Freaky Friday

Good morning lovely friends!

Ready for some freakiness? I know I am. A lot of these were reader submissions... keep them coming because they make me happy. Nothing like getting ugly clothes in the inbox.


First, let's start out with what not to wear while traveling. This is my bff Gaga at London Heathrow. Can you imagine how fast this made the metal detector go off? Oh, sorry, that's just the zippers on my leather chaps. Can you hold them for a minute? Also, I can't imagine that mesh (MESH) top was very warm on the drafty airplane. Just once I'd love to see her step off the plane in like, a sweater and flats.

Also... the bandana? What is she, me from 1999?


I had to look at this and rub my eyes with a squeaky cartoon background noise when I saw these. Leggings (strike one) with holes in the knees (strike two) with fug leather peep toe booties (strikes three, four and five.)


These could be, quite possibly, the ugliest shorts I've ever seen. However the description does make note that there's an antique Mexican blanket sewn into them. REALLY!? I would have never noticed!

Nothing says total comfort like jeans underpants. I feel like I know someone with an aversion to real person clothes or common modesty that might wear these as pants..... but I just can't put my finger on who.


Oh yes, just what I need. Cause for someone to tell me I look "beefy" today. PS I would just get hungry every time I looked in the mirror.


I really don't like this dress' demeanor.

FINALLY! Some practical soccer cleats. These will go perfectly with my vuvuzela! (Which, when spelled out looks far too much like the name for reproductive anatomy for my tastes. As in "Yes, you're almost fully dilated, only your vuvuzela is still making me concerned.)

Alright, let's kick off a good weekend here. I'll let you in on a little secret: I've got a fun weekend planned because it's my birthday/anniversary on Monday. To celebrate, we're going to do a giveaway so I can bring attention to myself and garner birthday wishes! So check back Monday morning and act surprised.)

What to Wear: While Traveling

I received an interesting question over on my fan page on "The Facebook" as my dad calls it. Someone asked about what to wear while traveling. I'm going with airline traveling here because I recently went on a four-day road trip because my husband and I purchased a boat from a nice old man in San Diego. I wore the same shorts the entire time. That's how much I care about what you wear when on a road trip.

But air travel, that's a whole 'nother story. If you know anything about me, or you follow my self-absorbed facebook postings, you know that I live roughly 2,500 miles from my family. I grew up in Toronto, Canada and currently reside in Utah. (Yeah, you can thank my husband for that one.) Because of this, I end up traveling. A LOT. I try to get back home at the very least twice a year, and I've been able to do some traveling sans children as well. But most of the time I've got the kidlets with me, juggling their gear while still trying to look composed.

I put a lot of thought into what I wear when we travel, for a couple of reasons. The first will sound deplorably shallow, but I truly believe that I am treated better by airline employees and immigration officers when I look nice. When I shlump around the airport in a hoodie and sweats, people mistake me for a teenage mom and give me the stinkeye. When I look like a respectable human being, I get bumped to first class and fly through customs. NO JOKE. Actually, I think that the two times I was bumped to first class had more to do with my charming four year old, but she was dressed pretty snappily too. The other reason I put thought into my clothes is that I'm looking for two things: comfort and speed. There is nothing worse than having to take off your belt in customs while some scary Helga-lady pats you down, am I right. Then, I get on the plane and for some reason my body can't regulate it's temperature and I go from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. SECONDS.

So, instead of doing the velour tracksuit thing, which by the way is not okay unless you're a septuagenarian from Jersey, try a few outfit ideas for function and comfort, while still looking hot.

dELiAs > Skylar Knit Sweater Dress > dresses > casual, $45
Rhinestone Trim Open-Toe Flats, $35
Macy's | Juniors Crossbody Handbags, Juniors Crossbody Bags, Juniors..., $48
ASOS Sequin and Crystal Embellished Satin Cuff, $20
Solid Pashmina, $18

I know that some of you who are old school will balk at the idea of wearing a dress while flying, but in the summer months, I SO love it. First, there's no belt. Nothing to set off the metal detector. It's on piece, and as long as you choose a smart fabric like a knit, doesn't look as wrinkly and sodden on the other side. I like the idea of something knee length with a scarf in case the a/c is too high. A flat is ideal, along with jewelry that is easy on and easy off. Finally, choose a bag big enough to double as a diaper bag when traveling with kids, or risk getting eye daggers from people like me who get annoyed with people who bring MORE than their allowed allotted amount o carry ons. Seriously. So annoying.

Winged Capsleeve Cardigan, $24
Old Navy Womens Twist-Neck Racerback Tanks, $5
Double Button Bootcut Jean - Women's Clothing and Apparel - Chic..., $10
Gap Knee-high suede boot, $50
Worn Large Leatherette Tote, $33
RJ Graziano Long Beaded Layer Necklace, $34

This is literally an exact replica of what I wore flying home in May. I love to wear my Frye's when I travel because they are super soft, worn in and come off super easily for security. My drape cardigan saved my butt when it would get suddenly cold and suddenly hot. I just wrapped the extra fabric around me. It also served as a blanket for my one year old lap child. I don't suggest wearing white while traveling unless you have something to wear over it. You will spill something and look like a dork wandering around the airport terminal.

Women's AE Exploded Gingham Shirt (Pink Gingham), $30
Old Navy Womens Perfect Khaki Pencil Skirts, $25
adidas Originals Women's Superstar 2 Sneaker, $47
Georgia Hobo, $25

I LOVE the idea of wearing hyper comfy shoes and socks on your flight. Taking off your shoes and padding through security barefoot is admittedly gross, so I lean towards shoes I can wear socks with for both me and my kids. Old Navy flip flops are for the beach, not for traveling. If you've ever been through either of the Chicago airports, or through Atlanta or Toronto, you know that the terminals are MASSIVE and require a lot of walking. Adidas Superstars are a staple shoe in my wardrobe, I have them in pink, yellow and blue. I KNOW. How cute is it done with a denim skirt (choose blue if you're klutzy or carry a Tide pen!) and a plaid shirt. Totally breezy and cool while still being comfortable. Give the customs agent a little wink and you are through my friend.

Old Navy Womens Crochet-Hem V-Neck Tees, $9.50
Libertine Waistcoat, 22 GBP
Old Navy Womens The Dreamer Embroidered-Pocket Trouser Jeans, $35
Washed Small Cross Body Bag, $36
Lee Angel Biker chain necklace, $45
Michael Antonio Women's Piero Flat, $22

Another staple traveling outfit for me, I wore one like this when I jetted off to see my best friend in Western Canada for a few days. Instead of a sweatsuit, opt for an uber-comfy pair of wide leg jeans. I totally live in mine. To make sure your jeans look polished instead of sloppy, a cute topper like a vest or jacket gives the look structure without reducing comfort. In my experience, the security people don't make you take off superficial vests and jackets, just big, puffy, dangerous looking ones. Another big bag and some bright shoes finish an otherwise bland looking outfit. Also, I always travel with a chain and pendant with my stillborn son's footprints on it. If you want to wear jewelry, just choose something without clasps that you can pull off and put back on quickly so you're not holding up the security line. Although I find that a few properly placed "sorry" smiles get me a lot of assistance from the cranky business man directly behind me as I juggle my two kids, the stroller, three pairs of shoes and a laptop from the security line.

Another good tip for traveling? I start with super minimal makeup and carry my bare necessities with me; we're talking bronzer, eyeliner and mascara. I then freshen up when the pilot calls for descent so when I arrive at my destination without looking haggard and as if I made the journey via old timey steamship. I also ALWAYS start with my hair dried and down. That way, if it does get in the way, I can pull it into a ponytail without it looking messy, greasy or tired.

Of course, there was one time I flew home at Christmas, was detained in immigration and the airline lost my luggage. Looking good while flying won't make it problem-free, but at least you won't have to avoid yourself in the airport bathroom mirrors.

Skills: The Smoky Eye

I have seen smoky done right, and smoky eye done oh so very, very wrong. The trick is to learn WHEN to use the smoky eye. Going to your child's graduation? Probably not smoky eye material. Date night with your husband? Yes please.

First off, the COLOR that you use to make your smoky eye will have a big effect on the final outcome. While black and gray are traditional, they are pretty serious and can look a *leetle* on the slutty side if done with a heavy hand. If you're new to the powers of the smoky eye, start with a different color. Brown and taupe are nice, and my personal fave is easily plum and purple.

Heeeeere's the steps! With pics from moi. From my husband's blackberry; my camera didn't like the swim in Dr. Pepper that it took. Boo0urns.

1) Apply a little primer to your eyelid. I have suuuuper crease-y eyes and if I don't give the makeup something to stick to, I get crease lines and they are not cool. If you don't use a primer, dab a little liquid foundation over the eyelid and call it good.

2) Use a lighter shade of your smoky eyeshadow and sweep it over the entire eyelid, to the crease line. This will give your smoky eye a little more depth so it doesn't look so severe. You want soft smoky eyes, not porno smoke eyes, got it? I did a light purple, which you can see below.


(This is how I mix my eyeshadow... I get the brush wet and and load it up in the eyeshadow cap. When wetting eyeshadow, create a paste-like texture and it'll stay on forever.

3) Now, here's a personal preference thing. I love me some liquid eyeliner and will occasionally use it for a smoky eye, but an eyeliner brush dipped in eyeshadow will make for a smudgier look. Either one works. To use eyeshadow, pick the darker shade of eyeshadow and WET your eyeliner brush (it's the one with a small, angled end.) Dab the brush into the eyeshadow, pressing down on either side of the brush to get a finer tip.

(See that thin line of darker color right above the lash line? That's it! If you decide to use a liquid liner, use a wet brush to smudge up the line so it isn't so precise. )

4) Begin from the inner eyelid and sweep the brush out to the outer corner of your eyes. I like a little cattiness in my smoky eye, so I give it the TINIEST flick of my wrist at the end. If you mess up, don't freak out. Just wet a q-tip and run it along the top of the eyeshadow for a cleaner line.

5) Dip the brush again into the dark shadow without wetting it first. This will give you a super smudgey look on the bottom. I brush (WITH A VERY LIGHT HAND) a little of the eyeshadow underneath my bottom lashes on the outside corner only. Any more and you'll get too Night of the Living Dead.

6) Take a regular soft kohl pencil in a close-ish color and line your water line. That's the inner rim oof the bottom of your eye. If this makes you squeamish, skip it, but it'll give some incredible definition without giving crazy eyes.

7) Use a regular eyeshadow brush (the puffy one) to sweep a little of the darker shade of eyeshadow into the crease of your eye, keeping it lighter the closer you get to the inner corner of your eyelids, so the outer eyelid is darker and more dramatic.

(K, so you're looking for a graduation of color. The inside of the eyelid is lighter and it gets darker as it moves out for the smoky effect without being too severe. )

8) Finally, curl your eyelashes with my patented method (Three times: Once at the base, then in the middle, then at the tips) and apply two coats of brown or black mascara. You've got it, foxy lady!

(for daytime, go with brown mascara. For night time, a couple of coats of black will make your eyelashes look crazy long. I'm not even wearing falsies here!)

SO there she is... check out that smokiness without sluttiness! It's an art form, really.

Here's the finished product. Pssst little hint here; when doing a dramatic eye it helps to keep everything else neutral, and wearing your hair up brings attention to your awesome eyes.

Be kind, I totally did this at ten at night in my bathroom because I thought having a few photo examples would help you conquer it. My husband was yelling at me to go to bed. Yeah, you're welcome for that. PS you can totes see my bra. IT WAS LATE.

I know it seems like a lot of steps, but once you've nailed it you'll feel more comfortable with the process and create a pretty much ideal smoky eye to make the other moms jealous.

Play with color combos to get different looks. Gold and taupe is super hot, especially for blue eyes, and a navy/ turquoise combo is crazy awesome for brown eyes. You can do it! I have faith in you!

Mama Fit Monday: Do Your Kids Exercise?

A recent study from the University of Washington showed that more and more 2-year olds are regularly watching television. This sets the stage for a sedentary life with an increased risk for obesity and heart disease.



Now that last statement wasn't from the study - that was my own prediction.



But really, the statistics don't lie – a study done at Johns Hopkins concluded that a child's weight increases with the number of hours they spend in front of the television each day.



Are you cringing yet? What parent hasn't popped in a DVD to occupy the kids for a few hours?


And what about your child's diet? How often do you find yourself in the drive thru line ordering another
cheeseburger and fries?



Childhood obesity is now described as an epidemic. It puts your child's health at risk, and makes them more susceptible to problems involving their cardiovascular systems, endocrine systems, and even their mental health. Type 2 diabetes mellitus, depression, and low self-esteem are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problems looming over the heads of overweight children. 

I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know.

It doesn't take a study done at Johns Hopkins to discover that kids today are putting on weight in ways that we never did - you just have to open your eyes to notice.

 The ‘why' is simple. It goes back to the basic equation for weight gain: energy in versus energy out.

Kids eat too much and do too little. 

But I have to ask... are you setting a good example by your eating
habits? This may be a painful question to want to answer – but the truth sometimes hurts (and is good for us).


Maybe you've noticed that your child has begun to put on a little extra weight - what do you do about it?

No matter what age your child is - weight is a sensitive issue. 

What do your kids eat?
Think about your child's diet. Do they eat three balanced meals a day? Do they eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day? Are they limited in their servings of fried, processed, and sugary foods?



Maybe you aren't sure what your kids are eating. Do some investigation by observing and talking to them
about what they eat. 

Identify the foods your kids are eating that are rich in calories but lacking in
nutritional value. Examples: candy, fast food, chips, cookies, soda pop, and pizza. Replace these foods with fresh nutrient dense foods such as vegetables, fruits, whole grains, lean meats and low fat dairy.



How much activity do your kids get?
 Computers, video games, and satellite T.V. are our children's
latest and greatest toys. Who has time to play outside when you are about to beat the hardest level, or your favourite show is about to start? Our kids participate in less physical activity and are more sedentary than any generation before.



Do you know how much physical activity your kids get each day? Some parents may think that kids are
getting an hour of P.E. each day, only to find out that the school has dropped its P.E. classes. 

A great
way to encourage activity is to limit the time your children spend on sedentary activities, such as T.V and video games.

Sign your kids up on a local sports team so that they can run and be active with other kids. Take the whole family to the park on a weekend instead of gathering in front of the T.V.



Monkey see monkey do. 
This issue really boils down to one factor: Parental Example. Your kids watch what you do even when you wish they wouldn't, and this is certainly true when it comes to diet and exercise.
Do you model good eating habits, or do your kids see you indulge?

Do you exercise regularly, or do your kids see you on the couch in front of the television all weekend?


As a parent, it is your unique responsibility to teach your children the habits that lead to good health. Since you know that obese children have a greater chance of remaining obese into adulthood, thus greatly increasing the likelihood of serious health problems, this isn't a responsibility that you take lightly. 



If your eating habits and activity level have slipped it may be time for you to turn things around. It's never too late to set a positive example for your kids – the key is to act now.

Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker
www.FitMomMakeover.net

Freaky Friday: Wedding Edition

My SEVENTH anniversary is fast approaching in two weeks. I cannot believe I've been married that long. I keep telling my husband to brace himself, because a divorce is sure to follow. Seven year itch right?

Every so often I find myself thinking about the wedding. I think about the things that I would do differently now that I'm older and (hopefully) wiser. For instance, I wish I Would have scrapped the wedding reception altogether and gone somewhere warm with my family and a quickie ceremony. We had two receptions, one in Utah and one in Toronto and it was WAY too much. My mother and I wanted to kill each other, my husband and I wanted to kill each other, and I pretty much wanted to kill myself.

One thing I wouldn't change? My dress. I STILL love my dress. I remember buying it, thinking wait... am I going to look at pics ten years down the road and regret that my hair was too big or my dress was outdated? And no. While my wedding was in 2003, I'd probably pick the same. It was a very "Jae" dress. It was the quarter length sleeves. So me.

Here, look how pretty!


Right? I do wish I'd swapped the veil for just natural hair. I hate overdone wedding hair, it haunts my dreams. Mine was pretty simple, but if I were to do it again, I'd just leave it plain and call it good.

It made me wonder if any of the following brides would want to change things for their weddings. I mean, you do what you think you love at the time, and then something new comes out and you're like craaaaaaap I wanted that. Poor, conflicted brides and their poor, conflicted fashion.


Yeah, you'd better pray that your groom doesn't run in the other direction. I also feel like exposed tights are not church-appropriate, but hey, I could be wrong.


Non-white bridal dresses are totally acceptable not. Killing your toy poodle, dyeing him pink and wearing his pom-pom hat as a tail is never acceptable.


Miss Muffet got married? I didn't even get an invitation, y'all! RUDE.


Wow. Her future husband is in for a TREAT. Guess she's a virgin and doesn't quite know what to expect on the wedding night. Here's a hint: You don't *always* need boxing gloves.


LADY GAGA GOT MARRIED? I didn't even get THAT invitation either, y'all. I'm starting to think these fictional characters hate me. Wait, what's that you say? Lady Gaga isn't fictional? Oh. I thought I made her up.


This is so sweet and virginal, isn't it? What is the groom thinking as he watches her walk down the aisle? Better yet, what is his MOTHER thinking as she walks down the aisle??


I feel like weddings are an occasion where you should, at the very least, wear a shirt.

So, are there any things you would do different if you got married again? I figure with the seven year itch and all, I could be getting married again one of these days. Hopefully I'll remarry with one of the sexy hotnesses that were in last week's Freaky Friday.

Those were some fine, upstanding gentlemen.

Summer Swag on the Cheap

So I was just thinking about how much I am enjoying the summer this year. I usually am a die-hard winter girl. I love the cold, love the now, love everything about it.

Then I had kids.

And I got tired of hearing my daughter complain about being bored or my guilt setting in because she's watched four hours straight of Nick Jr. and I feel like I'm on acid because Yo Gabba Gabba is singing a song about biting friends, or not biting friends, as it were.

We've spent the last two weeks putting in your lawn and garden like REAL GROWN UPS and we've spent every day outside. I'm developing a lovely little tan that I've become quite vain about. I'm just waiting to get really burned so I'm put back in my place.

Anyhoo, summer fashion is so fleeting that you really shouldn't have to spend a lot of money on it. Instead, I like to buy a few cheapie accessory pieces to layer on my summer favorites to make them look new. Seriously. I've owned the same pair of shorts since 2006, and they are a little too big but every summer I drag them out of the closet and wear them to death.

Invest in a few really good summer pieces that won't go out of style. We're talking bermuda shorts, dresses and some really well-cut plain white tees. Everything else you can add to look like you're in the loop without spending a lot of coin.

(Sunglasses $13 found here)

You really need a solid pair of sunglasses. I tend to buy one nice designer pair and one crappy Wal-Mart pair that I don't care about losing. Right now I am rocking a pair of gold Timberland aviators that I love like I love my mother. I have larger features and a very heart-shaped face, so I tend to buy bigger glasses. Choose them according to your face shape, and TRY THEM ON. That's the best way to see whether or not they suit you.



(Wedges $30 found here)

Wedges definitely have become my new summer shoe. I bought a pair and have worn them religiously because I love how long and slender they make my legs look. Snakeskin is also a favorite for me too. The nice thing about wedges is that they don't sink into the grass, you can actually walk in them and they are casual enough to wear to the mall and easy to dress up with a skirt. Love them for life, I'll be sad when I have to put mine away.



(Scarf $8 found here)

A summer scarf is SO CRAZY FOOLPROOF and easy to wear. It takes two seconds and all of a sudden it's like oh, insta-hip. I now have like seven of them and I don't see stopping anytime soon. In the summer, I love to wear mine with a white tee, sunglasses and big hoop earrings (and PANTS, gosh don't be such a perv) Because they are made of lighter fabrics, you're not going to get hot and it adds nice dimension to an otherwise boring outfit. I think I just talked myself into wearing one today!


Coral cardi $20 found here)

When I was shopping over Memorial Day I could not get over how many stores had coral as part of their collections. It was everywhere. And in the process of the day, it grew on me and then became indispensable. I bought a sheer-striped cardigan from Banana Republic in this color and I've worn it a bazillion times since then. It's been so fun to find color combos. I've work it with crisp white, turquoise, gray, even an army green and it all looked amazing. Plus the color makes tan people look bronze and white people look fair and blushing. LOVE.


White bag $25 found here)

Yes! I love a white bag in the summer. Look for one that is big enough to hold at least some sunscreen and a good book, and check out the girly details. Handbags lately are all frills and bows and I love. Just a word of caution: I bought a white bag and wore it with dark jeans and the blue from jeans totally rubbed off on the bag and made me frown. Another tip though? Magic eraser takes off ANYTHING.

Summer shopping isn't going to cost an arm and a leg. Besides, I spend all of my money on snow cones until September anyway. Look for cheapie, "now" pieces to update. Now with less guilt!

PS: Those of you who have followed and enjoy my brother's antics... here you go!

Freaky Friday: Father's Day

Since Father's Day is *just* around the corner (That's a reminder to all you stragglers to get out and buy a present) I thought I'd do a little something for my four male readers this morning. I think guys, in general, have it pretty rough when it comes to clothes. There aren't a lot of "trends" when it comes to guys. Jeans and polos have pretty much been it since the 70's. But that doesn't mean you can't find fantastic little gems to make you look EVEN MORE masculine, if that's even possible.


So, Matt over at Tiepedia alerted me to some seriously geeky ties. He posted a bunch on his website, which are hilarious, and then I found this pixel one. FOR SERIOUS GEEKS ONLY. Go buy your husband one so you can give it to him and make sure he never wears it.


Denim is masculine, right? This guy looks like an old timey sailor... if they were all gay. Dogpile in the bunks tonight, sailors!


What is this, the Phantom of the Opera? Best for dads who have a flair for the dramatic. And maybe an alter ego too.


This man's chest and bicep were doing something naughty so they had to be censored. I wish that it was the only thing wrong with this outfit.


Mesh!?!?! Really? What's the point? Just go naked for the love of all that is holy. PS: What's with the POSE.


For the pimp daddy who has everything on Father's Day. Pimp daddies are fathers, right?


Hahaha. I love the model's face in this picture. "Really? A ruffled shirt? I thought we went over this in Seinfeld. Whatever, it's work." PS Model, nice dye job.


Why is this man clearly wearing a woman's tankini? Note to all men, everywhere. HALTER TOPS ARE NOT FOR YOU.


Oh, yeah, let's definitely bust out the tie dye striped VEST and then leave it unbuttoned. At some point, doesn't the shirt stop mattering? Unless his nipples are super susceptbile to sun damage, this shirt does nothing.

So why don't we all give our husbands/significant others a big fat kiss for father's day for not dressing like a douchebag, shall we? I know I'm grateful that my husband has less sculpted eyebrows than me.