Clever Ways to Hide a Mummy Tummy

Ah, mummy tummies. Even if you work your biscuit on the treadmill daily, it seems like you're stuck with it. I was speaking with one of my nurses when I was in the hospital (after a few weeks in there I became delirious and believed that all nurses were my best friends and would monopolize their time by convincing them to come watch American Idol with me) and she was saying that one of the biggest mistakes mothers make is working out too soon after having a baby. The muscles in the abdomen separate while pregnant, and if you work out before they come back together again, you pretty much set yourself up for the mom pooch. She also said to ask your doc at your 6 week checkup if they;re back together to okay you for exercise. She really was a gem.

The more you knooooooooooooooooow. (Shooting star and NBC logo inserted here.) I try. It's an educational site.

Anyhow, I know I struggle with it daily. It's sad to look at pictures of me at 17 year old and think, "I really did not appreciate that body."

So lately I've been working on being very happy with my body. I read somewhere that the tummy you get after having babies is actually important to storing womanly things like estrogen and whatnot, and I don't know if it's true, but omg I almost burst into tears and and laminated it and put it in my wallet for future reference. Actually, I almost did, but currently I have a laminated quote in my wallet from a magazine by Pamela Anderson that reads "I think Canadian girls are more creative in bed." I'm actually not kidding. What can I say? Pam is my role model.

Anyhow, as part of loving your body, you need to learn to deal with the mummy tummy. I had a very real moment with myself today when I got dressed and then looked at it and thought "K, Jae, NO ONE is looking at you as harshly as you do yourself." And I went merrily on my way. Shopping.

So, dress so that you are showing off your better assets, and camouflaging the mum-tum. It does not have to be front and center, leaving you to think someone may ask you when you're due. How embarrassing.

Here are some clever tactics to make your mummy tummy disappear.

1) A blousy, heavily embellished top.

I think a lot of the time, women are like oh, to dress well I have to wear tight clothes! Um no, that's a dirty lie. I hate seeing squidgy people stick themselves into clothes that show every nook and cranny of your body. It's an overshare. And blousy tops are so IN. Wear with some dark jeans and a cute little blazer and you're good. Extra points for embellishment at the neckline, which will draw the eye up and away from the tummy area. (Shirt: Sears)

2) A serious necklace


This is another trick of mine. I like to use accessories for interest so that no one is looking at the tummy. I do this with necklaces, scarves, huge earrings, whatever. Then people are like "Hey, I wonder where she got that necklace? She must work out." Or at least that's what I tell myself that they say. Just wear something plain with something this serious, preferably, it should be laying against bare skin (read: a low top) (Necklace: Buy.com)

3) A cinch-y belt.

I will confess I lived in a cinched belt for the first few months after having baby number two. Why? Because it kept me locked and loaded, and made my waist look ridiculously small. I would wear it with a structured button up shirt that made everything look good and flat, and then pop a belt on the smallest part of my waist. Instant skinniness. And the studded bow adds a little interest. (Belt: buy.com)

4) A random graphic print

Here's another fave trick of mine. Do you know why stripes are so hard to wear? Because they are so uniform. Any little pucker or bilge, and you are making a nice little "YOU ARE HERE" sign pointed directly at your tummy for all to see. Try a random print that has no uniform shape. This wrap sweater from Nordstrom rocks my world. Everything is hidden and lovely. Remember to choose a print in proportion to your size. The larger you are, the larger the print .Stay away from things that have uniform distances in between the print like polka dots or stripes. I just bought a zebra print shirt and it is prime for this because the print is all over the place. Awesome.


5) A pencil skirt

Pencil skirts are so awesome and naughty secretary and a staple in my wardrobe. I literally have like 16 because I love the way they make ANYONE'S body look. Because they sit so much higher on the waist than traditional skirts or pants, you can lock and load your tummy and look totally toned up. Just choose one from a structured fabric like tweed or plaid, or whatever menswear fabric that tickles your fancy. Just don't be alarmed when you try them on. They are supposed to fasten just above the belly button.

If you have any fave mummy tummy tricks, share! Remember that it's not as bad as you think it is, and AS ALWAYS, dressing well takes the focus away from your body, and places more emphasis on your look. I always say, thank goodness for clothes. I look much better in them than I do naked.

...........................

That was a vivid mental picture I just painted for you.

Stop thinking about me naked.

Geez.

Maternity Monday: DON'TS

Preggos of the world … this is the most important fashion advice I can give you. This post right here. Please, do yourselves a big ol’ favor and do not fall victim to the following maternity fashion tragedies.

1. Spandex

I firmly believe Spandex was only invented for two purposes: form-fitting undergarments and exercise clothing (and maybe that icky headband you use to hold your bangs back when you’re washing your face). Any other usage of this material is a gross violation of fashion law. And seriously, it just looks bad. So don’t do it.

Case in point:

If you are shopping and come across these bad boys, AVOID. Because in reality, your body is going to be getting a lot curvier very soon, if it hasn’t already. And the last thing you need is skin-tight fabric hugging – nay, suffocating all those curves and accentuating them for all to see.

Alternative:

If you want to run your errands in comfort, try these cute comfy drawstring pants from Old Navy.

Jersey-lined drawstring pants, Old Navy

They come in four different neutral colors and will look infinitely better than Spandex leggings. Pair them with a cute hoodie, like this:

Lightweight pull-over hoodie, Old Navy

and some sneaker flats. Put-together, yet comfortable. And not hideous.

2. Muumuus

Pregnant women have historically fallen prey to the alluring yet vicious muumuu. Muumuus are roomy, and they look sooooo comfortable. But that’s the problem – they contain SO MUCH ROOM, you’ll end up looking like a sumo wrestler wearing a floral tent instead of a beautiful, shapely pregnant woman.

Here’s the trick to looking cute while you’re incubating a human: hide your unsightly flabbiness while simultaneously showing off your belly. It’s tough, but doable. I can help you. A muumuu cannot. So AVOID.

Alternatives:

So, you’re looking for a dress that’s comfortable and casual (like a muumuu) but not gargantuan? Here are some options:

Elbow sleeve tab cuff dress, Motherhood

This too-cute denim dress from Motherhood Maternity. Pair it with some red heels or cowboy boots and a chunky bracelet. Daaarling. I’d probably tie the knot on the side, though. It’s a little much up there in the front.

Not really digging the denim? Try this:

Knot-front dress, Old Navy

Stick a cardigan or a crop jacket over it and it’s ready for fall. It’s easy to wear and versatile.

3.Tent-like tops

Ok, so there may (probably will) come a time at the end of your pregnancy when you think a camping tent is the only thing that will fit over your growing belly. However, I advise you to stay away from “tent tops” (you know, the ones with copious amounts of fabric that usually tie in the back and flare out at the bottom) as long as humanly possible.

Here is an example of such a top. Again, when you see it … AVOID.

Whoa. Did you just go back to 1995 for a second? I did.

Alternatives:

Maternity clothing vendors are starting to figure out that these tops only make pregnant women look huge and feel frumpy, so they’ve come out with lots of slimmer styles, like these:

Short-sleeve ruffle top, Motherhood

3/4 sleeved side-ruched sweater, Motherhood

Side-shirred V-neck tee, Old Navy

Scoop-neck ruffle top, Gap

See? Otherwise normal-looking shirts, just with a little extra fabric in the front. The key here is to buy maternity shirts in your regular size. If in doubt, try it on.

And lucky for us, lots of current non-maternity clothing can keep you covered for most of your pregnancy. Look for tunic-type tops and empire waistlines with some give in the bust area (those puppies are going to get even bigger eventually). Or, if you want something more form-fitting, look for longer tops that stretch a lot. Buy a size bigger than you’d normally wear, and voila! You have a fashionable yet versatile top that will not only work during pregnancy, but afterward as well. And since it doesn’t say “maternity” on the label, you won’t feel bad about wearing it once baby makes his debut.

Other DON’TS:

These, I originally didn’t feel a need to mention because they are usually summer faux-pas and it’s currently fall, but they’re worth noting for those of you who will be pregnant during warmer seasons.

Shorts. Whatever you do, don’t wear any shorts above knee-length. Teensie shorts are not really meant for adults, anyway, but especially not for pregnant adults. Unless you are Heidi Klum, don’t do it! Go for a knee-length, NON-tapered Bermuda short instead.

Speaking of tapered … don’t ever wear bottoms that are tapered ( meaning they start off big and get smaller as they go down your leg). They’ll just accentuate your hips, which happen to be the widest part of the female body. And that’s never a good thing. This category includes skinny jeans and capris (crop pants).

Also, stay away from tank tops. I don’t know about you, but when I get pregnant, my arms get kinda … jiggly. And big. And not in a good way. Instead, try a cap sleeve or flutter sleeve top. A little fabric can go a long way in making your arms look slender and long. A tank top will only make your arms look larger than life.

Remember – cover your flabbiness but show off your belly.