Freaky Friday: Stripes Gone Wrong

There was about 10 seconds there when I considered naming this post Naughty-cal (Nautical? GET IT!?) but it was far too punny for my liking. Plus, I feel like that might attract a different kind of fan. I don't know what kind of fan that would be, but I know it would be wrong. So you get a generic title instead. I Spent way too much time contemplating this.

Also, I would like to point out that Jenna is the big winner by correctly identifying that F21 model from my last post as Nicole Linkletter from America's Next Top Model. She was right. I Googled. Now I want to do a 'z' snap. Let's all do one. That feels goooood.


I love me a wellie as much as the next girl. I have an adorable friend who wore wellies with her wedding dress and I just wanted to eat her arm it was so cute. But tin man wellies with stripes make me angry. Plus it makes this model's knees look chubby. Now I can't stop staring at them.


When rompers and stripes collide, it's time for a Friday evening drink. Also, can someone explain to me the logistics of using the washroom whilst wearing a romper? Because that alone is enough to discourage me from wearing glorified pajamas out of the house.

On the bright side, this could be really cute in state penitentiaries. Wow, I spelled that word right on the first time.


Quite possibly the UGLIEST sweater I've ever seen. Luckily it's on sale for $345 OMG WE ARE IN A RECESSION PEOPLE.


I believe this is referred to as "Too much of a good things." Also, Beetlejuice!


And where exactly does one wear awkwardly striped prison shorts? And with what? CLOGS! Clogs with everything!


I love this dress. It's like business in the back, yet unwashed Ke$ha in the front.


I'm sorry, I can never see one of these gross poncho sweaters and not immediately think pothead. I knew a girl growing up who positively lived in one of these. She looked like a weird boy. That was the 90s. They are still selling them.

Sweet mother, I've been watching too much football lately. So this ugly poncho comes to you courtesy of the nights where I sit up and poke my eyes out while my husband watches games he doesn't care about. I am too pretty to like sports.

I feel like, by now, you should no the difference between good stripes and bad stripes. If there are any further questions, comment away. But in general, polished, adorable sailor: good, Beetlejuice, Ke$ha and pothead: bad. It applies to so many other things.

How to Wear: Stripes

It's a widely held belief in the fashion community that horizontal stripes make you look wide. It's only natural. It's a trick that your eye plays when it looks left to right on the body, rather than up and down. And there are some instances when stripes are really scary ugly too. But yesterday I was thoughtfully shopping (I call it research) and I noticed that nautical is coming back in a big way. And nautical is synonymous with stripes. So that means you're going to be seeing a lot of stripes in the stores. And I really don;t want you to be left out of the trend.

Nautical is one of my favorite styles of clothing because it's so crisp and clean. Also, I own a boat. And I totally wear my striped shirts on the boat, even though it is not a sailboat at all. I am AWARE of how ridiculous I am. Navy and red are two of my favorite colors and I love wearing them together. But add in some stripes and you're walking on "Does this make me look fat?" territory. And then your husband feels awkward and you get in a fight and I won't say I told you so. But I told you so.

HOWEVER, if you know the right way to wear stripes, you can incorporate them into your wardrobe without looking like a fat sailor, I promise. Here's my tips.


Wear stripes as accessories. This hairband from Bambako makes me squee with delight. Then you could totally do like, trouser jeans with a white tank and a little cardigan and I would be happy for you. Anchor accessories are big right now too, so snap 'em up if you're nervous about actually wearing stripes across your torso.



If you do want to try some stripes, go with a deep v or scoop neck. This shows a little more skin so it breaks up a lot of the wideness that a crewneck shirt may have. Also, some added interest also helps to break of the line so it's not so very uniform. (Buckle)


If you weren't blessed with lovely lady lumps (like myself) totally use stripes strategically to balance out your frame. Stripes on the top only make a wider line so if you're pear shaped (also me) you can balance out a narrow shoulders and bust with wider hips. Insta-hourglass! (All Saints)


K, so just because stripes are "in" doesn't mean you have to festoon your entire body with them. What would you say if I told you I was wearing this shirt RIGHT NOW? Because I totally am, I bought it yesterday. While researching. Ahem. Anyway, I was drawn to it because it's obviously very forgiving if you tend to overeat AND it has an inkling of stripes without the whole shebang. I'm wearing mine with a black cardi, skinny jeans and riding boots. (Forever21)


Now, stripes are a lot less graphic and jarring if you look for a monochromatic color scheme. Compare this shirt to a black and white stripe. The black and white has a bigger contrast and is more noticeable. Heather gray and dark gray? Totally cute. Also, notice that the shirts on this page all have a medium to small stripe. That's because a super chunky stripe can make you look, you guessed it, super chunky. (Debenham's)


Another reason stripes can be difficult to wear is that they are a uniform pattern. We've talked about this before. Uniform patterns can be tricky because you notice any little bulge or pucker in your problem areas. You can still do stripes by choosing a more abstract pattern, like this one (also from Buckle.)

Old Navy Womens Pointelle Knit Cardigans, $40
Daytrip Striped Floral Print T-Shirt : Women's Shirts and Tops |..., $25
Lexington, $99
Jeffrey Campbell No Pearl, $49
Chain front hobo bag by Lane Bryant | Lane Bryant, $50
Betsey Johnson - Betsey's Dollhouse Pearl Drop Bow Heart Earrings..., $36
ASOS | ASOS Leather Tie Detail Embossed Belt at ASOS, 19 EUR

Finally, a foolproof way to wear stripes is to flank them. This means to create a bookend-type look by wearing a cardigan, blazer or whatever, so there's a clear start and end to the stripes. This can actually fool the eye into seeing LESS of you. Take the above outfit. Stripes, a soft cardigan and a belt make the stripes a little more wearable, even with a wider stripe.

Don't fear the stripe! Try on a few items and mess around with the styling and you may find that you really can do nautical. On Friday we'll talk about the wrong way to do stripes and nautical and I feel like we'll have all of our bases covered and we can ALL pretend we're attractive sailors.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy

I just got back from dropping the kids off at the bus stop. It is a beautiful morning. It's cold, but it's sunny. The snow is crisping under your feet and you are definitely wearing mitts and hats. If there was a wind it wouldn't feel so much like a beautiful day.

It's the perfect day for oatmeal. I love oatmeal. It's my favourite breakfast, and it's so good for you. I have said this before, but it's so important it's worth repeating.

What you eat, makes up 80% of how you look and feel!

Wow! That means that if you are 30 pounds overweight, feeling tired during the day or just don't feel good in general, I would say "what are you eating?" It never ceases to amaze me how the body reacts to certain things and food is no exception. If you don't eat enough, if you eat too much, if you aren't getting enough protein, or carbs, it all affects your body and how you look and feel. Amazing eh?

If you are having a tough time then you may want to see a nutritionist who will be very specific with your needs. If you want to have a general go of it you can follow some simple steps.

1. Cut the sugar. This I know I've said before. Sugar is basically poison and you should get rid of it. It's in everything so read labels carefully. If nothing else at least cut it down.

2. Combine your meals. What I mean is, have some protein, carbs and veggies with each meal (well at least protein and carbs, you may not want veggies for breakfast:) )

3. Eliminate or cut down on processed foods. Basically everything in a box is processed. It's amazing to see all the processed foods in your cupboards and fridge.

4. Drink more water. Most of us don't drink enough. Carry a bottle with you, or know what you need to drink during the day and fill that in the morning. Then you know you must drink the container before the day is through. You could always start with 1 litre. Work your way through that for the day and increase as it becomes easier.

Try doing 1 or 2 of these things at first. Master them. Let them become a habit and natural for you. Once you have accomplished that then add another thing to master. If you do too much too fast, you will feel over whelmed and most likely give up. Take baby steps and you will be successful!!

Here are a couple of my favourite recipes to help you get started:

Egg White/Spinach Wrap
( If you don't like the look of just egg whites, combine 1 whole egg with 3/4 cup of egg whites)

Here's what you will need:

• 1 teaspoon olive oil
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 3/4 cup tomato, finely chopped
• 2 cups spinach, roughly chopped
• 1 cup egg whites
• dash of salt and pepper
• 2 sprouted grain tortillas
• 2 Tablespoons pesto (purchase it pre-made, or combine 1/2 cup walnuts, 2 cups basil leaves, 2 cloves garlic, 1/4 cup olive oil, and 1 Tablespoon lemon juice in a food processor and blend until it becomes a paste.)

1. Spread a tablespoon of pesto over each tortilla and set aside.
2. In medium sized skillet warm the olive oil over medium heat. Add the garlic and sauté until golden. Add the tomato and cook for another 3 minutes. Add the spinach and cook until it is soft and wilted. Remove the veggies from skillet, set aside in a bowl.
3. Pour the egg whites into the skillet, season with salt and pepper. Cook until the egg is no longer runny.
4. Arrange half of the egg whites in a line down the center of each tortilla. Top with half of the veggies and then fold the ends up and wrap like a burrito.

Nutritional Analysis: One serving equals: 288 calories, 10g fat, 28g carbohydrate, 6g fiber, and 21g protein.

Moroccan Stew

This stew is perfect for a cold winter day. It is packed with antioxidant-rich vegetables and fragrant spices. Serve this stew over a scoop of cooked quinoa (one of my new favourite grains--it's light and the kids love it, and its a complete protein, or whole grain brown rice.
(If your kids are like mine and not too keen with spicy foods, cut the spice down and see if you can work up to it. I always go mild first)
Yield: 6 servings

Here's what you need:

• 1 1/2 cups plus 3 tablespoons water or vegetable stock, divided
• 1 large size yellow onion, finely chopped
• 2 large size red bell peppers, seeded and chopped
• 2 or 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 teaspoon agave nectar or pure maple syrup
• 1 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon grated or minced fresh ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon saffron
• 2 medium size sweet potatoes or garnet or jewel yams, peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
• 1 can (15oz) diced tomatoes, undrained
• 1 can (15oz) chickpeas drained and rinsed
• Salt and pepper to taste

1. Heat 3 tablespoons water in a soup pot over medium heat. Add onion, peppers and garlic, and cook for 5 minutes. If the water begins to evaporate, add a little more.
2. Stir in the agave nectar, coriander, cinnamon, cumin, ginger and saffron and cook for 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add sweet potatoes, and stir to coat. Stir in tomatoes, remaining 1 1/2 cups water and chickpeas. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low.
3. Simmer until sweet potatoes are tender, about 30 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, then serve over quinoa or brown rice.

Nutritional Analysis: One serving equals: 141 calories, 1g fat, 29g carbohydrate, 6g fiber, and 6g protein.

These recipes have lots of protein and good carbs. They will fill you up and provide you with the proper amount of energy you need for your day. You will feel good and you will be eating healthy.

Committed to your fitness success,
Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net

Freaky Friday: Worst of 2010

Sooo I had to point out all of the crappy fashion we've had in the last year. Sometimes I sit down to read my Glamour magazine and then they promise me that harem pants are one of the year's most wearable styles and I want to punch a cat. WHO DECIDES THESE THINGS? It's annoying. And the worst part is they're $1,400. Welcome to the real world, where people wear pants not worn by a sultan's brothel.

That was a tangent. I know. I just really hate when that happens. How about an in depth look on normal clothes one in a while, fashion and lifestyle magazines? Just once I'd like a column about sensible heels and how to accessorize a t-shirt.

But alas, we were still fairly pelted with poor fashion choices, and I finally get to make fun of them today. Oh, I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for this. And by whole life, I mean since Wednesday.



Oh culottes! Half short, half skirt, YOU PERPLEX ME. I will say that I had a pair when I was six, and I thought they were the coolest because my mom would let me wear them to church and then I was all rebellious. Then I turned seven and I was like, so over it.

How about Ed Hardy on EVERYTHING. It's totally fine, if you want to look like Satan barfed on your clothes.

Also, I'd like to point out that I went to the beauty supply store in the mall to buy my gargantuan bottle of Big Sexy Hair Spray Mousse and I got stuck behind a guy who was deciding which Ed Hardy hair dryer to get his wife for Christmas. Like, seriously guy. You can be a d-bag, but don't drag your wife's hair into this.


Asymmetrical anything. It will NEVER be OK with me. Remember when January Jones turned up at the Golden Globes or whatever in that blue dress and everyone was like "OH! So avant garde!" And I was like please, it looks like they ran out of time to finish the thing. Also, she was terrible on SNL so I have no respect for her.


FRINGE. The website where I get a lot of my Freaky Friday material (which shall remain nameless) is always taunting me with fringe as the "Editor's Pick." Why would a floral tank top ever need fringe? A formal biker wedding?


Droopy crotch pants. Because you have something to hide.


And while we're at it, K-DASH. Enough with the harem pants. PLEASE. Normal girls see you wearing them and think they can pull them off. You look paunchy. So will they.


Scary ankle boots. Extra points if they're open toed. And laced. And nude.


Dressing like you're on the American Olympic gymnastics team. Unless you're winning gold or needing attention in order to sell records *cough*Gaga*cough* this is not for you. No one should be that well acquainted with your ladyparts grooming habits besides your man and your gynecologist.


Bodysuits. I don't care what you say, they are basically footie pajamas. Also, remember that one time I tried one on at Forever 21 like an idiot? I am so embarrassing.

Sherpa clogs! This shoe has no purpose. It's too short to wear as a boot and too hideous to wear as a heel. Avoid! Or wear in Denmark where I assume they actually have use for clogs.

Cheers to a prettier 2011!

Christmas Dish and New Year's Resolutions

So I'm back! I made it out alive! How was everyone's Christmases? Mine was surprisingly good, despite the arctic temperatures and the fact that I spent all of Christmas morning on Skype. Two of my brothers are back home in Canada, while one lives in Africa and one is in England. It was a very international Christmas for us. Seriously, my children have become so tech savvy. Sometimes, when I'm at my laptop my little two year old son comes running over to say hi because he's so used to seeing his grandparents, uncles and their dogs on the screen. I don't know whether that's cool or just the slightest bit sad.

ANYWAY, time to dish on how our husbands did! Mine did awesome. If you'll allow me to totally husband brag for a moment, mine is a very good gift giver. I swear I'm more excited than the kids on Christmas morning because I'm like WHAT DID YOU GET ME. This year, he put a bunch of presents under the tree. Then, he reserved my three big presents and brought them out one by one, each time letting me think that it was the grand finale. But in my house, it's not the grand finale until Jae cries.


And CRY I DID. I had been asking my husband for a long time for a plain wedding band to wear on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I love my engagement ring / wedding set, but I liked the idea of having something just plain to wear with a tee and jeans, you know? So he took that and ran with it. I think every woman should get the experience of getting a gift in a little blue box. When I was skyping with my brother, his BRAND NEW fiancee saw the box and yelled "TIFFANY'S!" And I was like yes! You understand! lol. Anyway, the band isn't completely plain... it's beveled at the edges and engraved with T&Co logo and date and I'm in love.


The other thing that we did for each other was FINALLY get rid of the 1980s couch that was sitting in our loft and replace it with a new leather set. Seriously. On Saturday I parked myself in the recliner and got through about 450 pages of my new book. YAY!


Christmas was the usual gluttony-filled morning for us. We stayed up way late the night before because we had bought our kids both a water table and a small four wheeler. I made a deal with my hubs that I would put together the water table if he did the four wheeler. The four wheeler came out of the box assembled. I, however, was stuck plumbing the stupid water table. And then the kids didn't even notice it sitting there on Christmas morning. Neat.


*Shudder* the aftermath. Christmas has since been eradicated from my home and everything feels very sparse and spacious.

I love Christmas, but I also love when it's over. It seems like everyone has been talking about how New Year's is such a fresh, new time. I don't know about you, but I actually don't like resolutions. I have a friend whose family starts the year off with a really bad habit, like watching TV for five hours straight or eating candy for breakfast. Once you start the year off so terribly, everything else is a good choice from there, right? But I do believe it's a good time to make a few goals for yourself. OBVIOUSLY mine are going to be appearance related, because I am shallow like that.

Let's talk goals. The first? How about giving yourself some time? If I hear one more mom say she doesn't have any time for herself when her daughter walks by with an elaborate updo complete with ribbons, bows, flowers and a small bird, I am going to go crazy. If you want more time for yourself, give more time to yourself. Your child won't die if she has to wear a ponytail to preschool once in a while.

Let's also not feel guilty about spending that time. Moms live in this whole underworld of guilt and shame 24/7. You're not active enough, you don't pay enough attention, you pay too much attention, the house isn't clean, your 18 month old son isn't reading, I KNOW. But it's not all going to get done today, so slap on some mascara once in a while without feeling like you're ruining your family.

Stop comparing yourself to other moms. There's always going to be someone more put together and better organized that you, but you're pretty awesome too. And there's probably someone who hates YOU for being so perfect, and isn't that a warm fuzzy feeling inside?

Find something that you love about yourself. And I'm not talking about the stuff your mom told you that you were good at when you were 10. I mean something that you really, truly love about yourself, that you can be proud of. Then cultivate it and use it. Perfect your pot of chili, take the best pictures, crack jokes or run a marathon, whatever. Become reacquainted with yourself every so often. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in being the mom-Jae, the wife-Jae, the writer-Jae, that I forget what it's like to be just Jae.

Even if you aren't a resolution maker, it doesn't hurt to try and make this year better than the last. Yup, the economy sucks. And yes, Brad kept a girl with VAMPIRE TEETH on The Bachelor Monday night. But that doesn't mean 2011 can't be awesome.

And! If you do make resolutions, remember that by this time next year, they'll be broken and you can start again. Oh how I love a second (and third, fourth and fifth) chance.

Anyone else want to add to my list of resolutions?

Oh yeah... no more mom jeans.

Or harem pants.

How SMART Are You??

As the New Year begins, it's a great time to reflect on the previous year. How did you do? Did you improve yourself? Whether it is in work, family, or fitness and health goals, it's a great time to look back over the year and see how you did.

Believe it or not most people who go to the gym look exactly the same as the day they signed up! Why is that? They make the effort to get there, they put the time in doing their exercise, why do they not see any significant changes?

I will tell you why.....

Most people don't have a solid plan. They just show up, do some random exercise or follow someone else around and leave. Don't get me wrong, any exercise is better than no exercise but if you are going to put in the time and hard work, why not make it effective and get some pretty awesome results?

Every successful person whether in business or not has set goals. And they have even taken certain steps for each of their goals. I'm going to show you how to make goals and how to be smart about it.

Specific- the first thing you need to do is be specific. Don't tell yourself you are going lose 20 lbs. Tell yourself you are going to lose 20 lbs, by a certain date and even how you are going to do it.

Measureable-make sure your goal is measureable. Break your big overall goal into weekly goals. Take monthly or bi-weekly measurements and track your progress.

Attainable-you want to make your goals attainable. When you come up with your most important goals and begin to develop your plan, you will soon come up with ways to accomplish your goals.

Realistic- I think any goal is achievable, it just depends on you. How willing and able are you to accomplish your goal. If you want to lose 100 pounds, you can do it. I wouldn't recommend a 3 month time frame but work towards 2 pounds a week. Don't be afraid to set high goals. It's often those that push us and make us better.

Time-bound-set a time frame that you want to reach your goal. Do you want to lose 10 pounds in 4 weeks, 2 pounds a week etc. Set a date when you want to finish by. It will help to keep you focused and stay on track.

Use these SMART principles to plan your goals and you will much more successful. Don't be afraid to tell your friends and family as well. They will help motivate you and encourage you when things get tough.

Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker

www.fitmommakeover.net

Glammy Gifts on the Cheap 2010

Guess what you guys? I totally am done my Christmas shopping already .Except for stocking stuffers, all of my stuff is wrapped and jammed into my guest room, which currently looks like Santa's Workshop. I keep peeking in there and wondering if we've overdone it, which we absolutely have, and then feeling guilty.

My husband and I purposely put off shopping for stockings until Christmas Eve. It's our strange little tradition. Our first year married we were pretty much dirt poor. I'd bought Christmas presents but realized I didn't have money left over for stockings. Of course I ran bawling to the phone and called my mom. In my family, stockings are a big deal. She wired us down $100 which we got on Christmas Eve, and we went shopping together, doing our best to avoid each other in the store. Since then it's how we spend 9 am on Christmas Eve and I love heading out before it gets really bananas.

But that's beside the point. If you aren't as religious with the shopping as me, you may have some stragglers on your list. OR if your husband is like mine and comes to you with a panicked look on his face and asks what you want for Christmas, you may need some ideas to give him. Either way, if you've got some ladies (or some very femmy men) on your list, there's nothing wrong with giving them a little glam. My husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and when I told him that jewelry was good, he was like "But I've already given you a bunch of jewelry."

.........AND?

Men.

Check out some cute things on my wish this year... and then hustle!


How pretty are these pins from White House Black Market for $28? I like them for someone who is new to sparkly things. A little shine in the hair is less ostentatious than a big 'ol cocktail ring.




If you're thinking about watches for Christmas this year, you should know that ceramic is what's new. I love how crisp and clean they are. A friend of mine was wearing one the other day and I could not take my eyes off of it. The ceramic is heavier, giving it a more solid look over plastic. Asos - $35.

When you give jewelry as a gift, look for special details that set it apart from your friend's regular Forever 21 stuff. I love love the color of these, and they are such a pretty mix. Yes Style - $20

I will never turn down a glammy ring, and this one caught my eye because I've specifically asked my husband for more classic jewelry. This looks current while reminding me estate jewelry. It would totally match my pearl earrings too! And it's from Kohls and is $14, which means you could probably get it on sale for like, $6.


YAY Festive headbands. I love the rhinestones on this one. Give it to a friend with instructions to wear it over a messy updo or loose waves. Arden B - $19


A big flower brooch is a standard in my jewelry cabinet, because it can be used in about 100 ways. I wear mine in my hair, clipped on a necklace, with a grouping of other brooches, you name it. And this one is pretty and won't break the bank at $24 from Avalaya.

K, I am 100 percent OBSESSED with these Cara bangles from Nordstrom. I saw them on Saturday in store and tried them on and WAS AN IDIOT and didn't buy them, (don't cry for me Argentina, I am going back tonight to get them.) They are seriously a full arm of bracelets, but since they're really delicate, they look trendy and pretty instead of chunky. Anyway, they are $58, which is pricey. But since you get 30 or so bracelets, why not break them up and give them to friends. Five bangles would still be awesome, and you could tie a silk ribbon around them and your friends would love them. All of a sudden you've got a $10 gift for five friends (assuming you'll keep a set for yourself... which you will.)

(EDIT: So I ran over and bought these last night and I am soooo happy I did. They really are gorgeous on, no matter how many you wear. Merry Christmas to moi!)



I love love love ruffled scarves. I wear a military inspired green jacket with a fur hood for a lot of the winter. While I love it, I'm always looking for ways to keep things girly. A red ruffled scarf? Yes please! And it will look just as pretty when you take your jacket off and pair it with an easy boatneck tee. Modcloth - $30 (But I saw them at F21 for like $10... just throwing that out there.)

Alright, this is my last post before Christmas, so I want to wish you all a Happy Holidays! Seriously, my readers are pretty awesome and I love hearing from you all. Thanks for making this silly little blog a success for me, and keep in touch. I'll see you on the flipside of a New Year (resolution: dress better!)

Love to all,

Jae