Cheap Tricks: Manicure Saver

I am notoriously impatient when it comes to nail polish. I put it on and will definitely have it smudged within about 90 seconds. While I almost never wear polish on my fingernails -- I have a wicked nail biting problem -- I almost always have my toes all polished up. Problem is that when I do get a spare minute to do my nails, I end up getting up and having to get someone a cup of chocolate milk or something and I get it smudged. And I haaaaaaate smudges.

So imagine my happiness when a friend introduced me to this $5 wonder:

It's called Seche Vite and it's literally the best top coat that you'll ever use. Not only does it make your nails super shiny -- it even works on matte polish -- but it dries rock-hard in 60 to 90 seconds. My favorite part is that you can put it right over wet nail polish. HELLO, time saver! Then, it makes your nail polish last forever. I got five to seven days without chips on my hands and up to two weeks on my toenails.

Even when I have my pedi done at a salon, I rush home and slick this stuff on top. It makes my pedi last longer, which means saving money. And at home, it saves my frustration level when I don't have to use nail remover and start again after my kids drag a stuffed animal over my toes while they're driving.

For $5? Totally worth it.

P.S. I am not getting reimbursed for this post. I just love this so much that I would name a child after it.

P.P.S. Don't really do that. It's French for "dry fast."

P.P.P.S. That's the extent of my six years of mandatory French.

Cheap Tricks: Homemade Toner

Just in case yesterday's cheapie post wasn't MINDBLOWING enough, I have more for you.

So, I have a confession to make: my skin sucks. Like, big time. It's a huge jerk and I'd punch it if the face if it wasn't, well, my face. Seriously, it's totally T-zone oily but dry around the edges and literally every product I use irritates the crap out of it. And I've tried pretty much every product possible to clear up my skin and nix oiliness without completely drying my face out. And I've never been loyal to anything because I've never found anything that was super-effective.

A couple of months ago, I was suffering through a particularly heinous stress breakout when I turned to Google for help. After doing some excellent research and by research I mean reading online forums, I came up with a recipe for a toner that has seriously transformed my skin. Yeah, I'll get the occasional zit, but this stuff zaps 'em. This stuff has also changed the appearance of my skin, getting rid of faded scars and shrinking pores, too. When I went to Moab, I didn't bring it with me and the next week my skin was back to its old tricks and I was so mad at myself.

In short, this is my favorite thing ever. And the best part is that it takes like, pennies to make.

 

Here's all you need:

1/3 cup RAW apple cider vinegar
1 tsp. tea tree oil

1/2 cup water

Spray bottle 

That's it!

I should note that I got both the apple cider vinegar and the tea tree oil from my local grocery store -- nothing special. Just make sure you get the raw stuff. I bought a huge bottle of filtered without thinking and it now is my floor cleaner. Unfiltered is what you want because it has all of the good fruit acids inside. Anyway, the ACV was about $1.50 and I spent $4 on the tea tree oil and both will last forever. I figure I'm mixing this stuff up for like, 25 cents a bottle. And it actually works, unlike pretty much every product that I've spent serious money on.

Now, all I do is mix all the ingredients in a spray bottle and give it a good shake. At night, I wash my face -- right now I'm just using an Olay cleanser -- and then spray my toner on a cotton round. Swipe it all over your face and you're finished! If I do have a zit, I like to saturate the cotton a little more and hold it over the blemish for 10 seconds or so. By the next morning it's way smaller and almost gone. 

Another tip? Keep some in the fridge for morning use. I find that it cuts oiliness first thing in the morning and the cold shrinks pores so my makeup looks better too.

You can totally adjust the amounts, as well. If your skin is way oily and doesn't dry out, I'd add some more ACV. If your skin is more acne prone, up the tea tree oil a bit. Play with it until you've got the combo that works for you. And yes, your husband will complain about the smell of the tea tree oil: it's really strong and herb-y. But he can deal with it, because this is your skin we're talking about! 

Give it a try and lemme know what you think!

Cheap Tricks: $1 Eye Highlighter

** Prayers to Boston. This has been my favorite response to it all.**


As promised, this week is all about my cheapest makeup and beauty tricks I use everyday -- three in particular. Today's is definitely the easiest and the cheapest of all three -- that's because it literally costs $1 and about two seconds out of your day.

It's this little baby, here:

This, my friends, is e.l.f.'s Essential Shimmering Facial Whip. I've been using it for years, but it has a really special application that I looooove. And that's making me look awake in the morning.

All I do is take my teeny tube of this stuff (which lasts forever, by the way) and squeeze a miniscule amount on the back of my hand.

Seriously, that is more than enough. Any more and you're going to look like a slutty fairy.

Then, I dab my finger into the little schmear and then dab my finger onto my tear ducts.

It acts as a shimmery highlighter that makes you look super awake and like you weren't up reading on your iPad until 1 am, not that I do that or anything.

Shimmery tear ducts FTW! Look at them! Look at theeeeeeemmm.

Then, as I usually have some leftover on my hand, I use it to highlight my brow bones, the tops of my cheek bones and then I rub the last little bit right above the bow of my lips. It's just enough shimmer to bring attention to your best features and make you look bright and awake.

Happy days!!

The color I use is the palest one they have -- Lilac Petal. You can nab it form the website (they have free shipping right now) but I just got this one at Target. Easy peasy, $1 and makes you feel like a million. I look positively undead without this stuff.

Alright, that's my first one. Stay tuned for tomorrow, when we will talk about my homemade skin treatment woop woop.

What I Wore: Maiden Voyage

Just so you know, my camera slipped through the couch cushions and I had to dig it out before posting. And voyaging under my couch is deep, dark and scary. So just be aware that I am dedicated to this blog to the point of surfing my hand through cookie crumbs, bobby pins and old lollipops to be here for you.

I FINALLY got to wear my red skirt and I am very happy about that. Especially because I'm on day 15 of my shopping diet (it ends next Thursday YES) and I needed a little pick-me-up. Thanks, red skirt.

 Skirt: Tailor and Stylist (here)

Top: Charlotte Russe
Cardi: H&M
Shoes: Qupid
Bracelet: Umm my brother gave it to me and it's from Botswana
Earrings: F21

At first, there were like, TOO many things I wanted to pair this skirt with. My whole closet was emptied onto my bed and I played dress up for an hour. But I finally decided to just go simple for its maiden voyage. There will be many more times. I have a plummy top I reaaaalllly want to try with this. Stay tuned for that. Meanwhile, it was just neutral colors with a pop of leopard -- my fave.

 Can you tell I've been watching a lot of Mad Men lately? Pencil skirts for everyone! 

Hooray for hips!

 I bet you were wishing this skirt had a bow on the bum WELL GOOD BECAUSE THERE IS.

POW!
Dat bow!

Also can I point out that this baby was under $25. I love me a steal! And this week, I'm going to feature my favorite cheapie beauty products and secrets each day, so keep checking. Tomorrow's secret is $1 I kid you not. Hint: it's the only way I stop from looking like a zombie everyday. Get ready for some awesome tips and gratuitous selfies all. week. long.

Don't act like your interest isn't piqued.

Awesome Ways to Style Your Maxi Skirt

It's no secret that I love me a maxi skirt. And ever so slowly, I'm amassing a large quantity of skirts that make me want to flounce through fields and do dramatic skirt swooshes, which is totally a thing. So while I was Pinteresting and looking for inspiration on how to spruce up my sale-old maxi, I found awesome inspiration from even awesomer fashion bloggers who I'll just share with you. Check out this linky love and then go -- go and wear your maxi skirts until they become threadbare!

Here are some of my faves:

Kenzie+Faith does it with a leather jacket, which is my fave maxi topper. It  takes the look out of Little House on the Prairie right into grunge territory. I even love the all-dark colors she's working with. So amazing for a date night.

Sydney kills it by pairing a pink maxi with a denim jacket and nothing else and I bow down. It's so fresh and pretty without being dowdy, which can sometimes happen with excessive layering -- I"m looking at you, hipsters.

In Honor of Design first of all, MAKES her own green maxi skirt which is just unfathomable to me. But then she pairs it with a knotted chambray shirt which is amazingly adorable and something I love to do. Makes for just a cute shape and it's casual enough to wear running errands.

Style Pantry is doing her maxi skirt with a kitschy graphic tee and I love it. I have a black and white maxi skirt that looks sooo cute with vintage-graphics and that makes me happy because when I see a graphic tee, I must buy it. I have three drawerfuls I'm not even lying.

Also check out how she does a head-to-toe mono look here. With the leopard? I'm dying. Resuscitate me, please. So cute.

Tori @ Marvelous Things Photography dresses up her maxi skirt with a blazer. Blazers and maxi skirts go together like peanut butter and bananas. But not jelly because I hate jelly. Bananas. But really, how cute and fresh does she look? Answer: Very cute and fresh.

Okay, fine, this is me. But when you wear a maxi skirt with a safe cardigan, define your waist, pretty please. Otherwise you're gonna get all slouchy and hobo-y and I don't know how I feel about that.


So... what's your fave way to wear a maxi?

What I Wore: Barbershop

It's not often that I see something I want and buy it off the cuff. I usually hum and haw, look for coupon codes, compare against other stuff and then get around to buying it. But this dress called my name and I had it bought and paid for in about five minutes flat. I loved how it looked like an old timey barbershop barber pole. And I was like "Wow, I don't yet own anything that makes me look like an old timey barber pole" and so I bought it because I have excellent decision-making skills.  If it's speaking to you and it's saying "Buy me and forget that your electric bill is due," you can here.

OK and I also bought this skirt about five minutes later. I can't wait to show you guys. It's so good. SO GOOD.

Anyway, this dress was perfect last week when I took my kids to a big old indoor playground to help burn off Spring Break energy. I brought my iPad and read (I just finished Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel) and it was lovely. My kids checked in every 10 minutes or so and I was reminded about how awesomely fantastic it is to have older kids. Four and seven is my happy place.

 Dress: Tailor and Stylist
Jacket: Old Navy
Shoes: Ardene (Canada) 

I'm not wearing a speck of jewelry. I'd like to tell you that it was because the pretty belt was jewel enough and sartorially, I didn't feel like this outfit needed extra adornment but really, it was because I was going to a flippin' indoor playground and didn't feel like it.

These are BY FAR the ugliest shoes I own. They're like a hybrid moccasin married to a flip flop making a lovechild with a Mary Jane. And yet... this is my second pair. I wear them everywhere and have learned to be OK with the fact that they're ugly.

Also, check out the adorbs belt on this sucker. It's metal and red and I die.

Anyway, it's back to business today since Spring Break is officially over. I plan to celebrate by showing my to do list who's boss and then having a nap woo!

Freaky Friday: Love Letters

Ah, you guys! My kids went to the cabin with their grandparents yesterday evening and I've been home alone since. So far, I've done exciting things like: eat ribs like a motherflippin' ladyboss, go to Wal-Mart, stay up late to watch Jimmy Fallon with my husband and work with very loud and inappropriate Robin Thicke music playing in the background. It's glorious, especially after a week of Spring Break where I felt all this pressure to be the best mom ever and take my kids to every crowded, overpriced activity we could think of. I have big plans to catch up on all the HBO I DVRed last week, watch wedding shows and do my hair. I'm giddy.

Unfortunately, I'm on my annual April shopping diet, otherwise I'd be using this mama time-off to hit up stores. It's killllllling me for real. I'm going for a girl's trip in a few weeks, so I can binge then but for now, I'm trying to stay away from online shopping. And to do that, I'm writing love letters to some of my favorite mom-related celebs and public figures that I've been thinking of lately.


Dear Gwyneth Paltrow:

So I noticed that you're back trying to make me hate you again. And you're doing an excellent job, I might add. When you released your "Spring Review" aka "Spring Humblebrag About How Rich You Are", I'll admit that I was curious. After all, if you're spending $450K on clothes this spring, I can only assume you purchased excellent pieces that can be worn in a variety of ways for seasons to come.

 And yet... I was so wrong. Instead, you showed pieces that would work on no one. Not even yourself. And yeah, I know you worked hard on that toned belly by eating baby food and doing the idiotic Tracey Anderson method for two hours every day, but I still don't want to see your stomach. I actually don't want to see anyone's stomach outside of a pool or beach. And I DARE you to wear those orange metallic shorts again. DARE.

Kisses,
Jae

Dear Kim Kardashian

Sweetie. Honey. Baby. Muffin. Cinnamon Buns. You have GOT to start thinking about maternity clothes for me. Look, I know you want to be cool and sexy during your pregnancy. We all do. But it's OK to show off your bump -- don't cover it up. Sure, your babydaddy is a huge douchecanoe and is probably a jerk about you shopping a A Pea in the Pod like normal people, but he doesn't own you. Seeing you stuff your belly into high-waisted pants or hiding it under huge flowy dresses makes my heart hurt.

Also, pregnancy is NOT the time to go with a strapless bra. Because now my heart and my back hurts. You're a millionaire. You can do better than this.

Check out Jessica Simpson, who is doing a MUCH better job with clothing this time around:



 Can we just make a tight shirt and cute blazer like, the uniform for maternity clothes? That would be greaaaat.

Thanks!
Jae

Dear That Person Who Wrote the "Dear Mom on the iPhone" Letter I Saw on Facebook:

I honestly wanted to write a whole tirade about this because it irked me so bad. But I've calmed down and now I'll just say a few things.

1) Hey, other people who aren't parents to my kids -- wanna stop judging me for it? As long as mine are fed, clothed, sheltered and safe, I'm doing my job and you don't need to worry. I've got this.

2) My kids actually don't need me drooling and clapping like a seal over everything they do. Not every trip down the slide is going to be the best ever. Sometimes, it's just a routine trip to the park and I don't need to bring a DSLR camera to document every movement.

3) Let's face it: Kids are pretty mediocre most of the time. It's just mommy blogs, Instagram and judgey article writers who make it sound like your child is just a magical fairy dust moment waiting to happen in perfect lighting. We're spawning a generation of moms who plunge into deep depression when they have children and realize that most of the time their kids smell like peanut butter and have hobo hair and do stupid things like trying to be ninjas and hurting themselves and then what will they blog about???

4) I'm checking my phone because I'm emailing a client. I work. I actually want my kids to see me working. My work is important to me. One day, I want work to be important to them too.

5) I'm taking my kids to the park and that should be super-mom enough. I consider this a triumph because they could be inside watching SpongeBob. Don't ruin that for me. 

6) "Your little boy keeps shouting, "Mom, MOM watch this!" I see you acknowledge him, barely glancing his way. He sees that too. His shoulders slump." 
Excuse me while I vomit. You know what moms need right now? More guilt. Because they don't have enough from everyone else already. So now, not only do I have to feel guilty that my kids don't eat an all-organic diet, go to private school or read at an 8th grade level, I have to feel guilty each time I look at my freakin' phone. I was actually looking for something else to feel guilty about, so thanks for that.

7) Stop watching me at the park. It's creepy.

Love forever,
Jae

Dear Josh Duhamel:

You're adorable. I read an article that said you called Fergie giving birth "a beautiful thing." And yeah, it's pretty special. But be prepared for the not-so-beautiful parts too. Because giving birth is also pretty slimy.

With warning,
Jae


Dear Amanda Bynes' Mom:

I don't know if you realize this, but your daughter is having a mental breakdown. Like, stage 5, Michael Jackson dangling a baby out of a window capital-M Meltdown. Where are you? You need to go scoop her up, bring her home and bake her shepherd's pie while watching a Downton Abbey marathon like a good mother.

This is a cry for help.  A really badly-dyed cry.

Lovingly,
Jae


Dear Holly Madison:

You named your child Rainbow.




















So I guess we're assuming she's not becoming a lawyer?

In all seriousness,
Jae



Whew... that felt good to get off my chest. It's your turn! Anyone you'd like to write a passive-aggressive note about? Because I want the dishy dirt while I watch wedding shows!