Freaky Friday: Swimwear

Ha! You guys, I woke up to this picture in my email. It's my youngest brother Dallin, noting that despite we live thousands of miles away from each other (Dallin lives in England, where he's completing his LDS mission next month) we still are the same person. This makes me laugh TOO hard. I call Dallin my mini-me, but he's actually like three feet taller than me for reals.

OK! onto the freakiness. I was looking through my files and realized that it's a month into a summer and I Haven't even made fun of swimsuits yet. Yes, I keep multiple Freaky Friday files on my computer. It's embarrassing, but I'm an organized blogger, OK?



Oh, so that's what I forgot at the beach! My overalls!



Fastest way to inspire hatred in Jae: Wear Ed Hardy at the beach and then dress up your dog the same way. Actually, that's the second fastest way.

The first is be Lady Gaga.


Ultimate hipster swimwear: It's so vintage, it's Renaissance

Please cue the angry emails in which an angry hipster informs me that this picture is not actually Renaissance but Neoclassicism and then I shoot myself. Happens. Every. Time.



Ohhhh the tan lines. DO NOT WANT! Not to mention the fact that you'd have to be a size 00000 to pull this off. Consider the squidge factor, people!


You could knit this yourself, but why would you?

Also: Underboob.


This monstrosity is by Armani and is sold out and also I hate everything. I'm sweating just looking at this. And then sand sticks to sweat and gets matted in your fur and then it's just embarrassing.


Why not head to the beach looking like Mad Max?

OMG, I have a swimsuit with a big metal ring in the top and it looks cute but the thing feels like molten lava in the sun. Whose idea was that?


This 100 percent looks like something that a Project Runway contestant pulled off with some sailing canvas, three straws, a shoelace and a "make it work" attitude.


Hey, model: Wanna join the Sandwich Club? Initiation is that you have to eat a sandwich. You go first.



I guess it could be worse... it could be men's swimwear.



Come on, that's gotta be enough to make you feel pretty awesome in your tankini, right?