Freaky Friday: Maternity Addition
Friday, September 24, 2010
(See what I did there? Addition? Because you're expecting a new addition? Oh I am PUNNY!)
So I volunteer at the hospital where I spent the majority of my last pregnancy. I have absolutely NO desire (like really... negative desire) to ever get pregnant again, and being around all of the pregnant moms and new moms there gives me enough exposure to babies and pregnancy to get it out of my system. But one thing I didn't mind about pregnancy (and really, the list is quite short) is the cute clothes they have now.
Maternity clothes didn't used to be so adorable and body hugging. Once upon a time the goal of maternity clothes was to hide the fact that you were (the HORROR) with child. Then people might assume that *gasp* you did the deed at least once.
But today, with a few exceptions, maternity clothes are pretty adorable. My favorite part of being pregnant was wearing the tightest clothes possible and not worrying about my belly at all. I love clothes that show off the belly. I hate maternity clothes that are droopy and drab. It took me a while to find bad maternity clothes, and that made me happy about the state of the world in general.
K, so here's an example of the late 80s, early 90s choices when it came to maternity clothes. Ugh, aren't you glad you're not your mother? Like, I like my mom and all... but she had to wear a lot of crappy clothes.
What a classy lady! I love being able to see that pregnant glow from this lady's exposed crotch.
This makes me sad. It looks like Peter Pan knocked up Tinkerbell and then made her hide her no-no belly. I just picture this with scary green leggings. Go ahead. You can too.
Yes! The expandable dress for all months of pregnancy. Besides the fact that she looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, aren't ALL maternity clothes expandable? You do not need shutter blinds for your belly.
This is called an over share. A really embarrassing over share for your husband. Gosh I hate novelty pregnancy clothes.
Oh, I so wish there was a way to un-see this. It's almost Halloween so it means it's time for sexy prostitute clothes! I've already been watching the Halloween shop in the mall put up displays of sexy jailbirds and the like. That's bad enough. Let's not make it worse by dressing up like a sexy devil whilst gestating.
These overalls are by Heidi Klum. Should I go for the easy joke and tell Heidi that overalls are "out"? And they've been "out" since, oh, 1992? Nah. Too easy.
Compliments of AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. I just love that she's dressed as a mermaid and they're in some nasty creek. Also, his surf shorts detract a little from the fantasy. Or you could both put some clothes on? K thanks.
When maternity clothes are good, they're very good. When they're bad, they make me want to get a hysterectomy.
5 comments:
"It looks like Peter Pan knocked up Tinkerbell and then made her hide her no-no belly."
Ice cold Coke, all up in my NOSE, Jae.
Expanding-dress wouldn't be SO terrible if that woman wasn't so damn creepy.
I'm making some of my own maternity clothes, because it's next to impossible to find a cute dress that isn't black. (I don't buy from online, I'm too nervous it won't fit.)
Anyway, my mom told me that when she was pregnant with my oldest sister, she got so big that she had to make herself a dress, and it was basically a tent, and it was the only thing she could wear for the last month or so. (She told me this because I have 2 weeks left and I'm suddenly too big for all my maternity pants, so it's nothing but gauchos and skirts for me because I am UNWILLING to spend money on something I can only wear for 2 more weeks.)
ANYWAY, She went over to her aunt's house, who is as old as my great-grandma, and the aunt said, "You left the house like THAT?" I thought it was funny she'd say that about a tent dress, but my mom said, "No, she meant 'You left the house WHILE PREGNANT?!' "
HAH! OMG Bequi, heaven forbid. Your poor mom. She should just stay inside for nine months.
With my first pregnancy I gained next to no weight and went to deliver my baby in pre-preg jeans. Second time around? I was in maternity clothes by eight weeks. Hooray for twins ruining my body!
Ok, so I know this is really late, but I was on vacation and am just now catching up on blogs.
Anyway, did you see Indiana's post on maternity don'ts? It's darn funny. Particularly the suspenders.
http://www.adoredaustin.com/2010/08/what-not-to-wear-pregnancy-edition.html
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