Maternity Monday - "Your Feet Are Swollen"

My mother-in-law has been informing me for weeks (every single time she sees me), that my feet are swollen. I've been in denial. They look the same to me. But yesterday, as I was heading out the door for church, I tried to slip on my red peeptoe heels. And they didn't fit. There was no way I was going to be able to squish my fat feet into them. I was horrified. My whole outfit had been planned around those shoes. I settled for my black pumps, as painful as it was to shove my feet into them.

This never happened to me in my previous pregnancies! I wore 4-inch heels to the end. But now, with weeks left to go, I can't fit into any of my favorite shoes. It's a sad sad day. Because of my predicament, I've spent the last hour looking for shoes that might work for me. Here are my findings.

Because of my addiction to heels, I still need some height. I wore wedges this weekend for several hours and felt just fine. Therefore, I refuse to give up wedges!

(Steve Madden)

These will still give me the height I want, but will be a little less rough on my extra plump footsies. Ditto to espadrilles like these:(Zappos)
I'd like these better without the ankle strap right now. I don't need a tight strap to draw attention to my swollen ankles.

I'll be honest. I'm not a huge fan of kitten heels. While I like a cute kitten heel on other people, I'm just not used to how they look on me. But I found these patent leather ones that I think I could handle. I think it's the chunkiness of the heel. (Zappos)

These are cute, too. I could handle these as a substitute to my usual Sunday heels.

(Zappos)

Thankfully, spring has arrived, which means I can wear flats, sandals, flip flops...typical Florida girl footwear. And my feet thank me for it. (Charlotte Russe)

(American Eagle)

If you're in the same boat as me and are having issues with swollen feet, there are a few things you can do.

- Put your feet up whenever possible

- Don't cross your legs when sitting

- Avoid standing or sitting for long periods of time. Change positions regularly to let the blood flow.

- Drink more water.

- Exercise. Even just walking helps.

- Avoid junk food. (HAHAHAHAHAHA)

If you do decide to go get shoes that fit more comfortably, go shopping in the evening. That's when your feet will be at their biggest. And try not to cry too much when you see you've gone up a size. Chances are, the swelling will go down after the baby comes and you'll be back in your normal size. So no need to go out and get a whole closet full of bigger shoes. Darn it.

Maternity Monday - After You Pop

Those first few weeks after you have a baby are the hardest. You’re sleep deprived, adjusting to a new crazy schedule, you’re still carrying more weight than you’d like, and you basically feel like a big fat frumpalumpagus.

For me, taking some time to try to look my best despite the craziness going on all around me really helps me feel more positive about myself. You already know I think you should rock a girdle, but what do you wear over it?

Loose Tops

When I was pregnant for the first time, baby doll tops or empire waist tops like the ones above were everywhere. While these are great for hiding post partum tummy bulge, they aren't my favorite option.

TunicsThere are so many different styles of tunics right now. They're just as loose as baby doll shirts, but so much less...baby doll-y. And the ones that are button down are easy access for nursing.

Elastic Hems and Bands

These are my favorite right now. Shirts with an elastic hem or thick band around the bottom are everywhere. The loose fit nicely hides the flabiness you don't want anyone to see.

Even if you're just lounging around the house, fight the urge to throw on your husband's oversized t-shirt and opt for a more feminine loose fitting shirt like the one below. You'll feel loads better about yourself.

A winged cardigan is also great for hiding the fun rolls that pregnancy leaves behind.(All tops from Forever 21)

Stretchy Bottoms

I'm not going to lie. I have c-sections so the first week I’m home from the hospital, I live in these:
But that’s just in the comfort of my home. If I’m going to venture out of the house, I try to look more put together. There are options other than sweatpants that are just as comfortable, but much more stylish.

Drawstring PantsThese drawstring pants are as easy and comfortable as a pair of yoga pants, but will look much cuter as you're out and about running errands.

Summer Linen PantsDitto on these. But I find it highly unnecessary to tuck your shirt into them like this model.

Jeans are totally comfortable, too, as long as they have some stretch in them.

(Pants from Forever 21)

Skirts

(Skirts from Old Navy)

There are so many casual skirt options for spring and summer. The two above have a stretchy waist band perfect for those first few postpartum weeks.

Last tip for feeling more like a hot momma than a hot mess in those first few weeks of sleepless nights and 'round the clock feedings: put on some make up!! Conceal those under eye circles. Put on some blush to brighten up your cheeks. Check out Jae’s make up post to see how to brighten your tired eyes.

Freaky Friday

I'm full-on sick with the flu today, so I'm going to hammer out some freaky Friday goodness and then go back to bed and curse my decision to ever have children. It is the WORST when you're sick. Boo, I had plans to shop today. The fashion gods must be angry with my hatred of capris.



FINE! I'll say it! This dress makes her look a little hippy. HIPPOPOTAMUS-Y, THAT IS!

I'm not proud of myself.


Sadly, these are not marketed for Halloween. But what can you expect from a clothing company called "Nasty Gal"?


What is with the furry clog shoe?? It is horrifying. I don't know whether to wear it or ride it up a mountain.



Sweet mother. This is a very expensive, very confusing shirt. I feel like it's the equivalent of a man's tuxedo shirt. Like, casual but FANCY all at once.



Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEELTEJUICE!


Aaaand this would be the wrong way to wear shorts. Is it really necessary to have them super short AND tie-dyed AND torn up by an angry cat? Now it's just overkill.


But why? WHY were these pants on sale for $3? THEY ARE SO FLATTERING.



I swear, they'll give a fashion line to any celeb. From the much-anticipated Flinestone line.

Well, do any of you want to go shopping in my stead? I have a date with a few talk shows, some sweatpants and my own pity.

Maternity Monday - Dressing the Bump for Spring

Someone please fund a shopping spree for me quick because there are so many cute trends for spring!

Let's start with tops:

Graphic T's are in. And although grey doesn't seem like a very springy color, it's all over the place this season. (Gap)

Knots are also all the rage. (Such a lame phrase.) Look for shirts or dresses with a little knot detail, but make sure it doesn't look too bulky when you try it on. (Old Navy)Cut outs, like the ones on these sleeves are another cute trend for spring. (Old Navy)Florals and ruffles are also in. Be careful with both, though. Too much of either is not a good thing. (Nordstrom)

Moving on to bottoms:

I love casual skirts while preggo. Sometimes I don't feel like squishing my extra meaty legs into shorts. (Motherhood Maternity)

But I do love love love me some Bermuda shorts. I have a pair of white ones like these that are sadly starting to get a little too tight. Please don't pair these shorts with the shoes pictured. (Gap) Here's another style of bermuda shorts I like. More cargo-y. For a Florida girl like me, these are great with a graphic T and some cute flip flops. (Motherhood Maternity)Another spring trend is cuffed shorts. I have to say, I wasn't crazy about a lot of the looser fitting cuffed shorts I found. But these are more subtle and I want to own them. (Motherhood Maternity)

Let's talk dresses:

This little number can either be worn as a dress or a skirt. This with a colorful cardigan and some cute jewelry would be adorable and so comfy, no? If you're going to wear it as a skirt, pair it with a snug fitting top. Loosy flowy skirt + loosy flowy top = hugeness. (Nordstrom)This wrap dress combines a few spring trends: knots, draping, and bright colors. I want it to be miiine. (Nordstrom)And finally, the maxi dress. Oh how I am coveting this dress. I'd pair it with a little cardi and some colorful accessories. I'm thinking plum. It could also be belted, if my stomach muscles weren't killing me these days. (Nordstrom) Go shop, spring chickens. Then I can live vicariously through you.

Freaky Friday: Awesomely Bad Fashion Inventions

I love watching the Fashion Week footage and seeing all of the crazy stuff designers roll out, hoping that it'll be the next big things. Unfortunately, there is only one Crocs, so I'm afraid the "crazy ugly thing that regular people think they like" spot has been filled. So, all of the other weirdo fashion inventions end up in the bargain bin at the Pick n' Save. Luckily, they are preserved for all time on the Internets. Yay for you AND me!



Hey, I've only had two children in what I THOUGHT was a normal labor and delivery. But maybe I was doing it wrong? This looks much easier. And creepier.


These pants are meant to wink at other people while you walk. Number one problem: All of these people need to go a size up, am I right? Number two problem: Calling attention to your undulating bum is bad form always. ;) (That was a wink... did it make you feel dirty?)


Thong jeans! Do you think that if a girl wore a visible thong underneath this the universe would explode?



K, so whatever, this isn't really fashion, but you put it in your pants (ew) so it's close enough. Have a special event coming up? Fill your undies with toot patches here to diffuse your irritable bowel syndrome. Also, you're super classy.


Your dog hates you. He hopes you die in your sleep and totally won't be heroic and call 911 like the dogs on tv.


The breast pillow. First of all, can I say hahahahaha? My boobs are so small that when I sleep they look like they are ignoring each other. Maybe I need a vice to crank them together?


Listen, Miley Cyrus. YOU CANNOT ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS. Observe the flip flop sock. It makes me sad inside.



The patch to avoid camel toe. Know another way to avoid camel toe? Stop dressing like a dirty prostitute.



Padded butt jeans. I have it under good authority that this is actually a picture of my own derriere. And I didn't see a PENNY.


Armored jeans. I kind of feel like these would be well-respected in the LARPing community. I could not love a human baby as much as I love LARPing videos on Youtube.

Well, I'm off to buy some flip flop knee sock hybrids. I hope everyone has good, yet fashion failure free weekend!

Jae Tests the Trend: The Maxi Dress

SO last week my sister in law Facebooked me to see if I would come shopping with her for a maxi dress after seeing last week's post about spring trends. So we set off on Thursday to find a maxi dress with the following criteria: 1) Must fit over her lovely lady lumps. 2) Actually, that was it. Of course, while perusing the racks I found a few things for myself. It would be sacrilege otherwise. Anyway, I've heard people say things like "I'm short, I can't wear maxi dresses" or, "I'm a jeans a tee kind of girl." This Test the Trend is proof that maxi dresses are easy to wear, totally comfy, and a good change from the same old. (PS, people who don't try new things because it isn't 'them' totally grind on me, by the way. Uh, obviously if you never try anything different, it won't be you. It doesn't exempt you, it just makes you seem like an old stick in the mud.)

Anyhow, there are some right ways to do a maxi dress, okay ways, and oh so very wrong ways to do it.

Observe.


K, this is SO WRONG. We were in our friendly neighborhood Forever 21 and kept grabbing things that we THOUGHT were maxi dresses, but were really maxi pantsuits and horrendously scary. Here I am sacrificing myself YET AGAIN for you people, to show you just how crotch-tastic this thing is. So bad. And it had like, a triple leather belt for maximum drama. I felt very "Dallas" in this outfit. Also, we were laughing and making fun of it while taking my picture and got the stink-eye from the dressing room worker. K, JUST BECAUSE YOU WORK THERE DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO DEFEND THE CRAPPY STUFF THEY SELL OMG. Obviously, this was left hanging neatly in the dressing room, which was more than it deserved. Also, my sister in law sent me this picture saved as CROTCHMONGER.jpg, which was fitting. It gave me an EPIC front-bum.


So this is a "meh" way of doing the maxi dress. It's oooookay I guess. I love the color, but this is a little plain jane. It also can come off as a little jumperish, regardless of how cute the dress is. I won't judge you for this per se, but I will believe you can do better. Also, the sun streaming through the windows makes me look like I've died but come back to make pottery with my old girlfriend. Wait, that's Ghost. I had to take these pics on self timer, okay? My husband vehemently opposes being any part of this blog.


Much better. Remember how we talked about maxi dresses being pregnancy-inducing? And not in the I-wanna-be-pregnant way? A cinchy belt totally helps. Now, when it comes to wearing a shirt under something, or wearing a cardi over it, I always pick wearing something over it. It doesn't mess with the aesthetic so much and gives some dimension to the outfit. Now my 5'4" frame looks tall and statuesque, even tho "maxi dresses aren't for short people". Pshhh I say. Pshhh.


I was going to post this picture so you could again see the cinchy belt doing its job and making my waist looking tiny.... but I just wanted to show off my baby. Cute right? Clearly he is not concerned about making his waist look smaller.

Anyways, really, really DO try maxi dress this season. I think you'll find that its just as easy, if not easier than jeans and a t-shirt, and easy even for people who are fashion-challenged. IT'S ONE PIECE. If you don't think you can handle putting one piece on in the morning, then you probably shouldn't be operating a computer.

Except, still do, because I like having readers. Mmmkay. I'm sorry I called you challenged.

Touchy.