What I Wore: Hot Date

After all of the craziness of last week, with V-day and my son's 3rd birthday, I absolutely did not want to be a "good mom." You see, every Friday I'm totally a "good mom" and take the mini-me's to do something fun, like when I nearly broke my collarbone at the air gym SO FUN YOU GUYS. It's really just my way of making up for my craptastic parenting skills on Monday through Thursday. But on Friday the only thing that sounded good to me was two hours in a dark theater with a tub of popcorn. Luckily, "The Secret World of Arietty" came out that day and my wish was granted. It was actually pretty good! And that means I didn't just slump down in my chair and cruise Pinterest like I did that time my kids wanted to see "Hoodwinked Too."

So, this is what I wear when I go on a romantical date with my two small children. Mostly, it's my mission in life to prove that motherhood doesn't have to be lame and yoga pants-inducing.


Tank: Tilly's
Sweater: No earthly idea
Pearls: Nordstrom
Jeans: Charlotte Russe
Shoes: Guess
Bag: Guess (I like Guess accessories despite the fact that their clothes make me look like a high-priced escort.)

The heels on these pointy shoes are deceivingly low, so they look way cooler than they actually are. I just don't do anything over 3 inches on weekdays. Speaking of which, I still have yet to wear my new purple shoes because it snowed AGAIN over the weekend. My shoes need to be WORN, mother nature! Don't hate.


I just ordered this shirt and love it. The cuts on the side? Adorbs.


This is easily my favorite picture of the day. My 5 year old was taking pictures (as per usual) and my son decided to ride into the shot on his new scooter. Which is about the same time I started threatening with his life because we were going to be LATE FOR THE MOVIE.

Just so you don't think I live this sophisticated and serene life. I yell. A lot. For every good picture there's seven of me yelling at my son or giving my daughter the stinkeye.



Oh wells. I was too excited about this pearls/snakeskin/exposed zipper combo to stay mad for long. Also -- proof I do have all of my teeth.

The best parts about taking your kids on a date to the movies on a Friday afternoon? 1) No other kids in the theatre. Mine were the only ones because everyone else was either 16 or 75. 2) I didn't badger my husband into taking me to a movie that he would regret, like the time I made him see "Monte Carlo."

Everyone wins!

Freaky Friday: Shoes

I'll be the first to admit that shoes are kind of my "thing." I buy them way too often and have way too many pairs and I just don't care. My mom is a motivational speaker and she went to an engagement where she mentioned ON STAGE that her daughter had 107 pairs of shoes and she said the all-female audience audibly GASPED. Like really? Is that really gasp-worthy?

But shoes. I like how much they can change an outfit so I make it a point to spend some serious shopping budget money on them. Shoes and books are basically where all of my disposable income lands. Le sigh.

But some shoes are so bad. I know, I have some in my closet. Remember my clodhoppers from my teen years? Yeah, I still have them. I moved them from Canada to Utah for heaven's sakes. Bad shoes are so awesomely amazing that they deserve their own FF post.

Lisa sent me these flotation devices to check out. Is it me, or are these totally Clueless-era 90s? Like, I can picture myself wearing them while paging through my Seventeen magazine and making a homemade face mask out of oatmeal and rocking out to Chumbawumba. Yes, that all happened once.

OK, twice.


(Thanks, Janelle.) I don't understand people who want to get married like, while skydiving or underwater. It's WEIRD and we all know those are the weddings that always lose on Four Weddings. But I guess if you were getting married in a SCUBA suit, these would make you look more feminine? Plus, they would make a sexy "SHLOP SHLOP" noise as you walked down the dock. The honeymoon has begun!


K, not only are these shoes completely HIDEOUS, but they make the model's foot look like little hoofs. Little hippie cougar prostitute hoofs.


Betty Rubble... so hot right now.


I know I've posted some awesome Uncle Jesse denim shoes before, but these once that Leah sent take the cake. I feel like these are way more Bret Michaels than Uncle Jesse, because Uncle Jesse at least had good hair and that redeemed him. These are more like date-skanky-girls-on-unexplainable-hit-TV-show-and-end-up-with-ex-wife-ish.


These were listed as "Eskimo Clogs." Listen, I'm from Canada -- so I basically grew up in an igloo -- and I will tell you a hundred percent that this is a misnomer. For one, we call them Inuits. For two, no self-respecting Inuit would wear plaid shoes. Please.


Is it weird that I want to reach out and stroke this shoe? Is it even weirder that I might have stroked the screen instead? Did I just make you uncomfortable?


Yup, this shoe 100 percent has a tail. I'm the find of person who habitually steps on my husband's heel while we're walking around together. I would go out of my way to step on someone's shoetail. Sorry, that's just the kind of person I am.



I never want to wear a shoe that gives a person the cause to wonder if my ankles need a bit of a trim.


UGH OXFORD SHOES. Burn with fire!! Just for funsies, I was out shopping with two of my single brothers and I brought them to a wall of these shoes and demanded to know their opinions. Mostly, they just made dry heaving noises. I took that as a negative. Seriously. I hate hipster shoes.


Luckily, there are more cute shoes than there are uglies. I almost bought a pair while looking for shoes for this post but I stopped myself. And by "stopped myself" I mean "got all the way to the checkout to find out they didn't have my size."

Self control, people.

Vintage HNTDLAM: Natural Cures for SCFD - Seasonal Crappy Fashion Disorder

Wow, my blog does not work well with acronyms.

I know I put this post up every year around the end of January and beginning of February and for good reason. I'm in the fashion doldrums, you guys. Although, my hubs did take me shopping last night for Valentine's and I got the ca-yootest nautical polka dot shirt and some other stuff that is making me happy. But today, I shall be working and cleaning and getting ready for a birthday party, so it's kind of the perfect day to slough off and repost my yearly reminder to stop dressing crappily just because it's wintertime. Other reasons?

1) It has been dreary and foggy here for the last couple of days and I need something colorful to brighten things up. Speaking of which, did you know I was voted "Most Likely to Brighten Your Day" of my graduating class? I kid you not. I'm a frickin' ray of sunshine. I cannot be contained by crappy February days!!

2) Honestly, February SUCKS for me. With V-Day and both my kids' birthdays all in a row plus some random meetings I need to get to, I can barely keep my head on straight, which means posting has to take a back seat until I can somehow conjure a Lightning McQueen cake. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

3) I have a lot more readers this year and I don't want you newbies missing out on valuable wisdom and pretty accessories.

Since this post still applies, I thought it was worth it to reiterate the fact that winter doesn't have to be all Blandsville and Lamestown. While I certainly love a wool skirt, I'll love it even more with a print top.

You guys aren't mad at me for reposting are you? I updated it for this year, so even if you've read it before, take a gander and get with the program again. I swear I'll make it up to you with Freaky Friday, mmmkay?



************************************************************************************************

One thing that you should know about me, other than the fact that I constantly, incorrectly use the words "scratch" and "itch" interchangeably, is that I LOVE WINTER. I grew up in the Great White North, and was conditioned to sub zero temperatures, and now that I live somewhere snowy and mild, I find it delightful.

You don't even understand when I explain the coldness that was Toronto. Only those that live there, have moved away, and come back really realize how bone chillingly, nostril freezing, stay in bed with an electric blanket cold it is up there. Now when I go home to visit, I wonder how I ever survived. And my parents made me WALK to school. Uphill both ways. True story. NO really.

So while I love winter where I live, the snow, the not-too-cold cold and the opportunity to drink a lot of two packet hot chocolate, there is one thing I don't love. In the words of Tyra Banks, I feel like it is an epidemic sweeping the nation.

SCFD - Seasonal Crappy Fashion Disorder.

Those suffering from SCFD may experience the following symptoms: Wearing the same clothes too often because they're "comfortable", stepping outside of the house in sweats at 3pm, wearing parkas ALL THE TIME, and looking unkempt, not put together, and altogether sad.

Luckily, you don't have to visit your doctor to find the cure for SCFD. I offer it free. Which is really, really nice of me when you think of it. Co-pays are high.

To battle SCFD, use bright colors to add to your neutrals to brighten up your clothes and your outlook.


Take one bright, basic green belt from Buckle, and wrap it around a khaki skirt or trench coat to add a pop of color.


Use a yellow trench and wear over all neutrals to spread general SCFD cheer. (PS Plus sized girls, this one is for you!) I totally have a yellow trench and have challenged myself to wear it with red heels in the next week or so. KABLOW!



Sub a soft, orange Michal Kors hobo for your usual structured, basic bag. I'm carrying a black bag right now, but this is inspiring me to dig out my teal bag for funsies.


Grab a pair of red heels that are totally appropriate for winter (Unless you're walking to work! Then use flats or boots.) Wear with all of your black and gray winter staples.



Bring some color to your pale face with a freakin' adorable headband by Charlotte Russe. Bahh I might be buying this I love it so much.



Finish off with a winter-y warm, but still bright and adorable scarf from PacSun.

Prescription directions: Don't go all crazy and wear all of these items at once. You'll look a) crazy and unbalanced or b) like a gay pride parade barfed on you. Choose one at time. Wear with neutrals and all of the outfits you've been wearing all winter long; sweaters, jeans, heavier skirts and slacks. Feel free to share your prescription with others. Seeing people looking drab and boring in the winter makes me want to curl up, watch Titanic and cry. Remember that you don't need to pull out all of your spring wardrobe now, as it is still frigid in most parts of the country.

Do not mix items with puffy hoodies, parkas or moon boots, as the combination will dilute the cuteness of the bright accessories, and SCFD may resume.

Side effects may include: Jae being very happy that people aren't wearing gray anymore, compliments from husband, and a feeling of admiration from the general public, and very rarely, an empty wallet. Empty wallet only occurs when you don't know how to shop properly. Adjust your shopping techniques.

Consult a retail store if SCFD doesn't improve with the addition of better fashion. You might need me to yell at you and say things like, "Oh heading to another funeral, are we?" Because I totally will behind your back.

What I Wore: Mixed Up

How was everyone's weekend? In case you were wondering, I DID go see The Vow (with girls -- my husband has his limits) and then I bought some amazing shoes. I was all set to wear said amazing shoes when I woke up to a foot of snow outside. The shoes I bought were peeptoe. So I have to retool and wear some trusty boots instead.

I've posted about pattern mixing before, and here is how I do it. I love love this wrap dress but it can be a little boring. It fits like a glove so I keep it around and usually use different accessories to make it more interesting. I was doing my laundry the other day and realized that my scarf and tights had the exact same color palette and I was really more excited than anyone should ever be about scarves and tights. REGARDLESS, they worked to make my wrap dress less of a snooze-fest.


Scarf: Somewhere in the mall... I think Vanity? lol
Dress: Max Studio
Belt: Walmart WHAT
Tights: Target
Boots: Crystal
Ring: Inspired Silver

In case you haven't noticed, I have pretty specific tastes. I love the idea of mixing patterns but I don't ever want to look like I'm pulling off some uber hipster granny chic thing. So keeping the patterns in the same color family and positioning them on a foundation color like this dusky brown kinda tones down the "quirky" factor. Like, I'm pretty quirky in my personality but I don't like to dress quirky.

Even though we all know I have a Liger shirt.

But other than that...



These boots are my famous "NICU" boots. The ones that I wore the day after having my baby and my legs swelled to massive proportions and I couldn't walk anymore. Oh, vanity, why do you treat me so badly? I ended up having to make my mom run into a store to buy some flats. But when I'm not like, 12 hours postpartum, I love the way they fit.

Alright, I just finished a ruthless Pilates class and kind of want to eat everything in sight so I'd better go get something quasi healthy before I undo my good work. So hungryyyyy.

Is butter a carb? (Name that movie!!)

Freaky Friday

Hey guys!

I did something I NEVER do this morning: I slept in. I'm usually super strict about wake up time because I like to get an hour of work in before the rest of the house wakes up. But my son woke up in the night and after dealing with him I came back to bed and switched off my alarm. Then, I woke up roughly 10 minutes before my daughter's bus comes and everyone else was still sound asleep. So I am completely off schedule and that's weird for me. I've basically spent the morning eating brownies, watching Youtube clips and being generally unproductive. It's completely thrown me off.

But I DID get some freakiness together. So I would say that I got the important stuff done. Brownie eating and Freaky Friday are pretty high at the top of the list.


K, so I watched Kourtney and Kim Take New York and Kim wore this jacket in tan for basically every interview portion. Look, I can understand a little shoulder pad. I don't mind a stronger shoulder. I do mind looking like an alien overlord.


These could be the ugliest pants ever, but they're missing a drop crotch. So they're only like, the second ugliest pair of pants ever. And seriously, whaddup with those ace bandage shoes?


This is basically what my fishing rod looks like after my husband takes me fishing and I spend an hour messing around with the reel and getting yelled at.

My husband is super serious about his fishing. I'm super serious about laying on the boat and reading Cosmo, It's basically a perfect marriage.



HAHA I found this in my FF folder on my computer and I have no idea how or why it got in there but it is EXCELLENT. "He'll look so great his Grandma won't recognize him" might be the best slogan of all time. Almost as cool as dressing your son up as a tiny swinger.


Corinna sent me this little gem. Ugh, I know that I'll catch some flack for saying this, but is there anything more annoying than women who want to make a point with breastfeeding. Yay I'm so excited your have breasts and can feed your baby, can I go back to not caring now? I breastfed both of my kids -- do you know who didn't know that? Everyone ever. Because I don't feel the need to use my baby or my boobs to make a point about anything.

But maybe it's because I didn't have this hat. Heaven forbid I wouldn't get to make a point with my boob hidden behind my nursing baby!

Also, I guarantee -- GUARANTEE -- your baby doesn't want to dress up as a giant nipple. Like, I promise this will become a sore spot when he's 16.


Yes, that's right. You're look at a $100 high-fashion fanny pack. Remember when Sex and the City tried to make fanny packs cool again? It's so awkward. Although, my dad (my BIKER dad who has been known to rock a fanny pack) will be thrilled that they're back. So handy!


Brittney sent over these beauts. See that red sole? Yeah, these are Louboutins. Torturous, torturous Louboutins. The more I look at these the more I feel the need to wear flip flops.


My dear friend Manda sent these to me and they have haunted my dreams ever since. And you thought Vibrams were bad!


Meleah sent me an entire article about trends that we wish would never come back. This one was listed as shorts so short the pockets hang out. Can we change that to "Shorts so short that the pockets hang out worn with the world's ugliest Uggs and bad extensions while having a complete mental breakdown?" I think that is more comprehensive and accurate.

Of course, Britney Spears is totally my guilty pleasure so I can't be too mean.



Both Wendy and Kimberly sent me these, which means they were doubly offensive. On the bright side, they really highlight your gluteus maximus... LITERALLY. HA...ha..............ha.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.


Alright, I need to go back to being unproductive again. After last week's dalliance with whiplash, I'm staying away from trampolines for the weekend and am planning to go see The Vow tomorrow because I'm girly like that. The reviews were terrible, which is a surefire way to categorize it as a movie that I will thoroughly enjoy and/or sob through. YAY.

How to: Find Your Style

A question I get a lot is how to figure out one's style and then how to make it work so one looks super awesome and hot all the time.

I mean, not in so many words, but that's basically the gist of that question.

Seriously, I think when you're clueless about fashion and style, the idea of heading into a store and looking through racks is actually torturous. You look at the cute people around you and feel intimidated by retail people and generally want to kill yourself. I know because I totally used to be one of those people. I mean, it was a long time ago and I've since recovered and maybe even overcompensated a little, but I feel your pain anyway.

If the idea of shopping makes your palms sweat and your gag reflex kick in, I can only deduce that you have one of two problems: 1) You aren't happy with your body. Or, 2) you don't know what you want.

Both problems suck. If it's the first, might I suggest you get over it immediately? I don't care if you're a size 2 or 20, you have the right to feel good about yourself and that's NOT going to happen in your husband's workout shorts and your ratty old band shirt, OK? And saying that you're not going to shop until you "lose weight" is just going to sabotage your efforts. Because you then feel crappy about yourself and don't feel like you deserve to look pretty and then eat your weight in Chick-Fil-A I KNOW, OK.

That felt good.

If it's the second option that has you running scared, might I suggest a few tips? Look, the average person is not so clueless that they need a complete What Not to Wear-esque wardrobe overhaul, OK? So that means you probably have a personal style tucked away there somewhere, you just need to find it. Get thee to thy closet! I promise you that you can find your style tucked among the comfort clothes stashed in there.

Take a minute to think about your daily activities and how you feel you need to dress. Look inside your closet and see what types of styles you're drawn to. Page through a magazine and see which celebs you love the most. Pull up Pinterest and click through outfits.

Chances are, you'll find a common thread in all of them. Whether you're into a low key cardi and jeans look or you're a sucker for leather (ahem) you can start to piece together a personal style. If that idea still terrifies you, let's start with some baby steps, k?

Accessories


(J. Crew)

Accessories are my favorite because they're cheap and not committal (if I were a funny female comic I'd be like "HA! Like my last boyfriend." But I'm married to my last boyfriend and that wouldn't be nice. ) You can try them out without having to feel bad because you dropped major dough on them. If you want to try out a new style -- say, easy but stylish -- buy a $5 scarf and try it out in a few different ways. If you love it, buy more. If not, give it to a friend and she'll love you.

Add Color


(Old Navy)

So, you're obsessed with a certain piece of clothing -- let's say maxi skirts. I love maxi skirts, but they can look really dowdy and Little House on the Prairie if you're not careful. But updating old faves with new colors, you can test the waters of a new trend (neon colors, hello!) without making a big deal about it. Two points if you wear maxis for casual wear!

New Shoes

(Zara)

New shoes are like getting a haircut or color. They just make you feel happy inside. Or at least, that's how I react and why my closet is so out of control. But seriously, you can try a new style on your feet, can't you? They take up like, 2 percent of your body so it shouldn't be that big of a deal. If you love a new trend, like animal print, try it first on your feet to see if you like it before you look for a bigger piece (I just ordered a snakeskin tank and I am d-y-i-n-g for it to get here!)

Cute Topper


(Tillys -OMG the studs!!!)

Guess what? I don't have $5000 for a new wardrobe and I bet you don't either. If you do, can we go splitsies? But seriously? Your style is probably already in your closet, it just needs to be seriously updated. Adding cute toppers like a boyfriend cardigan or a streamlined blazer can make your clothes look new and help you refine your style. Even if you tend to be a tee and jeans girl during the week, adding a blazer over that tee, a statement necklace and a pair of heels gives a whole new look for date night. Easy peezy, my friends. Easy peezy.

So what do you say? Are you willing to at least try to find your personal style? I'm totally not offended if you don't like Frye boots and sky high heels like me. Work with what you have and do some closet-tweaking and you'll probably find that you already have a foundation in place that works for you and your lifestyle.

And as an added bonus, I won't judge you as a mom jeans wearer.

What I Wore: Tough Girl

So I have to tell you guys what happened when I took my kids to that extreme air gym. Of course, I was being an idiot and acting like a kid and I hopped onto one of those pro European trampolines. You know, the kind with really loose weave so the second you step on one it slingshots you at the roof? Yeah, that kind. Anyway, I was jumping on it, getting some great height and congratulating myself on choosing to wear a sports bra, when my daughter wanted me to go somewhere else in the gym with her. I thought "You know what would be fantastic? Getting tons of height and then jumping onto the adjacent soft mat and landing on my back like a turtle -- that would be the coolest EVER." So I told my daughter to hang on as I jumped higher and then went sailing through the air to land on the soft mat.

Guess what?

It wasn't a soft mat. At all. No, instead, it was one of those rock-hard mats that mean gym teachers make you use. The ones that they hang up on the walls around the gym and that feel like spongey brick.

As I came down, I had the breath knocked out of me with a loud "OOOOOOFFFFF." There were two other moms there that had WISELY decided to be spectators and I'm sure they sniffed that THAT was why they never participate in that type of thing. I laid there for like, five minutes, wishing for the sweet release of death.

Then I got up to jump again. Unfortunately, my old lady body is not so quick to recover. I'm pretty sure I ended up with some type of whiplash.

Moral of the story? Test mats before staking entire life on their softness. Please.

But it's OK, because when I'm not acting like a demented ninja turtle, I dress like I'm super tough. As the daughter of a real-live biker, I'm genetically predisposed to things like leather and studs, which is why you'll see me in my Fryes more often than not. But don't worry, my dad is like, the nicest biker you would ever meet. He is adorable and wears gardening gloves when he rides. I mean, come on. You can't be scared of a biker who wears gardening gloves.

Also, he used to drive me to school on his motorcycle and I would be MORTIFIED because he would make me wear the helmet. It messed up my hair every. time.


I'm sure my dad would be proud to see his daughter sporting a nice person biker look like this one.

Tank: c/o mod bod
Black henley tank: GAP
Button up - Reitman's (Canada) I've had this since I moved here, which was 9 years ago.
Jeans: Abercrombie
Socks: Target
Boots: Frye
Earrings: Nordstrom (BP, I think!)
Bracelets: Nordstrom
Belt: Umm... I have no clue.


I tried to look tougher by not smiling but it didn't work. I just looked vaguely annoyed.

Please note that this is a super easy way to start layering if you haven't already tried it. Put something other than a plain Jane tank under a button up. It's super simple but gives some more interest to take away some of the tired mommyness of wearing a button up in general. I do this with henleys, vests, fitted graphic tees, you name it.

Also, what's better with a tough girl look than a cool braid? I just gave my hair a deep part and started the french braid just above by ear. I continued down diagonally across the back and it took like, three seconds.

See? Super easy.

Dressing like a tough girl biker is about the closest I'll ever come to driving a motorcycle in earnest. I'm too much of a spaz to operate one on my own. We have a four wheeler and I don't even know how to start it.

Plus the helmet messes up my hair.