Freaky Friday: More Etsy

I had so much fun last time I did a FF Etsy post I thought I'd do it again. Don't get me wrong. I love me some Etsy. I could spend hours browsing at the cute jewelry and headbands and whatnot. But venture into clothing and it's another story. There are a lot of basement designers and while some make gorgeous clothes... others make freaks of nature. Then we poke fun at them. YAY!


Introducing Arm Warmers! .... also known as sleeves.

I picture this as a really bad infomercial. "Are your arms freezing cold, yet your torso and shoulders are blazing hot? Sweaters can be a hassle."


Most depressing picture of a bum ever. The shorts say "I like to party," but the slouching says "Kill me now this is not what I signed up for when I went to modeling school."


Smile! You're homeless.


I saw this and immediately broke into Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Did I ever tell you that I was in my school's production of Joseph? Yeah, I was Potiphar's wife, the loosey lady that tries to get it on with the servant boy. I had high standards and even better acting chops, I tell you.


But it also comes in orange. It's subtler, I think. Also, these coats are like, $600. So start saving your pennies if you want to flounce around in one of these babies.


For when your arms are cold, and your CHEST is cold, but your upper arms are just right.


I've sat here looking at this dress, trying to figure out what I'm looking at. I'm afraid it's a uterus and a brain OR a sad plant. You be the judge.


I love that even the model is like WTH? This thing was clearly patched out of every green sweater that I had as a child.


Hey! I have one of these too! It's called a Snuggie.


This dress was listed as "goblin style." That's funny, I must have missed that episode of "Say Yes to the Dress."

"How would you like to look on your wedding day?"
"Um, like a creature from the underworld."

Nice.

I will say that I found some swoonworthy clothes on Etsy too. Let's just say it was a bad Freaky Friday for my credit card.

Spring Trends and How to Wear 'Em 2011

Yes, it's that time again! Time to sift through the year's spring trends, get rid of the terrifying ones (sack dresses? sheer shirts? Um, no thanks) and find out what is actually wearable in real life. Remember my usual disclaimer: just because I post about these clothes here doesn't mean you should run out and buy anything trendy, ever. Take the general ideas with you when you shop and invest in a few pieces that make your staple wardrobe look new. I already have my eye on a few items. Let's get to it!

Long Skirts

V neck cardigan, $10
Long tiered skirt, $45
Forever21 wedge heels, $25
Straw Studios hobo handbag, $31
FOSSIL vintage necklace, $34
Braided belt, $8.90

Remember how all last year it was all about the maxi dress? Well, you're in luck, because maxi dresses have come back with the warm weather. My husband breathes a deep sigh of relief, since I spent a lot of money on maxi dresses last year. But along with maxi dresses comes longer skirts and I am super psyched out of my mind about them. The trick to wearing longer skirts is to avoid looking like Laura Ingalls and wearing a more streamlined, modern top. The other day I wore my long white tiered skirt with a fitted tee and a little track jacket and it was just the right amount of modern to offset the length of the skirt. Don't be afraid to show a little skin! The best part about long skirts is that they are uber comfy. Look for flowy, stretchy material that you can move around in. Also, check your car door before you leave like, two feet of skirt flapping around as you drive. I did that last year.

Blue Shoes

Dorothy Perkins cotton tee, 7 GBP
Arden B knit skirt, $44
Paris Hilton platform stiletto heels, $95
Floral handbag, $35
Turquoise jewelry, $30
Layered necklace, $17
Dorothy Perkins leopard belt, 6 GBP

If you want to spend money on a pair of shoes that will look new and trendy, definitely go with blue. I think you'll see it a lot this spring. The trick with wearing blue shoes is to do it with nudes. The pop of color looks fresher with beige than it does black. My cute friend was wearing an outfit almost exactly like this one the other day and I died. Then I came back to life. It was fun. Also, I don;t mind a little blue in the accessories as long as they aren't the exact same shade of blue. So fun and pretty!

Wedges

Dressy top, $27
Embroidered jeans, $50
Platform wedge shoes, $20
Roxy faux leather handbag, $40
Brown jewelry, $25
Pave jewelry, $14
Bandana Print Lace Cami, $7.99

YAYAYAYAYAY I love wedges so very much. I have plans to wear my fave python wedges tonight and I shouldn't be so excited, but I am anyway. I am just glad that the comfy alternative to the heel is back. I can still add three inches to my freakishly small stature without being uncomfortable. (Have I ever told you that I have four brothers and they are all gargantuanly tall, yet my parents are small? I thank my lucky stars every day that I got the small genes. Because then I get to wear five inch heels!) ANYWAY, we already talked about flared jeans and trousers, so definitely pair your wedges up with them for a vintage look that is super now. OMG I'm talking like a Cosmo editor, shoot me.

Graphic Prints

Dorothy Perkins printed top, 26 GBP
American Eagle Outfitters dark denim jeans, $40
Faith buckle boot, 23 GBP
Roxy studded handbag, $54
Beading jewelry, $24
L by ELLE link jewelry, $40
Wet Seal hoop earring, $22

OK, so with the whole 70s revival thing happening, bright prints look fresh and spring-y and I love them so much. Look for floral numbers, or cute butterflies like this one here. Doesn't it just make you smile? It's a pretty brilliant way to wear your winter boots for a few more months, especially if you just snagged some on sale. Super cute with gray riding boots and you can be brighter and bolder with your accessories. A thin silver chain will be absolutely SWALLOWED by this outfit. Orange beads layered with a red watch? I think so!

Preppity Prep

Rocha John Rocha Petite white top, 30 GBP
Old Navy a line skirt, $30
Wedge heels, $27
Beach bag, 12 GBP
Rue21 butterfly hair accessory, $5.99

As a total side note, have any of you ever read the book "Prep" by Curtis Sittenfeld? It's pretty much my second fave book of all time. Just don't read it in book club... it's super offensive on like 90 levels. But it's so addictive. Maybe my love for the book explains my love for the style. I just love dressing like my name is Bitsy and I play tennis at the club. When picking preppy pieces, look for boat shoes, drawstrings, polka dots and stripes. Anchor a bold outfit like this with neutral shoes, so it doesn't look SO all American. Pair it with unfussy hair and you're ready for the next benefit at the Stockington-Fairchild's estate.

So what's the verdict? Doable? I know keeping up with trends can be overwhelming, but the trick is to add pieces to your existing style. Don't be a trend whore. For instance, I'm in the market for more graphic floral prints that I can wear with my signature skinny jeans and brown boots. It's still Jae, just springier.

I swear, if it snows again I'll light the weatherman on fire. I am SO ready for warm days and baring a little more skin. I am SO white you guys. Bronzer can only go so far.



***And on a completely serious note, please click here to donate to the Red Cross for relief for the Pacific Tsunami. Every little bit will help to send aid to Japan, where thousands of displaced families are in need. Thanks, guys! ***

Pain Management 101

Did you know that at least 45% of all Americans seek professional advice for persistent pain due to an injury or other physical problems at some time in their lives? Studies have shown that more than 150 million workdays are lost annually due to pain and pain relief medication is a multi- billion dollar industry.

I know I have mentioned in earlier posts that I am currently training for a 30 km Around The Bay race. Not three weeks into my training I started feeling massive pain in my foot. Of course I felt it in a lesser degree before hand but my mind said "work through it"..not advice I would give.

What is pain?

It is your bodies way of protecting itself. Something is wrong and your body is trying to cope with it. I ignored my pain, and if I dealt with it right away, it probably wouldn't have gotten to this state and maybe even be healed by now.

Knowing my own clients, I know that many of them live in mild to moderate pain on a daily basis. Some I can relate to, some I can't. I can't say I've chronic back pain, but I've suffered my fair share of sprains, strains and torn ligaments.

Here are some facts about pain to keep in min as you participate in your physical activities:
1) Bone mass decreases up to 30% for females and 15% for males by age 60.
2)90% of all injuries involve slow and wear and tear, strains, sprains or inflammation.
3) 8 of 10 adults suffer low back pain at some time in their lives.
4) By 60 years old many can expect a 25-30% increase in body fat.
5) By age 40 or 50, many will have cartilage damage caused by wear and tear, and injury.
6) A decrease in muscle mass, less mobility in the joints and lower cardiovascular efficiency is common as the body ages
7) All of these factors lead to a loss of body balance and flexibility. This affects the ability to perform daily functional tasks, including workouts.
(source: American Council on Exercise Oct./Nov. 2001)

The best advice I can give is not to wait til it gets so bad you can't stand it. I did that with my plantar fascitis. I ended up getting orthotics and I'm definitely on the road to recovering.

Committed to fitness success,
Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net

Freaky Friday: The Clothing Equipment for a Lullabye

Since Wednesday's post is all about conservative clothes, I searched high and low of yawnworthy stuff. I'm not gonna lie, you should probably read this post in bed after you've taken a Tylenol PM because you are going to crash. This is how NOT to dress conservatively.


Just when you thing UGGS can't get any worse, they totally do. With rubber.


The other day I used Clarks shoes for inspiration but this goes to show that not all Clarks are fashion forward. These shoes look like they should be named "Agnes" and be filled with orthopedic gel insoles.


I can't wait for summer, because YOU KNOW we're going to have another debate on the wearbility of capris.

Go ahead... try and tell me they are flattering. Please. Especially when worn with bandage shoes and embroidered flowers. I dare you.


WHY are they still making these dresses? I totally had one in 1992. I was cross eyed. It wasn't pretty.

OMG does this not remind you of Paula Deen? I don't even care about her cooking, something about her nasal voice makes me want to crawl into a woodchipper.

If you want a really good laugh at Paula Deen's expense, check out this website: Paula Deen Riding Things. It is hilarious, y'all!

What's worse than wearing Americana? Wearing Americana WITH A BEAR. How old are you? I just... I just don't even know anymore.

From the decidedly not sexy librarian fantasy. I like my librarians old and smelling like overpowering dusty perfume. OW OW!


Seafoam green denim with nude boots? SIGN ME UP.


I thought this $200 sweater....scarf.....jacket thigy was pretty conservative. Until I saw the tights. OH THE TIGHTS.

Emo guy thinks you just don't understand.


Well, I'm off to go snowmobiling at our cabin for the weekend. So my weekend wardrobe will consist of yoga pants, old sweaters, boots and my pink helmet. Gotta love spending two days smelling like exhaust. It's my dirty little tomboy secret. Hopefully you're dressing better than I am!

Dressing Conservatively -- Not Yawnworthy

I understand that not every mom stays at home with her kids. It makes some people crazy. I know that if I didn't work while I was at home, I would lose my sanity and lie on the floor, eating Playdoh and singing Raffi songs psychotically all day. I'm not saying that's what you do. That's just what I would do. I love keeping my connection to my old, professional self. So I get working moms. Whether you do it because you have to or you do it because you want to, you're already a step ahead of me because you actually get to shower every morning. AMAZING.

I have had a bevy of weird jobs that all required certain dress codes. My first "real" job was with one of my best friends in high school (Hi Katie!) She and I decided that we would split the job of a receptionist at a home improvement company. My job consisted of answering phones, talking to my boyfriend on Yahoo Chat and gossiping with Katie from 4 to 8 every night. The dress code was whatever I happened to wear at school that day. It was the best job ever. About a year later and once I'd graduated, I was hired by a recording studio and media company as an administrative assistant. I was the only female in the office, which meant I was able to push the dress code a little. Seriously, once I came to work in a velour sweatsuit. And it was totally fine. My next job was as an office manager at a home company where my husband worked. I finally had to start dressing a little more conservatively because I spent a lot of time with clients. My last out-of-the-house job was in a real estate office, where I had to dress very conservatively... for me. I actually didn't mind it because I got to play dress up a lot and act very important. When I finally decided to ditch the office and work from home in 2006, I had amassed a MASSIVE conservative wardrobe that I still can't bring myself to get rid of. But WHEN will I ever wear pinstripe pants again? WHEN!?

As much as I love dressing in trendy outfits and piling on accessories and wearing sky high heels, if you're working in a corporate environment, you're probably not going to have the same benefit. One reader emailed me with this very question. How do you dress conservatively without looking like a total yawnfest?

This advice doesn't have to be just for working moms. Anytime you're invited to an event with a business casual dress code, this applies. Which is why I keep my pinstripe pants. I wonder if they still fit.

I'll be right back.

THEY DO!!! I shall wear them forever.

Using color on a daily basis, layering for interest and using trends without being "trendy" will serve you well at work. You'll also notice that all of the shoes are the same brand. That's because I wanted shoes that would be super comfy for work, yet still cute. Also... they're closed toes. Always closed toes until your office permits open-toe. If you're not sure how far you can push the boundary, take a cue from your supervisors.

Old Navy stretch pants, $33
Clarks platform shoes, $50
Paper tote bag, $41
Jessica Simpson flower necklace, $44

First, trouser pants are totally exciting right now with the whole 70s revival things that we talked about. When you pair them a neat blazer, the effect is like a suit without being so manly and businesswear-ish. You can also make the total effect more girly by adding pretty jewelry. I also like a big, structured bag for work, especially if you're schlepping work home.

Dorothy Perkins full skirt, 30 GBP
Dorothy perkin, 14 GBP
Indigo by Clarks silk boot, $100
O Neill zip bag, $35
Betsey Johnson cluster ring, $32
Beaded bib necklace, $15

You can totally wear a skirt at a conservative workplace, so long as it reaches the knees, please. Unless you work at like, the offices at Vogue ala The Devil Wears Prada. But you probably don;t. If you do, I'd like a job as well. But that's besides the point. Keep the look neat by tucking in your top. Wear the shirt higher on your waist for a more vintage, Mad Men look. It's totally fine to wear a flirty, non-matchy heel, especially if they are comfortable.

Dorothy Perkins red dress, 27 GBP
Clarks black boot, 50 GBP
Zip top bag, $22
Hinged bangle, $25
MNG by Mango coral earring, $24
Elastic belt, $50

Dresses can be your best friend at the office. I know they were mine. They are versatile and easy in the morning... hello! One piece. Also, adding a belt can help a dress look less cocktail and more business. You can also up the ante by wearing boots instead of heels, just look for ones that have a bit of a heel and aren't all sloppy and slouchy. I'm very into shorter boots lately, which look super current. But knee highs are still awesome too.

See? Easy principles. Even if your evil corporate job dictates what you can wear, they can't tell you how to dress. And THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM! Sorry, I used to watch a lot of Braveheart with my brothers. If you dress super conservatively, try introducing things slowly. A pair of heels one day, a bit of color the next. Soon you'll be the stylish girl at the office and people will be offering you promotions and whatnot. Trust me.

Brilliant Idea Time!

My gawgeous friend Charity is the best at find stuff at thrift stores and garage sales and making them look beautiful. I am so jealous because I am the least crafty person on the planet. I just can't do it. I know my limits.

Anyhow, today she posted this awesome idea for a jewelry tray and I MUST STEAL IT. My jewelry is always in a forlorn little heap and come accessorizing time I'm left yanking things apart. Also, my jewelry box has a magnetic closure and my necklaces are always getting stuck. Charity's idea is a heck of a lot prettier and more functional. Wish I'd thought of it first!

Thank me later.

You're awesome, Charity!

PS I covet your Audrey print.

Get Sexy, Shapely Shoulders: 3 Simple Moves

Years ago when I started working out seriously, I noticed how quickly I saw changes in my shoulders. It was awesome. One of the reasons for this is as women we tend to have more fat in our hips,butt and thighs, so when you begin workout out muscles like your shoulders which have less fat, you tend to see some pretty great results fairly quickly.

Nice shapely shoulders also help to make hips, glutes and thighs appear smaller. As you increase your muscle in the deltoids or shoulders you help to balance the lower body.

When you work your shoulders, you will quickly see that you do not need to use a lot of weight before you start feeling "the burn". As you perform the following exercises focus on your speed. When lifting the weight do it in a one count, as you lower the weight, focus on a slow, controlled movement that is a good two to three counts.


1. Barbell or Dumbbell clean and press:
(OK, this is actually me doing an overhead press, ok, so it's a little bit simplistic but you get the idea)

Stand with your feet shoulder width apart and pull your belly button in towards your spine. As the weight hangs in front of you, inhale and exhale as you lift the weight up to your shoulders. Then press the bar or weight overhead straightening the arms but not actually locking the arms. Be careful not to arch your back. Bring the bar or weights back down to your chest and then lower to starting position.

2. Dumbbell Shoulder Press:
You can sit or stand for this exercise. Start with a weight in each hand, your palms are facing forward. You want to press your hands up above your head. Return your arms to start position. Be sure to exhale as you push your hands up.





Bentover Rear Delt Dumbbell Row:

Stand with your feet shoulder width apart and your knees slightly bent. Lean forward from your hips until your back is parallel with the floor. Be sure to not let your back round. You want to stick your chest out and keep your back flat. Hold the weights in each hand and let your arms hang in front of your body slightly. As you exhale, pull the weights up until your arms form 90 degree angles. Squeeze your rear delts together and return to the start position.

Working your shoulders can be very rewarding. You will get great looking delts in a relatively short period of time.

Committed to your fitness success,
Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net