Freaky Friday

Wasn't it *just* Friday? This week went really fast, but I'm not complaining. Two more weeks on my shopping diet, which if you were a FAN you'd know about. Otherwise you're going to be in the dark about my reasons for a shopping diet.

Just kidding, it's because there's a big sale coming up. Think of it as training for a marathon.

Anyway, before we kick off today's fashion mishaps, a big shout out to my sister in law, who just found out she's pregnant with twins.

Here's what you have to look forward to!! I hope it's boys because these guys are SNAZZY. I think the neck chokers and chaps are *especially* masculine.


Alright, how many times have I posted jumpsuits now? THEY DON'T WORK. Especially when they are too short and worn with small boots. Is the one inch of shin really necessary?


OMG! I used to totally have shorts like this. Except that mine had fluorescent pink stripes and sculls down the side and I WAS SIX. This person is clearly a grown woman. This upsets me.


For pregnant women! Now you can let everyone know you have a little wolf on the way.


My friend Kristen sent me a website that was abundant in ugly shoes. This one takes the cake. Um, Sally, why are you dressed like you're an 80s Rocky lookalike?



Plus sized girls. Gold lame leggings are bad. Very, very bad. Shiny, yes. Attractive, no. Also, I DID in fact find that on BigGirlsLingerie.com as I learned that sex Halloween costumes that don't have anything to do with anything can be found in sizes 12-22!



No, no. Go ahead and rub your eyes. Look again. There are rodents in that show. Thankfully, they aren't real. I don't think. Otherwise what would you feed them? And how awkward would it be if they died in your shoes while you were on the stripper pole? EMBARRASSING.


It's okay, model. After having a baby my bajingo has a frowny face too.


We discussed this over on Facebook already, but I had to post it here. My favorite Lady, doing what she does best. Looking like a Jedi knight priest in mourning. I don't even know where she was going with this, and how much do I hate "Alejandro" as a song? It sounds just like Ace of Base and brings me back to the 90s. The only people I want to hear sounding like Ace of Base is ACE OF BASE singing "Don't Turn Around" BUT THANKS GAGA.

Well, I have an exciting weekend of laying sod ahead of me. Anything to keep me away from the mall. I WILL BE STRONG.

How To: Curl Your Hair FAST

So we're all in agreement that it's annoying when someone thinks that because you look put together, you're neglecting your kids, right? Especially when there are so many shortcuts to getting ready that there's no excuse for looking like you walked out of a bad mom commercial.

I was just thinking about how me and my two best friends as a teenager, Vanessa and Erin, would get together for the sole purpose of "getting ready". We would drag all of our hair and makeup stuff to Vanessa's house, because she had the biggest mirror, and take HOURS to get ready for a Friday night. One day, while getting ready, Vanessa discovered :ironing" her hair. Like, actually ironing it. With a clothes iron. Thus commenced a year of ironed hair for all of us.

It really did make it straight!

But ironing your hair is very, very bad for it. Can we say damage? Just think of all the crap you subjected your hair to as a teenager in the name of beauty. Then you have a couple of kids and up into the ponytail it goes! It gets to the point that if you DO style your hair, your husband is all "Hey, did you lose weight? Let's head upstairs!"

My hair is a frustrating cross between wavy and straight, so for me to tame it into submission, it must be styled. And ever since I found this neato little trick, it takes me two seconds to look put together and polished. And now I will dispense this wisdom for you.

CURL WITH A FLAT IRON!

I know that this doesn't make sense. I've been doing it for like, six months and I still don't know really how it works, it just does. And it's so easy and fast.

So you have a flat iron right? A skinny, inch-wide one is best. I usually do this when I've gotten out of the shower and didn't take the time to blow dry my hair, so it's all wild and wavy in weird places. Here's the steps that I take.

1) Brush a mousse or hairspray through your hair to give it a little staying power.

2) Take a small section of one to two inches, and clamp the flat iron in, as per usual, like you're going to straighten it.

3) Then, twist the flat iron upward, so that the top of the flat iron is flat against your head.

4) Slowly drag the flat iron downward, holding the twisted position all the way down.

5) Voila! You should get a) a perfect curl and b) a tangled cord. But we don't care about the tangled cord so much when pretty curls are to be had!

6) Repeat all over your head.

The benefit is that it takes no longer to curl your hair than it takes to straighten it. AND! The curls are loose and natural, not Shirley Temple and girly. Here's a pic of me with flat iron curls (they are also pinned back.) Also, my daughter has them too. VERSATILE!



So honestly, if you have five minutes to spare today, try the flat iron curl and see that it takes two seconds to look out of the ordinary. Then give your flat iron a little kiss NOT WHILE IT'S HOT and thank it for saving you from a lifetime of curling irons. Seriously. I haven't touched mine for like, a year.


ETA: I found a really good tutorial online for those who want to see how it's done. This girl curls in the opposite way than I do, but I think going both ways, turning some out AND turning some in, give a more natural curl over all.

PSW: Freaky Friday

So, PSW was a lot of fun, right? We'll have to do one again in the future. It was very eye-opening for me. Finding plus size clothes and stores for posts was a pain, so I kind of get why PS girls can get so frustrated. But luckily, more and more retailers are seeing the market for it and it's getting better every day.

But that doesn't mean there aren't still hideous things laying around. And boy, did I find 'em!



Okay so these aren't plus size as much as they are AWFUL, but they are officially the worst gladiator shoes I have ever seen, bar none. Achilles? Is that you? (Achilles, wasn't a gladiator, was he? I'M NOT A HISTORIAN, OKAY?)


Hey, PS girls. Jumpsuits aren't for you. Come to think about it, jumpsuits are for NO ONE. We remember the maxi pantsuit incident, yes?


Frills plus buttons plus leopard? Can we say less is more? This shirt is SO BAD. I frill that high will probably make you look like a lion. That conflicts me, what with the leopard print and all...


Here we have examples of different lengths of shorts/capris gone wrong. Sweet mother, would it have killed her to go up a size. This makes me hold my breath.


And this makes me barf! Remember the kiss-of-death capris I was talking about? Here she is in full force. Look at that awesome long zipper. Does it take her like 45 mins just to get ti to the top? "Hang on honey, I'm just zipping up my nine inch rise and I'll be right out!"



Oh honey no.

This shirt was listed as a "conversation starter". Yes, if the conversation goes something like this.
Me: Wow. That's a stupid shirt.
END SCENE


Also not strictly plus size, just awful. Angela S. sent these to me, and I couldn't help but wonder when my next trip to Narnia would be.

Well, I am headed down south for a little Mother's Day mini-vaycay and I intend to get some shopping in (OBVIOUSLY) Hopefully you PS girls will hit the malls too. It would just make me so happy.

PSW: Get Over Yourself

Hiding yourself away because you're not a size two is wrong. Stop worrying about how you look and check out these vids of plus sized ladies living the dream and not caring about labels. LOVE THEM!

PSW: Summer Lovin'

See what I did there? EVERYONE loves a Grease reference, I don't even care who you are. And you're welcome in advance for putting that song in your head for the rest of the day.

Okay, first of all, ignore the font in this post. lol. Something went haywire in the HTML side of things and it went all weird sizes. I like to think it gives the post artsy PIZAZZ.

Ahh, summer. Days of the butt-baring short shorts for teens everywhere, days of horror and fashion conundrums for plus size ladies everywhere. Summer can be tough. Depending on where you live, it's likely blazing hot outside. Total side note, it is SO HOT here in the summer and I hate it. Want to see me miserable? Show up to my house in the middle of July. I'm probably lying on the floor on a pile of ice cubes with three fans and a polar bear. TRUE STORY.

Anyhow, if you're plus sized, the summer brings even more problems because you want some coverage without wearing a snowsuit all day long, am I right? And don't even get me started on swimsuits.

But I promise you can wear clothes that keep you cool AND make your body look good, flimsy fabrics and all. You just need to put a few tricks up your (short) sleeve. HAH! I am on a roll today.

Items in this set:
Old Navy Womens Plus Lightweight Beaded Keyhole Tops, $35
Cork Loepard Wedge - Teen Clothing by Wet Seal, $8
Old Navy Womens Plus Linen-Blend Drawstring Skirts, $20
Satin Strap Cami, Plus Size, Women's, $5.90
ROXY Wild Side Handbag, $29

Alright, I really, really like skirts for plus sizes in the summer, so we're going to visit a couple of styles. This first, super casual skirt has a slimmer-cut line, so you can pair it with something bulkier or more voluminous up top. As a general rule, balance out your body by pairing large bottoms with tighter tops or tighter bottoms with looser tops. Loose all over looks sloppy and tight all over looks trashy. Pair with some wedges and you are good to go.

Items in this set:
Plus Size Border Pleat Skirt at Avenue.com and JessicaLondon.com, $35
Ruched Woven Shirt, $18
flower ring tote - Handbags & Wallets - at debshops.com, $18
CUTWORK INLAY CUFF BRACELET at LAURA ASHLEY, 18 GBP
FLAT TAN WIDE BRIM SUN HAT WITH BLACK RIBBON TRIM : 247325509 -..., $40

And here we have a larger skirt with a tighter top. Now when I say tight, I don't mean you need to starve for a few days to get into it. A well-cut shirt with a ruching detail, like this one, gives the illusion that it is tight and skimming the body, while the ruching hide and imperfections. I don't usually do hats, but I like this one. Always choose a hat with a brim that is in proportion with your features, ie: a wide brim for large features, smaller for tinier ones. Oh, and I love flats with a skirt, they look retro and adorable.

Items in this set:
Old Navy Womens Plus Cut-Out Jersey Maxi Dresses, $40
Scalloped Crochet Knit Shrug, $16
Sexy Shoes, Boots, Sandal, Pump, High Heel Shoes, Sexy Pump, Women's..., $20
Overlay Earrings, $40
Triple Wrap Belt, $50

Now, if you are a maxi dress lover and are plus sized, BE CAREFUL. We've discussed before about how they can be pregnancy-inducing, and long dresses can overwhelm your figure. When choosing one, look for something with a defined waistline OR something that can be easily belted. Most maxi dresses are strapless or have thin straps, and in general, I like to see a little more coverage for PS girls. A little crocheted cover up also gives the outfit a little more depth. Pair with some strappy sandals and you're ready to go.

Items in this set:
Old Navy Womens Plus Lightweight Origami Flutter-Sleeve Tops, $15
Old Navy Womens Plus Perfect Khaki Bermudas, $19
Zebra Corduroy Open Toe Slingback Wedge Sandals @ Amiclubwear Wedges..., $22
VOLCOM LAces Handbag, $44
4th Born Stone Ring | Jewelery Necklaces Bracelets Earrings Rings..., 25 AUD

So you know how I feel about capris in general, but I especially don't like them on plus sizes because of the whole stumpifying, leg-cutting-off issue. It is pretty much the kiss of death as far as fashion goes. There was much discussion about PS girls and shorts, but it can be done if you follow a few rules! The first, look for something straight-legged and cuffed. The cuff at the bottom just balances the leg out a little. Then, go for a fabric other than denim. Denim shorts on plus sizes is not a good thing. Then, pair with a blousy top that gives you plenty of breathing room. Finally, choose a shoe other than flip flops. A wedge is much nicer and makes the leg look longer, especially in Bermuda shorts. If you have the nerve to wear shorter shorts, be my guest; I love me some PS girl confidence.


Items in this set:
Bathing Beauty One Piece in Wine - Plus-Size, $90
Old Navy Womens Plus Graphic Halter Swimsuits, $50
Women's Plus-Size Merona® Black One Piece Swimsuit : Target, $45
Old Navy Womens Plus 4-in-1 Swimsuits, $40
Old Navy Womens Plus Color-Blocked Halter Swimsuits, $40

Finally, swimwear. It's hard for me to say what will look good on everyone, because every body is different, but here are some general things to look for when shopping for plus size swimsuits.
1) A high-cut leg. It makes the legs look longer and thinner.
2) Graphic pattern to diffuse any lumps or bumps.
3) Ruching to hide the same.
4) Color blocking, to break up the body.
5) A supportive top. Flimsy bikinis need not apply.

Try on A LOT of swimsuits and purchase a couple. Make sure you're 100 percent happy with them. And then, but a short little summer dress that you can throw on as a cover up to and from the beach. I bought a cheapy $12 one from F21 and it is my fave.

Hopefully this makes you less scared of the long-pants marathon of summer, and more open to trying new things. Some of these might be out of your comfort zone a little, but what's it going to hurt if you try a few on. You might realize that summer skirts are you new go-to uniform all summer long, or go crawling back to your capris. Either way, at least you gave it a shot.

Aaaaaaaand then! your summer dreams won't be ripped at the seams. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

....anyone want to do a duet?

PSW: Where to Shop

I know it sucks when you go to the mall and all of the stores are geared toward size 0's, but it is totally THEIR LOSS. I was just reading about British department store Debenham's (which I've used on the site before) using size 14 mannequins and the marketing director saying that it was because most of their shoppers were (duh) a size 14. Aaaaaand how long did it take them to figure it out?

Luckily, you can find clothing stores that are non frumpy AND have clothes that will fit. And more and more of them are rolling out every day. Here is a comprehensive list of plus-size stores, what you'll find there and what you should buy (OMG I love telling people what to buy.) Note that not all of these are plus-size specific stores, some just have extensive plus size product lists. WOO!

PlusSizeFix.com



Unfortunately, PSF is only an online store, but I love it for "all of my friends are going out and I don't want to be the frumpy one" clothes. Mostly trendy stuff, it goes to 3XL and the whole site is filled with cute stuff like this beaded shirt here. Pair with some trouser jeans and a pointy toe and you have girl's night out DOWN.

Lane Bryant


LB has been working hard to change it's image lately, and I really love the new stuff. This pencil skirt is amazing, and their stuff fits well. They are also completely dedicated to helping you find something you like, which means going to the actual store will be a good experience. Best for well fitting, staple pieces that you'll wear again and again.

Faith21 by Forever21

K, it's no secret I love me some Forever 21 accessories, but I love their new plus size line, Faith21 too. Best for trendy pieces, check online first to see what you like. If you want to go in-store, call ahead; some stores don't have Faith21 yet. The larger ones will though. They do a lot of horizontal stripes, so beware. But I LOVE this feather shirt (I have a peacock obsession)

Ann Taylor, Ann Taylor Loft

In sizes up to 18, AT and ATL can cater to the plus size crowd as well. While some of the pieces can be pricey, they are awesome for basics like jeans, dresses and skirts that you want to invest some coin into. I much prefer ATL over AT, but whatever floats your boat!

Torrid

Best for younger moms who aren't ready to dress like they are 35 *just yet*, I love Torrid for younger, less apologetic pieces. Sometimes I find that plus size clothing can be all about hiding or trying to blend in, which is why I love Torrid for being all "whatever" and trying bright, flashy, sexy clothing. II love their line of tights and they always have awesome pencil skirts.

Avenue

Avenue is awesome for a more polished look that is hyper flattering. These people know how to dress plus size figures. How awesome is this dress/sweater/belt combo? I love. And all of their stuff is just plain PRETTY. For sure one of my faves, and great for those PEOPLE I KNOW who are always scared of looking too young in clothes.

Some other places to try?

Old Navy: Old Navy has a plus size line that goes up to 30 and allows you to get great, one season basics.


While Old Navy clothes aren't made to stand the test of time, per say, you can get lots of cheap stuff to last you through the summer so you can update your wardrobe without breaking the bank.

Maurice's: Their stores are awesome and it is literally impossible not to find something you like there. They have a plus size section that goes up to 3XL OR 24 and their maxi dresses and business wear stuff is awesome.


(Also, they have really, really good sales. I bought a kimono sweater from there for like $6 BOOM!)

Alright, I think that should do it. There should be no excuse for not finding a place to shop. Remember that most department stores, like Macy's, will also have plus size sections. Whether you head to a specialty store or just a store that offers your size, there are plenty of trends and clothes to try.

Go forth and shop!

New Rules for Plus Sizes

The fans over on Facebook know how much the term "plus-size" irks me. I always watch "America's Next Top Model" with the sad realization that if, through some complete lapse in judgment, I became a contestant on that show, I would have to stump for plus sizes, despite being fairly average sized. And have you been watching the Lane Bryant controversy with plus-size model Ashley Graham? Her commercials were pulled off the air for having "too much cleavage" while Victoria's Secret ads still ran all hours of the day. I actually saw her on Leno the other night and her body is crazy. CRAZY.

The problem with the whole "plus size" thing is that plus size is actually average in the States, so does that mean anyone smaller than a 6 or 8 should be "minus size"? It's confusing.

The thing is, I get it. Once upon a time, I Was an impossibly tiny size 2. With each pregnancy I've gained a size. I've stayed the same weight, but my body is totally redistributed from all of that good stuff pregnancy and childbirth has to offer (bed rest, anyone? omg worst.) By the way, thanks to my lovely children, A and A. With each pregnancy I've had to learn to readjust my opinion of my body and learn to dress it all over again. And each time I've had to get over my fitting room fears and buck up and do it.

When I was in Canada, one of my oldest friends (not old in the sense of age, but old in the sense that she's known me since I was a baby) mentioned how hard it was to find good clothes for plus sizes and admonished me to put more on the blog about plus sizes and the like. I am happily obliging, because this week that's all we'll focus on. What to wear, where to shop, what not to buy, and how to come to grips with your size.

The first rule doesn't need a fancy outfit picture. It's DRESS THE BODY YOU HAVE. No matter if you need to lose a few pounds, that shouldn't mean that you have to feel like crap until you drop a fiver, you know? You deserve to look good NOW and dress your body well, whether you're a size 2 or a 22. Don't wear sweats because you don't want to buy a pair of jeans until you drop a few. Because that's only giong to perpetuate a cycle of not feeling good about yourself, and that's silly.

Second rule? Monochromatic looks are just as slimming as all black.

Items in this set:
Coral 'Caris' cardigan, 39 GBP
Old Navy Womens Coffee Grounds Plus Size Boot-Cut Perfect Khakis, $33
Flats - Shoes, $23
Old Navy Womens Zipper-Pocket Canvas Handbags, $24
Brown floral cuff watch, 25 GBP

We've talked about this before. That there is *some* truth the "black is slimming" rule of the olden days. But now we know it's the color palette that does more than the actual color black. Pairing up different shades of the same color gives you a long lovely line. AND if you accessorize with a pop of color, you don't look so dang depressed. Place the color near your face. It'll brighten your whole look and draw the eye upward. Above, the outfit works because of the browns. Then, layering a crisp shirt with a sweater gives you extra coverage for problem areas. Belts are SO your friends. Place it at the smallest part of your waist, wherever that might be. It'll be different on just about everyone. Then you'll have legs for days. Also, remember to carry a bag in proportion to your size. I don't like seeing a tiny purse under the arm of someone who should be carrying a satchel or something. How cute is this outfit for shopping and everyday? I love.

Third rule? SHOW. SOME. FREAKIN'. LEG.

Items in this set:
Arden B Kimono Sleeve Tie Wrap, $44
Not Your Daughters Jeans - Plus Size Emma Pencil Skirt Classic Overdye..., $98
Plus Size Clothing, Basic Tank Tops, Spaghetti Straps, for Women, $15
Carlo Fellini N009, $38
Gunmetal cascading disc post earrings, 6 GBP

Okay, I actually get mad when plus size girls cover up their legs with long skirts and dresses. Your legs are awesome and shapely, I promise. When paired with a pencil skirt and peeptoe shoes, the look is so Jessica Rabbit and feminine. Everyone is always afraid that pencil skirts will accentuate the hips. YES, THAT'S THE POINT. Of course, if you really feel uncomfortable in one, an a-line skirt will work just fine. But show off some kickin' curves by choosing a shirt that has full coverage, but a super defined waist line. AND, as an added bonus, a pencil skirt can kind of "tuck" you in for a more streamlined look. When it comes to clutches, keep it on the larger side. Something with a lot of details will work best. It's just plain sexy, which you can be at any size. Seriously. Your husband will love it.

Rule four? Step out with layers.

Items in this set:
Plus Size Club Wear, Sexy Plus Size Clothing, Dresses, and Tops for..., $68
Plus Size Club Wear, Sexy Plus Size Clothing, Dresses, and Tops for..., $28
Old Navy Womens Dark Wash Womens Plus Size Low-Rise Boot-Cut Jeans, $25
AK Anne Klein Catherine Pumps, $50
Shop Shoulder Bags, Totes and other Handbags at the ALDO Shoes Online..., $30

First of all, HOW AMAZING IS THIS JACKET? And only $68. Buy immediately, I believe it comes in sizes up to 2XL and it is a perfect, non-chubby girl topper. This look is more for a date night or girl's night out. Get some dark-wash denim. It'll make the leg look long and lean. Fit the largest part of your leg, usually the hip or thigh, and tailor the jeans back if you must. Make good friends with a tailor. Pointy shoes give the illusion that the leg is extending past the jean, which makes your legs look longer overall. A shirt with a banded bottom gives you plenty of coverage, but layering it with lots of necklaces and a seriously killer leather jacket keeps the look interesting and not at all frumpy. When choosing a jacket for layering, look for one that ALREADY has a feminine shape on the hanger. You should be able to see darting and construction that looks feminine before you even put it on. Stay away from boxy shapes and collars, they'll add weight to you. Seriously, this one is awesome.

Finally, rule number five? Get over your label. Yes, the fashion industry calls you "plus sized" but you're in good company. Just because your magazine or commercial makes you feel like the ONLY one doesn't mean it's true. Take a good friend, go shopping and think outside the box a little. Stop trying to hide your body, and start looking for ways to accentuate to positive. Have a great rack? Wear a sweetheart neckline. Killer legs? Look for skirts or shorts. Teensy waist? Blow your money on waist-defining belts.

Alright, we've officially kicked off PLUS SIZE WEEK. (Imagine confetti falling from the sky. Sorry if I just messed up your computer room.) Next up? You're going to get the list of where to shop for plus sizes. Are you excited? I AM!