Freaky Friday

It actually feels good to get back into the swing of things. Of course, I'm off on vacation AGAIN next weekend, but I promise I'll whip up a post and send it your way before I leave. I am actually tired of vacation. No joke. JUST LET ME LIVE.

Anyhow! Let's do it! (Not it, it. This is NOT that kind of website.)



Oh REALLY, Katie Price? Slash wasn't your name Jordan before omg make up your mind. You're really going to wear a crown out of iPods and dress like the Tin Man turning tricks? WHY ARE YOU EVEN FAMOUS?


My reaction to these shoes (a reader sent in) was to wonder how painful it would be to saw this model's feet off. It would be worth it, wouldn't it?


Oh Lady Gaga!!!! I know you think you're a trendsetter in your beef bikini. TOO BAD that astute America's Next Top Model viewers like myself will note that this was done like, THREE seasons ago. See?


OH SNAP! That's Claire in meat undies! SOMEONE is a little slow on the uptake there, Gags. *yawn* Better luck shocking us next time.

Mwa ha ha.

PS, I feel like steak in your crotch is never the right way to go.


I'm not sure how well you can see this item, the site was crappy for screenshots. But it's a coat... with a pocket for your baby. Like a kangaroo. And look! She can EVEN close her trunk. Amazing.


So, when I was a teen I got Seventeen magazine and was always fascinated at prom time when they would feature the duct tape dresses. There would be creations like this, while low on taste in general, are amazing feats of sewing and crafting.


....and then there's people like me, who fail Home Ec.


Look ladies. I KNOW I preach against mom jeans on my blog. But there is a FINE LINE that you're walking. If can see undies and BOTH cheeks, your pants are officially too low, and you are embarrassing your baby. And he poops in his pants and barfs on himself like, daily.

Alrighty. I have super cool temps here, so my plans today include gallyvanting around town (with my children, believe it or not) wearing the leather jacket I bought in July. It's a big day, folks.

How to Pack a Suitcase

Aww, a week away from the blog makes me feel tired and frumpy. Does it have that same effect for you? But I went shopping and bought a blazer that completes my life, so I'm back in the game!

So I just got back from my latest trip to Canada. For those of you who don't know, I'm a Canuck living in the States (legally, I promise!) and I travel home to see my family as often as possible. Which means I pack and unpack my suitcase A LOT. This year I've gone to the Great White North three times and I have a fourth trip still planned. Now that my lovely Delta makes me pay for my own bags, I've learned to travel a lot lighter than I used to. No joke, one time I went home (when I was just a young lass, without children) and carried an entire bag separately for my shoes. In my defense, I used to go for much longer stays when I didn't have kids AND I just really felt the need to have 15 pairs on hand.

ANYHOW, I'm much better now. In fact, the time before last I packed me and both my kids in the same suitcase for an entire week. In all my travels, I've learned to pack lightly while still bringing stuff that looks awesome. So, if you're sneaking in one last trip before you're going to school, or you'll be traveling for Thanksgiving or Christmas travels, learn from my many mistakes and pack a fully fashionable and functional suitcase. Here's how:

1) Assemble your outfits beforehand. I am a firm believer in having choices while traveling, so you don't need to plan it down to the day. When I was a teen I would plan to the day, and I was a big nerd. Now I just make sure I know what goes with what. How do I do this? Rolling! I take the top and bottom for any given day and roll them up with the undies inside. Then, when I have to do a mad dash to get into my parent's ONE bathroom before one of my four brothers does, I don't have to hem and haw over what I wanted to wear with what. Easy peasy. Also, rolling makes everything fit so much nicer.

(An artfully packed suitcase. So neat and organized. Of course, after a trip mine just looks like my closet vomited into a small space, but on the way THERE, it's super neat.)

2) Pack dresses! Remember how I like to pack light? Dresses are the lightest thing you can bring because they are just one piece. Roll and DONE. Also, I think dresses work well for traveling because they look like you put in some effort when it was really easier than matching up jeans and a shirt. Also, I'm from Toronto and the humidity there is DEATHLY. Dresses saved my sanity since I could wear them comfortably in the heat.

(Add flats or wedges, a necklace and you have an outfit my friend! Dress by Beloved.)

3) Bring shoes with a purpose. As much as I'd love to pack 15 pairs and complete a full shoe showcase to all of my old friends, I no longer have the luxury of packing for just myself. That means I think long and hard about what shoes to bring. In general I bring one pair of heels, one pair of flats and a pair of boots (I fly in my Fryes so I don't have to pack them. OMG Fly in my Fryes, that rhymes. I'm a genius.) Anyhow, I used to bring both brown and black heels and brown and black flats, but now I usually plan to bring only one color and make sure that all of my outfits work. This last time I lugged up black flats, red heels and brown boots, and I had something to match everything I brought. I just pop them into the netting on the underside of the top portion of the suitcase.

(Black flats are skinny to pack and literally go with everything. Must pack!!)

4) Remember that when you're on a trip, your picture is going to be taken. A lot. As comfy as your Juicy sweats sound when lounging around with family, you do not want to be forever documented with words on your butt. At the very least, a cute tee, some jeans and earrings will make you look put together without having to drag your entire closet up. How cute are me and (3 of) my brothers this last time around?


(This is the night we all went out and did box karaoke. We also did a very awkward rendition of "My Humps." I don't want to talk about it.)

5) Speaking of jewelry, I got the best idea this last time around. Usually I shove it into the same gallon Ziplock bag that I keep my toothpaste in, and they undoubtedly end up tangled and smelling like mint. Now I have a four year old daughter, who also has all manner of accessories. This time I brought a Space Maker-type pencil box and dropped all of my earrings in. I wound necklaces around those fake credit cards that you get int he mail and clipped them with my daughter's flower hair clips. So awesome! When I got to Canada I didn't spend all of my time fishing out tangled necklaces and minty earrings.

(Seriously. Stroke of genius.)

If anyone has any other super awesome packing tips, I'd love to hear 'em. I have another trip in the beginning of December and I'll be bringing up Christmas presents and OMG I'm going to have an issue with high blood pressure just thinking about it.

Mama Fit Monday: What Do You Pack In Your Lunch??

The kids go back to school tomorrow...I'm definitely excited. Back to the routine of getting up, making lunches, running for the bus and doing homework.

Some of you know me and know I love to look in people's carts at the grocery store. And I'm the same way with people lunches. When my daughter was in JK, I was new to the lunches and snack thing so I asked her, "what do your friends bring for lunch and snack". I currently was giving a ham sandwich (the only thing she would eat, fruit and little treat for lunch and a homemade muffin and fruit for snack. Were there better things? She said she wanted Froot Loops for snack. What!!!!!

She had no idea what they even were! No- someone in her class shared their snack with her and that was it. I quickly explained to her that Froot Loops were not healthy and not a good snack for school. After that I didn't ask what the other kids brought, I stuck to what I know, and my kids don't complain---too much:)

Steps to a Healthy Lunch

1. Keep them Hydrated:

Send water with their lunch. Its' easy to send juice and pop, but once they expect that, it will be very difficult to get them to switch to drinking water on its own. Juices and pop are loaded with sugar. Sugar is addictive, causes more problems than this post will allow for discussion, and robs the body of important nutrients.

2. Have protein:

Protein will not only fill them up, but necessary for the body to function properly. Protein is an essential part of lunch, both for you and your kids. Kids need protein to support their growing body, and you need plenty of protein in order to grow and maintain lean muscle tissue.

Some great examples of protein are: fish, beans, tofu, nuts, eggs, chicken, turkey, lean pork and lamb.

Limit the amount of high-saturated-fat protein that your kids eat to no more than 3 servings per week. These include cheese, hot dogs, salami, bacon and sausage.

• 2 – 3 servings daily
• 1 serving equals: 2 – 3oz meat, 1/2 cup cooked beans, 1/3 cup nuts or one egg

3. Whole Grains:

The key to this part of the lunch is "whole grains", which means unrefined. Whole grains are essential to a healthy lunch. It will provide you and your children with energy and of course help to fill them up.

White bread, bagels, pasta and rice have been stripped of the nutrients and minerals. As a result these items convert quickly into sugar, leaving your child drained after an initial quick burst of energy. Always avoid refined white grain products.

Here's a list of healthy whole grains: oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa, millet, bulgur, whole-wheat or sprouted grain bread, barley, whole grain cereal and whole wheat pasta.

Here's what your child should be eating:

• Kids 6-9 yrs: 4 – 7 servings daily
• Kids 10-14 yrs: 5 – 8 servings daily
• Teens: 6 – 9 servings daily
• 1 serving equals: 1 slice of bread, 1/2 bagel, 1/2 cup cooked rice, 1/2 cup pasta, 1 cup of whole grains

4. Veggies:

Don't save your veggies for dinner. Pack lots of colours to give them a variety. You may get some resistance here, especially if they are not used to eating them. Start with something you know they will like and introduce a new one every week. I have added hummus and light dressing to dip which makes them disappear.

• 4 – 9 servings daily
• 1 serving equals: 1 cup raw of 1/2 cup cooked vegetables

5. Fruit:

Fresh fruit is healthy and essential to get vitamins and minerals. As with your veggies, choose a variety of colors to ensure that your kids are getting a range of nutrients.Stay away from fruits that are canned and coated in syrup, and also from fruit snacks and chews that contain added sugars. If fresh fruit is not readily available then go for plain dried fruit, with no added sugar.

Unlike veggies, it is possible to eat too much fruit. Though the natural sugars within fruit are much healthier than refined sugar, too much of it will have a negative impact on your blood sugar levels and the extra calories will be stored as fat. Stick with 3 – 5 servings per day.

• 3 – 5 servings daily
• 1 serving equals: 1/2 cup cut fruit, whole fruit size of tennis ball, half a banana, 1/2 cup 100% fruit juice

6. Calcium:

Most of us rely on milk as our source of calcium. There are many sources of calcium that we can choose from without using milk. Try these sources of calcium: nuts, dark leafy greens, salmon, broccoli, tofu, soy milk, sardines, beans, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, low-fat milk, low-fat yogurt.

• 2 – 6 servings daily
• Serving size based on the amount of calcium in the food. Examples of 1 serving: 1 cup cooked beans, 1/2 cup almonds, 1/2 cup dried figs, 1/2 cup dark leafy green vegetables, 1/2 cup tofu, 1 cup low-fat milk, 1 cup low-fat yogurt.

There you go, 6 tips to packing the perfect lunch. Start the kids off right, with healthy lunches, they will feel better, have better energy and thank you in the long run when they need to know how to make a healthy lunch for their children.

Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker

www.bestfitbodybootcamp.com

Mama Fit Monday: Get The Best Looking Shoulders and Abs

I've been married for 13 years. And every single year my husband has wished I would agree to a canoe trip.

I've been camping my whole life, but as my husband says…car camping, it's different. To me, it's the only kind of camping
there was, it's the only thing I knew, and liked.

We camped every year on our own and with his family (they're big campers), and I heard all of the "great" stories of the canoe trips.
To be honest, I just couldn't get excited about sleeping on the ground, (we have graduated to a trailer, which in my opinion is awesome!)
digging a hole in the ground to go the bathroom, and hanging your food, so as not to attract wildlife looking for an easy meal.

Well, I don't know what I was thinking this year, but at the very last minute I decided sure we should go and try a canoe trip with my sister and
brother law and their kids in Algonquin Provincial Park.

Since it was so last minute, I didn't have a ton of time to prepare, which I found out you do need. Since everything you bring, needs to be in the canoe with you, preparedness is key. My sister in law helped out where I lacked, which was great. We used their food barrel and she did one of the dinners-excellent.

As I made my "list" like I always do, I was getting a bit excited about this. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as I thought, until my husband looked at my list (which is the same one I make when we go camping with our trailer) and took away about half of my list!!!

He said there was no way I could bring my pillow. What!!!!! He told me to fold up my sweater and use that, there was no room for pillows in a canoe. I started re-thinking if this was such a great idea.

Anyway, we got ourselves organized, got our canoe and kayak (I prefer to kayak, so we rented a tandem, and my oldest daughter joined me in the kayak), and off we went. We paddled for about 3 hours and I could not believe how sore my upper could be! Even my elbows hurt. My shoulders and back were screaming at me and of course we slowed the group down a bit, since it was mine and the kids first time, we arrived later than planned. We really had to work at finding a camp site. At this point, my body was saying, don't be picking, just take the first one available.

We found a great site, put up the tent and started dinner. We started with a 3 day trip. And I have to be honest, it was pretty good. I had a bit of trouble sleeping the first night--bears were always in my head, but after that I was pretty good. We canoed all three days and I couldn't believe how it challenged my body.

I am always doing something, boot camp, running, biking, roller blading, but when I did this, it was a total shock to my body. It was working in a way it has never done before, and my muscles responded. Even my inner thighs were killing me, from bracing inside the kayak. My abs were tender to touch for 3 days, something I have to consciously work hard on to get the same result from trying something new.

The point of this long story is that your muscles will respond hugely to something they are not use to. Don't wait 13 years like I did. I gave my body the workout of a lifetime, it was definitely a challenge, but a good one. I said I would do it again next year!

If you want to challenge your entire body, go kayaking for a few days, if you are fortunate enough to have access to water year round, try incorporating it into your regular routine. Kayaking every other month will keep your muscles working in a way that's different than your regular workout.

Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net

Our Regularly Scheduled Snark...

...is on hold while I play in Canada until Tuesday. Sorry, ladies, I just can't blog when there is CADBURY to be eaten. I did see some doozies on the plane up here though! Why do old people wear socks and sandals while flying? Is there some dress code I am not aware of?

Anyway, happy fashion to you all, I'll be back in five days. You won't even miss me! Well, actually, you might a little. But it's OK! It makes me feel loved.

Kisses,
Jae

Mama Fit Monday: 5 Ways Not To Exercise

That's right - there's a wrong way to exercise. But don't worry! Once you know how not to exercise, you'll be ready for some great tips that will help you maintain good form and make the most of your work out.

If you're like most people, you don't have a lot of time to exercise, so why do exercises that won't help you be healthier and happier? Read on to learn what exercises you might be doing wrong and how you can enhance your form and reap the intended benefits of exercise.

Exercise No-No #1

The lateral pull down behind the head is done by pulling a weighted bar down behind your head and neck. Unless you have very mobile shoulder joints, you could be damaging the alignment of your spine when you pull the bar down or you could be putting undue strain on your shoulders, which can easily lead to injury.

Safe Alternative: Instead of pulling the bar down behind your head, try leaning back a few degrees and pulling the bar down to your breastbone by pulling your shoulder blades down and together. Contract your abdominal muscles to control your movements.

Exercise No-No #2

Raising a weight to your chin with your arm can be dangerous, as this movement can quite easily compress the nerves in your shoulder.

Safe Alternative: Perform this same type of exercise, but lift the weights to the side or front of the body. Better yet, try this exercise while bending forward at the hips and holding the weight below your shoulder and then lifting it to the side of your body. This movement still targets all the muscles of your upper back, while getting the biceps involved as well.

Exercise No-No #3

When using a weighted machine to perform leg presses while lying down, it's easy to bend your knees too deeply as you move the weight. This exercise is designed to work your quadriceps, hamstrings, and glutes. But if you bend too much with your knees, your pelvis can tilt and force the lower back to bear some of the weight, which can lead to serious back troubles if the exercise is repeated regularly.

Safe Alternative: Instead of using a machine, try using the resistance of your own body. Squats and lunges can work the same muscle groups with far greater safety.

Exercise No-No #4

Even if you are doing everything else spot on, wearing the wrong shoes can counteract everything. Improper footwear can increase the pounding on your joints and lead to conditions like plantar fasciitis or tendinitis.

Safe Alternative: The key is to choose a shoe that fits the exercise you are doing. Shop at reputable athletic shoe stores so you can talk to knowledgeable salespeople who can help you find the right type of shoe for your sport and foot.

Exercise No-No #5

Too many people these days are using weight belts. Unless you have a medical reason to wear one, you can probably put the belt down. Using a weight belt reduces your core muscles' ability to work and become stronger.

Safe Alternative: Unless you are a bodybuilder, skip the weight belt and concentrate on utilizing your core muscles to build up your strength.

Hope these help you to exercise more effectively.
Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net

Freaky Friday: Couture

I loooove the various fashion weeks around the world. It's exciting to see what designers believe will be the next big thing. But then you get the crazies in like, Russian Fashion Week who just want to be revolutionary weirdos and sew up outfits that only Gaga would wear. Happily, there's lots to choose from, so up and at 'em!


Okay, this is NOT couture, but I found it and decided she'd make a good match for sexy unicorn man from a few weeks back. They could repopulate the unicorn race!!


I feel like this would be super great on the subway. You'd always get your own seat, and the man that smells like urine and touches himself would be a safe four feet away at all times. Plus, sometimes, when I'm walking down the street, I'm like, "Do you know what I wish I had? My own stage lighting."


I don't know much about cooking, but I think she's doing it wrong.


Daaaaaaang girl, you must be the best TGIFriday's waitress EVER. Look at all that flair.


What dainty little angel hooves! Honestly, I'm already thinking about getting high-centered on a sidewalk curb in these. Little help here?


Designed by the Dr. Suess "Solla Sollew" collection. Okay, that was kind of a nerdy book joke, but seriously. If you have kids, you should know what I'm talking about.


Is it weird that I think these are slightly awesome? Also, they look like they stink, which is generally a good look for feet.


What a masculine sweater! Something about the flowing purple tulle and unnecessary turtleneck says that he will protect me all night long.


Who you gonna call? This terrifying and emaciated PAINT CONTRACTOR. Wow. That is nowhere near as catchy as the original.

Oh, fashion designers... good job wasting money and talent on things that are irrelevant to society. Keep it up, so I have more Friday material!