Judge Away!

Friday, October 22, 2010

So no Freaky Friday today, I just got our family pictures back and want to show them instead. SO VAIN, I probably think this post is about me.

Anyway, I did want to show you that family pictures don't have to be so matchy matchy. We all dressed differently, but I think it turned out very cohesive. Also, I chose to dress us in the colors of our house, so that when I hang these up, they match my decor. Most of the paint colors in our house are tan and a green so dark it's almost black. Then I have a red wingback chair that I like to try and match too. Hence the colors I used in pictures. (Click on the pics for the better versions. The small ones in blogger kinda suck)



Aww this doesn't show colors so well, but it shoes that our clothes did translate nicely into black and white. Oh, and the fact that I made my husband wear his jacket so I could wear my new leather lovely. Also, heels were a good call because my husband is actually 8 inches taller than me in real life.


Me and the kids. So candid! lol. I really do like how the red pops on the natural elements of the pictures. Always a solid choice.


Aww, le family. I think having my daughter wear something other than jeans broke up the whole denim pattern and I highly recommend it. Unless you only have boys. Because that would make for some epensive therapy.


Yay look at us! My shirt was actually dark green but you can't really tell. I just didn't want my husband to feel left out wearing green. I'm nice like that.



Oh so casual.


So, I'd like to think all of the time I put into thinking about picture outfits has paid off for me in the end. I'm totally happy with the colors and how everything turned out. See? I practice what I preach!

Fall Sweaters on the Cheap

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Hopefully the weather has turned crispy where you live. Here in the deserts of Utah, it's finally starting to cool off. I crave the days of fall and lately I've been thinking about Christmas WAY too much lately. Kinda hard when it's 80 out. BUT! The weatherman promises me 60s weather this week, so I am dreaming about and surfing around for sweaters.

I love to layer. Summer clothes don't do much for me, but oh how I love a drapey cardigan or a cute hoodie. They just seem warm and huggable. Although I will admit that I was sick on Monday and I took my kids to the library wearing camo thermal shirt, yoga pants and a hat jammed over my messy hair. So I scared people at the library and got germs all over the place, you're welcome. Luckily the library where I live is basically a glorified motor home and I don't think anyone minded.

But ah, yes. The sweater. I already bought two to kick off the season; a brown loose cable knit and a knit drape blazer with fabric flowers. And I've worn them both exactly once. Seriously, Utah, we get it. You're warm. Although I am excited that I won't have to stuff my kids in winter coats under their Halloween costumes. Not pointing any fingers, CANADA.

Here's a selection of sweaters to make you feel autumn-y, and as an added bonus, they're all under $50. Now go bake an apple pie and pick a pumpkin.

(Vanity - $20) If you're going to wear a hoodie, make sure it's a form-fitting one. Your husband's college sweatshirt need not apply. I love hoodies with non-hoodie patterns. Plaid? Yes please!


(Gap - $37) I am 100 percent on the lookout for a big furry sweater this year. I love this one in winter white. I rarely wear a real, live coat during the winter here because I am so used to the icy cold winters back home that sweaters and jackets are my lifesavers from December to February.


(John Lewis - $24) Orrrr I could just die of cuteness overload now. This with skinny jeans and flats and you are basically from France.


(Buckle - $34) I love the asymmetry of this cardigan. Hey, pear shaped girls! This would look awesome since it draws the eyes upward. Also, I love the masculine detail of the hunting plaid peeking through. With worn in jeans, this would be awesome for the pumpkin patch with the fam. Photo op!



(Buckle - $34) This is such a refreshing alternative to the drape cardi. I love that the color isn't traditionally fall, brown , red, mustard, yawn. Blue is awesome. The waffle knit means it won't be heavy. Imagine this with a crisp button up and wide leg jeans for a play date. I can almost smell the jealousy.



(American Eagle - $25) How cozy-looking is this. I love the longer length, which would be really cute with a white linen belt, or unzipped for warmth. I like that it's a basic hoodie, but the soft fabric and coloring makes it more elegant.


(American Eagle - $40) Short sleeved sweaters are my boyfriend. The colors on this are loverly. Wide stripes can be tricky, so wear this with something slim sitting on the bottom, like jeans tucked into boots. OR isolate the stripes by wearing with a blazer. LOVE! You might even be able to talk me into jeggings with this but don't push your luck.


(Old Navy - $30) Looking for something to wear to American Thanksgiving (yes, it is necessary for me to stipulate the nationality) Look no more. Or, if you're not weird like me and don't plan outfits up to a month in advance, wear this to lunch with your husband and look put together even if there's drool on your tank underneath.

Ahh, don't you feel comforted and fuzzy? Unfortunately, online window shopping always turns into online legitimate shopping for me, and then I feel rejected by my budget. I hate you, budget. I love you, fall sweaters.

What's your favorite thing about fall? (And OMG I had that Nick Jr song "I feel like I'm falling for fall" ALL DAY LONG TODAY.

You Are What You Eat

Monday, October 18, 2010


What you eat is probably even more important than exercise. As someone who exercises regularly is almost pains me to say that but...I do believe what you eat makes up about 80% of how you look and feel.

So what does that mean to you?

Well to put is simply, if you eat twinkies and cookies, you are going to look like twinkies and cookies.

Here is a pretty basic description of how it works in your body. A blood cell lasts 60-120 days, that's 2-4 months. In 3-4 months your whole blood supply is completely replaced. In just 6 months almost all of the proteins in your body die and are replaced. And what are they replaced with? They are constructed completely out of the nutrients that you eat.

This is why it is so important to make healthy choices part of your lifestyle. Sure you can eat well for 2 weeks, or go on some crazy diet and lose 7 pounds in a week, but it doesn't do you any good in the long run. You need to do something for at least 2 months before your blood cells are using the healthy food to renew from instead of using the "unwise, unhealthy" food it's used to getting. It takes time, you need to be patient. I know when you want to lose 10 lbs now, be patient can seem next to impossible, but trust me on this.

Slow and steady wins the race in this case.


4 Tips To Shed Pounds Forever!

1. Stop eating Processed food.
This is something you always need to be thinking about. Don't buy anything in a box or package. At first it may seem impossible, but I can assure you its not. When I first started doing this I had to really think about it, but now it comes pretty easily and I don't have to work too hard at it. (FYI, the first week I did this, I lost 6 lbs without doing anything else)

2. Cut the Sugar. This is your absolute worst enemy. Avoid it at all costs. Use honey or fruit to sweeten things.

3. Exercise. Guys, I'm going to be honest, you can't get the body you want without exercising. If you want to get rid of the muffin top, and thunder thighs then stop beating yourself up and set aside 20 minutes everyday for you. I know, I know, you are busy, you have other kids. You know what, everyone is busy, and many people have 2-3 children (some more) but what I hear is mostly excuses. I know everyone has 20 min to spare. See where you are wasting some minutes and start exercising.

4. Drink Water. Most people don't drink enough water. The first sign of this is generally mild headaches. So be sure to drink water with every meal. Your body is made up of mostly water, so it will love you for it.

Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker
www.fitmommakeover.net

Freaky Friday Bonus! Vintage Jae

Friday, October 15, 2010

So chatting on Facebook with my brother, because that's what I do with my Friday nights, he posted this VINTAGE family picture of my family, and I thought I'd post it for your enjoyment.




Couple things:
-This was in 1991, and I am seven years old.
-If you're thinking about sending me applications about my single brothers, Jonathan is no longer that chubby, and Ryan has a better haircut and less freckles.
-I used to have a lazy eye, which explains my disinterest in looking at the camera.
-My mom's hair WAS that epic.
-My dad's glasses WERE that large.
-My littlest brother Dallin looks like a tiny alcoholic politician with those suspenders.
-WE LOVED COLLARS.

I'd also like to point out that we're not matching, so we were clearly ahead of the pack on that one.

Freaky Friday: What Not to Wear for Family Pictures

So, I took the plunge and finally had our family pictures done yesterday. My husband and I literally hadn't had our picture taken together professionally since the day we got married over seven years ago, no joke. We're just not the "family picture type" I guess. Also, it turns out my son has an unnatural fear of photographers and hated the entire experience. I felt like a circus monkey trying to get him to smile and more often than not he was just giving the poor photographer the stink-eye. So was my husband.

Anyway, the outfits! Oh, how I stressed over the outfits! For goodness sake, I expound almost daily on the merits of dressing properly for family pictures, and I had to live up to my good name! Of course, the pictures will be coming in like two weeks or something, and I can show you what we all decided to wear. But yesterday, as I was questioning my clothing choices, I surfed on over to Awkward Family Photos and picked out things no one should ever wear for family pictures, and I suddenly felt more confident. Ahh, making fun of other people makes me happy.

So, all pictures here are from AFP, and they make me unnaturally happy.


Family photo rule etiquette #1: Bikini waxes and shiny tights are absolutely mandatory. Don't forget the leopard headband!


PROOF that matchy outfits make babies cry. Even twins. Their faces match, they don't need their shirts to match too. See the happy kid? He's happy his mom didn't dress him like the other two.


Would you laugh if I told you that me and my siblings have a picture EXACTLY like this? When I was 12, we did family pictures and for some inexcusable reason, my mom let me show up in jeans and my brother's plaid shirt with a ponytail. To this DAY everyone who sees it wonders why they didn't notice that my mom had five boys before.


I feel like this family a) has figure skating practice every Saturday and b) can be heard walking down the street about a mile away. SWISH SWISH SWISH.


Easily my brother Ryan's favorite family picture. He suggested we do it with our family, which could be awkward since I'm the only girl and subsequently, the only one who looks good in a dress. You lose, Jonathan. (OMG if you have time read my brother Jonathan's blog. He's living in Botswana and has all sorts of crazy shenanigan adventures)

(Also, as an aside... both Ryan and Jonathan are single and I am accepting applications for my future sister in law through December. Yes I look for every opportunity to pimp out my brothers. I want to go to a wedding.)


Cowboy hats? Yes. Cowboy shirts? You've got it. Creepy neck beard? Woah... you gotta earn that, son.


Only thing creepier than clowns? Child clowns. That baby wants to eat my soul, I just know it.


"Little to the left.... okay, chin up.... aaaaand here hold this spine. Perfect!"


K, I'm going to run down this conversation for you. Both people in this picture were clothed previously.

Photographer: OK, Sally, do you want to get a few belly shots?
Sally: Sure!
Photographer: K, if you don't mind, let's do a bare belly shot.
Sally: You want me to take off my shirt?
Photographer: Only if you're comfortable.
Mike: Do you want me to take off my shirt?
Photographer: Aaaactually that's not necess-- K, your shirt is off anyway.
Mike: The beach is that way!
Sally: Very funny, Mike.
Mike: I think I'm "expecting" rippling back muscles, amirite?
Sally: Seriously Mike, shut up.
Mike: I believe my bicep is pregnant.... with MUSCLES! Heh heh.
Sally: OMG take the effing picture.


So, I've set the bar really low so people don't think I'm judging their family picture anymore. I do a little, but I know they're not as bad as these. See how I did that? I'm always thinking about you.

Jae-gging

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

OMG I am hilarious with the titles.

So, I made a mental note to tell you guys about my experience with jeggings. I should have brought along a camera, but 1) That would be really, super dooper embarrassing, and 2) it wasn't a planned shopping trip. I somehow "ended up" at the mall and apparently was DRUNK because I thought it would be a good idea to try on mass amounts of jeggings.

You know what jeggings are, right? They're leggings that are printed and dyed to look like jeans. Like SO:



Oh, the more I look at them the more I realize what a bad idea it was.

So, I met up with my husband the other day for lunch. He CONVENIENTLY works a block away from the mall so we met at the food court for some Chick-Fil-A goodness. When it was time to go, I wondered if I should just wander the mall for a few hours. The kids had just gotten up from a nap, and my daughter got me to promise that I would take her to the indoor play area, so I thought that I could squeeze some good behavior out of the kids.

While I was perusing the windows, I caught sight of some jeggings. As usual, I mentally scoffed because THEY ARE SILLY. But as I looked at them, I begin to wonder how they would look under boots. I have plenty of pairs of boots, and one pair in particular are too tight to wear over regular jeans. I wondered if jeggings were the right choice. Especially because you can get tightness without muffin top. WIN WIN right?

So I began the great jegging try-on of 2010. You guys, I must have stuffed my kids into the fitting rooms of eight different stores trying to find jeggings that I liked. I tried: Wet Seal, Macy's, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, American Eagle and Buckle.

Let's point out what type of body I have. I am an hourglass that teeters precariously over the edge of pear-dom. In other words, BABY GOT BACK. I don't mind my trunk. In fact, most of the time I enjoy it quite a bit. I like having shape.

But oh sweet mother of mercy, my body has never looked so mangled as it did in jeggings. Each pair I tried on was worse than the last, and ALL made me look like a severely unbalanced, albeit trendy, Humpty Dumpty. And one pair even had stirrups.

STIRRUPS!

So after pair after pair of jeggings and my exhausting the kids' supply of patience and pretzel bites, I resigned myself to the fact that I cannot pull off jeggings. While I still like the idea of jeggings for bootwear, I just can't get past what they do to my body. They transport me directly back to 1985. I envision my large purple plastic bifocals (YES I HAD THEM) side-ponies and Christmas sweaters all year round. I just. Can't. Do it.

Instead of buying jeggings, I ended up leaving the mall with a very large cocktail ring, a fur bolero (WTH? I was feeling festive, I think) and my own weight in chicken nuggets. I proceeded to drown my jegging-related sorrow in ranch dressing and waffle fries, as I made a solemn vow to never do that to myself again.

Look, I'm not trying to singlehandedly take down the entire jegging empire. I still think they look totally cute with skinny boots. But you know what else works with them? Skinny butts. Child bearing hips like mine have no place in stretch jeans-dyed leggings. Especially ones with stirrups. I'M SO ASHAMED!

Consider yourself warned.

A Lesson on Fit and Proportion

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Every time I pick up any women's magazine (I currently receive Glamour, InStyle and for inexplicable reasons Women's Health omg I have a magazine addiction) there's undoubtedly an article about "The Best Jeans for Your Butt!" or "Swimsuits for Your Shape!". In the pages therein you'll find pictures of women dressed poorly before and looking fab after, with the help of better clothes and a virtual army of hair and makeup people.

Yet, every month, the same cover stories. Why? Because no one really *gets* it. Picking out an outfit and dressing yourself need not be a project for Cosmopolitan. Instead, it makes things easier when you realize that all of looking good in your clothes boils down to one thing: PROPORTION.

Now, first off, it should be said that an hourglass shape is the holy grail of body shapes. That's what you're going for. While other shapes are very lovely, an hourglass shape is the most proportionate. An hourglass shape occurs when you have a waist that is smaller than your chest and hips, which are proportionate to each other.

Bummer, right? We don't all have the vampy ladylike body of Marilyn Monroe. BUT!! We can totally fake it. Learn how to balance your proportions, and you'll be able to pick out an outfit and most importantly, work it. Suuuuper easy.

First you'll need to look in the mirror. Or measure yourself. Either way, you need to know your body shape. There's five basic shapes.

Hourglass: We covered this already. Were you even paying attention? If you've got an hourglass shape, you need to do everything in your power to show off that tiny waist. Belts are your best friends, as are wrap dresses and fitted shirts. DON'T put it all on display. You may have a lovely body, but pick one feature to show off. Boobs, legs, waist, whatever. You don't need too small, too tight, too revealing. It's gross.

Hourglass




Pear: A pear shape has a smaller chest and waist with larger hips. I know, I feel for you. This means that to look better, you need to balance the largeness of your badonkadonk with your chest. The best way to do this? Layers! Oh how I love fall because it mans I can bring out delicious jackets and sweaters and blazers again. These will add bulk up top so your body looks balanced. You may want to avoid things that are heavily belted because it will show clear definition where your generous hips begin. Keep the focus up top. Stay away from skinny jeans. It's just not gonna happen. Bootcut for you, baby.

Pear




Apple: If you've an apple, your hips and waist are similar in size, and your chest is smaller (darn small chests) Apples need to create a clear definition between what is waist and what is hip, so choose dresses with three distinct parts: bodice, waist, skirt. This will break up your body so it doesn't all come together in the middle. Tummy controlling jeans are your friends, as are empire waists. They'll make your waist look longer without calling attention to trouble areas.

Apple



(PS, I could not love a human baby as much as I love this dress)

Inverted Triangle: Got a big rack and a tiny waist and no bum? You are an inverted triangle, my friend! That means you need to do what you can to balance out your top half with the bottom. You need to add volume around your hips with fuller skirts and embellishment. Shirts that end right at the hips can make them look more proportionate as well. Look for jeans with flap pockets to add a little bulk around the bum.

Inverted



Ruler: Oh, rulers. You are straight up and down with no curves at all. On the plus side? You look so good in skinny jeans. On the down side, you can look boyish if you're not careful. Belt things to create a waist, and look for tops with a clear emphasis or embellishment at the waist. Look for feminine detailing, like frills and sequins that girly up your boyish shape. Stay away from anything too column-like unless you're willing to belt as well. Breaking up your silhouette will fool the eye into thinking your have kickin' curves.

Ruler


BKE Braided Cardigan Sweater, $48
FULL TILT Lace Rose Womens Tank, $15
AE Women's Skinny Jeans, $50
Black Faux Leather Pointed Toe Knee Hight Boot, $25
Woven Hobo Handbag: Clothing, $47
Peacock Feather Earrings, $13
Double wrap stud & punchout belt Black, 20 GBP


No matter what your shape, as long as you remember that you're always trying to achieve that hourglass shape, it can give you a little more direction in dressing and accessorizing. And it proves that even if you don't have model thin hips and porn star boobs, you can make it work (Is anyone else watching Project Runway? omg I love Tim Gunn.)

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