Freaky Friday: Worst of 2010

Sooo I had to point out all of the crappy fashion we've had in the last year. Sometimes I sit down to read my Glamour magazine and then they promise me that harem pants are one of the year's most wearable styles and I want to punch a cat. WHO DECIDES THESE THINGS? It's annoying. And the worst part is they're $1,400. Welcome to the real world, where people wear pants not worn by a sultan's brothel.

That was a tangent. I know. I just really hate when that happens. How about an in depth look on normal clothes one in a while, fashion and lifestyle magazines? Just once I'd like a column about sensible heels and how to accessorize a t-shirt.

But alas, we were still fairly pelted with poor fashion choices, and I finally get to make fun of them today. Oh, I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for this. And by whole life, I mean since Wednesday.



Oh culottes! Half short, half skirt, YOU PERPLEX ME. I will say that I had a pair when I was six, and I thought they were the coolest because my mom would let me wear them to church and then I was all rebellious. Then I turned seven and I was like, so over it.

How about Ed Hardy on EVERYTHING. It's totally fine, if you want to look like Satan barfed on your clothes.

Also, I'd like to point out that I went to the beauty supply store in the mall to buy my gargantuan bottle of Big Sexy Hair Spray Mousse and I got stuck behind a guy who was deciding which Ed Hardy hair dryer to get his wife for Christmas. Like, seriously guy. You can be a d-bag, but don't drag your wife's hair into this.


Asymmetrical anything. It will NEVER be OK with me. Remember when January Jones turned up at the Golden Globes or whatever in that blue dress and everyone was like "OH! So avant garde!" And I was like please, it looks like they ran out of time to finish the thing. Also, she was terrible on SNL so I have no respect for her.


FRINGE. The website where I get a lot of my Freaky Friday material (which shall remain nameless) is always taunting me with fringe as the "Editor's Pick." Why would a floral tank top ever need fringe? A formal biker wedding?


Droopy crotch pants. Because you have something to hide.


And while we're at it, K-DASH. Enough with the harem pants. PLEASE. Normal girls see you wearing them and think they can pull them off. You look paunchy. So will they.


Scary ankle boots. Extra points if they're open toed. And laced. And nude.


Dressing like you're on the American Olympic gymnastics team. Unless you're winning gold or needing attention in order to sell records *cough*Gaga*cough* this is not for you. No one should be that well acquainted with your ladyparts grooming habits besides your man and your gynecologist.


Bodysuits. I don't care what you say, they are basically footie pajamas. Also, remember that one time I tried one on at Forever 21 like an idiot? I am so embarrassing.

Sherpa clogs! This shoe has no purpose. It's too short to wear as a boot and too hideous to wear as a heel. Avoid! Or wear in Denmark where I assume they actually have use for clogs.

Cheers to a prettier 2011!

Christmas Dish and New Year's Resolutions

So I'm back! I made it out alive! How was everyone's Christmases? Mine was surprisingly good, despite the arctic temperatures and the fact that I spent all of Christmas morning on Skype. Two of my brothers are back home in Canada, while one lives in Africa and one is in England. It was a very international Christmas for us. Seriously, my children have become so tech savvy. Sometimes, when I'm at my laptop my little two year old son comes running over to say hi because he's so used to seeing his grandparents, uncles and their dogs on the screen. I don't know whether that's cool or just the slightest bit sad.

ANYWAY, time to dish on how our husbands did! Mine did awesome. If you'll allow me to totally husband brag for a moment, mine is a very good gift giver. I swear I'm more excited than the kids on Christmas morning because I'm like WHAT DID YOU GET ME. This year, he put a bunch of presents under the tree. Then, he reserved my three big presents and brought them out one by one, each time letting me think that it was the grand finale. But in my house, it's not the grand finale until Jae cries.


And CRY I DID. I had been asking my husband for a long time for a plain wedding band to wear on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I love my engagement ring / wedding set, but I liked the idea of having something just plain to wear with a tee and jeans, you know? So he took that and ran with it. I think every woman should get the experience of getting a gift in a little blue box. When I was skyping with my brother, his BRAND NEW fiancee saw the box and yelled "TIFFANY'S!" And I was like yes! You understand! lol. Anyway, the band isn't completely plain... it's beveled at the edges and engraved with T&Co logo and date and I'm in love.


The other thing that we did for each other was FINALLY get rid of the 1980s couch that was sitting in our loft and replace it with a new leather set. Seriously. On Saturday I parked myself in the recliner and got through about 450 pages of my new book. YAY!


Christmas was the usual gluttony-filled morning for us. We stayed up way late the night before because we had bought our kids both a water table and a small four wheeler. I made a deal with my hubs that I would put together the water table if he did the four wheeler. The four wheeler came out of the box assembled. I, however, was stuck plumbing the stupid water table. And then the kids didn't even notice it sitting there on Christmas morning. Neat.


*Shudder* the aftermath. Christmas has since been eradicated from my home and everything feels very sparse and spacious.

I love Christmas, but I also love when it's over. It seems like everyone has been talking about how New Year's is such a fresh, new time. I don't know about you, but I actually don't like resolutions. I have a friend whose family starts the year off with a really bad habit, like watching TV for five hours straight or eating candy for breakfast. Once you start the year off so terribly, everything else is a good choice from there, right? But I do believe it's a good time to make a few goals for yourself. OBVIOUSLY mine are going to be appearance related, because I am shallow like that.

Let's talk goals. The first? How about giving yourself some time? If I hear one more mom say she doesn't have any time for herself when her daughter walks by with an elaborate updo complete with ribbons, bows, flowers and a small bird, I am going to go crazy. If you want more time for yourself, give more time to yourself. Your child won't die if she has to wear a ponytail to preschool once in a while.

Let's also not feel guilty about spending that time. Moms live in this whole underworld of guilt and shame 24/7. You're not active enough, you don't pay enough attention, you pay too much attention, the house isn't clean, your 18 month old son isn't reading, I KNOW. But it's not all going to get done today, so slap on some mascara once in a while without feeling like you're ruining your family.

Stop comparing yourself to other moms. There's always going to be someone more put together and better organized that you, but you're pretty awesome too. And there's probably someone who hates YOU for being so perfect, and isn't that a warm fuzzy feeling inside?

Find something that you love about yourself. And I'm not talking about the stuff your mom told you that you were good at when you were 10. I mean something that you really, truly love about yourself, that you can be proud of. Then cultivate it and use it. Perfect your pot of chili, take the best pictures, crack jokes or run a marathon, whatever. Become reacquainted with yourself every so often. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in being the mom-Jae, the wife-Jae, the writer-Jae, that I forget what it's like to be just Jae.

Even if you aren't a resolution maker, it doesn't hurt to try and make this year better than the last. Yup, the economy sucks. And yes, Brad kept a girl with VAMPIRE TEETH on The Bachelor Monday night. But that doesn't mean 2011 can't be awesome.

And! If you do make resolutions, remember that by this time next year, they'll be broken and you can start again. Oh how I love a second (and third, fourth and fifth) chance.

Anyone else want to add to my list of resolutions?

Oh yeah... no more mom jeans.

Or harem pants.

How SMART Are You??

As the New Year begins, it's a great time to reflect on the previous year. How did you do? Did you improve yourself? Whether it is in work, family, or fitness and health goals, it's a great time to look back over the year and see how you did.

Believe it or not most people who go to the gym look exactly the same as the day they signed up! Why is that? They make the effort to get there, they put the time in doing their exercise, why do they not see any significant changes?

I will tell you why.....

Most people don't have a solid plan. They just show up, do some random exercise or follow someone else around and leave. Don't get me wrong, any exercise is better than no exercise but if you are going to put in the time and hard work, why not make it effective and get some pretty awesome results?

Every successful person whether in business or not has set goals. And they have even taken certain steps for each of their goals. I'm going to show you how to make goals and how to be smart about it.

Specific- the first thing you need to do is be specific. Don't tell yourself you are going lose 20 lbs. Tell yourself you are going to lose 20 lbs, by a certain date and even how you are going to do it.

Measureable-make sure your goal is measureable. Break your big overall goal into weekly goals. Take monthly or bi-weekly measurements and track your progress.

Attainable-you want to make your goals attainable. When you come up with your most important goals and begin to develop your plan, you will soon come up with ways to accomplish your goals.

Realistic- I think any goal is achievable, it just depends on you. How willing and able are you to accomplish your goal. If you want to lose 100 pounds, you can do it. I wouldn't recommend a 3 month time frame but work towards 2 pounds a week. Don't be afraid to set high goals. It's often those that push us and make us better.

Time-bound-set a time frame that you want to reach your goal. Do you want to lose 10 pounds in 4 weeks, 2 pounds a week etc. Set a date when you want to finish by. It will help to keep you focused and stay on track.

Use these SMART principles to plan your goals and you will much more successful. Don't be afraid to tell your friends and family as well. They will help motivate you and encourage you when things get tough.

Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker

www.fitmommakeover.net

Glammy Gifts on the Cheap 2010

Guess what you guys? I totally am done my Christmas shopping already .Except for stocking stuffers, all of my stuff is wrapped and jammed into my guest room, which currently looks like Santa's Workshop. I keep peeking in there and wondering if we've overdone it, which we absolutely have, and then feeling guilty.

My husband and I purposely put off shopping for stockings until Christmas Eve. It's our strange little tradition. Our first year married we were pretty much dirt poor. I'd bought Christmas presents but realized I didn't have money left over for stockings. Of course I ran bawling to the phone and called my mom. In my family, stockings are a big deal. She wired us down $100 which we got on Christmas Eve, and we went shopping together, doing our best to avoid each other in the store. Since then it's how we spend 9 am on Christmas Eve and I love heading out before it gets really bananas.

But that's beside the point. If you aren't as religious with the shopping as me, you may have some stragglers on your list. OR if your husband is like mine and comes to you with a panicked look on his face and asks what you want for Christmas, you may need some ideas to give him. Either way, if you've got some ladies (or some very femmy men) on your list, there's nothing wrong with giving them a little glam. My husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and when I told him that jewelry was good, he was like "But I've already given you a bunch of jewelry."

.........AND?

Men.

Check out some cute things on my wish this year... and then hustle!


How pretty are these pins from White House Black Market for $28? I like them for someone who is new to sparkly things. A little shine in the hair is less ostentatious than a big 'ol cocktail ring.




If you're thinking about watches for Christmas this year, you should know that ceramic is what's new. I love how crisp and clean they are. A friend of mine was wearing one the other day and I could not take my eyes off of it. The ceramic is heavier, giving it a more solid look over plastic. Asos - $35.

When you give jewelry as a gift, look for special details that set it apart from your friend's regular Forever 21 stuff. I love love the color of these, and they are such a pretty mix. Yes Style - $20

I will never turn down a glammy ring, and this one caught my eye because I've specifically asked my husband for more classic jewelry. This looks current while reminding me estate jewelry. It would totally match my pearl earrings too! And it's from Kohls and is $14, which means you could probably get it on sale for like, $6.


YAY Festive headbands. I love the rhinestones on this one. Give it to a friend with instructions to wear it over a messy updo or loose waves. Arden B - $19


A big flower brooch is a standard in my jewelry cabinet, because it can be used in about 100 ways. I wear mine in my hair, clipped on a necklace, with a grouping of other brooches, you name it. And this one is pretty and won't break the bank at $24 from Avalaya.

K, I am 100 percent OBSESSED with these Cara bangles from Nordstrom. I saw them on Saturday in store and tried them on and WAS AN IDIOT and didn't buy them, (don't cry for me Argentina, I am going back tonight to get them.) They are seriously a full arm of bracelets, but since they're really delicate, they look trendy and pretty instead of chunky. Anyway, they are $58, which is pricey. But since you get 30 or so bracelets, why not break them up and give them to friends. Five bangles would still be awesome, and you could tie a silk ribbon around them and your friends would love them. All of a sudden you've got a $10 gift for five friends (assuming you'll keep a set for yourself... which you will.)

(EDIT: So I ran over and bought these last night and I am soooo happy I did. They really are gorgeous on, no matter how many you wear. Merry Christmas to moi!)



I love love love ruffled scarves. I wear a military inspired green jacket with a fur hood for a lot of the winter. While I love it, I'm always looking for ways to keep things girly. A red ruffled scarf? Yes please! And it will look just as pretty when you take your jacket off and pair it with an easy boatneck tee. Modcloth - $30 (But I saw them at F21 for like $10... just throwing that out there.)

Alright, this is my last post before Christmas, so I want to wish you all a Happy Holidays! Seriously, my readers are pretty awesome and I love hearing from you all. Thanks for making this silly little blog a success for me, and keep in touch. I'll see you on the flipside of a New Year (resolution: dress better!)

Love to all,

Jae

Build Muscle, Lose Fat

One of the things I have sitting on a desk as you enter my studio is a pound of fat. It is a replica of what a pound of fat looks like in your body. To go along with that, I also have a pound of muscle.

To many people it is inspiration. They don't want to have 30 1 pound blocks of butter on their body and they can see the difference between fat and muscle. The fat is basically light and fluffy looking, which will take up more space in the body. The muscle is more dense and even though you may have the same pound as the fat it will take up less space.

So how do you build muscle and lose fat? I'll be honest with you, it's not easy, but at the same time, it's not impossible.

First, you need decide. Are you tired of being overweight, out of shape and not feeling good about yourself? How tired are you? If you are just a little bit tired and not really committed, then you are not going to make the necessary changes you need to build muscle and lose fat and ultimately change your life.

Second, once you have made the decision that this is what you really want, and you are going to do everything you can to make it happen, go get a camera. This may be one of the hardest things you do. When I had to put on that bikini and stand feeling absolutely naked waiting for the flash, it was the most awful thing. Even though it was my husband taking the picture, I was embarrassed, felt so disappointed in myself and I just wanted it over. You may not want to but you need to take that picture. We often have in our heads what we look like and when you take the picture and look at it, you may be surprised. I know my first thought was, "I can't believe that is me". Now that you have a picture, post it somewhere, that you will see it everyday. It will become your inspiration and motivation.

Third, get support. You will not be able to do this alone. There will be times of temptation and frustration and I guarantee you will want to have support when you are feeling defeated. Tell people you love what your goals are and ask them for help. Ask them to encourage you and remind you of your goals and what you really want, especially when things get tough.

Fourth, write everything down. Write what you plan to eat, and what you plan to do for exercise. This is such an important step. The most successful people are those who take the time to write everything down. Once it is written down, there is nothing left to do except follow it.

Some of my favourite exercises to get you started are:
-push ups for chest
-bicep curls for biceps
-tricep kickback with a tube
-back rows with a dumbbell for back
-shoulder press with dumbbells
-lunges and squats for legs
-crunches, bicycle, planks for abs

The key to success is to be patient and stick with it. I know it will happen. You will see results and you will love them:)

Committed to your fitness success,
Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net

Freaky Friday: Holiday Edition

I'm not trying to rush Christmas on you guys or anything, but since Christmas Eve falls on a Friday this year, you probably won't be getting a Freaky Friday from me. I'll be too busy entertaining and eating so much food that it squidges out my eyeballs and I want to die a little inside. But I'll eat a little more first. Then I'll watch "It's A Wonderful Life" and cry quietly until my husband makes fun of me. CAN'T WAIT.

Seriously, I love Christmas and I'm at an excitement level of 14 right now. The highest is 10.


UGH! Is there anything worse than a matching sweater/scarf combo. OK FINE, the Holocaust was worse. But this is pretty high on the list.


Creepy snowman just wants to get in your shirt. What a pervert. What is he doing in there?

This was billed as "PARTY SWEATER!" That's a sad party you're having by yourself man. Quick PSA: Your chest is not a billboard for Christmas cheer. Especially weird 1800s Christmas cheer. Go drink some wassail or something.


AH! YES YES! The Kardashian's Christmas card picture. SO EPIC.
Few things:
1) Oh Kim, nice to see you in a tight white dress for a change, you're so versatile.
2) Scott, YOU'RE not Armenian. Lay off the self tanner.
3) Someone (slash everyone) has been reading one too many Cosmo articles about putting your hand on your hip to look thin in pictures, amiright?
4) Lamar... one of these things is not like the other... I MEANT THE PINK TIE. Geez.
5) Green caterpillars. Also, this whole thing looks miserable and Tim Burton-esque. Guess that's what you do when you have buckets of money and are famous for absolutely nothing.


Oh reindeer shoes, you are so appropriate .


I really hope this was not being sold on Etsy or anything and this picture was taken for hilarious purposes only. Because quilted pillow candy canes can only make you look fat. Period.

Sorry, this has nothing to do with anything, but WHO DOES THIS TO THEIR KID?


You all know how much I love novelty jewelry right? The answer is not at all, actually. It's all a bit literal, isn't it?

Actually... this is more literal. Literaler?

And it's super relevant too. I DARE YOU to wear this to your husband's Christmas party. Someone will definitely be getting a bonus. Stuffed directly into the g-string.


Is it not enough to walk around looking like a Christmas tree? Does it have to look like my four year old daughter designed it?

Well, that should tide you over till the week after Christmas right? If you see any other awesome finds, send them over and I'll post them in the interim. In the meantime, Merry weekend before Christmas, and don't dress like an idiot!

Secret Santa

So I was contacted by T.J. Maxx and asked if I'd like to take part in a fashion blogger Secret Santa and I was all, YES. What could be better than having fashion bloggers buy me presents? T.J. Maxx/ Marshalls gave us all a $50 gift card and a blogger to shop for and set us loose in the stores. I had so much fun picking out my present for Jackie of Sweet Pie Style. After looking at her blog, I concluded that we had similar styles and basically went shopping for myself. Actually, I really wanted what I bought her. Check it out here. (Jackie is wearing the necklace and bracelet I got her under the "Day 23" heading.) More pics of the items found here.

Also, I got to go shopping with only one child since my daughter was on a play date. Shopping with only one child pinging off of the walls and touching everything in T.J. Maxx was the real gift, actually.

So, as I was being a happy little fashion blogger Secret Santa, Juanita from The Frugalicious Mommy was out shopping for me. And she actually bought me something similar to the necklace I bought for Jackie, yet secretly wanted to hoard for myself. YAY! She also sent me an adorable sequined clutch, which I brought with me to my Christmas party on Tuesday. I LOVE not bringing a bulky bag with me. Check out my prezzies!


My new clutch and necklace.


The magpie in me wants to hold onto this sparkly clutch and never let it go.


The cool thing about this necklace is that it has a huge pendant but a shorter, oversized chain. It's serious stuff and I love it.

Thanks, Juanita!

So, by my count you have eight shopping days till Christmas. I'm actually completely finished except for a few random things for the hubs. It feels GOOD! And I came under my Christmas budget about $300 so I'm feeling pretty good and itching to spend... well, $300. How about you guys? Good deals? Are you done? Or are you like me and purposely leave a few stragglers so you have an excuse to go shopping on Christmas Eve? I know. It's an illness.