Freaky Friday: Worst of 2013

 Aww yeah I'm about to have some fun today. Not only is in Freaky Friday but my kids are off school so my friends and I plan to turn 'em loose at the trampoline gym while we gossip. So I'm pretty pumped for that.

And today's an extra special Freaky Friday because I'm about to wrap up the absolute worst trends of 2013. I am so glad to see these go. Like harem pants, they'll go down in history as serious "WTH did Kim Kardashian actually wear that?"

Let's do it.




 "Music Festival Fashion"

 ...because someone spent a lot of money to look that poor.

"Flatforms Platform Shoes"

...that are flat and make your feet look like huge boats that allow you to walk on water.

"Crop Top Shirts"

 And how I feel when I see a cute shirt in the store but pick it up to find out it's two inches long and like, nine feet wide.

 "Animal Sweaters"

Seriously, I could not be MORE over grown women dressing in Garanimals. Also, those shorts.

"Fashion Ball Caps"

What you actually look like:

 (Seriously just wear a normal hat like everyone else so you don't look like a Fly Girl.)

 "Sheer Dresses" (I blame Gwyneth)

 Yeah, there's these really cool new things called underpants and they make it so you don't show your ladybits to the world.

 

 "High-Low Skirts"

 Because I feel like a Peeping Tom every time someone wears this.

 "Sneaker Wedges" (Thanks Andrea for sending these over!)

I will admit I enjoyed a brief moment in time where I wondered if these could be a thing. Then I found out Beyonce had these made in ostrich, croc and stingray skin and I was like oh honey no. Do you WANT to get abused by PETA?

 Not even Bey can make that work.


Those are my worst ones for the year...  did I miss any?

Reader Question: Frigid Fashion

Mari sent over this question and I thought it required a full blog as opposed to a quick answer. Let's all thank her and enjoy.

"I'm experiencing sub zero temps and wicked wind chill factors of -30 with the recent weather. I want to maintain my adorable look, but I'm worried I may have to sacrifice fashion for frumpy in order to be safe. Help!"

YOU GUYS on the East Coast/Canada, I'm feeling for you. I talk to my family members up there every day or two and after going without power over Christmas and now dealing with a POLAR VORTEX up there, I am kiiind of patting myself on the back for not living there anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love my hometown and Canadians are the nicest ever, but I don't miss the winters at all. They conjure images of trying to get to school my my nose hairs froze together. It wasn't pretty.

I still live in a pretty cold climate, but the difference is the sun. Utah gets tons of winter sun, so it's usually more mild and not so soul crushing. Still, you have to know how to dress warmly either way.

Can I just say how annoying it is to see a "winter" spread in a magazine or on a blog (this one made me lol) and their ideas are in no way realistic. It's like what people in California would imagine winter was like -- slightly nippy and swathed in pumpkin spice lattes. The rest of know that they're silly, so let's talk ways about staying warm without losing all sense of fashion.


 Use Color

Yes, you have to cover your cute clothes up with a ton of warm layers, but if your coat is a bright color, you can fight off some of the sads that come with crappy winter slushy snow. I love a bright red jacket -- I have a red wool pea jacket that always makes me happy when I pull it out.

Belt that Sucka

One of the worst parts about warm coats is the fact that they can be totally shapeless and then you're just this marshmallow of nylon making your way through the awful, awful month of February (oh how I dread it). Adding a belt -- or buying a jacket that comes with a belt -- can help remind everyone that there's actually a woman inside there. Also, this with some jeans and warm boots is instantly adorable.






Layer Like Crazy

Another issue with cold weather is the fact that you're usually going from outside to inside pretty quickly, so you'll need to be able to ditch a few layers. I love down vests for this purpose: I layer them over a tank and a hoodie and then wear a thinner jacket over top. I'm warm enough outside and then I can ditch the jacket and vest inside if I need to.I also love vests for wearing over workout gear because we all know that the only thing worse than exercising is being cold on the way to said exercise.
Either way, layering is your friend in the winter. Stock up on thinner hoodies, sweaters and long sleeved tees and then use them as base pieces for warmer layers.





Actual Warm Accessories

Now is the time to put away those lightweight scarves and bring out the big guns. I hoard wool scarves because they're awesome to wear with leather jackets on days when the sun comes out to play. You're also going to need some good gloves (I like leather, but I also keep a pair of wool mittens in my car for emergencies) and a hat. Looking for accessories with patterns and colors brings a little bit of light to your outfit while still being functional. And if it's not functional you can just get out right now.

You can also layer up accessories. Extra socks and gloves are par for the course around here.





Cute, Weatherproof Boots

Yeah, your run-of-the-mill boots might be cute, but if they're leather or patent, they're going to suck in the snow. You need to invest in a pair of weatherproof boots -- extra points if they would look adorable with skinnies and a bomber jacket, like these would. Yes, they'll cost more than the $30 pair you picked up at Target, but they'll also keep your feet dry and that's worth the extra money. Because wet feet make everyone angry. EVERYONE.






Go for Pockets

When picking winter coats, I always choose one with tons of pockets for a few reasons. The first is that I don't usually wear a purse with a huge jacket. It looks weird and it's a pain and a hazard if you slip and fall. Not that it ever happens to me. Anyway, I stash everything in my pockets and then add a couple of those Hot Hands packets. I buy a ton at the start of winter and we use them all by the time March rolls around.

If you do choose to wear a purse or bag, look for something you can wear crossbody so you can go hands free.


I know I'm the judgiest when it comes to well, everything. But if growing up in Canada taught me anything, it was:
a) That you hold the door open for others or you might as well surrender your citizenship card like, right now.
b) The winter is no joke.
Therefore, being safe trumps being fashionable when it's colder than the surface of Mars. Color and belts and pretty scarves are well and good, but you need to stay warm above all.

Mari, hopefully that helps out. And I hope that it thaws out a bit there. Until then, button up, wear some gloves and cover your dang ankles.

What I Wore: Best of 2013

So I totally haven't gotten the hang of being back on schedule again. Which is weird because my schedule and I are like, BFFs. But this is the first time I've been able to sit at my computer all day. I know this means I need to start getting up early again and this makes me sad and tired. Especially when I just want to stay up late and watch The Bachelor. Women are insane.

Anyway, while I get myself situated and catch up on my DVR, here's a little roundup of some of 2013's best outfits according to myself. It's also fun to see my addiction to hair dye in pictures.

That time I wore cowboy boots and a tutu because I can.
When I looked like I was in a White Snake video and ran through a parking lot barefoot. 
Basically my favorite skirt ever. Also, a classy way to say "LOOK AT MY BUM."
White dresses are my jam.
Monochromatic looks make me happy. Almost as happy as shopping my feelings.
Speaking of which, that time I went on a four-day shopping bender.
When I got sick of mint and peach as a color combo.
The holy grail of dresses. And long hair.
I have crazy eyes in this picture. They're almost as ridiculous as those shoes.
I love this dress almost as much as not blow drying my hair.
My uniform. Did I tell you that a bunch of 18 year old boys liked this outfit? Because they did.
My fave purchase of 2013. This dress makes my husband uncomfortable.

So, now it's your call. Entering another year, what do you want to see around here? I feel like you realllly like beauty reviews, so I have some on the docket, but what else? More outfit ideas? Maternity stuff? More plus size ideas? Speak now or forever hold your peace and by that I mean don't send me angry emails.

Because let's not forget Yoko-gate. I have a lot of "gates." And hate mail. One day I shall post them.

Also, this Friday will be 2013's worst trends, so if there's something that's totally getting your goat, let me know.

Freaky Friday

I really, really want to be taking a nap right now. I don't know why I'm not. I spent the afternoon shopping with a friend and corralling my 4-year-old and now I'm just tired. I know those are some seeeerious first world problems.  But it's not Friday without some freakiness, so I'll finish this quick and hit the pillow while my kids watch Turbo for the millionth time. YAY.

And yes I bought shoes stop being so nosy geez.

Thank goodness for awesome readers who send me ugly clothes and make this part of the blog easy.

 If The Croods and Sweet Valley High had a love child. Yeah that's right I'm mixing media references. (Thanks Brooke!)

 When Paul Bunyan decides that he was really mean to be Paula.

 This belt was clearly made by a blind carnie named Verne so please give generously.

 I like my patriotism where it matters. My crotch.

 From the awkward "Can we still call him Prince, or...?" years. 

 How much you wanna bet she makes a crinkle sound when she walks?

 Heidi sent these leggings, which were listed as "Church leggings" because religion is the very first thing you think of when looking at someone's upper thigh area.

She also sent me these boots, which reminded me of "My Strange Addiction" this week. The girl was addicted to pony play, which is apparently when you dress up as a horse and a live trainer makes you prance around a farm.

No, really. 

 Ugh, it's not even that this grown woman is wearing a crop top with mouths on it. It's just that the mouths are so darn unappealing. 

When you want to show off your lady business but also kind of look like a black M&M.

OK, I really need to go. This post took an hour to write because I kept getting distracted by online shopping. There is something wrong with me. 

What I Wore: Last Christmas

...meaning of course, this is the last Christmas post you'll get out of me. Once I finish this post, I am gutting my house and taking down all the decorations. I can only live in the inside of a FAO Schwarz before it makes me feel a little axe-murdery.

In the meantime, how was your Christmas? Ours was pretttty awesome. Especially because all of my gifts were actually delivered on time, which was nice because last year they didn't come until the 26th and that was a huge fail. The only bummer this year was that my family in Canada was without power for the entire week. I was worried the whole time and didn't get to FaceTime as much as usual because it was a phone battery wasteland. We did get to chat for a while Christmas night so that made up for it.

My husband did awesome this year, but he is a good gifter so I didn't expect anything less. Some of the highlights were definitely a Kindle, a super cool cuff bracelet, this set of Coach rings, a Nintendo 3DS XL (yes I play Mario Kart like it's my job, shut up) and my fave gift, a wedding band for each kid, seen here. Seriously, I feel like when I got engaged and couldn't stop staring at my own hand. My husband is a gem and not just because he gives me jewelry.

I also got some shopping money from my parentals, which went to good use the next day when I went out for dinner/shopping/late-night crepes with my friends. I bought a black-on-black leopard blazer and it's everything to me. 

So now I'm happy and bejeweled and ready to clean my house.

 Cardigan: Charlotte Russe (similar) (plus size and on sale!)

Tank: c/o modbod

Skirt: Arden B (similar) (Jrs sizing but on sale!) (love this one)

Shoes: F21 and I'm sure they were cobbled by the devil himself (similar) (probably buying these) (love and less basic)

Pearls: Aldo (cheap!) (similar) (perfect basic)

This is what I wore the Sunday before Christmas. I only ever drag this sweater out around the holidays because I like that it's festive, but not like, Christmas tree festive. 

I should also point out that between holiday food and having a new IUD installed (sorry brothers) I gained a smooth 5 pounds in December. Yeaaaaaah that's gonna have to stop. Workouts commence on Thursday and I am terrified. 

Also, I felt the need to post this picture, clearly depicting my husband being a dork. He buys me jewelry so I will tolerate this kind of business. It's the secret to our marital bliss and by marital bliss I obviously mean mutual putting up with each other.

OK, cue obnoxious cleaning music! When I was a kid, my mom would make us clean while listening to really old music, like The Mamas and the Papas and The Turtles. I make my kids clean to Britney Spears and B.O.B.

It's a legacy, really.

5 Ways to Rock a Holiday Party Like it's Your Job

-- I'm headed out for a day of festivities. My son's preschool has a party and I have a few more things to pick up before I can come home and do some serious wrapping. For now, here's this awesome repost which will be handy if you're off to any work parties and you're feeling intimidated and frumpy. DON'T THAT'S LAME! Also, see the link below if you're wondering what you should wear. It's my Christmas present to you. But seriously, I have to go I'm late. --

Last week, we talked about what to wear. This week, I want to talk about how to act. Not because I want to rule your life, but I genuinely think -- especially if you're a SAHM -- that the invitation to a swanky work party can be a little intimidating. After all, you spend most of your time cutting crusts off of your kids PB&J, not sampling crustini. I just don't want anyone to feel intimidated or even worse, second-class, because you feel out of place during these stressful holiday parties. So, I assembled five tips that should keep you out of trouble and away from the walls for one night at least. Ready?

1) Dress Appropriately.


Yes, we talked about festive wear last week. But I also wanted to stress how important it is to dress for the party you're attending. That way, you don't show up and feel totally uncomfortable because everyone is in cocktail dress and you're wearing your favorite snowman vest, you know? I covered what to wear to which type of party here so check it out and work accordingly. My no-fail party look is a pair of trousers and a blazer worn with a pretty/festive cami. Easy peasy and works every time. When you look good, you'll feel more comfortable and less like hiding in your hubby's shadow all night. It'll also help with those feelings of "Everyone is so cool and I'm so frumpy" too.

Also, can I remind everyone to think about footwear for parties? Those knee-high boots might look great with the outfit, but if a party is in someone's home, they might want you to ditch the shoes and then everyone can see your mismatched socks. I tend to go with flats for home parties and heels when a party is in a restaurant, since at a home I'll be standing or going shoeless and at a restaurant, I'll be sitting.

2) Bring a Hostess Gift.

K, you don't need to do this if you're like, hanging out with a group of girlfriends and you all equally planned the food, etc. But when one person was clearly in charge of a party -- especially if it's someone you don't know well -- bring along something. It can be food, drink, plant, whatever, just stay away from anything kitschy or to adorn the home unless you know the hostesses tastes. It's just good breeding and it gives you something to do at the front door other than say "Hiiiiiiii."

Also, you only need a hostess gift when the party is in someone's home. Don't bring something if it's a catered event in a reception center or at a restaurant... unless you want to make your waiter very happy.

3) Head for the Food.

OK, this might sound like a weird piece of advice, but it's one of my favorite party tricks. When I don't know many people at a soiree, I'll go where the food is for a few different reasons. First, it helps to keep my hands busy so I'm not standing around like a weirdo. Second, it's a good place to make small talk with new people. Last, EVERYONE likes to talk about food. EVERYONE. So when you're chowing on your crab appetizers, you can ask the person next to you if he's ever been to that place down on State St. that serves amazing lobster ravioli or if he's tried the new Mexican restaurant. It's the world's easiest small talk and you can hold your own.

4) Don't Talk About Your Kids.

Unless you're with your other mama friends, keep the kid chat to a minimum. Your boss or your hubby's boss probably don't want to talk about your potty-training two year old. Not only is it probably mind-searingly boring for them, but it paints this picture of someone who can't socialize outside of her kids. One or two super-funny anecdotes? OK, fine. But talking about how your four-year-old looooooves peas to a captive dinner audience makes me crazy. And I actually have kids. Some other topics to avoid? Religion and politics. Just don't.

5) Check in Once or Twice.

I get that a cell phone can be a party security blanket when you don't know a ton of people, but tapping away on your iPhone the entire night is bad form. Not only is it rude, but it means you don't get to know anyone and therefore will spend next year's party doing the same thing. If you have to check in with the babysitter once or twice, that's fine. Just don't be THAT person. Put your phone down and you might actually have a good time.


Does that work for everyone? Doable? I should point out that these rules are for like, any party more formal than Aunt Myrtle's Annual Christmas Fondue Dip. While you still shouldn't snotty and phone-obsessed there, you can probably talk about kids and stuff your face with less abandon with your close relatives and your friendsies. Or, like in my husband's family, when his Grandma brings out her alter-ego, Wanda. She has a prosthetic face. A PROSTHETIC FACE. That's a little more casual than your garden variety work party.

Just don't feel intimidated by the all-powerful Holiday party. It's not there to make you feel crappy, but a chance to hang out with a new set of people. Come prepped and ready and you'll hold your own and actually you know, enjoy yourself this year.

What I Wore: Confessions

One more week to get everything done -- and I'm soooo close. Just some odds and ends left now.

Meanwhile, our party season is in full swing over here. I like to have a few outfits in my back pocket so I can get ready reaaaaallly fast after a crazy busy day. Confession: I've worn this one for parties twice this season, so don't tell anyone because it's a rare occurrence. Most recently I wore it to a Christmas dinner with the girls I volunteer with at the hospital. I ate a ton and laughed so hard I thought I was going to be sick which is basically my gauge for any good night.

What am I doing with my hand here? I don't know. 

Jacket: Steve Madden (super cheap) (similar piping) (pretty!)

Top: Local boutique (plus size love) (love this shape!) (so cute under a cardi)

Jeans: c/o Liverpool Jeans - Abby fit (here)
Boots: F21 (similar) (pretty cheap!) (love the buckle)

Sorry about the pic... I waited too long and lost the light so it sucks more than usual. 

Also, another confession? I bought these boots on a whim but didn't love them because they had a cuff at the top, which looked kind of pirate-y. Then I had a stroke of genius and clipped the threads that held the cuff down and unfolded them and now I wear them daily - they have a wedge heel which is awesome for elongating the leg and still making it possible to walk on crappily shoveled sidewalks.

Third confession: I'll probably wear this again before the year is up. Not today though -- I'm having lunch with friends and then I have a doctor's appointment which means it's sloppy clothes for me, hooray! 

Have any Christmas confessions for me?