Maternity Monday - Post Partum Secrets

Back in my working days, before I had kids, I knew a beautiful little pixie of a girl. I would have sworn the girl was a single college student, so when she told me she was actually a mother of two, I thought, "What?? How?? But your stomach is flatter than mine!" I hadn't experienced childbirth yet and assumed that having kids meant saying goodbye to your girlish figure forever. I asked little miss pixie one word: How? And she responded with one word: Girdle.

Okay, so here's my disclaimer: I am not a doctor and have no idea if what I'm about to tell you is actually a terrible idea. This is just what I do. Well, me and little miss pixie.

This beautiful girl I speak of had c-sections. She didn't let that stop her from wearing a girdle, so neither did I. I actually found that being held in made me feel better during my recovery. But for some, it might be really uncomfortable. Just a warning.

In my search to find non-scary pictures of girdles for you, I discovered that not only do they make girdles specifically for post partum tummies, but they even make c-section girdles. All the pictures I found of them were a little scary, but they basically look like this:

sensationalshapewear.com

That's one option. As you lose the weight, you pull the snaps a little tighter. I've never tried this kind.

Here's the first girdle I got after my first son was born. It was so so. It gave me some killer saddle bags and who doesn't want that? So attractive. Plus it was really annoying to go to the bathroom.

spanx.com

This is the type I ended up using the most. No saddle bags, held in tummy, and even some booty lift. Nice! But there was still the annoying problem of going to the bathroom.

spanx.com

Now they make girdles just like the two above, but with snaps in the...um....bathroom going area. Like a onesie. Sorry, but I wasn't going to post pictures of that. I have a friend who is currently using that kind and she's really happy with it. So that's what I'm going to try this go around.

Actual Spanx are a little pricey for me, so I just buy whatever brand of girdle I can find at places like Target or Kohl's. Even though you can do an online search of post partum girdles, I just buy regular girdles in a size or two bigger than my normal size. I love that it holds in and smooths out my bumpy, doughy, post partum tummy, and they're totally ideal for Plus Size Maternity. I usually use mine for several weeks until my stomach starts to look somewhat normal again.


This may sound like crazy talk to some of you, but for those of you wanting to try it, the three pictures above aren't the only styles to choose from. There are all different kinds. Try what you think will work best for you.


Did I lose you all?

Freaky Friday

Happy Friday everyone! I wake up every Friday morning overjoyed that I get to search the depths of online clearance bins everywhere to bring you the very best in crappy fashion. I take my responsibility very seriously, and have an entire folder on my computer dedicated to it. It makes my eyes bleed.

On to the freakiness!


I'm sorry, but what am I even looking at here? It looks like these stilettos are wearing a scarf. But one of those weird scarves that everyone used to have in the 80s that made them look like they had llama necks.


Next stop, spinsterhood! (Look closely. Those are dogs and cats on that bag. And ti comes with a matching photo album so you can show people just how desperate and lonely you are.)


I don't care who you are, who made them and how much they cost. Clogs are ugly. They are coming back. I want to hide.


Um, but where would one wear a blue, purple and turquoise flamenco dress? It's hardly wedding appropriate, is it?


Here's a quick hint: If the description of the item uses the words "Band Jacket" at any time, step away. Band wasn't cool when you were 14, and it definitely is not cool now. (The acid wash jeans are primo, though. WHO STYLED THIS WOMAN?)


But why, weird denim outfit with unnecessary chiffon middle, why were you on clearance?


Is it me, or are these leggings extra scary? Graffiti is for buildings, not your scary stretch pants.


Basic rule #4,663. If your child wears something called a "romper", it is not for you to wear one too. Unless you like sharing clothes with your 18 month baby boy Also, you WILL have to get naked every time you go pee. Is it worth it? No. Hey! I wonder if they could make this with snaps up the leg like your baby's? Sure it might be awkward, but so much more convenient for diaper changes, am I right?

Alright, I'm outtie for the weekend. I put myself on a "shopping diet" after my huge lapse in judgment while in Canada, but that was TWO WHOLE WEEKS ago. Brutal.

The Skinny on Dressing Skinny

Oh I am ever so clever with my titles! So, I admit it. I don't have the perfect body. I very much want one but no can do. For one, have no will power. I come from a long line of buy-exercise-videos -but-never-user-them types. In fact, I have Turbo Jam sitting on my T.V. right now. That Chalene is a mean lady. So just because of that, I likely won't be an infomercial success story (although I really, really love infomercials.) But it's totally okay, because I know how to dress skinny, even when I'm not feeling so skinny.

The basis of fashion in general is all about proportion; fooling the eye to make you seem like you have the ideal body type. More often than not, the hourglass shape is considered ideal, thank you Marilyn Monroe. Wouldn't it be awesome if everyone wanted a pear shape and was like "OMG have you seen my butt? It is so tiny. I hate my life." But alas, hourglass it is. The good thing about an hourglass shape is that it's pretty easy to replicate. I've got five outfits here that demonstrate five principles of making your clothes do the work that Turbo Jam tries to make you do. Ha! I've beaten the system!

Old Rule #1: Wearing All Black is Slimming.

Items in this set:
Heavenly Couture- White & Charcoal Pinstriped Tank, $15
Waterfall Twill Jacket - Jackets - New Look, 25 GBP
ASOS Leather Pointed Strapped Shoe, $37
Tracy Reese 'Tunisia' Medium Satchel Handbag, $30
Sequin Beaded Long Multi Strand Necklace, $98

New Rule #1: Monochromatic Color in General Will Make You Look Skinnier.

I see someone wearing all black and immediately think "INSECURE!" because someone, bless their hearts, gave the advice that all black is slimming, albeit very depressing. But you can achieve the same result with just about any color if you do similar shades all the way up and down. And then you can add punches of color in your accessories so it's not boring. Monochromatic works because it fools the eye into not seeing any breaks. You're just one tall drink of fashionable water.

Old Rule #2: Hiding in Bulky Clothes Makes You Look Thin

Items in this set:
Crochet Open Cardigan, $30
Popcorn Romance Tank - Teen Clothing by Wet Seal, $22
Gap Petite Womens Houndstooth Hip-Slung Pants, $30
Slouch Shoulder Bag, $33
Bonjour Eiffel Tower Earrings

New Rule #2: Long Accessories Can Thin You Out

How much do I love an open-front cardigan? They make me so happy. The point here is to choose long and drapey accessories over thick and bulky to draw the eye up and down your body. The scarf can help hide any imperfections, while the cardigan gives the illusion of height and a very tiny middle. Two extra points if you belt the entire thing to show off a tiny waist for a pretty much perfect hourglass.

Old Rule #3: Loose Jeans Hide Your Chubbies

Items in this set:
Old Navy Womens Belted Boyfriend Cardigans, $30
Old Navy Womens The Diva Demi Boot-Cut Jeans, $35
Women's shoes/bags: Nine West Barbe - Purple suede, $50
Quilted Stud Handbag, $25
Stone Set Beauty Ring, 16 GBP

New Rule #3: Closer Cut Clothes Hold Your Chubbies IN

Loose clothes make me sad, but so do uber-tight ones. The truth is, when you feel uncomfortable about your body, the last thing that you want is sausage casing pointing at your love handles. When in doubt, go a size up. A well fitting cardi with LONG bootcut jeans worn with decent heels = instant svelteness.

Old Rule #4: Patterns are Bad, Solids are Good

Items in this set:
BCBG Max Azria - Colorblock Top (Multi) - Apparel, $88
Cropped Shrug, $15
Black stripe wide leg trousers, 28 GBP
Women's shoes/bags: Two Lips Marilyn - Tan, $25
Moschino Borsa Tracolla 'Ruffle' Handbag, $75

New Rule #4: Color Blocking is Your Friend

Big, graphic swatches of color, especially in a diagonal or horizontal pattern are your friend. They conceal without being fuddy duddy or obvious. By the by, trouser pants are also super slimming. Find the kind with the large tab-top waist band and you will be in love forever, I promise. PS I totally pine for that red bag!

Old Rule #5: Flowy Dresses Hide Your Flaws

Items in this set:
French Connection Little Black Dress, 47 GBP
Ruffle Front Shift Dress, 60 GBP
Tatianna Halter Dress, $50
Bowtie, $50
Platform Pumps, $25

New Rule #5: Structured LBD's Make You Look Like a Hot Mama

If you're really looking for a good dress, chose one with tones of structure on the top. We're talking seaming and panels, whatever. Then choose the bottom for your body type. Pear shapes, go with fitted on the top and a-line on the bottom. Boy shapes, choose frilly goodness. And the center sheath is universally flattering. Add a really good pump and suddenly you have legs for days and are neatly tucked into a dress that puts everything where it needs to be.

Also, aside from the LBDs, check out the sizes on the bags. They are larger than your every day type. If I've said it once, I'll say it again; bags can make you look smaller. Choose a nice roomy one so you look polished AND skinny.

Remember that clothes are your friend. Instead of using them to hide your body, use them to enhance your body so it looks proportionate and you feel sex-ay.

Giveaway Winner!

Alllllllright, I've got the name of the giveaway winner. From Random.org, the winner iiiiiiisssssss:

BEQUI!

Bequi, shoot me an email at nomoremomjeans at gmail dot com to claim your prize. You've got 48 hours. Congrats, lady!

Thanks to everyone for entering. I love love loved doing a giveaway and will definitely do more. And thanks for joining the facebook page. Isn't is pretty and shiny? It's so awesome to be able to communicate with all of you. And it gives me an excuse to be on facebook more than I already am.

My husband thanks you.

Maternity Monday - The Perfect Jeans

I'm entering my third trimester this week, which means I'm about to get even more uncomfortable than I already am. All of my pants are way too tight, giving me awesome lovehandles and putting tons of pressure on my bladder. So this week, I finally splurged and bought myself some jeans. I really didn't want to since I only have 3 months left, but it became necessary. And now that I have some great fitting jeans, I wish I would have bought them months ago!

Maternity jeans/pants come in several varieties. The type you pick is completely a personal choice. You have to do what works best with your body. There are two main things to think about.

1. Panel Preference
2. Cut

1. Panel Preference
With my first pregnancy, I wore my normal jeans right up until the end. (I know, I want to punch me, too.) I just used an elastic hair band to hold the jeans together when they got too tight to zip up. Soooo fashion-y. Then with my second pregnancy, I needed comfort and the cheap-o elastic band trick wasn't cutting it. I bought what was, at the time, the perfect pair of demi-panel/under belly panel jeans. They were so comfortable and I wanted to wear them everyday. I hated the feeling of anything touching my belly, so having the panel right under my belly was perfect. And now in pregnancy number 3, I HATE THOSE JEANS. Since I'm carrying ridiculously low this time, the under belly panel makes me feel like I need to pee all. day. long. I took Jenna's advice and checked out full panel jeans, and guess what? I loooove them.

Okay, enough rambling. Here are your options.

No panel. These are meant to go under the belly. They don't have a visible panel, but the waistband is elastic and will stretch with your growing bump.

The Demi-Panel/ Under Belly PanelThis is the type of panel I used to love. It hugs the bottom of your belly. If you carry high, this might be comfortable for you.

The Full Panel

AKA, heaven. I love the full panel! But like I said, in my last pregnancy, I wouldn't have been able to stand the feeling of the elastic panel on my belly. It really is completely a matter of preference. Go by what makes you feel the most comfortable.

2. Cut

For maternity jeans, my favorite cuts are skinny: boot cut:

and straight leg/wide leg/ (wide leg not pictured):Okay, so the boot cut jeans I found look more like a flare, and the straight leg looks boot cut-ish, but I'm too lazy to go look for more. It's late and I spent the past two days remodeling two bedrooms. Sorry.

Whatever panel and cut you pick, just make sure they have a lot of stretch in them. Strrrretchy pants = comfort.

Now another thing to think about is what to pair those jeans with. My general preggo fashion rule is this: If you're going to wear something loose fitting on top, pair it with something tight fitting on the bottom. And vice versa. If you wear something loose on top and bottom, you're going to make yourself look bigger than you are. And if you wear tight on tight, you'll probably be showing more curvage than anyone wants to see. Unless you're a skinny terd and have supermodel pregnancies.

So if you're going to wear a straight leg, wide leg, or trouser leg jean, I suggest you pair it with a form fitting top. A top like this one is super snug, but also has ruching on the side to hide imperfections. I want it.If you're going to go with a skinny jean or boot cut jean, you can handle more volume up top like so: (All jeans from Gap and all tops from Motherhood Maternity)

Now I want to go get some cute tops.

Sorry, Freaky Friday, We Gots a Giveaway Instead

****GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED. STAY TUNED FOR FUTURE GIVEAWAYS AND THANKS FOR ENTERING!****




Still looking for some Freaky Friday goodness?

Fine! Geez, don't be so pushy.

Yup, this is a sock monkey shoe. Would you hate me if I said I kind of wanted it? IT WOULD MATCH MY DONKEY MITTENS.

Worst freaky friday post EVER.

The Social Networking Site Known as Bookface

...anyone?

Sorry, I really have a thing for Jim Halpert.

Anyhow, just wanted to let you attractive people know that I now have a *dum da da dum!* Facebook page. If you're looking for daily ramblings about fashion, such as "Why is it that every spring people find it socially acceptable to wander around dressed like an Easter egg?" and "Considering camouflage pants... yay or nay?" then you must join. We will discuss and be friends.

Also, I am SO excited to have my first giveaway tomorrow. Woop woop! It's a good one too. Check back tomorrow for the deets. Then we will discuss and be well-dressed friends.

So, if you're on facebook, or bookface, check me out here and let's be BFF's.