Freaky Friday

Why does it feel like it's been like, 100 years since I did a Freaky Friday WHY? Probably because it has, which is amazing because I'm only 28 -- 29 after my birthaversary next month! But, until I become a mature 29-year-old, I can still make fun of ugly clothes and receive hate mail for it. My favorite!

 It's a crocheted prom dress! Because you have no friends and don't care who knows it.

 S. sent me this top and said it would be good for someone who wanted to get a little Friskies and I laughed and laughed because it's a cat. Oh S., you punny minx you. 

 You know how much I love subtle sexuality. Nipple cherries are one way to get there. 

 So remember those fairy dolls from when we were kids? And you'd pull the zip cord and they flew up in the air while spinning? Well, before my brothers ripped off her head and buried her in the backyard, I totally had one that looked just like this. Sweet childhood memories. 

 Aaaaaand this is why I hate capris. Look at those stumpy legs. LOOK AT THEM. Homegirl is like two-thirds torso. 

 Heather sent me these pants which might be the freakin' twee-est thing I've ever laid eyes on. Like, really collared milkmaid shirt, suspenders, mom jeans AND buttons? Heading off for our first day of 1978 kindergarten, are we?

 I am so glad that Andie was able to cut up that dress and go to the prom with Blaine aren't you? 

 Whoops wrong dress. 

Creepy dog sweater is watching you from around the corner.

I know every fashion blogger and their mother is like, vomiting rainbows over these culottes but 1) THEY'RE CULOTTES and 2) They look like a loincloth. 

BTDT Tarzan. 

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'm off to go test my kids' swimming lessons by taking them to the pool. I'm sure they're pretty much Michael Phelps by now. Happy Friday, guys!

Jae Raids the Drugstore

So it's been a while since I've done a JRTD! If you're new here, it's when I give you the benefit of my insane cheap cosmetic buying addiction to tell you what I loved and hated. Most of this stuff I bought at various drugstore-type places -- occasionally it'll be from a department or specialty store. As you should already know, no one pays me for this. Especially not the brands that I rail on instead of love. It's allll out of the goodness of my heart.

Rimmel London Scandal Eyes Waterproof Kohl Eyeliner

Can I just take a moment to express my deep and abiding love for this stuff? OK, so my eyeliner ran out and I am super picky about eyeliner. I hate when it's too hard and jabby and please don't say "That's what she said."

OK, fine, say it. Feel better now? You're disgusting.

Moving on. I grabbed this stuff honestly because I hate sharpening eyeliner pencils so I always grab the roll-up ones. And it is magical. It goes on so smooth that the first time I tried applying it I inadvertently put way too much on because I'm used to pressing hard. Instead, this is gel like and once it sets, it won't budge in the water. Which is great because I've spent the last week at various water features to keep my kids busy. It's only the second week of summer. Save me. Anyway, I loved it so much I bought it in both brown and black and since it was like $4, that's doable.

Sexy Hair Big Sexy Hair Root Pump Spray Mousse

Hello, lover. This Big Sexy Hair Root Pump Spray usually retails at about $17, but I bout a combo pack with the volumizing hairspray for that much at JC Penney so there you go. The hairspray is pretty major. Like, it will give you crazy 90s side poof if you let it. I like it for updos, but when I'm wearing my hair down, this root pump is my fave. It sprays on but then puffs up like a mousse. I just douse my roots with it before blowdrying my hair and it lasts forever. Totally worth the extra money.

e.l.f. Jumbo Lip Gloss Stick, Summer Nights

I really love this jumbo lipgloss stick for summer. It's smooth and non-sticky and just enough shimmer to go with a tan. I really liked it until I found that my son had rolled it up and smashed it into my bathroom counter. I made him clean it up and it took literally 30 minutes so there's a testament to how long it lasts. Luckily, I still have another one in red to play with. And SO cheap, which always makes me seriously happy.

Bare Escentuals bareMinerals Flawless Definition Volumizing Mascara

OK, so I bought this BareMinerals mascara having never tried their mascara before. I love love the foundation, but I'm not gonna lie here -- I didn't love love this. It made my eyelashes a little spiky. And I don't really need length, I need thickening and this just didn't do it for me. I'm still waiting to find a mascara that trumps my beloved Diorshow, but it looks like another one bites the dust -- and I can add to my substantial collection of once-used mascaras. Huzzah!

Maybelline Color Whisper by Color Sensational

Zoooooomg you guys get ready for my favorite latest find. THIS STUFF! Maybelline Color Whisper. It's like a glossy lipstick that gives color without being like "OMG is this lipstick fading funny?" all day. I'm obsessed. I've bought a couple different colors, but I'm going to level with you here: Choosing colors with this stuff is kind of a crapshoot because they're SUPER DUPER sheer. Like, the color pretty much looks nothing like the cover or the stick. But the color is so sheer that it kind of doesn't matter. I got both a really bright pink and then a nude-y rose and they both look amazing. I've been carrying them with me everywhere because it's enough to perk up your face without being like I'M WEARING LIPSTICK EVERYONE!

Tresemme Fresh Start Dry Shampoo

Yeaaaah I tried this, but if you're a brunette you might want to look somewhere else. This stuff is WHITE. And the first time I used it, I used it just like my favorite -- Suave of all things -- and it left a giant white polka dot in my hair and it freaked my husband out because he thought I was going gray. Like, it's useable if you really brush it through, but it's probably best for blondes.

e.l.f. Studio Eyeliner and Shadow Stick

Hey, low maintenance girls -- I'm looking at you. I bought this in plum a month ago and just barely used it all up. Because I used it literally everyday. It's a nice smudgey eyeliner on one side and a super easy cream eyeshadow stick on the other. I usually wore it when I was going low key because I'd line my eyes and then smudge some of the shadow into the crease of my eyelid and I was done. Oh darn... looks like I'll need to do another order soon... whatever will I do...








Alright, that's my latest and greatest. Also, the not-so-greatest. I'm off to feed my children. WHY do they want food all day?

What I Wore: Buyer's Remorse

No word of a lie, you guys, when I bought these shoes I brought them home and was like "WHY did I buy these?" They're supercute, but they match NOTHING. I didn't even wear them for the first few weeks. I tried them on with dresses, skirts, pants -- even my beloved leather skinnies looked weird with them. Finally I was like "Duh Jae!" and put them with shorts instead. Good thing, because buyer's remorse does not suit me well. I look much better in black.

 Top: by&by (here)

Shorts: Gap (similar)

Bracelet: Local boutique (similar)

Wedges: (here and on sale!)

Earrings: Local (similar)

Pearl ring: Inspired Silver you've seen it a million times. 

Like, clearly these shoes are adorable. But they are tricky. I found that they worked best with a seriously toned-down color palette and a laced-up style. Because there is no way to match neon yellow, orange, pink and coral altogether without looking like you're a child of the 80s. Which I totally am, I just don't want to look that way. 

Still, difficulty aside, I love these stupid shoes.

My goal is to find more ways to wear them because hello, nothing says summer like these babies.

Anyway, I'm off to recover for the weekend by shlepping my kids to swimming lessons. I went as a leader with a youth group to stay in Salt Lake and do fun touristy things for a youth conference there. Problem? I spent all weekend being mistaken for a 17-year-old which which was cute at first but got exponentially more annoying as the weekend went on. This is what happens when I wear flat shoes.

I need to buy more wedges.

Giveaway Winner!

Hey fraaaands I've got kind of a packed day ahead, so I'll postpone FF for a bit and announce the giveaway winner instead. I'm writing this at like 6 a.m. and I have to get a move on and my hair is a mess.

Hey, AMY LYNN! You get $50 bones to spend at Wizards of the West. Expect an email from them soon. Buy the claw bracelet, which I am deffo wearing today. We can be matchy BFFs.

Thanks for entering you guys!

How to: Be a Good Shopping Companion... for Yourself

Every so often, the fashion gods smile upon me and somehow, some way, I'll score a free hour to hit the mall sans kids. This happened a couple of weeks ago when I had to meet my husband up near his work and then realized I could have him drive the kids home in our big car while I stole his Jeep and went shopping by myself for a while and ah, it was bliss.

But here's the thing -- I love shopping with friends. And I like to think that I'm a good shopping companion, because I'm not afraid to tell my friends when something looks weird. But what happens when you score a few minutes to shop solo and you can't have friends with you to tell you what looks good? Luckily, I don't mind shopping by myself, but I know some girls who won't go without a full jury to help them pick out a pair of socks.

Here's how I like to shop all by my lonesome, but still make sure I'm making good choices.

1. Shop with a Purpose

Shopping on your own can be overwhelming when you don't have your girly wolfpack to direct you through the stores. When I'm shopping with friends, they naturally lead me around the store and point out cute things. When you're alone, you don't get that. And while you might have dreamed for a spare moment to wander through the mall without children, it's best if you have a goal in mind -- are you looking for a couple of new everyday shirts? Do you want a new pair of heels? Narrow it down a bit so you don't walk into a store and see all the displays and huff because there's nothing that catches your eye. No one likes a huffer.

2. Grab Extra Sizes

Know what sucks? Shopping by yourself and not having a friend who can run and grab you another size. I make my friends WORK while we shop. And while you might be able to ask a sales associate, there might not be one in the fitting room the whole time. So when I'm shopping by myself, I always grab one or two extra sizes for whatever I'm trying on. That way, when I can't squeeze into one size, I don't have to get all awkward and hope that a sales associate will happen by -- I can just grab the next size up.

3. Make Nice with the Sales Associate

OK, so a sales associate might not be there to wait on you hand and foot, but it's totally OK to ask her opinion. Here's the trick though: Only ask her if you like the way she's dressed. Chances are, she's wearing clothes from the store anyway, so if you like what she's wearing, pop out of the dress room and ask for her opinion. She'll LOVE doing more than rehanging clothes and you'll get the opinion of someone whose style you admire. Winwinwin.

4. Take Pictures

So the other day -- when I was shopping without kids, husband or friends-- I was trying on this adorable pair of Roxy linen pants that I wanted to buy for when we go boating. Linen beachy pants on the boat -- I die. They had them in a ton of colors, but the problem was that I couldn't' decide which I liked more. I went back and forth, I asked the sales girl and finally, I decided to snap a cell pic.

Seeing the pictures side by side told me the black were waaay more flattering. Seriously, look how much wider my legs looked in the white and I was going to BUY THEM. The mirror lies, but the camera doesn't -- I bought the black. And have worn them repeatedly, but not on the boat yet. So sue me.
  

5. Edit

When shopping with friends, there's always someone who is like "Um, Jae, don't you already have like 6 pairs of red heels" and I'm like "Why thank you friend" and buy something else. But when you're shopping on your own, you don't get that. So before I buy anything, I do a couple of things. First, I think of three ways to wear the item I'm holding. Three completely different outfits. If I can't think of three off the top of my head, it goes back. Then, I make sure I'm not re-buying something I already have at home. If it passes those two tests, to the cashier it goes!

This all just gives my itchy debit card finger because I just remembered I wanted to buy another pair of those linen pants. Do you have any good solo shopping trip or are you solely a girl's girl shopper?

What I Wore: Found! + Wizards of the West Giveaway

So, you know how I spent all last month looking for the perfect pair of camo skinnies? I FINALLY found them and love them so much that it merits a giveaway WOO!

I had a friend comment to me that she hated buying clothes from a certain well-known store in my area because everyone else was wearing the exact same thing. And I kind of agreed, which is why I kind of loved it when Wizards of the West contacted me for a review and giveaway. Because the store is packed with stuff that no one else will have, which means fewer awkward moments for you, right?

  My fingers practically chose these pants and this awesome sauce cuff all on their own.

Camo skinnies: Wizards of the West (here)
Tee: Joe Fresh (here)
Cuff: Wizards of the West (here) 

Earrings: F21 (similar)
Shoes: Nine West (here)

I took it easy for their first run -- just a white tee. But I did a little shopping over the weekend and can't wait to test drive them with some neon and sky-high heels. I have them cuffed here, but when folded down, they have an awesome hem zipper too. Love!

 Please just shut up about this cuff I love it TOO much. It's rebellious without being juvenile and I loved the juxtaposition between these ladylike heels and the camo and claw. Camo and claw is my new favorite ever even though my husband said the claw freaked him out. 

Anyway, U.S. residents AND Canadians, here's the giveaway. Two easy peasy entries and you could win $50 to spend on your own Wizards of the West gear. Check it:


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Also awesome? WotW also gives credit for sharing your stuff on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, so you can earn points toward free stuff. I heart that muchly.

Giveaway ends Friday at 12am, just in time for me to announce the winnerweiner during Freaky Friday.

I'd finish this post off with a happy declaration of how summer is here and blah blah blah but honestly, my kid got the barfing flu last night and I'm probably not going to be leaving the house today and my daughter is chain-watching "National Treasure" and our summer is off to a pretty pathetic start. Do over next week and online shopping binge today? Yup!

Freaky Friday: Jae vs. Thinspo

While I was prepping this week, I kept coming across stuff on Pinterest and Tumblr about getting thin and working out. And honestly, like 80 percent of the quotes and pics I came across were pretty darn vile. SO I started actively searching for the worst thinspo I could find. You know what thinspo is? It's inspiration to be thin. Not to work out or be healthy mind you... just to get thin. Most of it revolves around just not eating ever. Pinterest no longer allows thinspo on the site and if you search it, you get a warning about eating disorders. So now Pinterest thinks I have an eating disorder, which is fantastic.

I compiled some of the worst of the worst here. Thinspo is super gross. If you need inspiration, try fitspo (fitness inspiration) or I don't know, get off the computer and hit a yoga class or something. Anything but this awfulness.

Look, I'm not anti-thin. Sometimes I think anti-thin is just as bad as anti-overweight in society -- like it's OK to mock skinny girls. But honestly, if you're a size 0 or a size 18 I don't care one bit as long as you're happy, healthy and where you want to be. Not salivating over a cube of cheese or hiding in the house or repeating "Water has 0 calories" all day long. Just be smart and do what you can do. And then throw these mantras in the garbage.

Uh, today's girl is taking a nap too... so...

 Whatever. If he can't hold you up, dude probably needs to hit the gym himself. I am an expert on blaming on embarassing things on other people. Watch, I'll do it right now: Jae and manly man walking on the beach. We're kicking in the surf and playfully splashing each other a la The Notebook. He goes to lift me... grunts... and staggers. Instead of feeling bad, my eyes narrow. "Easy there, Hulk Hogan" I say sarcastically. End Scene.

See how easy that was?Moral of the story: If someone says anything about your weight, just turn it back on them. Works every time.

 ....said the woman who's never eaten cheesecake. 

 Yeah you should definitely alter your body to fit cheap overpriced lingerie made in China. Great freaking plan.

 Apparently you were never "in" an English class amirite? Hows about you stop worrying about being in or out and worry more about your atrocious grammar? 

PS There is most definitely life in between. I've been doing it for quite some time.

 No, no. It's definitely grumbling. It's saying "Give me a sandwich please." Wow, your stomach is really polite and there you are starving it to death, you jerk.

 You should probably see a handyman for that abusive mirror you've got there. Maybe get one with softer edges? Oh an also stop hating yourself because that's not the mirror's fault.

 Yeah, because your blog should be a measure of all things socially acceptable. Have you SEEN my blog? I talk nonstop about llamas, nachos and Big Macs. I ate a Twix last night at like 10:30. I have no shame -- if I guaged what I ate based on what I did and didn't post on my blog I'd just nonstop shovel food into my face because honey badger don't care. 

PS the people who read your blog don't care that you ate a hot dog relax. 

 Apparently this person has never hung around me when I'm hungry. I don't get calm. I lose my shiz and get reallllly cranky to the point that my husband knows to ask "When was the last time you ate?" whenever I'm in a bad mood.

 Tell that to the Crypt Keeper. 

.... so... you want to be a ghost?

I feel much better after word vomiting all my feelings about thispo. This is the real reason to have a blog. Just remember that fitness is a way to enjoy life, not make it miserable or punishing. Don't use this faux inspiration for anything but comedic relief. 

You're better than salad and ribcages.