your knees slightly bent. Lean forward from your hips until your back is parallel with the floor. Be sure to not let your back round. You want to stick your chest out and keep your back flat. Hold the weights in each hand and let your arms hang in front of your body slightly. As you exhale, pull the weights up until your arms form 90 degree angles. Squeeze your rear delts together and return to the start position.

Working your shoulders can be very rewarding. You will get great looking delts in a relatively short period of time.

Committed to your fitness success,
Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net

Freaky Friday

Hi guys! I am so glad it's finally Friday. I got my hair done yesterday and I'm so excited to show it because it is super cute, but it;ll have to wait till tonight. I'm going to a benefit and get to wear a hot dress so I'll take a pic and you can get the full effect because I'm super vain like that.

I also waxed my eyebrows. It's amazing.

ANYWAY, a bunch of today's pictures were submitted by my super hilarious sister-in-law, Sheriece. She has a knack for finding bad fashion, sending it to me as a .zip file and feeling satisfied.




Honestly, these look like they were made by the Swiss Family Robinson. Like, we're stranded on an island! Quick, fashion some shoes 0ut the sails and my belt! Don't forget a fashionable peeptoe!



Ugh, is there anything worse than drawstrings on shoes? What? You can't tie or buckle? LAZY.



You know it's cold when even your boots need to wear a sweater amiright? AHAHAHAH kill me.


Yes. A gold bubble jacket. For those night that you want to be understated.


I love when Paul Bunyan releases a new line.


The wording on this shirt makes me laugh. First of all, it is the droopiest, most unflattering tank OF LIFE. Then, it's talking about fashion in the 90s. Do I NEED to remind everyone what fashion in the 90s was like??



So... much.....acid wash.....and frontbums....


I can't decide whether this is a shirt or a cape. I think it would be cool if it were a cape for a superhero called "Fat Day!"


Elizabeth experiences that sickening moment when you realize your shirt is on backward... and you've already done your hair.



Hyuk, hyuk! It's Goofy! Say, has anyone seen my spare hat?


Oh! There it is! On a pensive model, no less.

I've been watching WAY too much Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Welp, I'm off to finish my work so I can spend the rest of the day preening. I miss those days when I was a teenager and "getting ready" with my friends was more of an event than actually going out. These days I spend an hour trying to keep my kids entertained with Diego long enough that I can sneak in a shower and attempt to dry my hair.

Also, my son keeps stealing my makeup brushes. Should I be worried? I should mention that he usually eats them.

Beauty 101: Makeup Brushes

So let's have a little skills meeting today, shall we? Let's talk makeup brushes. I know, it's like seriously, she's going to do an entire post on makeup brushes oh honey, no. But the right brushes make the difference between flawless makeup and looking like you got into your mommy's makeup bag. Just trust me on this one.

The first step to getting to know makeup brushes better is go directly to your bathroom or vanity or wherever the heck you do your makeup, fish out any applicators that have come with your makeup and THROW THEM IN THE GARBAGE. Whoops, I just got a little violent there. But still, obey.

Good makeup brushes will give you much more natural look over the spongey things that they include in eyeshadow palettes. I can always tell when someone has been using those archaic applicators by the harsh line over the eye or stripey blush. Sad.

If you're new to makeup or a beginner, buy a set of brushes altogether and save yourself some confusion. I'm obsessed with Sonia Kashuk brushes, which you can buy at Target (yay, target!) but I've also loved the E.L.F. studio line of brushes and Bare Escentuals. Either way, buying them as a kit can take some of the questions away from what you need exactly. If you already have a few brushes, it may be time to add to your list. Here are my top five essentials for a prettier face.

Kabuki Brush

The kabuki brush is short and stout, with rounded, soft bristles. It's perfect for large areas of smooth and even coverage. I use mine for mineral makeup, but they can also work for applying bronzer. And as an added bonus, they are just so darn cute.


Blush Brush

K, so this is where the skinny little inadequate brush that comes with your blush should be thrown out. It will result in really terrible and stripey makeup and I WILL judge you. Look instead for a puffy brush for moderate coverage. I apply both bronzer and blush with a puffy brush (but not the same one, that's mixing, ew.) To apply bronzer, draw an imaginary number three, starting at your forehead, swiping across the cheeks and down to the chin. Then dab a little blush right on the apples of your cheeks. Yay!


Fan Brush

Now, this fan brush looks weird and ineffective, but it is THE BEST for applying highlighter. If you put on too much highlighter, you're definitely going to look like you're in the movie Burlesque. And that got TERRIBLE reviews, so.... anyway. Use a fan brush to add a teensy bit of highlighter at the top of your cheekbones and under your browbones. Beaut.


Eyeshadow Brush

K, so this is my fave little trick in my makeup bag. Eyeshadow brushes make applying eyeshadow SO EASY that you cannot fail. Since it disperses color evenly without being splotchy, you won't get the scary clown affect that can happen with sponge applicators. Also, I can get away with wearing brighter colors because the brush makes the pigments less condensed. Buy immediately.

Eyeliner Brush

Here's another trick that I use. Have you ever put on WAY too much eyeliner and looked like a depressed emo vampire? Of course you have. When that happens to me, I wet my angled eyeliner brush and use it to brush out the eyeliner so it looks more like eyeshadow. I also use it to clean up wayward liquid liner, because that stuff is tricky. You can also use it to apply darker shadow to your creases to attain the ever-elusive smoky eye.

Another tip is to make sure that you clean your brushes every two weeks or so. Otherwise they could get germy and bacteria-y and gross. I just suds mine up with hand soap, rinse them and leave them on a towel to dry overnight. They'll be ask good as new come morning.

Is any of this making sense?

Morning Exercise...Is it Better??

Does working out in the morning give you better results? Although exercising at any time of day can bring many benefits, resent research has shown that exercising in the morning can give you an extra push.

One of the first things you may notice is that working out during the day may help you sleep better. Many people find that if they work out at night or too close to their bed time they actually have trouble sleeping. Getting a good nights sleep is definitely important to achieving any weight loss goals so a good sleep is a priority.

Another bonus to working out in the morning is that you increase you metabolism first thing and it will stay elevated for a good part of the day. Many people find it clears their minds and helps them get and stay focused for their busy day ahead.

Even with the best intentions to always get your workouts in, sometimes "stuff" just happens. Kids need to have help with something or need to be somewhere, something comes up at work and you need to stay late or you are just exhausted from a very busy day. The benefit of getting up early is that there is nothing to get in your way.

Exercising first thing gets the blood flowing through the body. This can definitely help you get some mental clarity and help you get all fired up for your work day. Whether you need to be ready for a big meeting or ready for a play date at the park, being "on" and ready you will be.

Being regular with your early morning exercise routine can be no easy task. But by being creative and consistent you can get results and be happy.

Tips for Great Early Morning Workouts

-Nothing beats a great run while the sun comes up. It's quiet, beautiful and you feel like you are all alone, just you and the world.
-Leave your car at home. Try going to work if it is a reasonable distance by bike, roller blades, or even running. Keep an extra change of clothes there so on the days you decide do this you are ready.
-Try something new. If you have never tried canoeing or kayaking or bike riding, give something new a go. You may even find something fun for the whole family.

Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net