What I Wore: When I Felt Fat

I hate missing a Freaky Friday post but Friday went completely out of control and I ended up with this instead.

I won't go into the nitty gritty details because after the whole pneumonia post you're probably like "OMG Jae shutup with the health stuff." Let's just say my Friday started off with a trip to the emergency room, a bag of fluid and five doses of morphine being pumped into me via IV and a weekend on straight narcotics. Is that enough information? I'm fine now, just a little dizzy and WAY behind on deadlines, but it'll be OK. Also... my house is a mess. My husband thinks that I'm the catalyst to a messy house, but look what happens after a weekend where I spent all my time in bed drooling on my pillow. YEAH THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

Anyway, I dragged myself out of bed on Sunday morning because I can't stand to be sick for long periods of time. Remember that time I spent a month and a half in the hospital? (Seriously, only click that link if you have 7 hours to read through those posts. I'm warning you now) Yeah, that'll cure you pretty fast from ever wanting to stay in bed, which usually means I push it when I'm still sick and end up sicker. Anyway, thanks to the fluid I had on Friday, I was pretty darn puffy. I probably would have gotten over it except my five year old told me I looked pregnant while I was getting dressed. Um, thanks. So I initiated my patented formula for fat day fashion -- a loose top and a cute blazer.


Cami: American Eagle
Blazer (Is it weird that I'm digging shoulder pads?): F21
Skirt: I can't remember! Somewhere in Canada when I went to visit my BFF.
Shoes: Windsor (Yes, THESE are the ones from my blog that my hubby bought for Christmas. WIN)
Pearls: Nordstrom
Locket: Vintage ca. 1945 (more about that later)
Bracelets: Charlotte Russe
Ring: F21
Pin: Local

So yeah, this is me puffy and on fluids. I am obsessed with this floaty cami because it hides everything. I wore it to Christmas dinner to hide the turkey baby I was carrying around afterward. Add a structured blazer or cami and it looks put together even though I was clearly on Percocet. GO ME.

After taking these pictures I had a four hour nap. Seriously, I don't even remember taking these.



When I wear a really subdued color palette, like cream on black, it means I wear more accessories. Here's a good closeup of everything together. Interesting without being too much.


How pretty is the bottom of this cami? Answer: very pretty. Pleats and ruffles and chiffon - I want it all. Also, check out this locket. It was a gift from my parents for Christmas -- a 1940s era Royal Canadian Air Force locket from WWII. They were called "Sweethearts lockets" because the men would send them home to their girlfriends and wives while in service. Pretty amazing, right? I've resolved to wear it as much as possible.

Anyway, I think I'm on the mend now, but don't be surprised if my next post is "How to Style Your Hospital Gown: 6 Ways to Glam Up the Green!"

Christmas Dish and New Year's Resolutions: 2012

(My house after the festivities. It's clean now and Christmas has been boxed up and thrown in the basement. It feels goooood. I actually missed seeing my floor.)

Now that everything is back to normal, did everyone have a good holiday? Mine was pretty good so I thought I'd better dish on what the hubs pulled out of his hat this year. First off, we decided to scale back this year because we traditionally get a little out of control, especially when it comes to buying for the kids. We set a limit on the number of presents for them and ourselves, which was a first. But we still did pretty well!

For one, my husband bought those lace heels in my Glammy Gifts post. YES! The Windsor ones that sold out right after that! He snagged a pair and I can't wait to show you them with an outfit. I'm not gonna lie, I wore them on Christmas I was so excited. He also got me a new handbag, which I needed desperately. You guys, I was still carrying a white cross-body bag after Labor Day THE HORROR. Now I have a super awesome black slouchy satchel with fringe detail and I'm in love. Also, it has leopard print on the inside. Score! But the most romantic he got me BY FAR was...

...wait for it....

A new desk chair! I know it sounds weird, but as a freelance writer I spend about 20 hours a week parked at my desk. My old chair was falling apart and had no padding left on the bottom and liked to fling me backwards at surprising times. My new one has awesome features like LUMBAR SUPPORT. That makes me feel old, but I actually cared about it. I am a big fan.

Anyway, enough about Christmas, it's time to talk New Year's resolutions. Last year I set out to work on being a better "me" and I think I succeeded. I wasn't as hard on myself as I usually was and I took some deep breaths to get through some stressful times in 2011.

Along with the usual eat better, exercise, read more and grow my nails resolutions that I usually set, I decided on another new one.

The other day I was in the shower, where I do my best thinking. I was thinking about how the words "mother" and "martyr" are so similar. I think a lot of mothers become martyrs without even thinking about it. Once you have a child, all of a sudden the old you dies a little death and you're suddenly someone's mom. The result is that you put someone else before you at all times.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kidlets and would do anything for them, but I had a little identity crisis after having my second. My daughter had a friend playing at our house and she kept saying "Addison's mom?" and I was like hold up, wait! I'm someone's mom? I mean, I had been for several years at that point but I'd never thought much about it.

As moms, there's something we all learn about too well from the start: sacrifice. We sacrifice sleep for a fed, diapered baby. We sacrifice careers to stay at home or sacrifice time with kids to work. We sacrifice a nap for a clean house and a clothing budget to keep our kids dressed. We sacrifice the dinner we want for chicken nuggets and macaroni and then sacrifice The Bachelor for another Netflixed episode of Go Diego Go. We essentially become martyrs the moment we become mothers because that's what you do when you have small humans that depend on you for everything.

But there are some things that I don't think are worth sacrificing. I think it's my opportunity and my responsibility to teach my children how to prioritize. Essentially, the things that they see me stressing over and putting first are those values that they'll come to prioritize themselves one day.

So I won't be the mom who brings the creative and healthy snack to kindergarten. But I still make time to go and help out a couple times a month.

I can't be the kind of mom who does a daily craft with her kids. But I will drag out their bikes so they can play outside.

I won't ever be the mom who carpools, brings her kids to piano, dance and flute lessons, but I can let me kids try new things.

I totally suck at baking from scratch, but I'll make sure my kids can help me pour the premade mix into the bowl.

I'm not the mom who plans daily learning opportunities for her kids, so how about a trip to the dinosaur museum and some frozen yogurt?

I've learned that while I might not be the most maternal person in the world, I can raise my kids on my own terms without being a complete martyr to who I really am as a person. I want to raise a daughter who is independent and plays by her own rules and a son who is curious and funny. I don't want them to think that being the best matters as much as doing your best matters. I can't do that if they see me as a complete slave to stuff that doesn't count.

So, my new year's resolution this year is to prioritize. Not only to show my kids what's really important, but to be a better mom because I'm me, not because I've killed off the old Jae to make room for someone who fakes it. I'll sacrifice my time, my energy and my terrible reality shows for my kids, but I won't sacrifice myself.

I know that my children are mine for a reason. No other mom will do as good of a job with them as I can, even a mom who bakes from scratch and does flash cards from birth. So I accept that challenge and will do the best with the tools and talents I have, even if that means the occasional meal from a box in exchange for pillow fights and making a fort with blankets instead. Because that's the kind of mom I am.



Thanks for another great year on HNTDLAM.

Kisses,

Jae


PS: So, now that I've revealed my resolution, what's yours?

PPS: For a great talk on choosing sacrifices and other resolution ideas, check this out.

What I Wore: Laundry Day

YAY! I'm finally better. Those antibiotics kicked pneumonia's butt and that means no old-timey sickness for me. Seriously, I guess once you've had it, you're super prone to getting it again, so two points for me.

Now that I'm back to posting, how was everyone's Christmases? I'll dish a little more about mine and reveal my new year's resolutions on Wednesday, but in general -- minus the Black Plague -- it was awesome. I wore this outfit the week before Christmas but never had a chance to post it, so it must have its time to shine.

That being said, I think when magazines run stories on "shopping your closet" and being a "recessionista" are SO. OBNOXIOUS. Nothing like being told by some New York City writer that you can "totally repurpose that fur stole you've had in the back of your closet by wearing it with your new $995 Jimmy Choo pumps!" Please, could you be any more out of touch? First of all, most moms don't have the money for that kind of stuff and if they did, it would be ruined by children in like three seconds. I have one pair of designer heels and my daughter wears them more than I do, k cupcake? So when someone tells me to get through the recession by "shopping my closet" I get a major case of the stabbies.

BUT! When I had to go to a casual party and my usual standby (my black blazer) was in the laundry pile, I had to "shop my closet" to find something that was a little bit structured that I could wear with my awesome party heels. I also needed some room because I'd be eating. A lot. A trend I've continued all through the holidays and am now paying for today.

All I could find that was clean was my drapey cardigan. You know the one. We all have them. Those sloppy, open-front cardis that were really big last year and are worn by Paula Deen? Yeah. Usually I wear mine when it's cold and I feel fat, but I needed to repurpose it for something more fun. So I went to work with my skinnies, a belt and a pop of color and faked like my sloppy cardigan was a structured blazer.

DIRTY LAUNDRY WIN.


Teal tunic: Charlotte Russe
Cardigan: Devoted
Belt: My beloved reversible Walmart lovely!
Skinnies: F21
Heels: Charlotte Russe
Earrings: Ardene (Canada)

I really, really wanted to wear my new shoes, which I bought for a steal (seriously, they were $17 on the Saturday after Black Friday) so I just went with the whole blue thing. It's hard to tell in the pics, but they are navy. What's that? You'd like to see them? OK.


Oh so pretty!

While my daughter was taking pictures, my son wanted to get in on the action. He's two. When I handed him the camera, he started directing me. He was like "Move there... hand on head... say CHEESE!" This is what he got:



Yup, I'd say he has a bright future.

But seriously, how awesome are these earrings? They're silver with white feathers. You know I love the drama.


Add those to a super simple black mani and I was ready to stuff my face with food, even without my trusty black blazer. Take that, housework. I knew there was a reason I shop so much.

Now things are getting back to normal, even though my daughter doesn't get back to school til Wednesday. I'm so holidayed out that I'm craving my old schedule again. I'm super excited to dish on what the hubs got me for Christmas on Wednesday! Hint: He's been reading my blog.

Merry Christmas, from the Kardashians

Instead of an outfit, I had to post this instead.

I know you've all been waiting for it...

The Kardashian's Christmas card



This is *almost* as good as when Barbara Walters told the Kardashians they didn't have any talents on her special last week.

Except, if getting your picture taken for nothing and wearing androgynous tuxedos is a talent.... the K's totally win, hands down.

Also... is it me or does Kim look *really* lonely up there?

K, what do you guys think of the pic? 10 points and total street cred for the funniest comment!

Freaky Friday: Top 12 Worst Christmas Gifts of All Time

So we covered awesome Christmas gifts that anyone (read: me) would be more than overjoyed to receive, but what about the craptastic gifts you get? I should note that birthdays and Christmas make me want to die most of the time because of all the people watching your reaction to gifts. I am not a good actor. Like, at all. Now I've learned to tell everyone to get me gift cards and it's much better, but I still get sweaty and nervous around present time.

So this year, I'm going to set my sights low with these awful gift ideas. That way, I'll be pleasantly surprised when I receive cat figurines and whatnot.

This is gonna be a good one!



The Golf Urinator. Besides the fact that your husband is a GROWN MAN AND CAN PEE IN THE POTTY, this looks like he's doing something really suspicious under that privacy towel. No one wants to golf with the guy who carries a "privacy towel," regardless of what it's for.


Ever wonder how much you weigh when compared to a rhinoceros?

Yeah, me neither. Like, ever.

Like, I would punch in the face the person who gave this to me.


My mom gives me a shoe-a-day calendar every year that I LOVE. But a garden variety, 12 month landscape calendar? I get like, 20 from my dentist so I'm good thanks.


Self help books. Especially ones that you would never have cause to use. I usually avoid huge ships by walking on sidewalks instead of water.


Gifts that say "I think you're a lazy creepy cat lady." Even if you know a lazy creepy cat lady, she doesn't need to be reminded. As she eats her TV dinner for one, she instinctively knows.



Gift baskets. Because there's like, one thing in there you actually like and the rest is jam and mustard that congeals in the back of your fridge until July.


This is exactly what it looks like. For best results, buy these for your mother-in-law and wink suggestively.


Flasks! No one wants a flask for Christmas, despite their appearance on every "What to Buy for Men" list EVER. Even if it has cool cowboys on it, you do not need to carry alcohol in your pocket.


Or in your bra. Besides the fact that you're drinking alcohol from a tube between your boobs, I feel like this is pretty much one stop from both alcoholism and sexual harassment.


Onion goggles for the person who doesn't have friends, yet loves a good oniony omelet.


I know what you're wondering: what does the mysterious Paris Hilton smell like?

Chlamydia. The answer is chlamydia.


Not only a tacky non-ironic Christmas sweater, but a tacky non-ironic Christmas sweater that lights up with LED lights. Because when you're a loser, you're also a loser in the dark.

Did I forget anything? As long as you avoid these, you're golden for Christmas shopping this weekend. Happy Friday!

Glammy Gifts on the Cheap 2011

Alright, I'm back from my vacation! Seriously you guys, the first day back always SUCKS. I had no food in the house and all my clothes were dirty so I called it my day off and didn't properly get dressed this morning. Aaaaand I've worn a baseball hat all day.

But it was an awesome trip. Hanging out with my family is totally boss, especially when we do things like play Taboo and go shopping with the entire population of Toronto and eat our weights in sausage rolls and chicken balls and then make jokes about chicken balls because like wiener jokes, they never get old. Yeah, that's my family. But now I'm home with the Mr., which is good because he spent the weekend recaulking our bathtub and for some reason, that makes me inexplicably sad. And NOW it's almost CHRISTMAS.

Well, this is my third year of doing Glammy Gifts on the Cheap and as usual, all it really did was supply me with links to send to my husband via Gmail Chat for things that I want.

Totally worth it.

But seriously, we're a mere week-and-a-half away from Christmas, so if you're stuck for ideas for your mom, sis, friend or YOURSELF, totally check this stuff out. You absolutely do not have to spend a ton and you'll totally be the hero. Because no one wants another Clay Aiken CD or self help book. Unless you're my mom. She devours self help books like I devour Chick-Fil-A. Meaning daily and like someone is going to take them away.




I totally sent these shoes to my hubs. I MUST HAVE THEM. They are super Valentino-esque, but only cost $33. While you're checking out that website, look for other shoes. They are so cute I might eat a baby and die. In that precise order. Because who eats babies postmortem? I mean really, be serious.

This bag has super luxe details. The quilting makes it look like money, but it's really only $38. Get this for your mom and maintain angel child status the rest of the year. Actually, I want this too. Give it to me instead.


Oh, you knew that some Forever 21 jewels would make their way onto my list. And why not? This major necklace is only $12 smackaroos and it would make a huge difference with the regular old v-neck sweater.



I'm all about the scarf, but especially if it's as cool as this one from TopShop. The red leopard is amazing because it's unexpected. Can you imagine this with a white tee, jeans and riding boots? Fuggedaboutit. Give one to your BFF for like, $20.

And speaking of leopard, how crazypants amazing is this little clutch? This would be the best with a LBD or a blushy-colored sweater. Snag it from Nordstrom and give it to your sister and then borrow it back because that's how you roll. (I don't have sisters but I totally did this to my best friend.)



Gloves are so retro and ladylike that I can't even stand it. I want a buttery pair with femmy details like these. Bows or buttons preferred. This set is $28 and make me want to drive around and wave at people. No really, they do that in my town.




If you don't have a cute pair of riding boots yet, put 'em on your wish list, then gently direct your significant other/mom/small child in the direction of Old Navy for this pair. They're $32 and pretty much the perfect height. Love the buckle-y details too! I always end up shopping for myself when I go Christmas shopping anyway. Last time I went I came home with two new pairs of earrings, a scarf and a sweater.


OK, I know you're rolling your eyes and saying "Jae, enough with the peacock" BUT HEAR ME OUT. If you or someone you know needs a style intervention, something demure like this adds a little more style without being too whackadoo. It's a good way to ease into style and this baby is only $4 so it's practically sacrilege not to buy it. What's that? I don't really understand the meaning of sacrilege? Shut up.

So does that help or hurt your shopping efforts? I'm nowhere near as organized this year as I usually am. Like, I'm making a shopping list tonight whereas I'm usually done in November. Oh well, I kinda love the craziness of it all.

So now my burning question is: what are you asking for on Christmas this year? I need some ideas! So far it's been shoes.... some more shoes... and a wakeboard. Yes. I know I am a strange and mysterious girl.

Non-Scary Festive Party Wear

***Hey guys, I'm still up here hanging out in Canada, but I thought this might be a good refresher now that party season is in full swing. Also, I'm wearing navy glitter pumps tonight because it's CHRISTMAS and it's OK to wear full-on glitter. ***

Sorry that the post is late today. The skies dropped a glorious eight inches of snow on the ground after like, two weeks of 50 degree temps. The warmth was nice, but seriously? There best be some snow for Christmas. So my daughter and I just spend the last two hours attempting to build a snowman in the front yard instead of me pounding away on the computer. Now I'm soaking wet and just want to watch TV all night. But I did this first. Let it be known that I am a semi-dedicated fashion blogger.

Anyway, tis the season for awkward Christmas get-togethers! I've already have several, and have a few more on tap. My husband's work party is next week, and seeing as he's the only one at the company under the age of 40, it's always a real winner. But I know a lot of you guys stress when you get that holiday party invitation, ESPECIALLY when you have no idea what type of party it is.

If it's an ugly sweater party, I highly recommend this:



This is my brother wearing his shirt he MADE for an ugly sweater party. He took my mom's advent calendars that had pouches for candy, and sewed them onto his shirt and stuffed them with treats. Yeah. That's my family.

But, in the off chance that you need to look presentable and stylish for your party, wear something else. What you wear depends completely on the type of party that it may be: casual, semi-formal, or formal. For a clue on what type of party you're attending, take into consideration the invite and the location. You should get a pretty good idea of what kind of party it is if it's hosted at someone's house versus a ballroom, right? At least, I FEEL like you should.

My favorite thing about holiday parties is that you can take a few fashion risks in the name of being festive. For instance, I purchased a fur and sequin shrug for reasons I don't quite understand, but I can finally wear it to a party next week. FESTIVE. So don't be afraid to try something new: a red lip, sparkly heels, whatevs. It's the holidays and no one will judge you for it. Want to see some outfits? I knew you would.

If you're going casual:

Let It Be Me Blazer, 30 AUD

Daytrip Libra Stretch Trouser, $50
Not Rated In NYC - Red, $45
faux fur clutch, 30 GBP
Crystal Circle Earrings, Gold, $50
Short sleeve top Red, 28 GBP

Casual parties during the holidays call for somethign a little more polished than a tee and jeans. My choice for dressier casual is always trouser jeans. They look dressed up while still being jeans so you don't feel totally overdressed. Pair them with a special-fabric top and a little blazer and you are good to go! Also, you'll notice that every outfit has a clutch. That's because holidays are for clutches. Large awkward bags under the table: No. PS I LOVE THESE SHOES.

If your party is semi-formal:

Cream 1/2 sleeve v-neck top, 7 GBP
15" Elastic Waist Metallic Lace Tiered Skirt with Tie, $20
Gap Heavy opaque tights, $15
Bow Heel Pumps, $25
Nude metallic ruffle clutch, 22 GBP
Flower cuff bracelet, $5.99
Metal Mesh Necklace - Women's Clothing and Apparel - Chic Dresses,..., $29

I always reach for skirts for a semi formal affair. That means anything at something more than a casual dining restaurant, a catered dinner at home, etc. When in doubt, call the hostess and ask what she's wearing, and you'll know to dress the same. Now I love the idea of a flouncy part skirt. With the satin bows, it just makes me feel happy and festive. Just tone it down on top with an unfussy shirt. Also, it's freezing out there: wear tights. As long as they look current, you're golden.

If your party is formal:

Closet purple stripe tab dress, 30 GBP
embellished waist jacquard bandeau dress, 26 GBP
Black faux fur shrug, 32 GBP
diamond a day tights, $15
Chic Stiletto Heel Boots, $33
Steve Madden Haylow, $90
Jessica McClintock Sequins & Satin Floral Clutch, $50
Zebra Clutch, $42
Tasha Multi Row Crystal Bracelet, $48
Vintage Cameo Pearl Style Drop Earrings (Burn Gold), 12 GBP
Silver Tiered Chandelier Earrings, $42
Ladies Florence Frill Belt, 5 GBP

Cocktail parties, parties held at a swanky restaurant or bar, etc. need formal attire. Now, unless you're going to the Academy Awards or Cinderella's ball, don't wear a long dress. It will come off as WAY too formal, and you know how I feel about being overdressed. A short, cute cocktail dress is fine. If you feel underdressed, use accessories to take it up a notch. Patterned tights are still the love of my life, and they look so cute when worn with slouchy boots. Also, please note the fur shrug on the gold outfit. So unnecessary, yet it makes me feel happy and festive.

It's no secret that I abhor Christmas-y gear, like bell earrings, reindeer sweaters, appliques and the like. You don't need to walk around looking like the Target Christmas section barfed on you to look festive. LEave it to the details: A sequin bow here, a shiny bangle there. And you'll be dressed just right. Later, your husband's boss will notice how polished and put together you are and give YOU a bonus for making the party more stylish. Or, I can only assume that's what happens.