Freaky Friday: Fun with Keywords

It's that time again! Time to go through my StatCounter to see what kind of crazy Google queries lead people to my blog. Don't get me wrong, I totally love the freaks that search for foot fetish pictures and man unicorns. They are basically half of my fan base. (HI FREAKS! KISSES!)

Anyway, I got a good little crop. And if today's post seems late today, that's because it is. I got hit with a massive computer virus this morning and spent like three hours fighting it off. I'm not sure if it's cmopletely gone. Then I was so keyed up over it I went shopping. I have a problem. I bought a swimsuit. It's been a weird day.

Anyway, here's the latest and greatest from my recent searches!

"When are you too old to wear a side ponytail?"

That, my friend, relies completely on the placement. A high side pony, like Deb?


After age two. If you are using Google, you're too old.

A low pony like yours truly?


I wear one like, every day of my life and I'm 27. I figure I can get away with it till at least 30.

"How can I wear wedges without looking like a whore?"

I actually LOLed at that one. Here's some examples:


These are dirty whore shoes.


These are lovely and lady like.



These have a face and are for whores.



These are colorful and fun.



Whore.

Are we settled? I feel like we should know the difference by now. Please email if you need further help on what constitutes as whore shoes.

"Do capris look good if you have large calves?"

I don't know. Do half-shirts look good if you have a beer belly?

"How to steal makeup."

SHAME ON YOU! Don't come to my blog ever again, Winona Ryder!!

"Mesh shirts."



Yeah, I'm going to have a shower. Like now. You don't even know what I had to dig through to find this picture. So... dirty...

"How to get a flat stomach like Lady Gaga."

Well, first of all don't come here. I generally think she's an idiot and rarely have anything good to say. BUT! I did read in "US Weekly," the fine publication that it is, that Lady Gaga attributes her new skinny body to "whiskey and starving."

So wait... what you're saying is....wait for it....she WASN'T born that way!? AHAHAHA.

What a fine role model for young girls across America.

"Capris and flip flops foot fetish."

Way to set that fetish bar high, random searcher. I just feel like having a fetish for something you see every day at Walmart is a little low brow, am I right?

Plus, ew.

Happy weekend friends! I have big plans to clean the house and then convince myself to go to the pool in said new swimsuit. Wish me luck!