Home Again. Home Again

Hey guys! I made it back from my foray 'cross the border. While I was in Canada, I made the world's stupidest decision to watch the movie "Like Crazy," in which a couple is separated when the girl is deported back to England and spent the rest of the week paranoid that it would happen to me. Good times, good times.

Also, I pride myself in always being prepared for anything at the airport. Flying with a three- and six-year-old, I have to be on top of my game at all times. I'm always on time and have the process down to a science, usually going warp speed through security.

Until yesterday, when on the way to the airport we were stopped dead because the main highway was shut down for a police investigation (oh, Toronto). It resulted in us skidding into the airport 25 minutes before takeoff and doing a full-on, "Home Alone" run through the terminal with my kids. I kept having to remind myself that although I was completely embarrassing myself in public, I would never see any of those people again in my life. I was all hot and flushed during the security and I practically had a seizure when the 9 million-person family in front of me was stopped for extra checkpoints. After yelling "HUSTLE!" for the 60th time at my kids, we finally made it on board with about 10 minutes to spare. I was so worked up that I spent the $5 and bought myself satellite TV on the plane. Nothing that a Kardashian marathon won't fix.

Oh, did I mention that I totally traveled in workout pants? I NEVER travel in workout pants but that's what was clean. If anyone saw me at the airport, I was the sweaty one in the hat. Eastern humidity ruins my hair.

Just a reminder that sometimes, stuff doesn't go as planned. After 12 hours of nonstop travel yesterday, I have never been so excited to see my bed and my beloved desktop. Oh, and my husband. Very glad to see him as well. But I really, really love my desktop.

After all that, I'm back and in action. My youngest has his first day of school and I'm playing catch up, but I've received some seriously awesome reader contributions for Freaky Friday tomorrow so we'll be back in business.

Anyone else have some good "traveling with kids" stories for me? I'm starting to feel really bad at the eye-darts I was throwing at the lady who told me that my bag was 1 lb. (ONE POUND) overweight. Kill me.

What I Wore: Too Busy

I'm headed to the Great White North tomorrow bright and early, so today is a laundry, packing, find birth certificates, passports and green cards, buy stuff to make my kids be quiet on the plane, tie up loose ends kind of day. Also, my hubs bought me an iPad over the weekend, so I also have big plans to download all manner of brain-decaying cartoons onto it for the flight tomorrow. I have a firm "parenting rules don't apply at 30,000 feet" rule when we're flying. I'm all about tons of junk food and cartoons to survive.

I hopped out of bed at 6 and have been going full-steam since then, but I'll take a sec to update the blog because I'm just organized like that. Unfortunately, I'm too busy to think of a cutesy name for today so you're just gonna have to deal.

Tiered top: Local (My Sister's Closet I really have to stop shopping there)
Jeans: Local (Contagious)
Cardi: Love on a Hanger
Espadrilles: Soda
Cuff: F21

I felt like color-blocking last Thursday, so I brought out the yellow skinnies and added this cardi. I Wore this over to the elementary school for "Back to School" night. I am such a MOM.

And in the name of honesty, I should say that the cardigan lasted about five minutes because I was too hot.

Luckily the outfit still looked good... just decidedly less color-blocky... without it.

Of course, the best part of the outfit are the accessories:

He's been working out lately.

Alright, I am off to run like a chicken with it's head cut off. Hooray! I also remembered where my son's birth certificate is! I feel so organized.

..until I look in my laundry room.

Freaky Friday: Summer Clearance

You guys, I'm totally sloughin' it today. About 10 minutes after I sat down at my desk I was like "Yeah... nothing is happening." Taking a day off is a BIG DEAL for me. I live a very scheduled life to the point that the satellite guy calling to see if he could come a couple of hours early yesterday nearly caused me to have a mental breakdown. But, my 6 year old is off to school and I feel like playing with my 3 year old for today instead of working. Deep breaths... deep breaths. Also, I'm having new Internet installed today and I'm like... why continue working on my crappy connection when it'll be faster in the afternoon?

It's all about the justification, folks.

But before I head off to play, I'd better get some FF action goin' on.

Today is all about stuff I found while cruising the clearance bins. You know, summer clearance is an awesome time to stock up on staples. But it's also an awesome time to make fun of freak sizes (seriously, who is a 000?) and check out the leftovers that are still there for a reason.




Like this jacket, which totally reminds me of the 90s in a "secretly watch Dawson's Creek, listen to the Top 6 at 6 on my clock radio, get really into Nirvana for that one summer" kinda way.

The 90s were good to me.



I like this outfit. It says "I'm a little creepy and feel up the cabana boy when he comes to bring me poolside mojitos."


I can't imagine an instance where this outfit wouldn't be too dramatic. Like, you could wear it to an Evil Mothers in Soap Operas Convention and you'd still be crazy overdressed.


This is a dress only in the most fluid sense in the word. It could also be described as a tunic, top or way to get attention from men.


If you're wondering if you're too old to pull off a bedazzled velour tracksuit; you are.


OK, besides the fact that this is the most disgusting garment I've ever seen in my life, I'd like to point out that the design looks like there's an arrow pointing at her business.

I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to what that might mean. In fact, feel free to share in the comments. I have an idea, but it's pretty dirty and my mom and brothers read this blog.


But why? WHY? would this weird caricature of the Kardashians shirt end up in the clearance section? I love to worship people who are famous for having big butts and rich parents! Rude.


Also, I'm kind of hoping this is the last summer for the hi-lo dress. I HATE IT. It looks like a mullet, if wearing a mullet constantly put you at risk for flashing people while walking.



If it's still warm where you live, don't forget this awesome romper, a belly ring and the sweet perfume of desperation!


Also, Becca sent me these awesome face-kinis. After some research, I found are popular in China with women who prefer fair skin and looking slightly like an axe murderer.


Alright friends, I'm off to play for the day. Or, at least until 1 because that's when the Internet guy is coming.

How to Look Like You're Not Wearing Makeup

You know what I hate more than anything? OK, fine. The use of the word "darling" as an adjective. But do you know what is a close second? Being overdressed. Ugh, it's just sucky to show up somewhere and find that you're like 50 percent more glammed up than everyone. And sometimes that's OK, like at a wedding. But when it's like, at a pool party? Lame. That's why I've made it my personal mission in life to find makeup products that look completely natural. That way, I can still polish off my face without being like "I'm insecure and felt the need to spackle myself before this super casual BBQ!"

This summer has been especially important for all of that because of my dumb surgery. I wanted to wear makeup, but it either looked funny with the bandage and now, heavy makeup looks funny with the healing scar. Heading out on the boat, hanging out with my kids at the splash pad, a quick zillion trips to the store for school supplies - none of these require lipstick. So, it's natural look products to the rescue. YAY!

Here are some of my faves when you want to wear makeup but not actually look like it.

OK, so when I don't want to get all makeuppy, I go for super sheer coverage as foundation. I'm a Bare Minerals die-hard usually, but when I'm not doing the usual routine, I've really like either a) going with a primer and nothing on top or b) using BB cream. Both just even out my skin tone enough without really adding color.

I've tried like 9,000 primers (five) but my favorite has been the Revlon PhotoReady Perfecting Primer they sent me a month or two ago. It's the only one that doesn't feel like straight oil going on. I got some from Bare Minerals and was absolutely not a fan.



Once I've done my evening out, I add some color with my weird teenage secret weapon, the Wet and Bonne Bell Bronzer. Ever since I found out my buddy Sara uses it, I've felt strangely vidicated and no longer feel like it's a dirty secret I need to hide. Seriously, a little wash of this on the cheekbones and along the temple is all I need. But here's a hint. Use like, a miniscule amount of you'll end up looking insane. Fun fact: I've used this stuff since I was like, 17 and I've only gone through three bottles.

I definitely skip the mascara and eyeliner on "no makeup" days. It's just too "done." Plus, I usually do this when we're going to be around water for the day because there's nothing grosser than raccoon eyeliner eyes in the pool. OK, there are a few things grosser, but that's up there. Still, I don't want to go totally naked in the eyes, so I grab my handy E.L.F. Cream Shadow Duo. The dark plum color is perfect for making eyes stand out without having to do more than just rubbing it on with my finger.


Finally, I finish the entire thing off with The Body Shop's Lip and Cheek Stain. I have both colors and they are AMAZING. I do the apples of my cheeks and lips and since they're the same color, it looks pretty and flushed instead of artificial.

That's it! In about three minutes, I've gotten polished up and won't look like Barbie at the pool party. Actually, my friend calls those women "bikini moms." You know, the ones that show up to the community pool and never actually dip a toe in the water, but just strut across the hot pavement all afternoon? Ridiculous.

Here's the moral of the story. If you're looking for a way to make your makeup look more natural OR you're new at this whole makeup thing, look for cream, gel or liquid based makeups. They're more blendable and forgiving than a say, a matte powder. You can experiment a little and graduate on up when you feel like you've got the hang of it. We're talking five products max, here. Totally do-able and not like you just underwent an extreme makeover.

Or, you can just be like me today and not wear any makeup and then embarrass your daughter by running a jacket to her at the bus stop. That's cool too.

What I Wore: Mime Time (Also, giveaway winners and a cool article)

Wow, we have a lot to get to this morning. First up, shall we announce the winners for the giveaway? I think we shall!

Jamie (112) and Joanna (5), check your emails. You each sang a gift card for JUNIEblake for $30 a piece. Go forth, shop and make me proud!

Also, outfit time!

Top: GAP
Skirt: modbod
Belt: Asos
Flats: Qupid
Ring: Inspired Silver
Earrings: F21

With the flats and skirt and shirt combo, this outfit reminds me of a mime. But like, a cute Parisian mime that is charming and doesn't pretend she's stuck in a box. I'm kind of in love with the shape of this skirt. It's just casual enough that I can wear it on a Tuesday and not feel overdressed, especially with flats.

Also, to prove I'm the least sophisticated person alive, I will tell you that these flats were in my closet for like, a year, because one day I was shopping at Michaels (NOT for myself because I'm not crafty enough) and the rose on one of the shoes came unwound and I had no idea what to do. It was just flopping all over the place. I tied it in a knot and ran out of there like a crazy recluse. But when I got dressed I was like "Ugh, I wish my rose flats were still in tact" and I just decided to get out the glue gun and fix them while running late out the door. Classic Jae. I've worn them like, every day since. WHY did I not just do that a year ago? Answer: Because I'm the kind of person who gets panicky in a Michaels, that's why.

Also, check out my new go-to red: Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter in Cherry Tart. It's SO easy to wear and not like Christina Aguilera-ish. Such a fan!

OH! Also, check out this awesome article about modest dressing, published in yesterday's Boulder DailyCamera. You can click on the image below to read through... it'll just take you to a print screen where you can zoom in. I had so much fun talking with reporter Aimee Heckel, who wrote the piece.

Good times! Geez, that was a lot of stuff for a Monday. Back to school is tomorrow. Anyone else planning on running around like a crazy person all day? I'm sending my first all-dayer off to first grade and oh the lunch situation stresses me out. Off to buy mass quantities of yogurt!

Freaky Friday: WTH Files

 YAY Friday. I am so excited for this week to be over, you guys. The week before school starts officially sucks. Every day I've been running around like a crazy person with school shopping and trying to be a good mom and spend some time with the kidlets before they head back. I've got a first grader and a preschooler this year. It's so weird. On the other hand, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as working with kids buzzing around me, but my 3 year old is still home three mornings a week. The days that he is gone, I'll have just enough time to sneak off to the gym before I have to pick him up. Huzzah!

Also, keep entering the giveaway. You've got until Sunday!

And, here we have some crazy stuff I've found in all of my Internet surfings. People always ask me "Where do you find this stuff?" and I'm always like, well it's my job. OK, maybe not my job-job, but I'm online all day for work and I'm bound to run across some crazy stuff, which is then files away in my crazy stuff file for days like these.

 

Aw, it's like your ear grew a deformed, littler ear. How cute is that? And by "how cute" I mean "what a disgusting grab for attention! "

 

If your man is a goatee fan, buy him the goatee protector! It gives you that perfect line.... 

 And makes him look exactly like Bane! 

I will say however, that I am totally in love with Tom Hardy, who plays Bane. Like, I could still detect his hotness from behind the mask because I'm perceptive like that. I was like nice try Tom Hardy, I see the attractiveness in your eyes.

Also, I enjoy misunderstood villains. 

 

Speaking of husbands, mine -- whom I love very much despite my love for Tom Hardy --  would love these bacon bandaids until he realized that they weren't real bacon. Then he would say they're stupid. But for that brief 6 seconds before he tried to eat one, I would be the hero!

 You know what I love even more than fully functioning mermaid tails? The fact that anyone who would actually wear these at the pool would most likely drown. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. 

 Finally! Something more annoying than a Snuggie! My favorite is the adjectives across the bottom of the package. Soft... okay, awesome. Warm, got it, that makes sense. Blue... is that really a selling point? ENORMOUS... YES! I've been looking for a low-quality gargantuan blanket for my family to asphixiate under!

 Hate when your glasses slide down your nose? Then pierce them to your face and you'll never have to worry! Just be aware of the fact that you'll never be able to play dodgeball, go down a waterslide or have friends ever again

 

For that woman who loves the apres-gym musk her husband brings home, check out the perma-stained tee. Oh, honey. You look so unwashed! 

 I never once wore a Baby Bjorn when I had babies (I'm a slinger myself) but maybe I would have it all Baby Bjorns were this AWESOME. I'm only slightly disappointed the baby doesn't have a red eye mask too. A true Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan would have thought of that. 

 Oh perfect! I've been looking everywhere for a detachable tail.

Oh wait, no I wasn't. Because no one ever has.

All I can think of is how annoying that would be for everyone around you. 

"Excuse me," says the woman dressed as a raptor on the bus. "You're stepping on my tail."
"Oh my gosh!" I say. "I'm so sorry!"

Only minutes later do I then realize that her pretend tail doesn't have feeling and also, there's a crazy person on my bus. 

I have a big boating trip planned for tomorrow so I'm off to dig out everything boat related and make sure nothing has holes in it. Later I will take my daughter to a birthday party and stress over how to pack a school lunch. My life is TOO glam.

Giveaway Numero Dos: JUNIEblake Gift Cards!

Hey guys!

I promised my daughter that we'd have a "girl's day" at the waterpark (WITH SUNSCREEN), but before I leave we have a giveaway to kick off!

Up for grabs is 2 $30 gift cards for JUNIEblake.com for U.S. residents. So you have five ways to enter, but two people will be winning. WOO! PS: I'm uber-obsessed with their Kelly skirt. Just sayin'

a Rafflecopter giveaway


The giveaway will be open  through Sunday and I'll announce the winners Monday morning. So, um, get some free stuff and stuff!

Kisses,
Jae