Spring Fashion for Real, Non-Weird People

K, so one of the things I missed most while in the hospital was, you guessed it, SHOPPING. Then, my dear sweet husband told me to go to the mall like, 5 days post partum. I did, and against my better judgement, tried things on. And became severely depressed. I should have waited another week or so.

Anyhoo, I did get to see all the new spring stuff that I'd missed. Now, I love spring. Spring and fall are my favourite times of year, both weather wise and fashion wise. Its when they roll out the good stuff. Now, we JUST had fashion week, so we got to see all the things that designers think that we should be wearing. A note about fashion designers. They are ANNOYING. Does anyone watch Project Runway? I mean, really, there is not a more stuck up bunch of people than designers. They can't take criticism and they think they are awesome. And they presume to tell you what to wear. How DARE they. But sometimes they come up with a good CONCEPT, even if its not viable in real life the way they have it.

So I was looking through some fashion week photos and decided to feature some stuff that looked good on the runway, but would look ridiculous on you. BUT THEN!! Save you with some suggestions on how to use the concept in real life.

There was a huge throwback to the dirty '30s from Burberry, which I think is supposed to be a cute nod to our current economic situation.

What I like: Cinched waists and trench coats. What I don't like: Flapper dresses and hats. I HATE hats. Hats always make you look like you're trying too hard.

(http://www.makemechic.com/)
Do your own throwback with a belted trench, which you can wear with a slimmer skirt and some freakin' fantastic peeptoe stacked heels. Why did I choose this trench when I featured other ones in the coat section? LENGTH. What makes this trench newer for spring is that is super feminine and meant for skirts and dresses and flirtiness. LOVE. Extra points if you get in in red.

K, next up is geometric patterns a la Dolce and Gabbana. You are never going to wear any of these outfits. Ever. Real people don't run around looking like disproportionate airline stewardesses from the '50's.

These are both geometric and cute to the nth degree. I am so loving patterns this spring, I am so over the basics of the winter, you know? Remember when picking prints, choose ones that are proportionate to your body size. That means if you're plus sized, don't choose prints that are super busy and tiny... its going to look like alot. Try a monochromatic print like the blue one above. If you're smaller, go for a bolder and more contrasting print, like the red and blue. (Both at Nordstrom.)

NExt is the grecian thing again done by YSL. I really thought we were done with all of this, after the gladiator sandal debacle of '08. But its back again. Now, look past the grecian thing and see what these designers are really going after; draping. Draping is good. It's generally very forgiving of body flaws because it basically means FABRIC. Lots of it. To hide anything.

The Gap is SO good with the draping thing. So many of their clothes are all loosey goosey, so its a good place to start. Look how cute! And see how you wouldn't ever have to worry about your mummy tummy... not that I have one or anything.....*cough*. Moving on.



Indian inspired at Ralph Lauren and Gucci!! I love love love really rich fabrics and ethnic prints. I don't love love love puffy pants. So use it as inspiration. The colors and the tunics are awesome. And not those scary mom tunics that everyone was wearing like two years ago. New school ones.

Love this for fuller figures. Such hotness!! Colour! Pattern!

New school tunic cut... much less granola eating hippy than years past. (Nordstrom)

K, finally it brings us to sportswear. When I look at the runway from Michael Kors, I'm like k, who would wear that? WHen I hear sportswear, I think of the stuff I wear when running errands, back and forth to the gym, or on Saturdays in general.

I do agree with one sentiment though. STOP LOOKING LIKE A SLOB. If you are going to wear comfy yoga clothes to run errands in, I totally understand. But don't do it in your husband's sweatpants and your band t-shirt from highschool, k? PLEASE. Because then I will judge you and THEN I'll feel bad. But its your own fault.

These pants are reeeeedonkulous (ANyone know the show thats from? Come on!) Such good bum pants for running around in. And pair it with a cute hoodie and voila! I don't hate you anymore! (Victoria's Secret)

So there you have it. Don't worry about the designers... they are so full of it they don't even realize they are making things that no one will ever wear. Just learn from their cues and look hot.