Fat Day Fashion

So you know those days that you wake up in the morning and try and get dressed and intead you're just like "OMG I'M SO FAT AND DEPRESSED AND GOING TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP WHILE EATING BEN AND JERRY'S HALF BAKED ICE CREAM"? Not that I've ever been there, but I *hear* some women feel like that. *cough* Plus, I prefer Cherry Garcia.

ANYWAYS, I was recently reading one of my girly magazines (not THAT kind of girly magazine, get your mind out of the gutter) and there was an interesting experiment where they took this one girl, and her photograph herself in a bathing suit everyday, and write how she felt that day. Some days she was like "Hey, I feel HOT today, look at me and bad self", and then some days she would be like "Hideous cow lady! I'm going to go hang myself with a rope made of Twinkie wrappers!" But the pictures and weight recordings documented that she never changed. Ever. It was basically proving that "fat days", or days where you feel HUGE don't actually exist.

When I was in school, my friends and I would refer to these days as "F-U" days, which were Fat and Ugly days. HOW AWFUL IS THAT? As in "Omg, you guys. I am having a total F-U day. Can we go to the gym after class?" On F-U days you would show up to school with your hair in a pony, wearing your glasses and scrubs your mom brought home from her last hospital stay from a bout with appendicitis. It was gross, but we totally allowed our crappy day that we felt bad about ourselves show not only in our heads, but in our outward appearances. Then everyone KNEW that you were having a fat day.

It's kind of like those days that you don't like what you see in the mirror, so you throw on your husbands sweatshirt, his GROSS gym shorts and shuffle to the grocery store because you feel so bad about yourself that particular day, that you don't even feel like trying. But the worst part is, it's not like you're helping the situation. You go off looking like a slob, and then you do look gross and sloppy to everyone else, like my on my F-U days.

So, the best remedy for a day where you feel fat is to actually get dressed. But don't just get dressed in anything, but a patented formula that will a) make you feel better, and b) make you not look like a chubby housewife. It's my little concealing secret that I use (I really need to stop giving away my secrets here) to fool people into thinking I look put together, and still allowing me to hide in my clothes until I don't feel like Homer Simpson anymore.

First, get a non-tight top. I like ones that are tight in the bodice and then loosey goosey in the rest of the shirt. That way you can fall back on your redeeming BOOBS even if you feel like the rest of you is gross. Love this one from Charlotte Russe.



Then, pair it with your comfiest everyday jeans. This is NOT the time to try and wiggle into your skinny jeans or even your dark date night ones. Just to a comfy, medium wash that you can live with even when you feel fat.


(Sliver @ Nordstrom)

Okay, here's the most important part of the fat day outfit. A BLAZER. If you don't have a plain, black blazer, get one immediately. You can throw it over anything and look instantly put together, and most importantly, slimmed down. This one from Old Navy is adorable and cheap!



Pop that on over your shirt and all of a sudden you have an outfit. All that's left are some cutie flats like these ones by Michael Kors that aren't fussy and are comfier than most sneakers:



Throw on a big bag. Remember when we talked about your body being proportionate to the bag that you carry? Well, on fat days all bets are off. Just trust me on this one. Get a big bag so you're not feeling all exposed. (ShopSuey Boutique)



Finally, if you want (and yes, you DO want) pin something cute on your blazer as the only accessory. I love love love this pin from this awesome Vie Moderne Etsy Shop .




Bahh dying of cuteness right now. I want it for Christmas. Anyone? It's actually a hair pin, but alligator clips work easily on blazer lapels too and give the outfit just a little more interest. Also, putting a pop of color near your face will help you look a little more awake and alive, even if you just feel like being in bed and eating Fritos while watching America's Test Kitchen for the rest of your life.

And voila, you are fat no more. And as an added bonus, even if you still feel fat, you have so many layers of clothes that you're the only one who is going to notice.

Let's not advertise our F-U days to the world, okay? It's depressing.

From My Closet, Featuring.... my closet!

I haven't done a "From My Closet" in so long, and this weekend my hubby worked on a project for me AND MY SHOES that I want you to see.

Can we take a moment to talk about the importance of a well-organized closet? When building our house, my husband and I opted for seperate, smaller closets than one large walk-in. This is because I am insane about my closet organization. When we shared in our teeny apartment I was constantly nagging the poor guy to separate my blazers from my trench coats and he finally just gave up.

I organize my closet because I dress very methodically. I like to know where anything is at any given time. I organize my shirts according to sleeve length, so I can dress with the weather, and I rotate my clothes like some people rotate food storage, so I get maximum benefit of my entire wardrobe?

Sound crazy? That's because it totally is.

BUT! You know how everyone has been throwing around that awful word "recessionista" around, and telling everyone to "shop their closets"? That's how I don't get in a rut with my clothes, wearing the same thing all of the time. When it's washed from being worn, it goes to the back of the closet so other pieces can come out.

Unfortunately, my shoes did not get the same treatment as my clothes. My current tally is 79 pairs, and they were spread out through my closet, in the guest room closet, and down in the mudroom, where we have benches and lockers. I had been BEGGING my husband to build my a shoe organizer in my closet so that I could have a Carrie Bradshaw moment when I threw my closet open and saw all of my lovely friends waiting there for me... organized by color, of course.

Well, this weekend he finally relented, and I cleaned out my closet floor to make way for the new shelves. OMG, it was so embarrassing. Not only did I get to see shoe relics from my past? Remember these? But we were literally knee deep in shoes while trying to install the shelves.

It was worth it though. My shoes are now organized, and they just look so darn pretty when you open the doors.



Why, hello lovers!


Shooooooes.


These are my latest additions; turquoise patent tie dyed Steve Maddens. I die.


Sooo hot, want to touch the hiney.

Anyway, feel free to tell me how awesome the new closet looks, so I can pass it on to my husband so he can feel warm and fuzzy, as currently he feels annoyed that he had to build a shoe closet for me and my obsessions.

AND THEN! Go organize your closet. While we were in there I loaded up TWO garbage bags full of clothes I no longer wear, and even three pairs of shoes that I could bear to part with to bring to our local charity thrift store. It feels so good. Get rid of your crappy stuff, and make way for something even better!

Maternity Monday: DON'TS -- Celebrity Edition

Due to the fact that I am potty training my 2-year-old this week and my brain is literally fried from exhaustion, I thought I'd post something a little fun for all you expecting ladies out there.

Whatever you do when you're pregnant, DON'T dress like any of these pregnant celebrities!

Britney Spears

Poor Britney. I really do feel sorry for her. Clearly, she was nothing short of a train wreck during her K-Fed days. But these ensembles ... uncalled for! Especially the shrug tied over her already-ginormous-before-pregnancy décolletage. That, um, top (if you can call it one) goes perfectly with that grungy, tie-dyed skirt and those cowboy boots (which she obviously loved).

Heidi Klum

Heidi, I adore you. If I could siphon your cuteness into a glass bottle and sell it, I'd be a billionaire. But this dress is hideous! There's no denying it. For one, it's huge, and you're not. Second, it looks like it's been through a hurricane or some other detrimental natural disaster. And another thing: it's sheer in random places, which just looks, well ... random! You did so much better this time.

M.I.A.

This outfit simply begs the question: WHAT was she thinking? Or was she? There is nothing redeeming about this ensemble. Nada. Epic fail. She would have been better off "missing in action" that night. Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.

Kourtney Kardashian

This dress isn't really THAT bad, but the sleeves are incredibly strange. It looks like she's smuggling some hideous late 90's drapes under her armpits. Or maybe like she is going to spread her wings and take flight at any moment. And the length of the dress leaves little to be desired ... literally. I don't care how nice your legs are ... if you can't sit without revealing your gender to the world, your dress too short.

J.Lo

I realize when this photograph was taken, Jennifer Lopez was trying to hide her pregnancy. Well, she failed, because this picture pretty much screams, "The Rumors Are True!"

Note to self: If you want your pregnancy to remain a mystery to the general public, don't wear too-tight, outrageously high-waisted electric blue disco pants.

And truthfully, too-tight, outrageously high-waisted electric blue disco apparel is probably never a good idea (unless it's Halloween).

Fall Trend I Love: Patterned Tights

So I was out and about shopping the other day (SO I SHOP A LOT, OKAY?), and on a total whim picked up a pair of ziggy zaggy tights to wear just because I've always liked the way patterned tights looked but never got around to trying them for myself.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I love them so much. And now that my life has been opened to the awesomeness that is patterned tights,. I am on a tight buying rampage. They are so awesome to dress up an otherwise basic outfit, and I honestly feel like they equal instant fashion forwardness.

I experimented with different shoes and came up with a few different ways I like to wear them. (PS there is no greater joy in my life than playing dress up with new accessories.) The first is with a plain, stacked patent pump, like so:


(Louboutin)

This is a really simple way to rock the look, and good if you're like umm... is this right? ou can prtty much never go wrong with a black patent pump.


Another shoe I like them with is a vintage-y t-strap that has some cool details. This is how I wore mine and I thought it looked super cool and very 40s inspired. And you know how I feel about 40s style fashion.


(Polyvore)


I even kind of love them with a peep toe pump. It's a great way to extend some of your summer shoes into the winter, and I think a little peep of lace or color at the toe is adorable.


(F21)

Now, as for the actual tights, there are SO MANY styles to choose from and I love them all. The only kind I don't like? Fishnet. While I think they have their time and place, I don't love them as trendy tights, what with the stripper-connotations that they carry. If you just LOVE fishnets and want to try them, I suggest going for a nude fishnet. It's a little more subtle and a lot less HEY I'M WEARING FISHNETS AND I TAKE SINGLES.

I love ALL of these styles, all from F21 and all under $7. Of course you can get them just about anywhere, but F21 had them the cheapest, and since I feel that these tights are really a trendy item, spend less on them.


(I bought these WOO!)


Love the idea of these with a gray wool skirt. So preppy!






I even love patterned color tights, like these with the gradient pattern. I feel like they are interesting enough but not you-look-like-a-crazy-person bright. And I think just about anyone could pull them off.

If you love the look of patterned tights but are nervous to try them out, go get a pair of black tights (or whatever color the patterned tights are) and layer them. You'll get the cool texture without the crazy pattern.

Wear em with whatever! I like them with A-line and pencil skirts. I would probably refrain from wearing really crazy patterns with knee high boots, though. The effect might be too boardwalk-y. However, I LOVE the colored ones with boots. It's just enough to punch up a drab outfit.

HOWEVER! If you're going to patterned tights, let them be the star of the show. While you might see some editorial with a model wearing patterned tights and like, a clown suit, for real life, it's best to wear them with a more subdued outfit .You can still do color, just go easy on the patterns for a more polished look.

Tights! I know, right? Who knew they would be such a freakin' cool accessory?

Maternity Monday: What to Wear to a Special Occasion

It's that time of year ... Christmas party invites are going to start coming out before you know it, and you've gotta dress that bump of yours! You know it's every woman's secret mission to look totally fab at work parties. And even with your growing belly, you can still look smokin' for the holidays.

The LBD
A simple "little black dress" is a must for every woman. Even the preggos. You can dress it up or dress it down, wear it to a party or wear it to church. It's slimming, it's chic, and it brings attention to your loveliness.

Here are a few options:

Dream by Juliet, Nordstrom

3/4 sleeve faux wrap dress, Motherhood

I actually own the second dress and I love it. I think 3/4 sleeves are really slimming for the arms. Plus the length is perfect -- not too short, but not too long. The fabric is dressy but not fussy. It's easy to wash and doesn't fade. And I do love the pleating right below the bust.

When you're looking for your own LBD, make sure to avoid muumuu-type dresses, and mind the length -- any longer than the knees, and it won't be so "little" anymore. You don't want to look like you're singing in the Christmas choir.

Dress pants
Some of you may prefer to go to your parties by way of pants. Just remember the rules about pants -- tight in the butt, wider in the leg, and longer in the length if you plan to wear heels.

Secret Fit Belly wide-leg pants, A Pea in the Pod

Dress them up with a holiday-inspired top:

L to R: Lace flutter top, Charlote Russe; sequin chiffon blouse, Charlotte Russe

Satin flower trim top, Forever 21

Remember that eggplant top from last week? I've featured it twice now. That means it's awesome! Go get it.

Shoes
Special occasion shoes are tricky for pregnant gals. You really have to wear a heel of some kind to a dressy event, unfortunately. I don't know about you guys, but high heels are the last thing I want to wear when I'm pregnant. My feet are swollen, my back hurts ... give me slippers and I'm good. But you couldn't exactly show up in your UGG boots to a swanky cocktail party, now could you?

The key is to look for shorter heels. Keep them under 3 inches and you should be fine for a few hours. Here are some options:

Predictions dress sandal, Steve Madden T-strap sandal

Naturalizer 'Prissy' Sandal

Don't really dig the strappy sandal look? Go for a kitten heel pointy-toe pump.

Accessories
Put on the glitz, girl. Think "date night" but with a little more pizzazz:

Pearl necklace, Minicci; crystal chandelier earrings, Minicci

Ruffle clutch, Lela Rose; Helix clutch, Minicci

And don't forget the most important accessory of all -- your beautiful, confident smile! (Ok, that was cheesy.) And your lipgloss.

I Can Haz Bathtub?

Don't you love this shoe??


I mean, BATHTUB?




This is VERY off topic, but I might want to rebuild my house around this awesome bathtub designed by Massimiliano Della Monaca. Brills!

Maternity Monday: What to Wear On a Date

You might have just read that title and said, "Date? What's that?" I know what you mean ... these days, dates might be few and far between for you and your man. Your body aches, you're dealing with heartburn and nausea, and you're tiiiiiiired. And if you've got other little ones running around, you have to line up a sitter. Pain in the butt, I know. But trust me -- if anything will improve your sad, pregnant mood, it's a cute outfit and a night on the town with your hunk-of-a-man.

So, let's get to it! Here are some basics for a put-together, casual date night outfit:

1) Dressy pair of jeans

This is a date night basic that applies to everyone, preggers or not. You'll probably want to go with something a little darker because dark-wash jeans tend to look a little more polished.

7 For All Mankind Secret Fit Belly jeans

Now, I realize that these fabulous 7 For All Mankind jeans are probably way out of most people's price ranges. Hello, $210! That's easily 3-4 months worth of diapers there. But the idea here is the look of the jeans. They are meant to give you a good idea about what to search for when you're hunting for maternity jeans. They're ...

... tight in the butt (YES!)
... the perfect wash color
... wider in the leg to prevent unsightly hip/thigh hugging, making you look long and lean

Here's a less-expensive alternative from Gap. They'll only cost you about a month and a half of diapers. ;)

Full-panel Long and Lean jeans

A word about maternity jeans: I've found that the oh-so-cute low- or no-panel jeans are really impractical. They just do NOT stay up on my body, and I spend a lot of time either hiking them up, or walking around with a saggy butt (real sexy, right?). So, full-panel is the way to go, in my opinion. Especially now that they have the comfy yet discreet Secret Fit belly panels! You will never have to do the "pants dance" again (you know what I'm talking about). The crotch will stay snug and the butt won't sag.

2) Knit top

Maybe you noticed last week that I love Forever 21. Reasons: great prices, versatile, feminine, and did I mention GREAT PRICES? Plus, Forever 21 has a lot of tunic-style tops that work with pregnant bellies! Yay.

Here are a few examples:

L to R: Trapeze tunic top, Lace trim chiffon top

Satin flower trim top

Again -- these are just good examples of what to look for out there when you're shopping for the perfect date night top. All of these are feminine and have special details (lace, embroidery, satin flowers) that make them a little dressier. If Forever 21's not your thing, no biggie. You'll be able to find similar styles elsewhere.

3. Shoes

Shoes for date night can be tricky when you're pregnant, because while you know some heels would be totally bangin', your feet might feel like falling off at the end of the night if you wear them. If you can still wear heels and survive, then by all means, do it! Otherwise, you can always fall back on a metallic flat or a pointy kitten heel:

Glee, Chinese Laundry

Koin Kitten Heel, American Eagle

4. Accessories (of course!)

The nice thing about wearing a "special" top is you don't have to go crazy with the jewelry to dress it up. Large, dangly earrings are always sexy:

L to R: Rhinestone circle earrings, Ridged circle earrings

Or, go for a snazzy bracelet:

L to R: Pearl filigree bracelet, Rhinestone hinge bracelet

Finish off the look with a clutch or dainty purse (remember, you don't have to lug the diaper bag around tonight!):

L to R: daisy fuentes A-line clutch, apt. 9 Harbor clutch

And you're good to go. Your man won't be able to take his eyes off you! And you'll feel like the sexy momma you are.