Freaky Friday

Hey guys!

I did something I NEVER do this morning: I slept in. I'm usually super strict about wake up time because I like to get an hour of work in before the rest of the house wakes up. But my son woke up in the night and after dealing with him I came back to bed and switched off my alarm. Then, I woke up roughly 10 minutes before my daughter's bus comes and everyone else was still sound asleep. So I am completely off schedule and that's weird for me. I've basically spent the morning eating brownies, watching Youtube clips and being generally unproductive. It's completely thrown me off.

But I DID get some freakiness together. So I would say that I got the important stuff done. Brownie eating and Freaky Friday are pretty high at the top of the list.


K, so I watched Kourtney and Kim Take New York and Kim wore this jacket in tan for basically every interview portion. Look, I can understand a little shoulder pad. I don't mind a stronger shoulder. I do mind looking like an alien overlord.


These could be the ugliest pants ever, but they're missing a drop crotch. So they're only like, the second ugliest pair of pants ever. And seriously, whaddup with those ace bandage shoes?


This is basically what my fishing rod looks like after my husband takes me fishing and I spend an hour messing around with the reel and getting yelled at.

My husband is super serious about his fishing. I'm super serious about laying on the boat and reading Cosmo, It's basically a perfect marriage.



HAHA I found this in my FF folder on my computer and I have no idea how or why it got in there but it is EXCELLENT. "He'll look so great his Grandma won't recognize him" might be the best slogan of all time. Almost as cool as dressing your son up as a tiny swinger.


Corinna sent me this little gem. Ugh, I know that I'll catch some flack for saying this, but is there anything more annoying than women who want to make a point with breastfeeding. Yay I'm so excited your have breasts and can feed your baby, can I go back to not caring now? I breastfed both of my kids -- do you know who didn't know that? Everyone ever. Because I don't feel the need to use my baby or my boobs to make a point about anything.

But maybe it's because I didn't have this hat. Heaven forbid I wouldn't get to make a point with my boob hidden behind my nursing baby!

Also, I guarantee -- GUARANTEE -- your baby doesn't want to dress up as a giant nipple. Like, I promise this will become a sore spot when he's 16.


Yes, that's right. You're look at a $100 high-fashion fanny pack. Remember when Sex and the City tried to make fanny packs cool again? It's so awkward. Although, my dad (my BIKER dad who has been known to rock a fanny pack) will be thrilled that they're back. So handy!


Brittney sent over these beauts. See that red sole? Yeah, these are Louboutins. Torturous, torturous Louboutins. The more I look at these the more I feel the need to wear flip flops.


My dear friend Manda sent these to me and they have haunted my dreams ever since. And you thought Vibrams were bad!


Meleah sent me an entire article about trends that we wish would never come back. This one was listed as shorts so short the pockets hang out. Can we change that to "Shorts so short that the pockets hang out worn with the world's ugliest Uggs and bad extensions while having a complete mental breakdown?" I think that is more comprehensive and accurate.

Of course, Britney Spears is totally my guilty pleasure so I can't be too mean.



Both Wendy and Kimberly sent me these, which means they were doubly offensive. On the bright side, they really highlight your gluteus maximus... LITERALLY. HA...ha..............ha.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.


Alright, I need to go back to being unproductive again. After last week's dalliance with whiplash, I'm staying away from trampolines for the weekend and am planning to go see The Vow tomorrow because I'm girly like that. The reviews were terrible, which is a surefire way to categorize it as a movie that I will thoroughly enjoy and/or sob through. YAY.

How to: Find Your Style

A question I get a lot is how to figure out one's style and then how to make it work so one looks super awesome and hot all the time.

I mean, not in so many words, but that's basically the gist of that question.

Seriously, I think when you're clueless about fashion and style, the idea of heading into a store and looking through racks is actually torturous. You look at the cute people around you and feel intimidated by retail people and generally want to kill yourself. I know because I totally used to be one of those people. I mean, it was a long time ago and I've since recovered and maybe even overcompensated a little, but I feel your pain anyway.

If the idea of shopping makes your palms sweat and your gag reflex kick in, I can only deduce that you have one of two problems: 1) You aren't happy with your body. Or, 2) you don't know what you want.

Both problems suck. If it's the first, might I suggest you get over it immediately? I don't care if you're a size 2 or 20, you have the right to feel good about yourself and that's NOT going to happen in your husband's workout shorts and your ratty old band shirt, OK? And saying that you're not going to shop until you "lose weight" is just going to sabotage your efforts. Because you then feel crappy about yourself and don't feel like you deserve to look pretty and then eat your weight in Chick-Fil-A I KNOW, OK.

That felt good.

If it's the second option that has you running scared, might I suggest a few tips? Look, the average person is not so clueless that they need a complete What Not to Wear-esque wardrobe overhaul, OK? So that means you probably have a personal style tucked away there somewhere, you just need to find it. Get thee to thy closet! I promise you that you can find your style tucked among the comfort clothes stashed in there.

Take a minute to think about your daily activities and how you feel you need to dress. Look inside your closet and see what types of styles you're drawn to. Page through a magazine and see which celebs you love the most. Pull up Pinterest and click through outfits.

Chances are, you'll find a common thread in all of them. Whether you're into a low key cardi and jeans look or you're a sucker for leather (ahem) you can start to piece together a personal style. If that idea still terrifies you, let's start with some baby steps, k?

Accessories


(J. Crew)

Accessories are my favorite because they're cheap and not committal (if I were a funny female comic I'd be like "HA! Like my last boyfriend." But I'm married to my last boyfriend and that wouldn't be nice. ) You can try them out without having to feel bad because you dropped major dough on them. If you want to try out a new style -- say, easy but stylish -- buy a $5 scarf and try it out in a few different ways. If you love it, buy more. If not, give it to a friend and she'll love you.

Add Color


(Old Navy)

So, you're obsessed with a certain piece of clothing -- let's say maxi skirts. I love maxi skirts, but they can look really dowdy and Little House on the Prairie if you're not careful. But updating old faves with new colors, you can test the waters of a new trend (neon colors, hello!) without making a big deal about it. Two points if you wear maxis for casual wear!

New Shoes

(Zara)

New shoes are like getting a haircut or color. They just make you feel happy inside. Or at least, that's how I react and why my closet is so out of control. But seriously, you can try a new style on your feet, can't you? They take up like, 2 percent of your body so it shouldn't be that big of a deal. If you love a new trend, like animal print, try it first on your feet to see if you like it before you look for a bigger piece (I just ordered a snakeskin tank and I am d-y-i-n-g for it to get here!)

Cute Topper


(Tillys -OMG the studs!!!)

Guess what? I don't have $5000 for a new wardrobe and I bet you don't either. If you do, can we go splitsies? But seriously? Your style is probably already in your closet, it just needs to be seriously updated. Adding cute toppers like a boyfriend cardigan or a streamlined blazer can make your clothes look new and help you refine your style. Even if you tend to be a tee and jeans girl during the week, adding a blazer over that tee, a statement necklace and a pair of heels gives a whole new look for date night. Easy peezy, my friends. Easy peezy.

So what do you say? Are you willing to at least try to find your personal style? I'm totally not offended if you don't like Frye boots and sky high heels like me. Work with what you have and do some closet-tweaking and you'll probably find that you already have a foundation in place that works for you and your lifestyle.

And as an added bonus, I won't judge you as a mom jeans wearer.

What I Wore: Tough Girl

So I have to tell you guys what happened when I took my kids to that extreme air gym. Of course, I was being an idiot and acting like a kid and I hopped onto one of those pro European trampolines. You know, the kind with really loose weave so the second you step on one it slingshots you at the roof? Yeah, that kind. Anyway, I was jumping on it, getting some great height and congratulating myself on choosing to wear a sports bra, when my daughter wanted me to go somewhere else in the gym with her. I thought "You know what would be fantastic? Getting tons of height and then jumping onto the adjacent soft mat and landing on my back like a turtle -- that would be the coolest EVER." So I told my daughter to hang on as I jumped higher and then went sailing through the air to land on the soft mat.

Guess what?

It wasn't a soft mat. At all. No, instead, it was one of those rock-hard mats that mean gym teachers make you use. The ones that they hang up on the walls around the gym and that feel like spongey brick.

As I came down, I had the breath knocked out of me with a loud "OOOOOOFFFFF." There were two other moms there that had WISELY decided to be spectators and I'm sure they sniffed that THAT was why they never participate in that type of thing. I laid there for like, five minutes, wishing for the sweet release of death.

Then I got up to jump again. Unfortunately, my old lady body is not so quick to recover. I'm pretty sure I ended up with some type of whiplash.

Moral of the story? Test mats before staking entire life on their softness. Please.

But it's OK, because when I'm not acting like a demented ninja turtle, I dress like I'm super tough. As the daughter of a real-live biker, I'm genetically predisposed to things like leather and studs, which is why you'll see me in my Fryes more often than not. But don't worry, my dad is like, the nicest biker you would ever meet. He is adorable and wears gardening gloves when he rides. I mean, come on. You can't be scared of a biker who wears gardening gloves.

Also, he used to drive me to school on his motorcycle and I would be MORTIFIED because he would make me wear the helmet. It messed up my hair every. time.


I'm sure my dad would be proud to see his daughter sporting a nice person biker look like this one.

Tank: c/o mod bod
Black henley tank: GAP
Button up - Reitman's (Canada) I've had this since I moved here, which was 9 years ago.
Jeans: Abercrombie
Socks: Target
Boots: Frye
Earrings: Nordstrom (BP, I think!)
Bracelets: Nordstrom
Belt: Umm... I have no clue.


I tried to look tougher by not smiling but it didn't work. I just looked vaguely annoyed.

Please note that this is a super easy way to start layering if you haven't already tried it. Put something other than a plain Jane tank under a button up. It's super simple but gives some more interest to take away some of the tired mommyness of wearing a button up in general. I do this with henleys, vests, fitted graphic tees, you name it.

Also, what's better with a tough girl look than a cool braid? I just gave my hair a deep part and started the french braid just above by ear. I continued down diagonally across the back and it took like, three seconds.

See? Super easy.

Dressing like a tough girl biker is about the closest I'll ever come to driving a motorcycle in earnest. I'm too much of a spaz to operate one on my own. We have a four wheeler and I don't even know how to start it.

Plus the helmet messes up my hair.

Freaky Friday

Alright, this is going to be short because I have BIG PLANS today, you guys. Those plans include going to the local extreme gym and jumping in foam pits with my kids because I'm five years old at heart. Last time we went, I totally took on the trapeze. I nearly peed my pants I was so scared. Also, this means I'll be traipsing around the county in yoga pants. I am trying to make them look presentable enough that I can wear them out to lunch with with the hubs. Challenge accepted! Don't make fun of me.


I feel like these are the evil queen in Snow White, but in shoe form. Also, am I the only one who doesn't *get* open-toed boots?

Other things I don't *get*
-Dressing in "grandma chic."
-The appeal of 98 percent of famous people
-Why my husband doesn't want to take me to see "The Vow" on Valentine's day
-When people drive slowly in front of me
-Jumpsuits


This poor girl has a bad case of sad, sleepy boob. It's like her breasts are the Eeyore of anatomy.


The other day I tucked a pen behind my ear. While I was downstairs cleaning up my kitchen (and by "cleaning up my kitchen" I mean playing Scramble with Friends against my brother) the pen slipped out and went down the back of my shirt and I literally (not figuratively) had a heart attack. I can't imagine how I would feel with wayward wiry strings making their way up my shorts.

Also, this model is at like, a stage 5 sandwich alert.


Someone tried telling me that "overalls are coming back" the other day. Yeah. Train engineers -- so hot right now.

And what is with everything in knits lately? I SWEAR Etsy has ruined knitted clothes for me. Knitted shorts, knitted overalls, knitted everything. I don't know if I want to live anymore.


Someone emailed this to me! Does anyone want to claim it? I tend to believe in leaving things to the imagination. I feel like this does the trick. I mean, you can't see ALL of her belly freckles, right?


Oh hey, multiple personality pants. The fug shorts just weren't enough to satisfy you, were they? You just HAD to add sheer pants, didn't you? WHO AM I TALKING TO!?


I enjoyed a brief but intense infatuation with Braveheart when I was like, 15. My brother had the special edition VHS tapes and changed our computer theme so when you shut it down it yelled "You can take our lives but you can never take our freedom." Also, we were huge nerds. In related news, I'm about 600 percent sure this is an actual costume from the movie. Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoooooooooooooooooooooooom!


I don't care if fur vests are in right now. I watched "Kourtney and Kim Take New York" last night and they were both wearing fur vests and they looked like sasquatches. I generally try to stay away from looking like mythical apes, but whatevs, right?

Ohhhhh I think it's time to bring back JANET RENO'S DANCE PARTY!! The amount of love I have cannot be described.


Nothing says "I'm weirdly obsessed with The Matrix" like these pants. Just as a general rule, can we say that butt capes are super unnecessary in all applications? That would be great.



Alright, I have to go shimmy into my super cool yoga pants to go act like a child for the rest of the day. As a making-healthy-meals-for-my-children mom, I pretty much suck. But as a removing-all-shame-to-play-in-foam-pits mom, I kinda rock. It's my saving grace.

Ask Jae!

Who WOULDN'T take fashion advice from this girl!?

When I started this blog back in the winter of 08/09, I did it because I was always having friends ask me questions about style, jewelry and fashion in general. It was just a place where I thought they could go and grab quick info on... well, not dressing like a mom. Since then, my style has completely evolved (seriously, I look at some of my old posts and I'm like oh dear, what was I thinking?) and gained a ton more readers (no longer my tiny circle of friends!) but I still get questions all of the time. And since I never want this to be a "everyone come see how good I look" blog, I have to get that perfect balance of advice, bad clothes, outfits and all the rest to make me feel happy inside.

So today is a great day for cleaning out my email inbox to address any concerns you have fashion-wise. Keep 'em coming, because if I don't answer them publicly, I definitely will shoot you an email. I'm super nice like that.

Here we go guys, it's time for Ask Jae! (Ps I always wanted to be a Dear Abby type. This is me living out my dreams.)

Kate (and a ton of Facebook fans) asked about boots for wide calves. I hear this question ALL of the time and it's something that I even have issues with. I have a pair of boots that are crazy tight and I'm always stuffing my legs into them like I'm putting a tent away after camping. That was a fantastic visual.

Alright, here are your options. Shop for boots in specifically wide widths. Endless.com has an awesome selection of wide boots and you can narrow down your search easily. Another think is to look for boots with stretch. Here's a hint: if the boot can stand up on its own, it's really stiff and doesn't have much give. Look for a thinner construction with interest like ruching, which is really just in place to hide the fact that the boot is stretchy. Another product you might be interested in is the Boot Band. It's an insert you zip into the boot to give you a little more wiggle room. Also, if you have larger calves, look for a flat riding boot or a skinny heel. As my friend Kate noted in her email, anything else WILL make you look like a Clydesdale. Which is no bueno unless you want to work for Budweiser.

Next!!

Ashleigh, who is my IRL friend, asked about how to match jewelry to your outfit. Personally, I'm not a jewelry planner. I play it like a date and just go with what feels right. But I do have a few rules that I typically follow. I don't like jewelry to be close to each other, so I rarely wear earrings and a necklace together. I like the emphasis to be on the actual design of the jewelry, so I don't like it to be competing with other stuff. When it comes to matching necklaces to necklines, consider the space you have to fill. In general, if you're wearing a minimalist look, it's OK to go with chunkier jewelry. But busy clothes call for little jewels or nothing at all. It's all about balance, people.

Jamie asked what I thought were "must haves" for your wardrobe. I wrote about that like, two years ago, but the list could use some refreshing. I would definitely start with a dark wash pair of boot cut jeans. I'm also think a crisp white button-up is a perfect layering piece and think that a slim-cut cardigan must be in there too. A pair of basic heels and a pair of flats are definitely necessary, and I really think you should have an amazing jacket. Leather, trench, whatever, just something more than a parka, please.

Shawna asked what I recommend for long-waisted, normal-legged peeps to avoid drop-crotch. Two words: trouser. jeans. Because you have a long waist, you really need to bring up your natural waist to look more balanced. Trouser jeans hit higher on the hips so your torso looks shorter and because they're meant to hit around or just below the belly button, you won't get saggy crotch. Saggy crotch makes me sad.

Nicola was worried that she can't wear dresses because she's short, chubby and adverse to heels. Never fear, Nicola. First, stop calling yourself chubby. Babies are chubby. You are delightful. Secondly, I totally recommend a pair of pretty flats in place of heels. I wear mine with skirts and dresses all the time as a jeans alternative during the week. I just bought some cute lace flats and I'm excited for it to warm up so I can wear them with casual skirts. Just wear them when you try on stuff -- it's easier to get the picture when you have the right shoes. Trying on skirts with runners or socks is GROSS.

Wendy wants to know how to hide the fact that her pants are a little tight in the tummy as she works to lose weight. Wendy, it happens to the best of us. You've seen the post where I wore my fat day special, right? Totally works with jeans. Just grab a loosey, chiffon-type top and wear it with a slim-cut blazer or cardigan. It's how you wear loose clothes without looking like a total slob. Crisis averted.

Ashley asked whether or not it was OK for shorties to wear maxi dresses. That, my friend, is a super emphatic YES. I'm an astounding 5'4 and I would die without my maxi dresses. In fact, they give you a nice, lean line that can actually put a little height on you. Just try choosing a maxi that is long enough to hit the floor (shouldn't be hard for us shorties) and then pair it with some cute wedges. It's totally on-trend and it'll give you a couple extra inches of height, even though that freaks my husband out. lol.

Debbi asked about necklines for different face shapes and body types. Check it!

And finally, Nelda, a girl after my own heart asked about decorating a log home. I know this has nothing to do with fashion, but I thought I'd give her some ideas on dressing her abode, since log homes are weird. I am very against my house looking "cabiny." We have a cabin and that can be cabiny. My house doesn't need to have animal heads on the walls. It's too kitsch when you already live in a log home. Since the logs are really heavy, you can't really be minimalist with decorating. I like black wood, heavy pieces and furniture that can hold its own against the size and color of the logs. You can check out my personal blog for some random house pics (I've posted a couple here too) but basically I look for bold, oversized furniture. Also, the entire house is painted in the same palette... I don't think a log house lends itself well to different colors in each room. I just customized the palette for each room -- my room is tan and a deep, browny green, and the kids' room has the same two tone paint but with red plaid accents. Does that help?

That was both fun and long winded. I hope everyone learned as much as I did. I actually didn't learn that much, but I am excited that email inbox is cleaned out for like, the next five minutes at least.

What I Wore: Black and Red

Just so you know, I totally completed my weekend goal of watching the first season of Downton Abbey. It is TOO good. Now I'm onto the second season in time to catch up to the new episodes on TV. I am obsessed. Which also means I didn't do much over the weekend. I worked on some stuff with a looming deadline, ate some Mini Eggs and hung out with the fam. I love me a low-key weekend.

So, this is basically what I wore all weekend. I'll admit, black and red isn't the most creative color combination in the world -- it's pretty basic. But when I'm in a rush, it's an old standby that I know looks good with zero effort on my part. It seemed like when I got ready this past weekend, it was all under a super fast time limit, so I gladly went with stuff I knew looked good.

Like when my husband bumped up our date night to accommodate the return of Jimmer against the Jazz on TV (only true basketball widows know what I'm talking about)


Top: I can't remember and it's in the wash now so I can't look at the label.
Jacket: c/o mod bod
Skinnies: Refuge
Shoes: Dear
Earrings and ring: F21

When we first took these pics, the flash made my shirt super see-through so I had to add a cami. I felt like such a celeb!

OMG STORY TIME! So, at the last minute we decided to bring the kids along with us to our "date night." It was completely disastrous. I had called ahead for reservations for two, so it threw them for a loop when we showed up with four. Before our dinner arrived, my son had spilled his root beer and an entire salt shaker, then proceeded to spoon spaghetti into his jacket when we weren't looking. Then, I was imitating the way my son eats spaghetti and my daughter laughed so hard she totally vacuumed up a noodle into her wind pipe and then choked for a full minute, resulting in my performing a reformed Heimlich and her barfing onto her lap. Then, they brought out dessert for the kids, which was a cup of pudding decorated like dirt with worms and my son become so convinced that it was REAL dirt and REAL worms that he carried it home with him and has been treating it like a pet ever since.

It's OK though, because we left a really good tip and promised ourselves to never ruin our date night with kids ever again.

Then, Sunday morning started with an early meeting for the husband, so I had an hour to get me and the kids bathed, dressed and fed all by my lonesome, so red and black came to my rescue again.


Dress: c/o eShakti
Belt: c/o mod bod
Tights: F21
Bracelet: Vintage
Shoes: Steve Madden
Ring: Lia Sophia

(Ignore the wrinklage -- that's totally a word -- this picture was taken after three hours of kid wrangling and after our Saturday night escapades, I didn't care.)

Check out this bracelet too. It's one of my fave pieces from my collection because it was my late grandmother's and she had amazing taste in jewelry.


The coolest thing is that the jewelry is stamped with a "JC" hallmark, which are mine and my hubs' initials. I would say that's pretty cool.

Also, I'd like to point out that while I was uploading pictures, I found this on my camera:

Yeah, that's my daughter taking a dramatic selfie on my camera. What...the....heck.

Anyway, I got all of the red and black out of my system for now, so expect to see more creative color combos in the future. Unless Jimmer is playing again.

Also, on Wednesday I'm going to answer some of the questions that have come through my email inbox. If you have a fashion-related question you want me to answer, send it on over and I'll include with with this week's Q&A. You can also post them on the Facebook page or in the comments of this post if you're so inclined! I promise I won't make fun of you.

OK, I might make fun of you. But I'll also answer your question too, so it'll be worth it.

Happy Monday everyone!

Giveaway Winner and Freaky Friday!!

Hey guys! If you want to see who won the mod bod giveaway, head over to the swag page to check out. Thanks to everyone who entered and shared the page with friends. I was feelin' the love, but not in a creepy date in a dark theater way.

OK! Hows about some Freaky Friday? I Have a pretty relaxed Friday planned and I am WAY too excited about it. Lunch with the hubs and then an afternoon nap with the kids? Don't mind if I do! I also just started watching Downton Abbey on Netflix and I am loving it! If anyone likes Kate Morton as a writer, you'll love this series. Very posh family drama. So that's pretty much my weekend taken care of right there.

Here we go!



Michelle sent me this offering from Pinterest. My favorite part was that it was pinned to a board that was called "Covet Worthy." Um, I think you spelled "cringe" wrong. On the bright side, I'm fairly sure you can smuggle small children in your pant legs but I'm pretty sure that's abuse.

L. sent me an entire website for JUST LEGGINGS. K, whatever, I'm fine as long as you don't wear them as pants or have suspicious color pattern darkening around your crotchal area. One of the many, many hazards of wearing jumpsuits, people!


L. also sent me what was labeled a "cotton tube." How about we just go ahead and eliminate all tube-related clothes from the earth? Jumpsuit tubes.... tube tops....tube socks.... am I missing anything? Now the word "tube" is sounding funny to me. Don't you hate when that happens? My full name is Jacqueline and when I say it too often I start thinking it's the WEIRDEST name ever.


I can't remember who sent them to me, so whoever it is, comment and claim your awesomeness!! My husband took one look at this and said, "What is that, a normal girl wearing Khloe Kardashian's pants?"

.... and that's why I married him, folks. Ouch.


Sara sent me this beaut from Etsy. It was labeled as a "Fun sweater." Really? Because to me it looks like someone got a 5 year old drunk and asked her to design a shirt for the school play. SO FUN, RIGHT?

The acid wash denim shorts are a nice touch. Do we have any nevernudes in the house?


My cute cousin Stephanie sent me this dress. Look, I Loved Toy Story 3 as much as the next mom weeping into her popcorn uncontrollably, but I've never had the desire to make my hips look wider with a squeaky toy.

OMG, I also took my daughter to Beauty and the Beast the other day and sobbed through that too. What is wrong with me!?


Stephanie also sent me this, which made me laugh because I can totally imagine my 5 year old doing this and being like "Look, mom I'm a unicorn!" And I would be all "LOL!" to her face but in private I'd ask my husband if maybe we should take her to see someone.


Can we just set a general rule that knit shorts are never a good idea? They look like thigh sweaters and that makes me uncomfortable.


This shirt/dress/tunic has split personalities. It's business at the top, dinner with the girls in the middle and then eight-grade birthday party decorations at the bottom. So... next time you have all three on the same day you are totally set.



Thanks to everyone who sent submissions to me over the last couple of weeks. You know you can also send some submissions via the Facebook page or right to my email.

Now, off to my hot date with Masterpiece Theatre... jealous?