Fall Trend I Don't Understand: Booties

I have kept my silence long enough.

I. Hate. Booties.

I don't care who you are. Model or mom. These shoes look stupid. I know they are supposed be fashion-y and all of that, but oh my gosh, they are so not flattering. They cut your leg off and make you look stumpy. LOOK AWAYYYYYYYYY. They look so horrid on anyone. I don't know why people would be like hmmm, those regular pumps look nice, but you know what would make my calves look massive? These awesome booties. THEY ARE CALLED BOOTIES. Poor Keira Knightley up there looks like a weird school-marm. She's in her early twenties. Not cool.

Avoid.

K, sorry, I just had to get that out. I have been having booties being shoved down my throat here and I even had a moment of weakness where I was like "Maybeeee..." and them my common sense kicked in and I was like "GET IT TOGETHER JAE."

I feel much better now.

Fall Trend I Love: Metallics

I've been doing a fair bit of shopping lately, (Moi? Shopping?) and have been noticing pretty sweet trends that I love that are on shelves right now. Let's get one thing out of the way like, now. Trendy can be dicey for someone like an older mom. You can come off looking slightly desperate to fit in if you really pile it on are are a trend whore. In general, a sophisticated signature look is the way to go. However, you can add little trendy items here and there to update your more basic pieces and make them look new. I've been told before that I look like I never wear the same thing twice. In actuality, I just change up outfits so that they look constantly new. Don't get in a rut! Try new things here and there. If they work, great. If they don't, shelve 'em and try something else. Fashion is not a life sentence, you guys.

One of my favorite things that I've been seeing is metallics. I used to be a strictly silver girl. I felt like it was younger. But with new golds coming out in better textures and patterns, try it out! I bought a pair of gold earrings and have been wearing them nonstop because they are so much more unexpected.

The problem that most women have with metallics is TOO MUCH. You could end up looking like the tin man... or a pimp. Either way, not good. So instead of looking for like, gold lame blazers and other horrifying things, stick to accessories when it comes to your metallics. It lets you in on the trend without looking like you raided Elton John's closet.

I found some awesome, non-spendy items to add to your old standbys so that you can join in on the fun without committing yourself.

If you're thinking "But Jae! I don't know what things to match with metallics!" Well, you're in luck. New school metallics pretty much go with anything. But, if you're wary of that, here's some color combos to keep in mind that look awesome. For gold, do it with browns, red (I LOVE red and gold together) green, blue, purple or any other jewel tones. For silver, do it with cool colors like gray, pink, black and white. I prefer white with silver over gold because gold and white look a little cougarish to me. I'm sorry, but you've heard my story about my friend's cougar mom, right? She tainted many things for me; leopard print, gold and white, and sauce with wine in it. So you can thank her for my weird cougar phobias.



I love the knot detail on these pumps. I also love that they have a hidden platform, sop it looks like you're wearing ridiculously high heels, but it's really on 3". Total side note, I had the brilliant idea to buy my first pair of 5" heels. I wore them for five minutes and felt like sawing off my ankles. But 1) they looked REALLY good, and 2) I'll definitely be wearing them again.



I feel like doing a pointy gold heel cuts back on the gaudy factor that you might get with a more elaborate heel. These would be so so so good with dark jeans. So good. (Both shoes from GoJane.com for super cheap)




This Melie Bianco clutch makes me die a little inside. Love the snakeskin pattern, and it's such an update on your general black clutch.



How freakin adorable are these headbands for $9 at Target? I love little flashy headbands. They are perfect for kicking up an otherwise blah outfit. Also, very good for making a messy hairdo seem on purpose. I do this alll the time. Slick it into a ponytail and then slide the combs in so that you get a slick front and the back of the pony is poofy. Love.


There are people who will be all like, "Don't ever mix metallics!" But here is proof you can. Love this serious bracelet from F21. How awesome would it be with just a plain brown v-neck tee or something? It's like you're all plain Jane and then you're like KACHOW! Deal with it, sucka!




Another F21 find. Love the antique feel. Buy immediately.




I love the idea of a little silver brooch that you can pin anywhere to look a little chicer. Hair? Check. Bag? Check. Blazer? Check. I'd even pin it to tall boot. (Spiegel)

If you ever find some other awesome metallic accessories I would luh-hove to hear about them. So would my bank account. It hates having money in it, and I'm happy to oblige.

Guilt Free Attractiveness

So.

I was just thinking about how sometimes, when you're a mom, you show up all disheveled and then say annoying things about how you never get to shower since you had a kid and you don't bother to wear PANTS because that would be taking time away from precious Swayzie (can I just say a kid in my daughter's preschool class is named this and it makes me want to simultaneously throw up and dance? Like, I love Dirty Dancing as much as the next gal and love me some Patrick, but naming your kid after him? Weird.) So mom's generally use their kids as the big excuse as to why they don't take care of themselves.

Wrong.

Couple things. 1) Um, I'm pretty sure showering is a basic human right and 2) who said that your kid wants to look at his dumpy mom all day?

You should NEVER feel guilty about taking care of yourself. Really. Those women who are complete martyrs for their kids wind up crazy OR having to deal with their husband's wandering eye, if you know what I mean.

That's why you should streamline your process of getting ready to a few different points of attractiveness, so that you can plan accordingly. My three points are 1) Errand running attractiveness, 2) Lunch out or business attractiveness and 3) Super hot Friday night attractiveness. I know down to the minute, how long each of these will take me. For instance, if I am having lunch or meeting with someone important, I know it takes me exactly 30 minutes from shower to shoes to get ready. So, I plan my day accordingly. Half hour before I need to leave, kids are entertained by something or plopped in the tub while I do my makeup in the bathroom. You NEED to be able to carve out 30 minutes for yourself without feeling guilty.

I have a three year old daughter, and I bought her a set of brushes that she uses while I'm getting ready. I hand her a cheap compact of clear face powder and voila! 30 minutes of sanity while I get ready.

If you are the enterprising sort and REALLY feel guilty about taking time for yourself, try doing it first thing in the morning before kids are up. Not only are you not taking time away from kidlings, but you start the day off on the right foot, lookin' fine and stuff.

Find products and styles that work effortlessly, and I really mean effortlessly. I am addicted to Bare Minerals because it cut my moisturizer/foundation/poweder to one step and I am dunzo. If I don't have time to shower, hair is in a cute pony a la Jennifer Aniston (I just run a straight iron through my bangs and call it good.)

The point is, justifying to yourself that you don't look good because you have kids just isn't good enough anymore. Not to mention, um, why the heck are you blaming your kids? Look at their sweet l'il faces. You're a jerk.

As for clothes, just pick an easy style that you can pull off without trying on a bajillion things in your closet. If you need to, lay it out the night before, or do what I do and plan things on events rather than days, ie: lunch with the girls, Friday night date, day just hacking around the house not doing anything special other than trying to convince myself to do a Turbo Jam DVD and eating peanut butter on crackers instead. That way, no matter what is thrown at you on any given day, you're like oh hey, I'll be ready in twenty mins. And then everyone will be like "OMG, she is so put together. She must spend like three hours getting ready. Like, when does she even spend time with her kids?"

And you can be smug. Yay! I love to be smug!

Linky Linkerson

Well, I'm partying it up in the Great White North. Meanwhile, I was checking on my absolute favorite fashion blog, Daddy Likey. She wrote an awesome post about fashion and the way it affects you, and I totally agree. You can sit around, saying how you don't care what people think, or you just don't have the time, or whatever your excuse is for not taking pride in the way you look, but in the end, you're only hurting yourself. And not in the way an emo kid hurts himself with a butter knife, but in the inside way. The way that makes you feel unattractive and frumpalicious and slightly dirty. Don't do that to yourself! Read the post here. I want her to be my friend. We would go shopping for $4 Forever 21 accessories and talk about unfortunate sweatpants and be happy forever.

A Tale of a Girl and her Boots

K, here's a little story about me and my latest obsession. My boots.

I own, now, 78 pairs of shoes. I was not in need of boots. I own seven pairs. Seven pairs of boots is completely unnecessary. But yet, on Friday, when my husband had strep throat and was laying around the house and generally making me crazy because I'd been stuck in the house with two kids all day, I decided we needed to get out for a while. And by "needed to get out for a while" I mean spend money.

You see, I have this small problem. Where others get angry or aggressive and yell or throw things, take a jog or head to the gym, I do some serious aggressive spending. Aggressive spending is different spending. I went to the mall with EXPRESS PURPOSE of doing damage to my bank account. Badly. Like, not even caring what I spent it on.

So, with kids in tow, I meandered through the mall. I WASN'T EVEN LOOKING FOR SALES. How reckless of me! And over the course of an hour, bout a hoodie, a vest, five shirts and the only purchase that matters anything at all, cowboy boots.

I know, right? COWBOY BOOTS? I went into the shoe store looking for a Frye Harness-esqu riding boot with buckle details, but I saw a pair of knee high cowboy boots and fell in love.

And since then, it's been all cowboy, all the time. Of the last five days, I've worn them four times. I HAVE 78 PAIRS OF SHOES FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. But they are so versatile and easy and comfy, I don't see a reason to ever take them off. I wore them over jeans, I wore them under jeans, and in a sassy mood, I wore them with a khaki skirt. In fact, I am taking my kids up to my home and native land tomorrow, and planning on wearing my boots all the way up there. They are THAT comfy. Amazing eh?

So, thanks to my husband and cranky kids, I discovered something that I never even knew I was missing. Totally worth it.

Here's to you, sweet cowboy boots of mine.




I luhf you.

***ETA to say they are Wild Diva boots bought from Head Over Heels. WHich doesn't have a website. But google Wild Diva and you'll find em! Also, I've worn then three more times. Yeah. ***

Your Best Bets: At the Mall

So, I was at the mall the other day for *ahem* research purposes (SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU?) and was thinking about people who don't like to shop. For those people, the mall is a scary place. There are a lot of different stores, with scary salespeople that make you feel like you shouldn't be there. Add in a couple kids to the mix, and you are way out of your element. However, I can attest to the fact that if you get i nand get out, your children will be exponentially happier when all is said and done. Of course, a promise for a trip to the play area doesn't hurt either.

If you want to run to the mall for somethings, hit tried and true stores where you know you can get you want for a decent price. Here are your Best Bets!



Express - Best For: Date Night and Dress Up Gear

I know I've expounded on my love for Express before. I just really do love it. If I am looking for something to dress up a pair of dark jeans or have something coming up that I want to look super hot for, that's my first stop. You can find awesome shirts for not much cash, and they know how to work a sequin. Their clothes also fit really well, meaning that you have more confidence when stepping out.



Aeropostale- Best For: Everyday Wear

K, I will admit. Aeropostale is mainly a store for high schoolers. HOWEVER, it is the perfect place to get everyday shirts. I'm not talking about the actual graphic tees with the brand name splashed over it, I'm talking about the cute little knit, empire waisted shirts that you can find up on the walls. I have said time and time again, you don't have to dress like you're going to a concert every day just to grab groceries. But take the time to get a nice shirt that isn't a Hanes. Hanes are for like, cleaning the house with no bra on, not for venturing out into the world. Anyways, I always find great everyday stuff over at the Aero.



Forever21 - Best For: Accessories

You all know my never ending love for Forever 21. I just think it's a versatile store and it's pretty much impossible to NOT find something there. Yeah, a lot of the clothes are made for teeny boppers. I absolutely do not want to see you in neon orange jeans. But A pinstripe skirt? Yes, please. However, even better than cheap F21 clothes? Cheap, massive amounts of F21 accessories. Their accesories department is my happy place. Rarely is anything over $7, so I always walk out of there with like, 19 rings, 8 pairs of earrings and 12 necklaces, I kid you not. It's awesome. I think that with accessories, you have a few key expensive pieces, and then you change up the look with cheapos. Love.



Nordstrom - Best For: Cosmetics

Now, I'm not saying buy all of your make up at Norstrom. That would be crazy expensive. However, some things are worth spending money on. Think of the one type of cosmetic that you value the most. For me, it's mascara. Like, I LOVE mascara. Love it. So I pony up and buy my Diorshow at Nordstrom. However, even if you aren't thinking of purchasing your entire bag of cosmetics from there, you can try on colors at the counter. You'll probably be talked into buying something, but it's amazing what a little status lipstick can do. It might be intimidating at first to walk up and be like hey, slap some make up on me. But the ladies do it AAALLLLL the time, and you're just another face to them. So go!



Gap - Best For: Basics and Jeans

Gap, hands down, has the best fitting plain tees and tanks in the biz. I mean, if you're going to wear a plain old tee anyway, choose one that fits perfectly and then you can look like its on purpose. Also, their new line of jeans is ah-mazing! The curvy ones are pretty much perfection. Again, remember all of the rules for jeans; grab some with a little stretch, go up a size if you need to, so on and so forth.



White House Black Market - Best For: Dresses

If you're on the hunt for the perfect dress (like I was all summer long, more on this to follow) then definitely put WHBM on your list. Their dresses are awesome, and made to fit an actual woman's (read: not girl's) body. Yes, they are slightly pricier than other places, but dresses are meant to fit flawlessly. And remember, since they are replacing both a shirt and pants, they'll probably cost about the same. Invest in a dress that makes your body look amazing, and you'll never regret the money spent. You can take that to the bank. K, I've just always wanted to say that. Moving on.



Torrid - Best For: Plus Sizes

Plus size girls. GO TO THIS STORE. Not only do they carry awesome clothes that are actually CURRENT, but amazing shoes that I covet. It is so much better than your scary frump alternatives like, CJ Banks *shudder*. Lane Bryant is a good enough compromise if you feel like Torrid's clothes are a little out there for you, but personally, I love how confident their clothes are. So unapologetic and it makes me happy.



Cinnabon - Best For: Gracelessly Pigging Out until I Feel Bad About Myself and Leave the Mall

Just make this your last stop, k? 'Nuff said.

So head to the mall and hit some tried and true places that you KNOW won't make you leave in a frustrated huff because you can't find ANYTHING. Your favorites won't fail you. They'll keep you safe and warm. Also, I want a Cinnabon now.

In Which I Return From Yet Another Long Absence.

Okay! So I'm back, alive, and ready to start posting again. I haven't been home much this summer, just out and enjoying the sun. Guys. I actually GOT A TAN. I know, right? And I know I'm being like the best friend who never calls unless she needs something. I'M TRYING.

ANYways, things have started to calm down now. And I feel like imparting some wisdom. This summer I had fun playing with a lot of new things that I hadn't previously been brave enough to try. Can I talk about how fun that is? I think a lot of times, women see something they love and then think, oh, but I could never pull that off. I wear keds/mom jeans/polo shirts and it just isn't ME! I hate this attitude. Because really, if you don't like the way you look, then why not DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? I mean really. How hard is it to wake up one morning and say k. Today, I'm going to wear heels. Today, I am going to surprise my husband by doing my hair differently. Today, I'm going to dig that outfit from the back of the closet that I put there because I don't want baby throw up on it, and just wear it for old time's sake. It's amazing how good you feel when you mix things up a bit.

Plus, you get compliments. Did I ever tell you how much I love compliments?

Anyhow, I bring you:

Three Things Women Think They Can't Pull Off, But Could If They Really, Really Tried.

1) Red lipstick.


(Is there anything more awesome than pulling out a tube of lipstick and reapplying public? I think not. HOT!)

So I know. MODELS wear red lipstick. Mom's do not. It's too dramatic. But come on girlies! How better to give you a little boost than to slick on a new shade and get out there? I finally took the plunge and bought a bright, bright red lipstick a couple months ago, and have been wearing it all over. It's so vintage and I love it for fall.

Here is your non-scary way to do red lips. First, LINE THEM. You can get away with not lining if you're doing a shade closer to your own lip color, but with a red, give it a base to stick to. Line your lips, and then fill them in with the pencil. THEN you can put the red lipstick on. Choose a color according to your skin tone. Don't do anything darker than a bright red if you're pale, it'll look too severe. Darker skinned can get away with a richer color. Grab some with the tiniest bit of a blue tint to make your teeth look whiter too. Slick it on, and then step back. RELAX. I know it looks different and out of place. So, to tone the red down and make it look glossier, grab a regular old tube of nude or brown toned lip gloss and put some on over the red. It'll make the color more wearable, and make your lips all juicy. Plus, its fun to then go and kiss your husband and leave a big smack-mark behind!

2) Hats.


(It's like you're a sexy Fidel Castro!)

So many people I hear are like, hey, I like hats, but I'm not a "hat person". Really? Like, pioneers all wore bonnets as they crossing the scorching plains. I'm pretty sure they didn't worry about being hat people or not. And so if you're out in the sun, burning your scalp because you don't think you look good in hats, well that's just dumb. The difference in who is a hat person and who is not is in who knows how to pick out the right hat for themselves. My general rule of thumb is that the larger your features are, the larger the brim of a hat should be. Do you get what I'm saying? I have large features, big eyes and lips and massive cheeks, so I stick with baseball hats or floppy hats. However, if you have tiny features, little nose and chin type thing, you can totally get away with a shorter brimmed military type hat. Even in the winter, I wear a toque (haha, that's so a Canadian word. I think you Yankees would call them beanies) with a brim because I think covering up all of my hair with a tight hat and then WOAH features is unflattering. So choose a hat in proportion with your features and you too can be a "hat person".

3) Shoes with ankle straps.

There was some concern when I posted those espadrilles a few posts (and a few months) back, because they are meant to tie around the ankle. It is true that an ankle strap can be a cankles wort nightmare. It cuts the leg into pieces and brings more focus to the calves. K, can I first point out that I love calves? Not just skinny ones, but ones with some good shape on them. I think they are so feminine and pretty. I happen to enjoy my calves very much, so I totally love a good ankle strap shoe. Half of the shoes in my *cough*77 pair*cough* shoe collection have some sort of ankle strap. But if I still haven't convinced you, might I introduce you to my friend, the t-strap?


(Oh t-strap, you'll never hurt me, will you?)

The t-strap is like the forgiving, sweet and thoughtful cousin of the bad boy ankle strap. Okay, it's not as alluring. But it also won't try to get you drunk and make out with your best friend in your parent's car, if you get my drift. What am I even talking about? Ah, yes. T-strap. The difference between the two is that the t strap first, lengthens the foot by having a linear strap running up it, and then fastens much lower on the ankle than a regular ankle strap, usually slightly below the pokey-out ankle bone. So, if you want to experiment with ankle straps but still think your calves look hefty, hefty, hefty, give t-straps a chance.

So give something that you previously thought you couldn't "pull off" a try. And swagger like you're on America's Next Top Model, without the annoying Tyra Banks soliloquies.