A Tale of a Girl and her Boots

K, here's a little story about me and my latest obsession. My boots.

I own, now, 78 pairs of shoes. I was not in need of boots. I own seven pairs. Seven pairs of boots is completely unnecessary. But yet, on Friday, when my husband had strep throat and was laying around the house and generally making me crazy because I'd been stuck in the house with two kids all day, I decided we needed to get out for a while. And by "needed to get out for a while" I mean spend money.

You see, I have this small problem. Where others get angry or aggressive and yell or throw things, take a jog or head to the gym, I do some serious aggressive spending. Aggressive spending is different spending. I went to the mall with EXPRESS PURPOSE of doing damage to my bank account. Badly. Like, not even caring what I spent it on.

So, with kids in tow, I meandered through the mall. I WASN'T EVEN LOOKING FOR SALES. How reckless of me! And over the course of an hour, bout a hoodie, a vest, five shirts and the only purchase that matters anything at all, cowboy boots.

I know, right? COWBOY BOOTS? I went into the shoe store looking for a Frye Harness-esqu riding boot with buckle details, but I saw a pair of knee high cowboy boots and fell in love.

And since then, it's been all cowboy, all the time. Of the last five days, I've worn them four times. I HAVE 78 PAIRS OF SHOES FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. But they are so versatile and easy and comfy, I don't see a reason to ever take them off. I wore them over jeans, I wore them under jeans, and in a sassy mood, I wore them with a khaki skirt. In fact, I am taking my kids up to my home and native land tomorrow, and planning on wearing my boots all the way up there. They are THAT comfy. Amazing eh?

So, thanks to my husband and cranky kids, I discovered something that I never even knew I was missing. Totally worth it.

Here's to you, sweet cowboy boots of mine.




I luhf you.

***ETA to say they are Wild Diva boots bought from Head Over Heels. WHich doesn't have a website. But google Wild Diva and you'll find em! Also, I've worn then three more times. Yeah. ***

Weighing In: Crocs

This post goes out to Carly.

The only ONLY ONLY time you are allowed to wear Crocs is if you need to for work, like my dear friend Morgan, who is a Doula. Then I am all about their hypoallergenic properties. All of my docs and nurses wore them while I was hanging out in the hospital, and I was grateful that they left their germy keds at home. Except for my perinatologist who whore some fly wingtips and I thought he was kind of awesome for it. Also your children may wear them on the beach if necessary.

But as casual footwear? Boo! You can do better than that! I don't even like them as garden shoes. Like really, was there that big a problem with gardening footwear in general? For the love of pete. And as for their "slip on" ease, BUY SOME FLATS! Flip flops even!


And don't you dare buy charms to put in the holes. I swear, just give me the money you want to spend on Croc charms and I will find a better use for it. Like putting it in Chrysler stock.


Here is me weighing in on the different styles of Crocs.


Original. No.


Furry. No.



Sandals. No.



Dressed up. No. Remember kids, a pig in a tuxedo is still a pig.


Heels! No. Remember the Batboy post last year?



And in a trick played on me by the universe, CROC GLADIATOR SANDALS. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Why? WHY would someone do this to me? No. No.


Hope that clears things up for you.

Weighing In: Gladiator Sandals

K so a reader e-mailed me about gladiator sandals, so here I am, weighing in on them.

Ah, gladiator sandals. You were so popular last year and I figured that would be the last I saw from you. But alas, like an old boyfriend, you keep popping up; being friends with my friends on facebook, trying to get me to notice you when I was really just fine without you. You place yourself on the feet of many a famous person, so I will see you in US Weekly and think, really, Nicole Richie? Oooookay.

Seriously though. I thought I was okay with gladiator sandals. I didn't love them and I don't really think they're for me, but whatever floats your boat. However, then I was looking up different styles for this blog, and realized I really don't like them at all. I think the real, authentic gladiator sandal is pretty unflattering. The only time I really approve of it is with very skinny legs and very short shorts. If you're not willing to work it with those, then I would say I don't love them.

Here's why. The cut of the gladiator sandal makes your foot look huge. And manly. I don't like huge manly feet, unless of course, they are on a huge man. I have yet to see it make a foot look feminine. And I feel like your feet is one of those places on your body that you generally want to look as feminine as possible. Along with your hands, and perhaps your chin. Also, I feel that mom-types will wear them with capris. I don't love that either. I only tolerate them with skirts or dresses, or with shorts. Just because they are some serious foot wear and by wearing them, you are making a statement. Don't crowd them!

I am just not one to love a trend just because it is trendy.

HOWEVER!!! If you love gladiator sandals and they make you feel hottie hot hot, then by all means go ahead. This is one bit of fashion I won't judge you for. The sweats, yes, I will judge you for the sweats. But the gladiator sandals I'll just shrug and say "Okie dokie then."

Here are some variations of the gladiator sandals; some that I hate, and some that I can deal with.

Like these. I think its the color I like. Its a little more fresh than the dusty brown leather. And I love the criss crossing on the foot.

Hate these. Its the long leather strap up the middle, its what makes your foot look long and manly.

Like these in heel form. I like how they suggest gladiator sandals, rather than being like straight up, Spartan gladiator sandals, you know. The color and embellishments are reminiscent without jamming the concept down your throat.

These, however, are terrifying. And I am imagining leg squidge. Are you?

Like these. Probably because I own them. But they are shorter than the traditional gladiator sandal, thanks to the cut off with the strap across the toes. BUt to be brutally honest, I bought these because I was shopping in heels and they hurt and I needed some flats RIGHT THEN, and thought aw, what the heck.

Hate these. Like really hate them. WHY? Why with the leather cuffing? It will make your legs look stumpy. Avoid!!

So whether you love em or hate em, know that gladiator sandals don't have to be GLADIATOR sandals, you know? It doesn't have to be literal. Give em a shot. If you love them great (but don't spend that much on them; they are a trend and I'm fairly sure you won't see them around next year. Of course, that's what I thought last year but whatevs) If you hate them, that's great too.

Brrrrr: Winter Shoes

K, so as fall as upon us IN EVERY FRICKIN' PLACE BUT UTAH which for reasons unbeknownst to me insists on being a scorching 85 degrees day after day, even after it is CLEARLY October and I should be pulling out fall sweaters and wearing my cool new jacket and I CAN'T because it's too hot.

But in NORMAL places, the weather as started to cool off. Fall is my favourite, favourite, favourite season, followed by a close second of winter. Sorry, I'm Canadian, it's in my blood. I'd rather be cold any day. Heat makes me very cranky (Gee, let's move to the desert! Neato idea!) and so I get very excited when the seasons start to change. Fall clothing is by far my favourite, as shown by my overstuffed closet, arranged by sleeve length. Yes, I do that. Long sleeved stuff takes up 3/4 of my closet. I just feel like summer clothes look generally pretty sloppy, all the capris and flowiness, and I love the structure of a fall wardrobe.

But, with the colder weather comes a new set of mom-problems. My most oft-asked question (asked most recently by Beth) is "What shoes do I wear in the winter?" You all know I wax poetic upon the merits of a flat or a 4" pump, but these are not viable options for when there is snow on the ground. I know, one day I was stupidly wearing flats to a doctor's appointment which I was LATE for and I wasn't paying attention and didn't realize my lovely husband had not shoveled the front porch, and I stepped right into three feet of snow with no socks on, and I was in a FOUL mood for the rest of the day. I learned my lesson.

So, not I am converted. I literally ONLY wear boots during the cold months. I am not even joking. I live on a mountain for goodness sakes. So, here are my picks for winter boots that aren't moonboots, nor do they feature Dora the Explorer.

K, right off the bat, I am going to endorse the riding boot. The prob with the boots you probably own now is that they have heels. Heels + Ice = Sore bums. The riding boot is the new-school knee high that is actually really friendly to the regular person. Buy some. My inspiration was actually Isla Fisher who plays Denise in Hot Rod. K, HOT ROD IS MY FAVOURITE MOVIE. DEAL WITH IT. Anyways, the whole movie she looks pretty adorable, but especially so in the wHiskey scene. Check it out:




Cuteness to the enth degree, right? And I was like heeeeeey, boots don';t have to be all formal like? Here she is wearing them with jeans and a tee and they still look awesome. I actually looked up the exact pair she's wearing, because I abuse my Google, and came up with these:


They are by Frye Harness and they are ADORABLE but pricey at $198. But still, I covet. I think I might ask for some for Christmas.

Now that is pretty much the real deal riding boot. But there are tons of styles and options for a flat boot that you can wear PULLED OVER jeans. Check out these Maddens:



Love how sleek these are. I would pair them with a dark wash denim, and a flowy shirt topped with a structured jacket. Voila, instantly put together, and no snow in your shoes.

I also love these slouchy ones from Wet Seal. You could get away with being more casual with these, I would totally wear these shopping with jeans and a comfy sweater. I actually might buy them, they're cheap.

And finally, I own these.



I know they're *technically* Uggs and they are supposed to be well, ugly, but these are super adorable on, and I wore them with EVERYTHING last winter. And I loved the lace ups AND they were wide enough to literally fit over ALL of my jeans. They were my favourite to run errands in because they kept my feet warm but weren't nasty ski boots.

If you're thinking these boots would look funny with your puffy ski jacket, you're right. Go back to the winter jacket post from a few weeks ago. These need to be paired with shorter, more structured jackets in neutral colours. Because these are knee-highs, you want the space from your hop bone to your knee to be visible and not covered by your jacket, otherwise you'll look stumpy. Remember the jacket I bought from Charlotte Russe? That and those Madden boots would be faaaantastic. See what I mean?

I'm good.

Freaky Friday Don'ts

I'm back! I have a sick kid so I have been MIA a little bit. But you know I always have time for making fun of ugly things. Really, it's my passion in life.

Let's do a spotlight on shoes, shall we?

These were called "The Cheerleader." K, I know I'm not from around here, but does Cheerleader mean something different in the US than in Canada? Like, instead of peppy, spirited, gleeful person who shows up at sports events and dates the players, does it mean homely librarian who has four cats?

K, I've stared at these for ten minutes and still can't figure them out. I have come to the conclusion that they are cruisewear for the geriatric, because they would look smashing with support hose.

For the sherpa who has everything.

I. Am. Terrified. Gold....studs...buckles...excess amounts of shoe leather. The person who designed these shoes was going through some internal stuff. And by internal stuff I mean dominatrix tendencies.

K, if you see these and don't automatically think "Kid 'n Play" then I am ashamed of you. Stop reading my blog immediately.

Oh, I'm sorry, I must have missed the "jelly shoes from 1993 are back in style" memo. The worst part? These abominations are by Marc Jacobs and cost $58. FOR JELLIES. I'm pretty sure my mom bought mine at the drug store. Just sayin.

I saw this ad in my Glamour and laughed hysterically. Why YES, it IS hard to believe it's parent's were ugly. About as hard it is to believe his parents were ugly.

Ah yes, it is a lovely thing to end a post with a picture of bat boy. My work here is done.

Cute Alternatives to UGLY Shoes

Sometimes I hear this statement.

"I only have two pairs of shoes."

This. Is. Appalling.

At last count I was at 64 pairs of shoes. You don't need to have that many, but for heaven's sakes, can there be a happy medium?

I have all those shoes because I am nearly OCD about making sure I have the perfect shoes for every outfit. And I really do. Not to mention anyone else's outfit for that matter. And I totally check out other people's shoes. And judge them. SO SUE ME.

And I am totally going to take down the three worst mom shoe offenders. I see them all the time and literally wince. IN PAIN. Why have ugly shoes when there are SO MANY CUTE ONES? For not a lot of cash too?

Here's my Public Enemies #1

The Loafer

Words cannot express my extreme hatred for the loafer. It is ugly. And people who wear mom jeans pair the loafer up with it just to annoy me, I'm sure. I understand why someone would wear. No, wait, scratch that. I understand why someone might possibly in some weird alternate universe wear this. It's comfy. Good for running errands. You can just slip it on. May I introduce the flat??

Also comfy! Also good for running errands! Also slip ons! Just much, much cuter. Pair them with your jeans that have a wider leg, or if you've taken my skinny jean advice, those two. I absolutely LIVE in my flats, even in the winter, when I am constantly stepping in snow pockets and cursing the world. But that's how much I love them.

Public Enemy #2

The White Ked.

I see these and immediately think FlyLady. Anyone who knows the FlyLady concept knows that it all revolves around white keds and it makes me shudder with disgust. ARE YOU A NURSE? If you answered no to that question, you should not own these. If you answered yes, Ked away, you wonderful lifesaver!

Here are my alternatives.

I am pretty biased because I own both of these and I love both. THe pink cortez is a classic in the sneaker world, and far cuter than the plain white Keds. Guaranteed it's more comfortable as well, and they look adorable with jeans. The Nike Clog is my most comfortable shoe I own. I wear it anytime I know I am going to be shopping for a very long time beacuse they never ever ever make my feet hurt. I also keep them close to the door to slip on and get the mail and the neighbours thing "OH! Look at those stylish non-Keds!"

Public Enemy #3: The Weird Mom Ankle Boot

EVERY MOM is guilty of this one. This is because in our moments of low self esteem and weakness we think "I need some of those fashionable boots the kids are wearing these days!" But we still want comfort, so we turn up these weird hybrids. I will totally admit, I have a pair from when I was like. 17 and trying to be grown up. They are still in my closet for reminder purposes. I hate them. I see women wearing them all the time. Boots should never ever be chunky. Ever.

My alternative. Replace the heel with something sleeker. You can do it! The toe should be pointy. I know pointy is scary, but I will tell you now, they are a heck of alot more comfortable than the round toe stoff we jam our feet into. Look at your toes. Go ahead! See how they more or less coome to a point at your big toe? Pointy toe -d shoes foster it and make it comfy. And for the love of pete, go knee high. They are 100x more versatile because you can wear them under jeans, over skinny jeans, with skirts. No more ankle boots for you!

Hopefully I have offended someone enough that they will retire their mom shoes and go shopping. Because if anything, my mission is to cause you to go into debt with extreme shopaholic sydrome.