Freaky Friday: WTH Files

 YAY Friday. I am so excited for this week to be over, you guys. The week before school starts officially sucks. Every day I've been running around like a crazy person with school shopping and trying to be a good mom and spend some time with the kidlets before they head back. I've got a first grader and a preschooler this year. It's so weird. On the other hand, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as working with kids buzzing around me, but my 3 year old is still home three mornings a week. The days that he is gone, I'll have just enough time to sneak off to the gym before I have to pick him up. Huzzah!

Also, keep entering the giveaway. You've got until Sunday!

And, here we have some crazy stuff I've found in all of my Internet surfings. People always ask me "Where do you find this stuff?" and I'm always like, well it's my job. OK, maybe not my job-job, but I'm online all day for work and I'm bound to run across some crazy stuff, which is then files away in my crazy stuff file for days like these.

 

Aw, it's like your ear grew a deformed, littler ear. How cute is that? And by "how cute" I mean "what a disgusting grab for attention! "

 

If your man is a goatee fan, buy him the goatee protector! It gives you that perfect line.... 

 And makes him look exactly like Bane! 

I will say however, that I am totally in love with Tom Hardy, who plays Bane. Like, I could still detect his hotness from behind the mask because I'm perceptive like that. I was like nice try Tom Hardy, I see the attractiveness in your eyes.

Also, I enjoy misunderstood villains. 

 

Speaking of husbands, mine -- whom I love very much despite my love for Tom Hardy --  would love these bacon bandaids until he realized that they weren't real bacon. Then he would say they're stupid. But for that brief 6 seconds before he tried to eat one, I would be the hero!

 You know what I love even more than fully functioning mermaid tails? The fact that anyone who would actually wear these at the pool would most likely drown. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. 

 Finally! Something more annoying than a Snuggie! My favorite is the adjectives across the bottom of the package. Soft... okay, awesome. Warm, got it, that makes sense. Blue... is that really a selling point? ENORMOUS... YES! I've been looking for a low-quality gargantuan blanket for my family to asphixiate under!

 Hate when your glasses slide down your nose? Then pierce them to your face and you'll never have to worry! Just be aware of the fact that you'll never be able to play dodgeball, go down a waterslide or have friends ever again

 

For that woman who loves the apres-gym musk her husband brings home, check out the perma-stained tee. Oh, honey. You look so unwashed! 

 I never once wore a Baby Bjorn when I had babies (I'm a slinger myself) but maybe I would have it all Baby Bjorns were this AWESOME. I'm only slightly disappointed the baby doesn't have a red eye mask too. A true Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan would have thought of that. 

 Oh perfect! I've been looking everywhere for a detachable tail.

Oh wait, no I wasn't. Because no one ever has.

All I can think of is how annoying that would be for everyone around you. 

"Excuse me," says the woman dressed as a raptor on the bus. "You're stepping on my tail."
"Oh my gosh!" I say. "I'm so sorry!"

Only minutes later do I then realize that her pretend tail doesn't have feeling and also, there's a crazy person on my bus. 

I have a big boating trip planned for tomorrow so I'm off to dig out everything boat related and make sure nothing has holes in it. Later I will take my daughter to a birthday party and stress over how to pack a school lunch. My life is TOO glam.

Giveaway Numero Dos: JUNIEblake Gift Cards!

Hey guys!

I promised my daughter that we'd have a "girl's day" at the waterpark (WITH SUNSCREEN), but before I leave we have a giveaway to kick off!

Up for grabs is 2 $30 gift cards for JUNIEblake.com for U.S. residents. So you have five ways to enter, but two people will be winning. WOO! PS: I'm uber-obsessed with their Kelly skirt. Just sayin'

a Rafflecopter giveaway


The giveaway will be open  through Sunday and I'll announce the winners Monday morning. So, um, get some free stuff and stuff!

Kisses,
Jae

How to Dress Girly (But Not Like a 5-Year-Old)

Anyone who knows me knows that I love girly little details. Bows, lace, cute ruffles... I die. And we've talked about feminine dressing before, but I thought I'd give a little update for this season. Because with all of the cute polka dots and pinks comes completely overdoing the look and ending up looking like a 5-year-old at a birthday party. No good.

As always, the trick with playing with uber-feminine stuff is balance. For every sticky-sweet piece you use, counteract it with something completely different. Then you won't end up looking like a cake topper, but you'll still get to wear adorable clothes. HOORAY!

Here are some general tips.

1. Mix Hard with Soft

Mango lace cocktail dress, $39 / Charlotte Russe peep toe shoes / Forever 21 sequin clutch / A|X Armani Exchange cuff jewelry / Pearl earrings, $24

I love the idea of mixing hard and soft pieces to really balance them out. This dress would probably be a bit much with some pearls and a super girly heel, but with studs and some rope detail? Perfect. I am especially obsessed with the beaded clutch. Must... own....


2. Let One Piece Shiiiine
 

Mango scoop neck sweater / BKE low rise jeans / Ballet shoes / Watch / River Island heart jewelry, $4.71 / Purse Boutique: Light Taupe Large L&S ''Natalia'' Hobo Handbags,...

It's totally fine to have one totally girly detail and then go casual with the rest. 
How adorable would this be for casual fall? It's enough to be different and 
polished, but not so much that you look like a crazy person at the grocery store. 
Look for one girl piece and the rest can go neutral... with a great leopard print flat, natch. 

 3. Let Your Accessories do the Talking 
 

Madewell pocket t shirt / Vanilla Star capri shorts / Charlotte Russe ballerina shoes / Dorothy Perkins white handbag / Wallis flower jewelry / Stella & Dot ivory jewelry / Dorothy Perkins flower jewelry / Forever New stone jewelry, $14 / Tasha flower hair accessory

If you're not really into all of the lace and bows, it's totally fine to use girliness 
in your accessories instead of all of your clothes. Wearing a gray shirt and some 
Bermudas is pretty tomboyish, until you add in some ballet flats, a couple of 
flower pins and a pretty bracelet. How easy is that? '

4. Get a Sexy Shape 

 

Vero Moda pink top, $39 / Crop shirt / Body con skirt, $19 / GUESS peep toe pumps / Liz Palacios anchor ring / Charlotte Russe flower stud earrings / Medium Size Red Satchel

A flowy top with an a-line skirt with girly details can be a bit twee (PS how 
awesome is the word "twee?" Use it in a sentence today) but when you swap the 
A-line for some peplum and the flowy top for a Mad Men cardigan, you're back 
in the game. I love me some florals and how awesome are these shoes? Wear this to 
a 60s ad agency immediately. 

5. Go for Modern Details

 

Dorothy Perkins peplum top / Mango skinny jeans / Flat / Abercrombie & Fitch tote handbag / Nautical jewelry / Stud earrings / Bow belt

There's a time and a place for vintage-y prints and old-school silhouettes, but when 
you're dressing really girly, look for mod colors and shapes. There's nothing old 
about a pair of red skinnies; they take the girly pattern of the top and belt into 2012. 
I can even respect some dot-on-dot pattern mixing, as long as it's done in a 
different color. SO CUTE.



So yeah, definitely dress like a girl. Just an adult one. Leave the princess dresses 
and glass slippers to your daughter.  

What I Wore: Stars and Stripes

SO you guys! I went ziplining on Saturday and it was So. Much. Fun. Me and my sister-in-law went together as a girl's day and went through this company. You head up in a Ranger 4-wheeler and then zip from platform to platform five times to get back down to the camp. Each line was a little different and you go in a group of eight, which mean talking to strangers in a "Hey, we're all in this together!" type way. I can't wait to go do it again.


Me and my SIL showing how to work those harnesses and helmets. Also, it looks like we coordinated our outfits. We did not.

That's me death-dangling in the middle of this picture. Eeeee!

Check that off the bucket list!

In a related note, the first item on my bucket list is to actually make a bucket list.


On to the outfit!

Scarf: Nordstrom (sold out boo)
Cardi: Banana Republic
Skirt: Local (My Sister's Closet)
Sandals: Soda
Cuff: Charlotte Russe
Hair: An old sock

Anyway, this outfit was a little tongue in cheek because I'm not American at all. However, the red and blue combo is my fave so when I saw this scarf, it had to be mine.

Being a Canadian living in America is weird a lot of the time. Besides the fact that the immigration process was almost exactly like this clip from The Proposal, I've been here nine years and some things will never become normal for me. Like, I never know what to do when people say the Pledge of Allegiance. Also, the Olympics are always weird in our house. I'm not a citizen, so there's some awkwardness there. I imagine I'll become one eventually, but for now I'll just be content to be a Canadian in American clothing.

I never ever wear my hair all the way back like this, but I'm hiding some MAJOR roots. Hair appointment this week fo' sho' because now I'm an immigrant Canadian/American and brunette/blonde. But upon seeing it in pictures, I don't mind it that much. This is a sock bun, BTW. Have you ever done the sock bun? It's my fave ever. If you don't know how to do one, leave me a note in the comment and I can do a tutorial for it. And then you'll smack your forehead and wonder why you didn't learn earlier because it's the easiest.

Alright, I'd better get a jump on the day. It's rainy, so it's a prime chance for me to get some laundry done.

Bahahahaha.

Giveaway Winner and Freaky Friday!

OK, first thing's first: Julia Stockton my dear! Check your email because you're our winner. I'll just need your info to get the gift card off to you. YAY!

If you didn't win, don't despair. Another giveaway for something similar is coming up next week. Probably Tuesday. Keep your eyes peeled!

With that being said, on to the freakiness. I've got a packed day ahead of me and tomorrow I'm going ziplining! WOO!


OK, you know I'm not a legging fan on the best of days, but when they show the inner thigh, which could be the most squirm-induing part of the human body... ew.

Plus, the lace/leather combo reminded me of this:

Has anyone else been watching Bachelor Pad? Jamie from Ben's season might be the most awkward creature alive and she insists on wearing fingerless leather gloves. I said "Oh honey no" so many times the other night that my husband was like "OMG Jae shutup."

Not that he watches Bachelor Pad with me or anything....



My dear friend Lola sent these to me. If it weren't for the terrifying skull on top, I would have thought these were Harry Potter's drag queen patronus.

Geek jokes!


I also got this from Lexi, who sent me a whole score of ugly shoes to look through. But putting my foot into a Mrs. Potts lookalike would really take the cake. Plus it looks like it would burn.


I also really liked these, which reminded me of Hercules for some reason. Like, a cool, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air version of Hercules.


Brooke sent me what could be the weirdest pants ever made. My favorite were the comments, which proclaimed these as "dainty."






Ugh this dress hurts my eyes. It's like bad tourist shirts in Hawaii but for $400 and worn with orthopedic sandals.

Also, is it me, or do all models have spaghetti toes?



Oh, THAT'S what I forgot with my pants. Shorts!

Now those are some seriously modest Bermudas.


And this a seriously immodest dress. Wanna add like 16 inches and a chastity belt to that hem?


Megan sent me this onesie, which I thought was appropriate for the Olympics. I think this should be the uniform next time. Those Ralph Lauren outfits were lame.

Also, I get so conflicted during the Olympics because I live here but I'm not American. On the other hand, Canada isn't exactly a dominator at the summer Olympics.

Also all this patriotism reminds me that I just bought this David & Young scarf from Nordstrom the other day. I hummed and hawed over it for like three days. I was like "But I'm not American!"

Finally I used my husband's credit card and ponied up because I think it's just the right amount of kitsch. I cannot wait to show you it in an outfit!

Anyway, I'm checking out for the weekend. Thanks for the awesome giveaway turnout! You guys are my heroes.

Triumphant Return and a Shabby Apple GIVEAWAY!

Hey friends!

So, I headed down to the docs bright and early to get my face back. The good news? I no longer look like there is a spider stuck to my face. The bad news? The results came back positive for basal cell carcinoma, which is a type of skin cancer. As my doc put it, no one dies from this. It's mostly a cosmetic issue. Which is lucky, because it's not like I care about my looks at all.

....crickets.....

Seriously though, the prognosis is good. It looks like it's mostly gone and if it comes back again, then stuff will have to get more invasive. But so far, so good.

But the best news of the day? I have a Shabby Apple giveaway for you guys. Thanks for putting up with a week of non posting guys! Freaky Friday will be in full effect soon.

Heeeeere's how to enter. Up for grabs is a $75 Shabby Apple gift card for U.S. residents only:
a Rafflecopter giveaway

You definitely need to use the widget to enter, because that's how I'll pick the winner. You've got 5 tasks that you can choose from, and only the first 2 are mandatory for entry. The others are just for funsies. If you leave a comment, do so on THIS POST so I can verify you as a winnah.

Giveaway will be doneso on 12am Friday morning so I can announce the winner before Freaky Friday. Got it? Good!

Now, sally forth my friends! (I'm sorry. I've spent my week off reading a biography on the wives of Henry the VIII and picked up obnoxious medieval slang) Check out the new lines over at Shabby Apple and pick something out pretty for yourself.

And, if you just can wait, use this code for 10 percent off: hownottodresslikeamom10off

YAY!

Regularly Scheduled Programming...

Hey guys...

If you've noticed I've been absent this week, I would say "awww, thanks for noticing!" If not, I would say "pshhh."

But really. I must tell you my goings on. I turned 28 a couple weeks ago and apparently my body is falling apart. Last week I went to the doctor's for some antibiotics (stupid strep!) and while I was there I complained about a little bump that had appeared on my nose a couple months before. I thought it was nothing and that my doc would send me to a dermatologist. Instead he took one look at it and told me it was something that concerned him. In fact, the "c" word came up, and I'm not talkin' about chocolate.

So concerned was he that he scheduled a surgical excision right then. On Tuesday I went in to have it done. It sucked hard. HAAAARD. They just used local anesthetic and it was only about 30 to 45 minutes but the nose is ouchie!

When the nurse asked me if I was afraid of needles, I was like "Please, I've had epidurals so I can deal with this."
She said "Yeah, but this one is IN YOUR FACE!" Wow, thanks for that, least-comforting-nurse-of-all-time.

So, after having my "harmless" bump removed, I was all stitched up. You guys, it looks horrific. I was changing the bandage yesterday and my daughter walked in and told me it looked like there was a spider squashed on my face. And I immediately went into soap opera mode, screaming "I'M A MONSTERRRRRRR" at my reflection. My face is swollen and i look like I got in a fight at a closeout sale and lost.

Also, the doc said it'll most likely scar because of the location. I told my husband that's what I get for always being sensitive about my nose -- now I just want my old one back!

So, I'm taking it easy for the next few days. Yesterday I tried to go full-speed into my regular schedule of running ragged and by 3pm and felt like I got hit by a truck. My doctor ordered me to bed with an ice pack to nurse my bandaged-up honker.


Obviously I documented it for posterity. PS My ice pack is an old sock. Luckily, I'm feeling much better today. The cold sock worked!

Anyway, the stitches come out on Wednesday. Until then I plan on hiding from the rest of the human race so as not to scare small children. I'll also receive test results back on Wednesday to see what the dealio is. Did I just say dealio? Ugh, being a shut-in makes me lame. Anyway, it shouldn't be anything too crazy and it was caught early and everything is fine.

Well, except the ick factor.

However, can I make up the lack of posting to you with a couple of giveaways during the next two weeks? They're good ones, I promise!

Until then friends!

Kisses, Jae