Freaky Friday

Shockingly, it was very easy to find clothes for today's posts. Either I'm becoming increasingly cynical or fashion is becoming increasingly unfortunate. I guess either way my life becomes easier. Hooray for cynicism!


There is so much going on here! Farm plaid slash clown collar slash baglady loose slash French flair? PS for future reference: berets. Always lame.


K, there is good leopard and bad leopard, and this is co very very bad. Another example of something that reminds me of my friend's boozy mom in her leather bustier. *shudder*


Story time! So when we were in the NICU, I had this fantastic occupational therapist that would come in and work on my son's release timeline and help me with breastfeeding. And the first time I worked with her, I hated her. She talked really close, spat a little when she talked, made weird mewing noises when she watched me nurse, and complimented my nipples. I KNOW, RIGHT? Anyway, long story short, I grew to adore her but never quite got over how eccentric and odd she was. My point? She had a shirt just like this. And wore it every day. AND SHE WAS WEIRD. So, we can deduce that in wearing oddly long denim shirts with rounded collars, people will believe that you are also weird.


I really feel like these pants don't need an explanation. If you don't know that these are bad, all of my blogging has been in vain.


Again! Leopard! This just SMACKS of single ladies night down at the Kitten Club; a hip place for middle-aged singles.


Well, why NOT have a purple shirt with an elastic arm band and puffy sleeves? Of course! It doesn't make you look disproportionate and giraffe-necked at all!
(or, But I don't want to be a pirate!)


I wonder how one even shops for something like this.
Saleslady: Hi, can I help you with something?
Shopper: Yes, actually. I'm looking for something large, shapeless, perhaps with a completely unnecessary hood. Appliqued sleeves would be a bonus."
Saleslady: Oh! Hmm. You know what? We just had something come in. What about this.
Shopper: Almost. I was just hoping you'd have it in a cat-lady blue.
Saleslady: You're in luck! We do have one.
Shopper: Oh, bless your heart. I tell you, I have had the hardest time finding clothing to hide my body in every way possible. Sometimes I feel like I just look too SKINNY. I need more HEFT.
Saleslady: Oh, honey, we all have those days. That'll be $60.