Freaky Friday

We have a mixed bag for Freaky Friday, which is great because I Have a mixed bag kinda day going on. You know one of those days where you just have a little bit of everything? My fam-fam is coming to visit on Tuesday so I should probably remove the camping gear from the guest room and clean July's leftovers out of the fridge. Ugh, pretending to be civilized for guests is the worst.

 Andrea sent me what might be one of my favorite submissions to date. This dress...tunic thingy is supposed to be for either gender. Makes sense. When I'm dropping acid, I'd rather do it with my husband while dressed alike.

 K, so jumpsuits are the bane of my existence, but I've learned that certain things can make it worse. Like cable knit camel toe, for example.

 Haven't you ever wished that your foot could look like a giant vat of melting Creamsicles? If I had a nickel for every time...

 Oh good! Instead of throwing out my broken DVD player, I can glue it to my head instead. So environmentally conscious of me!

This is probably my favorite thing of all time. It's like who wouldn't want to spend their time dressing up as a vending machine and pranking unsuspecting Coke drinkers? It's like "ahahaha I really got you that time sweet mother I'm so lonely." 

 Brenda sent me this hairband, noting that it made it look like the model's head is on fire. Besides heartily agreeing, I'd like to point out how shamed she looks in this picture. Shame on you, model. Shame for your firehead!

 

 Have you ever seen this comic? It makes me die from agreement. That's a totally legit way to die, right? The only person who can wear fedoras is Jennifer Aniston.

 Unless you add cat ears and are crazy. Then, be my guest.

 If you look at this too quick, it kind of looks like her intestines are spilling out. Then it's like "Phew, it's just an ugly floral maternity shirt that was a close one."

 Speaking of maternity shirts, how about an iPhone charger that looks like a fetus? Also, I can only assume you also enjoy cat mutiliation and serial killing in your spare time.

A few different people sent me this shoe, including Stephanie, Rachel and Lindsay. First, I took at as a personal offense: I have ridiculously short arms and wondered if all of these people were telling me that I look like a T-rex. After calming myself down I realized that it was really sent to me because it's a plastic DINOSAUR on a SHOE.


Also, thanks for sending in the costumes for the contest! Keep 'em coming. There have been some doozies this year... I have actually LOLed at a bunch. Oh human race, you so silly!

Now it's off to the races. Time to shed the hoodie for something more wearable in public. Boo.

Fall Shopping List 2012

I know it's officially fall now. Not because of the date, but because I just ate my first ... OK, and my second... piece of pumpkin pie. I'm hoping to make it a third in like, 10 minutes. Seriously, I don't know what is wrong with me but yesterday I couldn't focus on anything but pie. I begged my hubs to bring me some home and he obliged because he loves me very much and knows not to toy with my food cravings. And before you say it, no... I'm not pregnant. I'm just really passionate about pie, OK?

Anyway, another sign of it being fall is that I start to get itchy fingers around my credit card. I want to freshen up the old closet before the leaves start falling so I thought I'd list some of the things I'm looking for in the next couple of weeks. Note that all of these are under $50 and they'd be easy-peasy ways to update a "I don't have anything to wear!" -type wardrobe. Oh, and click the pics if you'd like the link.

 I really want some fall flats that aren't super sweet. These would be amazing with an a-line skirt and leather jacket OR with some skinnies and a cardigan. (LC Lauren Conrad)

 I've been obsessing over this vest for a few days now. See, the other day I was in a bad mood about something work-related and my husband gave me online shopping time to cheer me up. Did I mention that you can buy my love? Because you absolutely can. I went to go grab this from F21, but they didn't have my size. I now must go to the actual store and hunt for it. This with some dark jeans and Fryes? Fuggedaboutit. Actually, pretty much anything moto is big for fall.

 This cardigan!! I would love this with a white button up, a pair of skinnies and flats for like, Thanksgiving dinner (Sorry, Americans. Canadian Thanksgiving is next week so my brain is already on turkey and clothes). Add a bib necklace and you're pretty much done AND have a place to hide your food baby. (Quiksilver)

 I am loving military-inspired clothes too. My husband has this Gap military jacket that I Have plans to steal and belt when the weather gets a little cooler, but this would suffice with bootcut jeans and a pair of red heels, don't you think? (Delias)

 Tights tights tights!! I love me some patterned tights and these python ones are pretty much perfection. I'd wear them peeking out of a pair of boots. (2b)

 Speaking of boots, I'm in the market for a pair of buckle-happy ones. I have four pairs of brown boots right now, but the more the merrier, right? Plus I love the flat heel, which means I could wear them basically every day. (Charlotte Russe)

OK, so not everyone loved my plaid/leopard pairing on Monday, but that's alrighty with me! Pattern mixing isn't supposed to really "go," but plaid is a great place to start. Wear this under a striped shirt or with some colored skinnies. This one has a lace back which makes it a little more femmy.



That's what I'm looking for when I do some fall shopping... what's on your list?

What I Wore: Trendslave

So my weekend actually turned out pretty awesome. I found the motivation to pack an overnight bag and we took my husband's old Jeep Wrangler and drove right over the top of a mountain to get to the cabin. My hubs then took the kidlets fishing all morning, which means I stayed in my pajamas, ate cookies and watched/made fun of Twilight all day. It was lovely. After that, we headed back down the mountain and I checked out a new sushi place with my ladyfriends. Granted, my husband then complained that my hair smelled like fried Japanese food all night, but it was totally worth it.

ANYWAY, I wore this outfit as an homage to two awesome-possum (yes I just said that) trends for fall: Plaid and leopard. And while I love me some classic clothes, I love trendy patterns. Marry the two in a straightforward button up and a pair of awesome (and cheap woo!) heels and you have trendslavery at its best.

 

Button up - F21 (I bought this two years ago and they STILL have in stores oh yeah)
Sunnies: Relic (I was actually on my way out, I don't just wear sunnies on my shirt all day geez)
Jeans: Refuge
Shoes: Mossimo (I bought these crazy on sale I think they were 70 percent off)
Bracelets: Nordstrom
Leather cuff: Marc Jacobs
Earrings: F12
Bag: Guess

 

Not gonna lie. I feel like a boss when I wear the jeans, heels and button up combo. It totally looks like I know what I'm doing even though I don't 98 percent of the time. I vow to wear this a lot more this fall. Also, I bought an amazing turquoise blazer but I stopped myself from going crazy at the mall. I have family coming to visit next week and I plan on doing my major fall damage when they're here. 

I blew $60 on these bracelets, but I still consider them one of my best investments. Those suckers go with everything. The leather cuff was a gift from the hubs and may have been pretty pricey, but since I'm wearing them with cheap heels I think it all averages out. Also, can I point out that these shoes were insanely comfortable? They're only a 3-inch lift and I wore them while on my feet for about four hours straight and it was nothing.

Note to self: Continue wearing jeans and heels until it snows and you have to pack away cute heels for cute boots. Note to readers: Do the same. Note to readers living in warm climates: Wear heels always. I'm jealous.

Freaky Friday: Fun with Keywords

I'm hoping to get up to our family cabin this weekend, which means I need to clean up, pack, scrounge up food, fold towels and then lose the motivation to go to the cabin and stay home and watch bad movies instead. IT'S A DATE!

Of course, poking around in my keyword activity sounds like fun too. If you're new to the blog, Fun with Keywords is when I check my website stats and find the creepiest stuff people Googled to find my humble blog. It's a good time and only sometimes does it reveal sexual deviants YAY!

"Cute women's velour tracksuit"

I'm sorry, is this 2002 and New Jersey, the only time and place that women's velour tracksuits were actually popular? I'm confused.

"Sexy My Little Pony costume"

Oh, I see you haven't yet gotten the memo about my extreme hatred for sexy Halloween costumes? Let me refresh you.
1. They're disgusting.
2. They in no way actually look like the costume they're supposed to be.
3. Just wear lingerie and go as a Victoria's Secret model if you want to traipse around the neighborhood in your underpants.
4. Putting ears on with said underpants doesn't make you a cat.
5. Stop ruining EVERYTHING EVER by making it into a sexy Halloween costume. My Little Pony is not sexy. Nor is Dumb and Dumber, Pokemon, unicorns, houses, gumball machines, rat poison or whatever else you've decided to make into a sexy Halloween costume.
6. Stoppit.

Feel free to print out this memo and tape it to the windows of pubs, high school costume contests, shopping malls and your house in preparation for Halloween.

(PS, peeps that have been sending me Halloween costume entries, you guys are awesome. Keep 'em coming! I've already got a ton to wade through.) 

"Best cat memes"

Can you really choose just ONE? Cat memes are pretty much nonstop lolz. Behold my faves.

 Anxiety cat understands me and my love for voicemail.

 Overly attached cat has boundary issues. 

 Comforting cat sees through your ploy. 

 Hipster kitty thinks you've probably never heard of it. 

Cue the nonstop hits I will now receive from crazy cat ladies. Welcome, crazy cat ladies. It's OK you don't have plans tonight. 

"How to wear an orange dress."

Ooh, that one is tricky. Let me break it down the best that I can.

1) Buy an orange dress.
2) Wear it.
 

Email me for further clarification if necessary. 

"90s maternity dresses"

LOL you mean 1590s right? I can only assume that's what you mean because the 1990s was such a horrific time for maternity fashion that society has blanked it from our collective memories. But 1590s... rawr.  

  That's a babymaker right there.

"Who says my mom is fat?"

Let's be honest here. If you have to Google it, the answer is everyone.

"Ultimate hipster"

Found him. All other hipsters bow down.



Well, I hope by now everyone has found what they're looking for and for once, my keyword queries didn't have anything about hot moms. Of course, now I've type "hot moms" and I'm gonna get mad hits from lonely men.

Hey lonely men... can I introduce you to cat ladies? They don't have plans tonight either.
 

What to Wear for Family Pictures (Part Deux)

If someone was to ask which of my posts has been the most popular over the years, I would definitely say the Family Pictures post I did back in early 2010. That thing has been pinned on Pinterest like six bajillion times and it's always one of my highest traffic posts. But, here's the thing. I wrote it two years ago. While much of the advice stills stands, I figured I could spruce it up and give you some new ideas for family pictures.

Which may have something to do with the fact that I'm having family pictures done on the 20th of next month and needed to plan anyway. Two birds: Meet one stone.

Here we go!

(I had to add the "shmuck" part in there because I know for a fact that when my husband is forced to dress like everyone in a group, he feels like a major shmuck. I tend to agree.)

Now, my original post stands. Here are my general rules for picking family picture outfits.

1) Go with a general color palette, but don't MATCH. I prefer to pick two main colors and then use a neutral as a third color. Oh, and jeans don't have to match anything. Jeans definitely don't count as "blue," so they're a neutral.

HOWEVER, tread carefully if you're ALL wearing jeans. It can come off as matchy. I like at least one person to be wearing a skirt (I tried to get my husband to be that one, but it was a no-go), khakis, leggings, whatever... just something to break up the sea of denim.

2) Use pattern sparingly, but smartly. Patterns are totally fine as long as they a) are within the same color family and b) are graphic. Florals won't photograph as well as say, blocky stripes or polka dots. You'll notice all of the outfits below have at least a little pattern in them. I think they go a long way in ensuring you don't look like you buy your clothes at the same store as your husband and small children and entire extended family.

3) Plan around your location. I like to make sure that our outfits "go with" the location chosen. If you're dressed in more urban patterns and colors, go with an urban landscape. More country? Break out the boots.

4) Don't be a phoney baloney. When I had my pictures done last time around, my hubs wore his beloved hat for some of the shots and people were like "How did you LET him do that?" First of all, I don't "let" him do anything. I'm not his mother and he's 32 years old. Second, the only time he doesn't have a hat crammed on his head is on Sunday. If it makes him more comfortable and feel more natural for pics, I don't care. The same goes for dressing your family. If you're more casual, don't stuff your poor toddler into a tux. He'll be uncomfortable and it'll show through in the shots.

Not being fakey also goes a long way in convincing your hubs that he doesn't look like a shmuck... just sayin'. You want polished versions of yourselves, not fantasy versions.

5) Heels are your friend. I like heels, wedges or boots for pics because they'll elongate the leg and give you a little extra height. Again, just dress according to the weather and the location. You don't want to be sinking into the grass because you wore spike heels into the forest.

OK, want to see some updated examples? Here we go!

Long sleeve top, $26 / White top / Hollister Co. embroidered jeans / Dockers boat deck shoes / Keen Footwear leather slip on shoes / Charlotte Russe stiletto high heels / Wet Seal / Old Navy Mens Western Shirts / dENiZEN from the Levi's brand Men's Regular Fit Jeans Barbary / Buffalo David Bitton Guys 8-20 King Bootcut Cotton Denim Jeans / Old Navy Girls Denim Jackets / Puffy Vest kid boy / Jumping Jacks 'Casey' Boot (Toddler, Little Kid & Big Kid) / Corduroy Skirt kid girl / Girls' solid tights

This is what I'm thinking for my pictures. I got those new leopard heels and I think they'd be so fun in a more urban or industrial setting, so I have to talk to my photog. But other than that, this red-orange, brown and blue palette is casual while still "going together." I also love the nod to leopard throughout. This would look koo-koo-kachoo if you brought another print in there, but since it's the same, it's kosher. My sassypants daughter would love this.

Vero Moda double breasted blue blazer, $36 / J.Crew rainbow skinny jeans / Mix No. 6 distressed black boots / Timberland lightweight shoes / Charlotte Russe south sea pearl earrings / Red hair accessory / BKE Finlayson Jacket / Guess Lincoln Jean / Pink Vanilla Stripe Tiered Dress (Little Girls) / Petit Bateau, $49 / Zip-Front Sweater baby boy / Old Navy Boys Plain Front Uniform Khakis / boy shoes corduroy slip-on shoe / Girls red beaded bow shoes, $32

If you're looking for more traditional clothes, remember that traditional doesn't automatically mean boring. These colors would totally pop in an orchard or natural setting and the boots keep you from tripping all over the grass. Also, can I just recommend long earrings for pictures? They'll give your neck a little length. Stay away from short, chunky jewelry... it could make you look (you guessed it!) short and chunky. Jackets also work really well to cover up problem areas that you don't want highlighted; just look for ones that are well cut.

Linea Weekend striped top, $39 / River Island maxi skirt, $41 / Wedge heels, $31 / Jennifer Loiselle yellow gold jewelry / Old Navy Mens Everyday Classic Fit Khakis / Selected Homme Mens Navy Idaho Button Shawl Neck Knit, $31 / Asos Saddle Shoes With Leather Sole / Old Navy Girls Ribbon Belt Jersey Dresses / Old Navy Boys Plain Front Uniform Khakis / Ralph Lauren Toddler's & Little Boy's Rugby Shirt / Chooka Rubber Rain Boot (Toddler, Little Kid & Big Kid) / John

Oh hey, adorable and hip family. Here's a brilliant secret: Wear a maxi skirt and heeled boots for pictures and you'll look mucho taller and it'll be awesome as long as you're not like, towering over your significant other. Don't shy away from dresses and skirts in pictures. I tend to think that if you're carrying a little extra weight, they photograph better than jeans.

OK, so now's your shot. Do you have any family picture rules that you follow? I would just like to eradicate all awkward family pictures forevermore. And trust me, I was in tons as a kid. I would know.

Emmy Faves and Fails

I know I should be posting outfits today, but I had too much fun watching the Emmy's last night to miss out on dishing about the fashion. How hilarious was Ricky Gervais introducing the awards for variety shows? Love him. But I didn't love a lot of the dresses last night. There wasn't anything that made me say "ZZZZOMG" which is obviously an extremely accurate level of fashion awesomeness measurement.

Also, can I just say that it makes me laugh whenever a site or mag puts a guy in the "Best Dressed" list. Um yeah, he wore a tux. Amazing. Let's just state now that all guys look good in traditional tuxes and leave it at that. Don't take up precious room telling me how hot Jon Hamm looks ALWAYS.

Anyway, here's my faves and fails:

 Fail: Remember when Julia Ormond was like, the glorious ingenue in every movie and she was Sabrina in that Harrison Ford remake I watched everyday when I was 17? Yeah. Well, now she's Julia Ormond, the mother of the bride-type figure.

Fave: Kristen Wiig. I have a huge girl crush on this lady, but sometimes she dresses like a crazy person. I hearted this dress because it just looked cool and fun ... though I would have worn different shoes. Remember this, Kristen Wiig, for when we inevitably become friends and I have to give you shoe advice. Also, I love her hair. The end.

 Fail: Juliana Marguilseskjfhsgher however you spell her last name. This looks like Frances Hodgson Burnett barfed on a dress, amiright!?

....

What's that? I'm the only one who thinks literary jokes are funny? Moving on then.

 

Fave: Christina Hendricks. I know that everyone loves this girl's body and I can see why, but sometimes I think she dresses it poorly. This dress fits her perfectly and I love. If only it were a deeper blush color, I would be satisfied. Luckily, I don't think anyone is actually looking at the dress...

....

 Fail: Sofia Vergara. Look, I love this lady and her accent is my fave ever and she's hilarious in those commercials with Ellen, but this dress is so Miss America I can't even stand it. Also, I read that later on in the night, the zipper popped open and her butt fell out. "This is an outrage!"... said no one, ever.

 Fave: Jane Levy. Suburgatory is actually pretty hilarious and this dress is pretty awesome. I like how age-appropriate it is. Just fresh and it kind of reminds me of something that Emma Stone would wear and therefore I enjoy it.

 

Fail: Julianne Moore. What the deuce, Julianne? You're a rockin' fiery redhead and you show up to the Emmy's in THIS? I know it like literally walked off of the runway and onto your body, but no pale red head should wear this shade ever. Make it mustard and cut out the turtleneck and MAYBE. 

 

Fave: Kat Dennings. Putting the fact that Kat Dennings looks like she'd rather be on fire than on this red carpet, I really loved her dress. Homegirl has a killer body and this color looks crazy good on her and amazing for fall. I like how not overdone it is (See Julianne Hough from last night, who looked like she was attacked viciously by a Bedazzler). 

 

Fave: Padma Lakshmi. Oh, what's goin' on, Padma? Just wearing the most glorious color for your skin ever? That's cool. Do you work out? You look like you work out. 

 

Fail: Jena Malone. Proof that cut is everything. This is the same color Kat Dennings is wearing, but this dress is so weird. And did NO ONE learn anything from Angelinagate at the Oscars? Stop sticking your dang legs out of your slits, people! 

Fail: Nancy O'Dell (Whose name I can never remember): My husband and I always refer to Nancy O'Dell as "the lady who always looks the same no matter what." This dress would been passable except the fact that she looks like she was harpooned and blood is seeping out of the wound. Also, just forgot her name again. Geez, Nancy, get it together!

Alright, am I totally off my rocker here? Is there any superfails that I missed? I hope not, because I really love a superfail and like to think I'm pretty thorough.

(All images property of the Associated Press)

Freaky Friday

Hey party people! Actually, I'm not much in a party mood today. Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and know for a fact that you're not going to be doing anything productive all day? Yeah. That's me. So far, I woke up, worked a little, worked out but spent an equal amount of time talking with my workout buddies and then perused Facebook. I have GOT to get going. Maybe some bad fashion will give me a good punch in the arm to get moving.

 

So Betty Rubble chic I can't even stand it!

Speaking of Betty Rubble, may I remind you that Halloween is coming up and we'll be hosting our annual slutty costume contest in a few weeks. Start looking online for the worst of the worst! Remember that skanky house took all last year so you need to top it. Send your entries (and a link because last year I got in trubs from not linking) to my email and we'll start collecting 'em. YAY it makes my heart so happy. 

  

Just FYI: this was labeled as a "mini dress." As in, so mini that it doesn't actually cover your lady bits. I'm pretty sure this was fashioned out of a pillowcase. 

 

You know what I wish my pants had? MORE PANTS. This is what happens when Dolce and Gabbana does when they have too much denim laying around. Where does the belt go?? (Thanks, Angie!)

 

These shoes look like Frankenstein. I hope when the designer sketched them out he was like "I...I've created a MONSTER!" and there was lightning. 

Sexy Frankenstein maybe? 

 

 

Angie also sent me these awesome Beetlejuice pants. I would like to point out that while horizantal stripes can be slimming, that's only true if they don't feature a large arrow pointing at your crotch.

 

Honestly. I think some designers just wanna screw with you and see what you'll buy. This dress is like a gazillion dollars and looks like candy corn. 

 

Stacy sent me this depiction of what the most offensive shoe of all time would look like. UGGS, Cros AND Vibrams? I should label this NSFW ("not safe for wearing" omg I am so witty).

 

Speaking of offensive footwear, I just read an article about how UGG's stock is tanking right now because APPARENTLY the human race wised and stopped wanting to look like sassy bedazzled sherpas. Took long enough. 

Alright, I have resolved that I will get something productive done today. I mean, not as productive as like, showering... but maybe like eating leftover cheesecake and paging through an US Weekly. Success! 

Also, if this was not enough fail for you, please see this unintentionally hilarious video sent to me by Mary. My favorite are the "rules." I so wish I was at this video shoot. On acid.