Awesome Nail Tutorials and Ideas

So I'm basically the worst nail biter in the history of nail biters. It's completely stress-related and I usually don't care because my nails are just not a priority for me. Plus I have obscenely childlike hands. When we were getting married our photographer wanted to take a ring picture and my husband and I were both like "NO!" because he has giant basketball hands and mine stopped growing at age eight.

But a couple weeks ago I was more stressed than usual and I was taking it out of my nails like usual when I was like "OMG Jae you are being gross." So I decided to stop chewing my nails to give them a break for a week. Now, when I'm not biting my nails, the only thing that's stops me is prettiness. Because I am so vain that I won't bite if it ruins my nail polish. Enter my obsession with cool nail design on Pinterest. Have you seen some of the stuff people do? It is mind blowing!! I've been testing out a few designs and I'll share my faves with you. If there's an available tutorial, you can click the picture... otherwise I'll give you a quick how-to rundown? Then you'll have the awesomest nails when you head out to Thanksgiving tomorrow. Good? Great.



(Tutorial)

Marble Nails:

This is what I have on my nails. Me and my cute daughter spent an afternoon playing with colors and swirly patterns and I loved it. I did a navy blue with an iridescent pink and it came out looking like awesome acid wash. The nail polish creates this flexible film on top of the water that is picked up my your nails when you dip. Cool, right? Just have lots of nail polish remover on hand to get at the messy bits.


(Tutorial)

How freakin' pretty would this be for holiday parties? It's just a glitter polish layered over a regular one in monochromatic colors. You could also do this with loose glitter, but I'm way too spastic for something like that.



I love this idea! Graphic nails are pretty but can be a leetle overwhelming. By mixing two patterns, it calms down the graphic prints and would look crazy adorable for a garden party or bridal shower.


(Tutorial)

These are SO brilliant and an excellent way to use up all of those expensive scrapbooking papers that are currently sitting in a forgotten tupperware in your basement... not that I have any experience with that whatsoever. But seriously. Scrapbook paper teamed up with rubbing alcohol transfers awesome patterns to your nails. Who knew?




This is going to be my next style I try. My bathrooms are painted like this -- the same color, just shiny over matte. Something like this is high style while still being subtle and I LOVE dark nail polish. These tips make the look less Queen of Darkness too. Also, did you know that if you stretch an elastic band over your nail, you can paint over it to create a perfect French tip? The things you learn on Pinterest!! (We're friends, right?)



(Source)

I love the idea of doing eahc nail a different color or design, but it's going to look juvenile unless you stick within the same color family. These peach tones with a bit of sparkle? Adorable and still adult while being super fun.


(Tutorial)

If you're a massive word nerd like me, these newspaper nails probably make you inexplicably happy. And they're super easy to create with newspaper and rubbing (or real) alcohol. I want to try this desperately on my toes but we don't ever buy the paper unless it's Thanksgiving, so I'm gearing up to try it tomorrow with my Black Friday paper! WOO!




How awesome is this modified French tip? It's created by using a sponge eyeshadow applicator of all things. Just dip the tip into a nail polish color and start dabbing on your tips, lightening your hand as you move down the nail. These are super pretty and professional without being too stuffy.

Alright, so are you going to try any of these? Once I get over the awesomeness of my acid wash swirly nails, I definitely want to go with the matte/shiny French tip. What's your fave?



Just as long as it's not these....

What I Wore: Breaking Dawn

I went to see Breaking Dawn on Saturday night (sans husband, because I'm nice like that.) I have this love/hate relationship with the Twilight movies. I generally think it's a terribly written series and the movies are pure cheese, but I was really into them at the beginning and now I feel obligated to take part.

Now don't worry, I'm not one of those hardcore desperate housewives types that like, goes at midnight wearing fangs and a Team Whatever shirt. I waited a whole day to even make plans with my sisters-in-law to buck up and go.

I am SO GLAD I did. Don't get me wrong. I definitely thought it was a terrible movie. But it was the funnest terrible movie I've ever seen. Not like You Don't Mess With the Zohan. That was terrible and not fun.

I knew it would be a good night when the opening credits said BREAKING DAWN: PART ONE and the guy sitting next to us whispered loudly, "There's a Part Two!?" I lost it completely and spent the next two hours holding in my giggles. Hey, I did my best. The wedding was fun and I was totally on board until the wolves started talking.

THE WOLVES STARTED TALKING.

As a general rule, any time I see I movie, I'm totally on board until the animals start up. I loved Rise of the Planet of the Apes until the last 40 seconds when Cesar started talking and I couldn't take it seriously any more. I mean really. Animal voices always sound so cheesy. When the Jacob wolf started talking about his wolf lineage I laughed so hard that I seriously regretted the large Diet Dr. Pepper I had with my popcorn.

Anyway, we were sitting in front of a group of girls and one had never read the Twilight books before. The whole movie, I could hear her friend explaining things to her. When Jacob imprints on Renesmee (ew) she yelled out, "Wait, WHAT!? On the BABY??" and I could not stop laughing. I'm sure the tweens and the desperate housewives were so over me by the time the movie was over. Luckily I had my friends, the incredulous husband and the newbie to roll my eyes with. Both of my sisters-in-law thought it was pretty ridiculous too -- at least, that's what I gathered from the smothered giggles and one loud snort from me.

So, my overall review? It was a great movie. For best results, go drunk.

Here's what I originally planned to wear to the movie:


See? I told you I didn't dress up.
Tank: ModBod
Tunic: Love on a Hanger @ Nordstrom
Jacket: Charlotte Russe
Jeans: Abercrombie
Boots: Fryeeeeeees

I said "planned to" because five minutes after this picture was taken I managed to drop salsa down my shirt and had to change. But it was the thought that counted. I'm just being honest.



OMG Jae enough with the peacock WELL I LIKE IT OK!?

Please tell me: did anyone else see the movie? Am I just an insensitive jerk or was it like, the fastest route the cheeseville? Give it to me straight!

Freaky Friday: Etsy Fails

Oh, Etsy... you fill me with such concurrent joy and shame. Peacock feather anything? Hooray! Sad cheetah shorts? Boo.


YAY I have been looking everywhere for an ill-fitting dress made out of poorly dyed doilies. The best part is that it in no way functions as a garment, so you still need to wear a complete outfit underneath. So HANDY.


This is the "hungry cheetah" skirt. Honestly, they look more dejected and gassy than hungry.


I love how this dress is titled as being "Oscar" worthy. I'm sorry, do you mean the porn Oscars? This wins for Most Artful Use of Tin Foil to Cover Your Naughty Bits.


Am I the only one who feels hungry for bacon?


Oh, I love this layering "Vest" otherwise known as a piece of discarded fabric. The second best part? Homegirl here looks like she's been living in the woods for quite some time now.


Upcycled denim shorts? YES PLEASE. I've been looking for a way to make myself look like a cracked out disco queen.


Or we could just go with these pants. They just scream "I'm unemployed!" You can wipe that sassafras look off your face, miss thang.


Jellyfish tentacle leggings, anyone?


No?


Ok... me neither. We can stay friends.


Oh good, another jacket from the "Your Kindergarten Teacher in 1991" collection!


I never thought I'd ever have to say this on my blog.... but does this look a little too "Robin Hood" to you?


Of course, I also saw a shirt on Etsy that I reeeeeeeeeeeeally want. So I'm gonna go ahead and call it a wash this week. Happy Friday, guys!

Cleaning Out My Closet

Probably one of the funnest facts about me is that I love rap music. Like, really Jae? I want you to imagine me now, driving back from dropping off carpool in my large SUV in my sleepy 2,000 person town. Now imagine I’m blasting Eminem from the stereo and bobbing my head like I’m in a hip hop video. I might throw up a gang sign or two. Yeah, I would say I’m pretty much the most intimidating 5’4” suburban mom EVER. Why am I even telling you this? Because this post is clearly devoted to cleaning out your closet a la Eminem, to the tune of writing a violent rap song in which you pretend like you’re going to kill your mother.

I’m totally kidding. Not only is that silly, but it has nothing to do with fashion. If you want to kill your mother with a shovel you can do it on your own time, thanks.

While Eminem did write “Cleanin’ Out My Closet,” he probably didn’t mean getting rid of ugly clothes. At least I think he didn’t. I only took one class in song interpretation so I could be wrong.

One of the biggest challenges with trying to dress well with kids is that sometimes, you just don't feel like you have the time to put yourself together and get out the door. You're running off to carpool while listening to gangsta rap, hurrying out to work or trying to squeeze in a trip to the gym and the way you look just happens to take a backseat for the day. So you end up heading out in your trusty tee and jeans combo, with barely enough time to slip on your flip flops as you run out to the car.

Well, at least half of the problem is probably found deep within your closet. We all have the exact same issues, no matter how our closets are organized: the clothes you wear all the time are easy to find near the middle, the clothes that don't fit yet you hang onto like a crazy person are stuffed in the back and there's probably a few pieces that you forgot about too. Like me and my red skirt. Because of this, you probably grab whatever you see first to get dressed in a hurry. Which may or may not be frumpy and disappointing.

Can I let you in on a mind-blowing fashion secret?

If you don't have crappy clothes in your closet.... (wait for it) ..... you don't wear crappy clothes.

I KNOW, RIGHT!?

That's why I urge everyone to clean out their closets at least twice a year. I tend to do a big cleaning in both fall and spring. It's when I assess the season's clothes with the upcoming weather change and decide whether or not I want to hold onto them for another year. Seeing as I just got rid of a massive bag of clothes, plenty of stuff didn't make the cut. That sweater with the hole in the armpit? That jacket that didn't button? The hat that was a really bad idea? All gone. Because I got rid of so much stuff, I was able to rescue some lesser-worn pieces from the back of my closet to put them back into rotation again. Hello, friends! I'm sorry I have forsaken you.

Don't know where to start? Here's some tips! Hows about you get rid of/donate/trash/give to a cross-dresser:

-Anything that doesn't fit. Um, yeah. Doi. Yes, I know you want to lose ten pounds, but that doesn't mean the jeans you wore in high school are in style. Let it go.

-Anything that you don't feel confident or attractive in. Don't know if you like it? Put it on and snap a digiphoto. You'll find out real fast which clothes are keepers and which are kickers. Ask your husband too. You'll be surprised at how vocal he is about your favorite sweater. Every so often my husband dispenses helpful fashion advice, like "You should wear more pink." I own exactly one pink shirt. Time to go shopping.

-Any comfort items that you're keeping just because they're easy to throw on or it looked good once upon a time/10 lbs ago/when you were in 8th grade. Seriously, if the only reason you own a piece of clothing is “because it’s comfortable,” toss it. Comfort isn’t the only reason to get dressed in the morning, people. Get rid of your 9am safety net and MAKE yourself try something new.

-Anything barfed on, peed on, pooped on, stained with food or otherwise destroyed. It's gross. Only a true mother would understand why this is a common issue.

"But Jae!" you say. "If I tossed a bunch of my clothes I wouldn't have anything to wear." Correction: You won't have anything crappy, misshapen, stained or sloppy to wear. When you pare down your closet to well-fitting, well-made basics, you'll actually have more to work with. You'll be able to clearly see what you have and how it works with other pieces, instead of just blindly reaching into your closet every morning.

Here was my weekend's work:

Shoes are organized by color and texture, with both the front and the back showing so I can choose them according to the way they look AND heel height. Plus it just makes me happy to have prettiness in my closet.


Tops are arranged by sleeve length, then dresses, pants and jackets. Makes it super easy to find what I'm looking for and it only takes a few minutes extra when folding clothes to divide them up properly.

Also, the top of my closet is for workout clothes and the Nerf gun I confiscated from my son. WHO buys a two-year-old a Nerf gun? My husband, that's who.

Anyway, with an organized closet it probably takes me LESS time to grab something that looks put-together than it would for me to dig out some yoga pants and an oversized tee, so it pretty much forces me into looking like a normal human being. Drat.

Although I am looking for ideas for hanging handbags and scarves, if you have any... right now they're stored in a laundry room cupboard and fall on my head when I try to get at them.

Seriously though. Two hours on a Saturday. That's all it takes to separate the wheat from the chaff and start dressing just a little bit better. Plus you get to have that Sex in the City moment every time you open up a clean, organized closet. Half of the time I expect birds to fly out and soft music to start playing when I try to pick out some shoes. It's THAT satisfying.

And just so you know, I did NOT give away these shoes. They've become my closet mascot. One day, when Minnie Mouse clodhoppers come back in style I WILL BE READY.

What I Wore: What Happens When I Clean

I bought this red skirt with plans to wear it all autumn long, then I promptly stuffed it in the back of my closet and forgot it existed for like, two months. Isn't that the way? Anyway, I did my big pre-holdiay-closet-cleanout over the weekend and trashed, gave away and otherwise got rid of stuff, AND I found this skirt again. Happy day! If that isn't a testament to cleaning out your closet, I don't know what is. Also, on Wednesday we're going to go over closet organization and how to part with that shirt that doesn't fit but you keep it anyway in case you drop 100 pounds and want to dress like you're in high school. It'll be FUN.


Top: Charlotte Russe
Cardigan: BP @ Nordstrom
Skirt: F21
Belt: Walmart
Boots: BP @ Nordstrom (Something else I forgot I owned until I cleaned my closet - double win!)
Bracelet/Watch: Inspired Silver
Earrings: F21

Who says short people can't wear long stuff? I say pish posh on that. I love a long, floaty skirt . It makes me feel like I'm in an old timey Western EVERY TIME. Also, I've been watching "The Quick and the Dead" a lot recently, so it's fitting. Is that weird? It comes on TV and I can't not watch it.


Peacock earrings basically match everything and the lace on the collar of this shirt is my fave. Also, this just in: I need to have my hair done. I'm seeing how close to Christmas I can push it because that's how I roll.

Well, I'd post more but my son has been in stage five tantrum mode since I got home from the gym. Luckily that was only AN HOUR AGO but no biggie. Anyone want a potty-training two year old?

Hahahaha but seriously.

Freaky Friday: Weird Fashion Inventions 2.0

Just so you know I just spent the morning cleaning out the Freaky Friday folder on my computer and it turned into a nostalgic yearbook moment. "Aww, remember that awful dress? Those shoes WERE hideous." Something like 200 pictures later and I decided it was time to do another weird fashion invention post. Because nothing says "the end of the year" like gathering up all the crap stuff that's sold via infomercials in one place.



You know I couldn't have this list without the Forever Lazy! Not only is it a glorified sleeper, but it has a butt hatch for using the bathroom AND a cool black guy wears it in the commercial. It's basically a must-have at this point. Please, feel free to wear it to Walmart without even a hint of irony.



Yessss fishnet tights attached to a shirt. Because putting on tights isn't hard enough as it is. It takes me roughly 30 minutes to maneuver myself into a pair after a shower, but yeah I definitely want to wrestle them over my arms too.

I swear, even a size 2 feels fat when trying to get into tights.


The Gizmo skirt!! Word on the street is that Lady Gaga bought one of these. I will forever associate her ladyparts with Gremlins. I mean, I think I might have already subconciously associated her ladyparts with Gremlins, but now it's for real.


Non-washable underwear. It's yellow in the front and brown in the back. I will point out that while it might not SHOW, it definitely will SMELL.

Might I introduce the Comfort Wand instead? It attaches to toilet paper to give you an additional 18 inch reach AND you can keep it in your purse. Please please please, at the very least.... use a Ziploc?


If UGGS and Crocs had a love child, this shoe would be born. And I would not come to its baby shower.


Necklace clasps are SO FRUSTRATING. It's like, just stay in the back eager beaver! Never fear, because now you can spend $15 to TAPE YOUR NECKLACE TO YOUR NECK I HAVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY.


LED Bra! I can see it now... "You are getting sleeeeeepy. So sleeeeeeepy. You kiiiiiind of have a headaaaaaache and don't reallllllly want to dooooooooo it. You waaaaant meeeeee to reeeeeead my new boook in the bathtub insteaaaaaaaad."


K, really tooth jewelry? Is it me or do all old teeth smell like DEATH? Like, here! Have you seen my stinky molar jewelry?


The noodle eater hair cover! Why didn't I think of that? Ohhh yeah.... I don't eat my soup with my face hovered over my bowl, that's why. Also.... no one thought of a ponytail here? Really?


YAY! We're just sorority sisters, you know, hanging out in our towels. Oops! They fell open! Oh no! Better get a glorified scrunchie to hold the top inch closed! Because heaven forbid we should actually wear pants when we hang out!

I blame Aguilera.

Yeah, you do your walk of shame, pantsless wonder.

Layering 101

Hahaha I accidentally typed in the title of this post as "Laying 101." Ummm that's for another website. Sorry creeps.

Ugh, sorry about the lack of posting yesterday, amigos. It was just one of those days when it straight up wasn't gonna happen. Oh, the joys of running a blog.

Anyway, I did get some great inspiration for my post when I woke up on Saturday morning. This is what I woke up to:

Yeah, that would be a massive amount of snow in the frozen tundra where I live. Also, my mittens.

Guys, I'm not prepared for full-on winter yet. Not to mention that where I live missed the memo on SEASONS. I went from running my air conditioner full blast to running the heater full bast and right now I'm writing this with a cat blanket on my lap. Not a blanket made from cats, just a blanket decorated with cats. My mom got it for me. I don't even know.

Anyway, thanks to the sudden arrival of winter, I had all of my summer and fall clothes out and in full rotation when it hit. And I don't feel like putting them away just yet, so it's pretty much the perfect time for layering.

One of the big secrets of looking put together is dimension. See, a t-shirt and sweats can only get you so far. When you start adding pieces together, that's when you actually find your style. So instead of throwing my cute summer dress to the back of the closet, I did this:


Yes, I know these are crappy cell phone pictures. Just go with it.
I threw my summery white dress over plain tights, cable knit socks (from my Halloween costume, natch) and added a blazer and a scarf. Totally fallish and warm, and I didn't have to reorganize my closet. WIN.

I know that serious layering can be confusing. It's hard to know what goes with what and all that business. The good news is that it's pretty easy and as long as you don't go overboard, you won't look like a bag lady. Unless you want to.

Observe!

Old navy cardigan, $25
Skinny jeans, $30
Oasis, $9
De Blossom boots, $45
Bracelet, $20
Free People long necklace, $38
Zara braided belt, $15

When layering with a cute cardigan like this one, a few things give the outfot more dimension. The first is allowing your clothes to have different lengths and levels. If the cami and the sweater were the same length, you'd lose some of the awesome interest here. Another fun thing to try is a belt over the sweater. It adds another layer of style and gives your waist more shape, especially when you're wearing bulkier layers like wool, etc. Finishing it with a tall riding boot makes the look warm without looking heavy. I would love this for shopping... but not Christmas shopping because it's only Nov. 10th, but thanks anyway Toys R Us.

Striped skirt, $16
We Love Colors red hosiery, $15
Allover Lace Tube Top-TUBES-Styles for Less Clothes Womens & Juniors..., $15
Stripe socks, $9.99
Camel shoes, $50
BCBGeneration metallic handbag, $50
Wet Seal feather jewelry, $13
Target:Xhilaration® Bomber Jacket - Assorted Colors, $40

Okay, I might have a serious crush on this outfit. Tights are back in this winter, which makes me so happy because I enjoy them quite a bit. They're just super versatile and can make a piece look totally different. Take this body-con striped skirt. It looks pretty vampy on it's own, but pair it with a casual bomber and some tights and it's totally everyday material. Also, knee socks over tights make me feel warm inside. It just adds another layer of dimension and adds length to your boots so your legs look super long and you look like you know what you're doing fashion-wise. 10 points if you also used your socks to dress up as the Sun Drop girl.

Miss Selfridge cotton jacket, £30
YMI faded jeans, $30
Fergie ballerina shoes, $40
Hobo tote bag, $26
Antique silver ring, $18
Mimco bow stud earrings, £30
Polka dot scarve, $28
Belt, $28

K, you don't have to wear boots all winter. That's just me because I live on a real-life mountainside. Seriously. A deer jumped into my car while I was driving home the other night and went in the house and chewed out my husband for making us live somewhere where deer run at cars. You know where I never hit a deer? Toronto.

Anyway, I digress. Flats are fine in the winter as long as you're not traipsing through the snow. I've done it and it's not pleasant. One of the easiest ways to look layered up is with a scarf. How crazypants adorable is this? I love that it's tied with a fluffy bow. Add a blazer as another layer and you're pretty much done. Alone, these pieces are fine. You could wear them and still look put together. But when worn together you've got way more dimension and interest, which should be the whole point of layering up your clothes.

Layering helps you extend your wardrobe. All of a sudden stuff looks new when worn in different ways. I usually wear my summer dress alone with my Fryes and maybe a cardigan. Adding tights, riding boots and a blazer and it's like "OMG I hate that Jae she buys new clothes all the time." And while I DO buy new clothes all the time, that dress isn't new.

So slap on some knee socks, grab a scarf and belt your cardigan and we can be friends.